These Questions
Chapter 16 - Unfortunate and Unknown
He looked straight down his body as he lay in bed. The covers fell upon everything but his feet. They were standing directly upward, pale and almost silver in the dark. Another night without sleep.
He turned around to face the nightstand. He knew it wasn't the smartest thing to do; hoping to fall asleep while staring at an alarm clock wasn't easy. But he didn't have the energy, or the motivation, to turn back around.
Something next to him weighed the bed down, just barely. He already knew what it was.
"Sleepless again?"
"Yeah," she answered. "Do you mind if I - "
"Nope," he answered. "Its nice to have you here sometimes."
He looked over to her. She was facing him, her eyes closed.
"I wanted to tell you something," she said with a smile. Her eyes were still shut, and she had him taken by surprise for a moment.
"What is it?" he whispered. He pushed a curl out of her face and brought his hand back to scratch his head.
"I'm four months in now," she said. "I made an appointment with Coburn in the OB. I'm going to find out if the baby's a boy or a girl." She looked down, blushing with pride.
"Really?" he said. He found himself the tiniest bit excited. "Wow, that's great, Abby."
She nodded. Finally, she opened her eyes, snuggling closer to the pillow she rested on. "Do you want to come with me?"
He watched her eyes ask him, first. His mouth fell open. "Oh, Abby, I don't know."
Her smile swayed for a second. "Why?"
"That's not fair to Luka," he said. "Its not fair for you."
"Fair for me?"
"I'm just the tag-a-long friend, Abby," he said. "I hate that I'm in the way of all of this stuff that you should be enjoying."
She shook her head with a laugh. "I wouldn't have asked you if I really didn't want you to come, John. I would rather you be there than anyone else."
"That's not true," he chuckled.
"Believe me," she said. "It is."
He stared at her intently and nodded. "You really mean that? You want me to go?"
She nodded with an anxious smile. "Yes. Yes, I do."
He put his hands over his face. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, John," she laughed.
He nodded again. "Okay, then. I'd be happy to go."
"Really?"
"Well, yeah," he answered.
"Thank you, John," she said. She edged closer to him and put her arms around him. He moved to do the same as soon as she came to him. "Thank you."
He kissed the top of her head. It was near his face, and it never ceased to please him. He closed his eyes. "I like it when you're happy."
"When I'm happy?" she asked against his shirt.
"Yeah," he said. He didn't want to go any farther. He wanted her to finish it this time. Was that selfish? he thought to himself.
"I know I've been different," she said. "I am so sorry."
"Don't be," he said, kissing her head. "I just wish you would tell me what's wrong, Abby."
She shook her head. "I will. I can't right now."
He, for once, respected this. "Okay."
She hugged him tighter. "You're my best friend, John."
He didn't know why she was being so affectionate. Not that he found it disturbing, or annoying or anything. Nonetheless, he hugged her back as well. "And you're mine." Kissing her head again, he rubbed her back until he felt her breaths slow to slumber. He didn't dare let go of her. It would be too much.
And at the same time, by letting her go, he'd be without enough. So, embracing the other, they fell to sleep. He wished he could take every burden from her shoulders, every saddening feel away, every unfortunate and unknown memory she had that he might never know.
