Here With Her
Four months had passed now, and Abby was carrying around a little protrusion. It was funny and cute, the way she expertly knew what to do. Probably so much experience in the OB, he guessed. She had been careful with what she ate, with what she did. She lightened her load, but never too much to interfere with her job.
The desk hadn't been so curious, to his surprise. Well, at least not to their faces. He had Susan watching for any betting going on. So far, her reports were all negative.
Nothing was going between him and Abby. He didn't figure they would. But he didn't let himself care, because he understood what she had to do first: find herself. No matter how dramatic, or how TV-cliche that sounded, it was completely true. And if it wasn't herself that she was trying to find, then there was definitely something else in the way. And she would have to plow through that and make it known before Carter became anything more to her.
They were at home the night it happened. Carter and Abby hadn't fully established that Carter was staying with Abby, but he was. After his injuries from Luka let up, he began sleeping in the extra bed. Every once in a while, Abby would come in to his room in slight tears and want to be near him. He never turned her down, of course, and always brought his arms around her.
She would never tell him what was wrong, but she didn't need to in Carter's eyes. Her head was always hung against his chest in the same way. The tears were warm, and he could feel every one of them, piercing him with every unfortunate emotion Abby had left.
He wanted to pull her away and ask her what was wrong. He wanted to make it all go away for her, and make her better. That, though, was one thing he couldn't cure at the moment.
"Are you going to find out if it's a boy or a girl?" he asked. He sipped some more of the steaming liquid from his mug and put it down. He stirred it slightly with the spoon, watching the small marshmallows inside begin to drain away.
She smiled. "I think I want to," she said. She looked down at her own drink and sighed. "Then I can call it a 'he' or a 'she,' for sure without calling it 'it,'" she said.
He nodded. "That's a good reason," he answered. "Easier to pick baby names then. Have your eyes on any yet?"
She shook her head. "Not really," she said. "It's going to be hard, though. I always hated my name that my mother gave me."
"You hate your name?" he asked with a chuckle.
She nodded with her own laugh. "Listen to it: Abby. Or Abigail. They're such child-baby names."
"I love that name."
She pushed him away with a hand on his chest. "Ha," she said. "I'm going to get some more marshmallows."
He smiled. "Yeah, okay."
He watched her push herself from the seat next to him on the couch to her feet. She made her way to the kitchen, Carter's eyes following her until she turned around. When her eyes threw themselves to the living room, Carter's head darted to the drink in front of him again.
"Want some?" she gestured.
He shook his head, still not looking at her.
"Is something wrong?" she ventured, walking back to their spot on the couch.
"What?" he asked, looking at her. She curled some hair behind her ears and wrapped both of her hands around the mug. "Something wrong with *me?*"
She placed her cup down on the coaster on the coffee table. "What do you mean by that?"
"Why do you say there's something wrong with me?"
She shook her head, looking elsewhere. "I just asked as your friend, John, I didn't mean anything by it." She looked at him. "You've been shut lately, I just - "
"Me?" he tossed. "I've been *shut* lately, have I? How about you, Abby?"
"Carter," she said, "don't get pissed. I know I've been different lately, but you should be used to behavior that's been going on for - what - four months now."
"How have I been different lately?" he asked. "What have I done to make you think - "
"Forget it," she said, shrugging it away. "Excuse me for trying to be a friend, or something. I'm sorry."
He watched her head become bent towards the cushions, then over to the kitchen.
"I thought," she said, "I don't know what I thought. I was trying to watch out for you. You've done it for me. Repayment, I guess. I don't know."
"I don't think I need repayment," he rushed, standing up. "Repayment. Is that even a word?" His voice was louder.
"Yes, it's a word," she said smartly, watching him. "I know something's wrong, but you don't have to tell me, John. You never push it out of me, I won't push it out of you."
"So there is something wrong?" Carter asked, pointing to her. "What is it, then? And why can't you tell me? Or do you just sing it all over phone to Luka or something?"
"What the hell, John," she said. "Why do you *always* drag Luka into this?"
"What's wrong, then, Abby?" he asked, his arms across his chest. "Why can't you tell me? Are we just not, I don't know, good enough friends or - "
"Come on, John," she said.
"Come on, Abby," he said, slightly correcting her on her name rather than his. "Why don't you dig yourself a hole out of that crap you're in and come to realize that everyone who's wanted to help you is always waiting on you? Waiting for you to recognize what the hell is going on in that head of yours? We're not asking a lot. I'm not asking a lot. I'm trying to be your friend, your *best* friend now and you can't even tell me what it is - "
"Are you finished yet?" she stammered. "I think I've had enough, John. Do you do this for fun?"
"How about your little hobby?" he said, his voice still rising in volume. "You just keep us here, Abby, waiting."
"I heard, John," she said strongly. "Your speech is over." She put her hands over her face. "Will you just leave me alone, John, please? If you care to know what's going on then - " she stood up, "you'll wait for me to know when the time is right to tell you."
"The time is right?" he said. "Would you just sit down and stop walking away?"
"I'm not a quitter," she said. "I'm not suicidal, life-full-of-trouble Abby for you to keep an eye on, okay? Stop using this 'running away' situation on me all the time."
"Why not?" he asked. "It's all true, isn't it - "
She sat down on the couch, her eyes on her stomach.
"Finally giving in, there?"
"John," she said.
"My speech *is* over," he said. "Good night." He began to walk away in a hurry, but Abby yanked on his arm, bringing him to her side. He stared at her.
She brought his arm to her stomach. "He's kicking," she said with a smile. "You feel that?"
He shook his head. "No," he frowned. "No, I don't." He started up, but Abby wouldn't let go.
"Right here," she said. "Feel it?"
They waited for a second. Carter breathed out in frustration. "I'm going to bed," he said, but she still wouldn't let up on her hold of his arm.
"Here," she said proudly. Her face met his with a smile. "Just wait; it'll come."
He did wait. He didn't know if he wanted to. Luka should be here, right? Should he voice his opinion? "Luka should be the one doing this, not me, Abby. It's wrong - " but he was stopped short when he felt it. A smile crept across his face, wanting more. "I felt that!"
She giggled. "Me too."
"That's the baby in there," he said. "Oh, my God, Abby." There was a shot of electricity through him. It was something with this baby. He felt something.
She nodded. "I know."
He pressed his hand on her stomach again. "But I shouldn't have felt it," he said. He reluctantly drew his hand away. "I don't want to be the one to feel it. It should be the baby's dad."
She took his hand back. "I think you deserve it more than he ever will," she whispered. It was a romantic whisper, and he should have leaned in to kiss her. But, again, he wouldn't.
"Waiting has it's advantages, I guess."
"It does," she smiled. "Sometimes, it does."
She looked at him, then shifted her glance to their hands on her stomach. He joined her, staring at the two of their hands. They were an inch apart, and that was too far away.
[Part 15]