Another twelve hour shift is over and I couldn't be happier. Luka's been gone for three days and this I truly appreciate his support in raising Magda. She takes so much more of my energy when I'm the only one there. The fact that she got sick the first night didn't help. And the fact that I slept with Carter that same night didn't help either. But I promised myself I would stop thinking about it. It doesn't do any good.

I pass a couple of paramedics with Susan wheeling a gurney and rushing to one of the trauma rooms. A second gurney is following with Chuny giving vitals to Weaver. Now I'm even more glad to be off. I'm way too exhausted to work in a trauma room right now. When I enter the lounge, it's empty except for Carter who's sitting on the couch, head in hands. He looks up when he hears my voice, "Two traumas are in, I think Weaver or Susan might need your help." I tell him.

"I'm off. But Chen just got on, she'll help." He stays seated, apparently in no hurry to get home. I try to ignore him as much as I can and I open my locker and retrieve my raincoat and purse. I don't know what to say. We haven't been alone since 'it' happened…is there anything to say on such occasions? Clearly, I should have put myself in such a position, but it's done and I wish there was something, anything, I could do that would make this easier and less painful. "Susan doesn't know." I'm surprised at his statement. I'm surprised that he has spoken to me and even more surprised that he would talk about 'it'.

I sigh slightly, I'm not sure if he even heard me. "I figured by the way she's still nice to me."

He nods. "Are you going to tell Luka?" I wonder why he wants to talk about this so much, what drives him…I want to keep this matter out of my mind as much as possible while he stubbornly puts the subject matter back out on the table.

I don't fight it. I could ignore his questions, brush it off, but it's going to lead me nowhere because I know I'll spend the night thinking about how I could have answered him in another way and how the conversation would have turned…I'm just saving myself an entire night of pondering here. "No. It would crush him. He's so naive when it comes to me. I don't think he even realizes there's still something between you and me."

"What something?" He inquires as if he doesn't know that there is. He wants me to verbalize it for some reason.

I look at him, square in the eyes and all rational thoughts are gone. His eyes are so sad, so melancholic. I drop my purse on the floor and walk to the couch, my eyes never leaving his. It's like I'm in a trance, not exactly aware of what I'm doing, I'm merely acting subconsciously. When I reach him, I put my heads on his head, running my fingers through his short hair. The look in his eyes…it's primal. He wants me, just like I want him. He encircles my waist with his arms, capturing me in his embrace. I immediately lower my hands to put my arms around his neck, so we can somehow be closer, more intimate. He pulls me so that I'll fall on his lap. It's probably not a very pretty sight, how I descend on his lap not so graciously. But neither of us care. I simply put both legs on the couch on each side of his body and in less than a minute, I'm perfectly installed on his lap, not sure if I ever want to get out of there.

Without thinking, I lean down and kiss him. When our lips touch, I feel electricity around me and it wakes me up a little. What am I doing? But as I am about to pull back, Carter pulls me in, kissing me deeply and I'm gone. I'm kissing him like there's no tomorrow. My hands are everywhere and my groin is moving in sync with his. If there weren't any clothes separating our bodies, we would be having sex within less than a second.

~o~

We're almost having sex on the lounge couch. I want her so bad that I'm a few minutes away from ripping her clothes and mine off. I tell her so. I tear my mouth off hers. We are both breathing shallowly. "I know it's wrong, I know we really, really shouldn't do this, but I can't help it. I want you." It either passes or breaks.

"Let me call the babysitter to tell her I'll be running late." I suppress a strong urge to go do a little victory dance.

While she calls home I open my locker and put on my coat. I turn to Abby and I can hear a vague excuse about the ER being down a few nurses. When she says goodbye to Magda on the phone, I pick up her purse and hand it to her. "How's Magda?" I've been asking her every other hour for the past two days, but I'm only concerned since Luka isn't around.

"She's fine. She's as healthy as ever." She answers as we step out of the lounge. Without saying a word about it, we both act as if nothing is going on, as if it's normal that we're leaving together. Most of the staff is in the trauma room anyway so it isn't that hard to hide what's going on. When we're in the garage, we keep this silence, I'm not sure why, the garage is empty and we could mutter dirty words to one another, no one is here to care, but we don't. We silently go to my car, Abby probably took the El, we get in and I drive out of the parking lot. We haven't discussed where we would go, but I think both of our homes are out of the question. The first time this happened, we did it on an impulse, we didn't really think about it, but this time, this time we're both aware of things, and I just don't think it would work in our homes, where we live with our spouses. I don't want to take her to a sleazy motel either. She's no hooker and I'm no John. Well technically I am a John, just not that kind of John. The Ritz is also out of the question since I am sure that we would bump into some acquaintances of my parents who would be absolutely dismayed by such a shocking behavior from John Carter, III. Too bad because I want to treat Abby, to take her to fancy places with people who would treat her like a queen. But I guess a Holiday Inn will be fine. I know there's one not too far from here.

In less than five minutes, we're there. I pull into the parking lot and turn off the engine. I don't get out, waiting for a sign from Abby telling me that she's changed her mind, that she wants to go home. She doesn't do anything as such, instead, she takes off her seatbelt and steps out of the car. Before she closes her door, she glances at me, "Are you coming?"

She has never turned me on so much. It's a little disturbing.

I get out of the car and we walk in the hotel lobby. We must look a little odd, neither of us looking particularly fresh since we've both been working for the past twelve hours. And Abby is still in her scrubs. I wonder if people realize what we're about to do. I don't care whether they realize it or not. I take my credit card out and hand it to the guy at the counter. "A room for one night." The man raises his eyebrow at Abby who just glares back. He doesn't say anything. People rarely do when they've just had a credit card handed to them.

"Smoking or non?"

"Smoking." Abby answers instantly. I observe her more closely. She doesn't look as calm and collected as I thought. She's nibbling her bottom lip and playing with her hair distractedly. She's obviously nervous and in need of a cigarette. I dig in my pocket and take out my pack and I hand one to Abby.

"Here." She smiles gratefully and takes it.

She takes a lighter from her purse and is about to light it when the man at the counter interjects, "You can't smoke in the lobby Miss."

Abby obviously looks pained at this obstruction from her sweet release. I dig once more into my pocket and take $60 from my wallet. I hold it to the man. "Why don't you let the little lady do as she pleases?" The man looks at the bills, trying to look unimpressed but I know he's interested. I could do a little cat and mouse game but I really don't feel like it. I put the money on the counter and put $40 more. "Here. That's a pretty generous tip, don't you think?" The man doesn't say a word but takes the money and puts it in his pocket. I then nod at Abby so she can smoke that so desired cigarette. She's smirking a little; apparently amused by the exchange between the employee and I. Well she can smoke now, right?

And she does. While she smokes almost in the guy's face, I sign the papers and get the key. When we're all done, Abby stays leaned up against the counter, exhaling next to the guy, the smoke of her cigarette centimeters from his face. She seems resolute to stay there until she's finished smoking her cigarette but that could take a while and I have other plans in mind. I lightly take her hand in mine, bringing her back to reality. "Let's go." I tell her softly. Her eyes suddenly focus, as she is brought back to reality. She swallows hard and nods, following me to the elevator. Thankfully the elevator is empty. I don't know why but I don't want to be around anybody but her. Well I do know why, but I mean in a larger sense. I feel like I would suffocate if someone else were in the elevator. The tension is too heavy already.

"I didn't know you bribed." She comments out of the blue.

"You wanted to smoke." I offer as an answer, hoping it will be enough. I didn't want to explain to her how my father taught me how to bribe, how it's almost a prerequisite if you are part of a rich family and want to be an adult. She accepts my answer and drags the cigarette back to her mouth. I watch her smoke silently. She is truly beautiful. I could watch her smoke all day. It's such a turn on. But then again, everything about her is a turn on today. The elevator doors open and we walk out. "Room 1634."

She checks the room numbers as we walk along the hallway. "It should be two doors down." She says as if I can't read or figure it out myself. I think she's just trying to cover her nervousness. When we reach room 1634, I slide the card key in, open the door, and we walk in. The room is pretty. Much prettier than I thought. We stand there in the room entrance, neither of us sure of what to do next. I don't know how long we stay there, but at some point, Abby goes to the big large windows and draws the curtains, plunging the room into darkness. I switch the lights on, irrationally scared that she would be gone if I don't see her. She throws her cigarette in the trash can and takes out another. She lights it up and smokes it. Yup, she's definitely nervous. I step in the bathroom and splash water on my face. I'm nervous as well. I dry myself with a clean towel and get out of the bathroom. Abby is still smoking, but she surprisingly looks more confident. She has taken her scrub jacket off and she's walking along the bed, smoking her cigarette as if this situation couldn't be more normal. When she sees me, she flashes me a killer smile. God I want her.

~o~

For the brief time Carter was in the bathroom, I reasoned with myself. If I was going to do this, I was going to enjoy it, dammit. If I don't, it won't be worth it. Now, I plan on being the seductress. Carter is going to have his socks knocked off. I know he likes it when I smoke. There's something about it that turns him on. Maybe it's because none of our friends smoke. We're the only ones in our entourage who smoke. We're also the only addicts. We're both addicts. Addicts of a substance that could kill, destroy us. Granted cigarettes could kill us also, but not to the same level. It's like eating fat food. It can kill you, but it doesn't obstruct your life.

The room is half-lit. Hotel lamps are never good providers of light. I don't care. I like it this way. I don't want to be in the dark, I want to see him. I want to watch him loving me. But I don't want to feel like we're in a goddamn mall or something like that. So this hotel is perfect. Except for the guy in the lobby. Well I did get to see Carter bribe, which is a major turn on. Everything about him turns me on these days, but Carter bribing for me, that tops it.

I sit on the bed and take my top off nonchalantly. I can hear Carter drawing a breath in. I like it. He takes his coat and suit jacket off. I look at him approach me. I feel like a prey. I love this sexual tension. It's breathtaking. He's slowly unbuttoning his shirt as he reaches the edge of the bed. I stand on my knees and help him unbutton it. I can do a much faster job anyway. I sneak my hand underneath his shirt and slide it off his back, then I draw my hands back up and in front, caressing his chest. I dance my fingers along his rib cage, noticing how thin my little Carter is. I better take care of that one day. I linger my index finger on the line from his navel to his throat, then my finger goes back to his navel, wandering inside, exploring. He's watching me, taciturn, as if a sound or a word would break this magical reverie we're in. I lower my finger to his belt buckle, the key to that kinky treasure waiting for me. I unbuckle his belt expertly and a minute later his pants are off. I lean back and lie on the bed, the image of a nearly naked John Carter standing in front of me. Now that's how I like to see this man.

~o~

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