August 14, 2004

"Hello?" Abby's voice resounded in the telephone.

"Susan's working today."

I can see her smile through the other end of the line. "And?"

"So is Luka," I add.

"Your point being?" she asks in an amused tone. I like happy Abby.

"I'm not and neither are you."

"So what?"

Aw, come on Abby. If I didn't know better, I'd think that she didn't want to see me today. "We could get together," I explain.

"I'm sorry but that's impossible," she says in a matter-of-fact tone.

Huh? For the two or three days, we've been eyeing each other, trying to be five minutes alone just to make goo-goo eyes at each other. "Why not?" I try to hide the disappointment in my voice.

"I'm not hiring a babysitter just so I can sleep with you Carter."

Ah, Magda. I obviously forgot about the little girl. "You can bring Magda along. I'm at Gamma's today. She isn't feeling good these days. So I'm spending the day here, even though she'll probably sleep all day."

"What are you suggesting Carter? That I bring Magda so one of the maids can baby-sit her while we're having sex?"

Why does she always jump to the worst conclusion? Doesn't she get that I just want to be with her? Apparently not. "We don't have to sleep together Abby. We can just hang out."

"Really?" She sounds really surprised, but happy.

"Sure. You can meet Gamma, if she wakes up."

"Alright. I'll be there in a hour," she answers excitedly and hangs up.

She sounded happy, so I'm glad I suggested it. I hadn't realized how important it was to her that we spend non-sex time together. I should try to arrange things like this more often. I can't wait to see her. An entire afternoon with her, it really couldn't be much better. I can't wait to kiss her and…only kiss her because she'll bring a sixteen-month-old baby with her and a nice little kiss is all we can do. But it doesn't matter because she'll be here soon and we'll spend hours together.

And she loves me. That's the best part. I'm still trying to come to terms with it, though. It seems so incredible that she does. This woman who was always so close yet so far, she seemed like a dream that could never come true at one point. She was there for others but never for me. She would never belong to John Carter. Now she does. Not in the official sense since, well, she belongs to Luka, but heart-wise, she's mine, all mine.

~o~

"Alright sweetheart, we're going outside," I tell Magda as I put her dress on.

Magda squeals happily. "Ouhide Mama?"

"Yes, we're going to see uncle John."

"Unk John?"

"He's mommy's friend." I grab the baby bag and take her in my arms. I turn off all the lights and leave.

"Sun, Mama, sun." Abby exclaims when we're outside. Jeez, it's not like we never take her out.

I manage to put her in the car seat despite all her excitement. If she wants to go out this bad at sixteen months, I dread the day she'll become a teenager. I won't be able to keep track of her. I don't know why she's so excited about going to Carter's. She doesn't even know him.

"Magda, please calm down." I get in the driver's seat and start the car. Of course she doesn't. She starts humming and waving her arms around.

"Mama? Unk John nice?"

"Yes, honey, very nice."

"Yay!" she exclaims.

I sigh. Of all the days she had to be overly excited, she had to pick this one. Of course I can't explain to her that she must be cute and nice today so Carter will grow attached to her. It's already a giant step that he wants her around. I can't screw it up. But I think Magda will. She's way too agitated.

When I arrive at the mansion, the gates open automatically, and I park near Carter's grandmother's cars. My poor little car looks like a dump compared to the expensive cars of the Carter family.

"Cars!" Magda exclaims at the sight of the cars.

I get out of the car and take Magda out. "Here goes nothing."

"Ooh…big, big." Magda points at the house. It's funny how children always state the obvious. Especially when they're at the stage where they discover everything and comment about it. "Unk John?" Magda asks, pointing at Carter walking toward us.

"Hello Abby," he says when he reaches us.

"Hi," I smile, trying to hide nervousness.

"Hi!" Magda waves her hand at Carter.

Carter smiles at her. "Hi Magda."

"Unk John?" Magda asks again.

Carter takes her small hand in his and shakes it gently. "Yes, I'm Uncle John. Nice to meet you."

I don't think Magda exactly understands "nice to meet you", so she just laughs in response. Her excitement doesn't seem to bother Carter so far, but we've been here for only two minutes. I don't know what he will think after three or four hours.

We walk around the house to go the garden and Magda gets even more excited at the sight of flowers and fountains. Magda asks to be let down and she runs to the small fountain a few feet away from us. I notice that there isn't any fence around the pool and I voice my concern to Carter.

"Don't worry," he answers. "We'll watch her close. She's enjoying the garden too much to force her to come inside." I look at Magda who's trying to stay on her feet by the fountain, but eventually fails, falling on the ground. Carter laughs softly. "I don't think she'll go very far anyway."

"You're right." But Magda seems to want to prove us wrong and has already moved on to the sunflowers, tugging at the stems. "Magda, Sweetie, don't tug at the flower. You're going to break it." Of course I'm too late. She manages to tear a sunflower apart as I tell her not to touch it.

She puts her small fingers on her mouth and says, "oops." A word she learned very quickly.

I smile apologetically to Carter. "I'm sorry. I should discipline her more." I knew she was going to create trouble, I knew it. Why can't she be cute, nice, and quiet, so he can fall in love with her? Why is she giving me so much trouble, today of all days?

"It's no big deal." He walks over to Magda and kneels down to be on the same level with her. He gives her a warm smile. "You like this flower?" She nods vehemently. "You can keep it if you want."

"Fo-ever?" she asks him eagerly.

"Forever. Your mommy can put it in a big pot with water and you can have it in your own room," he tells her giving me a quick glance.

"Yay!" she exclaims. "Mama, mama!" she cries excitedly as I join them. "Flowu for me. Fo-ever"

I smile as she jumps around happily. I think she's trying to dance. I turn to Carter and murmur in an amused tone, "Thanks a lot. What am I supposed to do when the flower dies?"

He shrugs. "I'll cut a new one and you can replace it."

"You'll cut a new sunflower out of your garden every few weeks just to make a baby happy?" I ask, surprised. This man surprises me every day.

He takes me by the waist as we follow Magda crawling around in the garden. "Not just any baby, *your* baby. Besides, if it makes her happy, it's perfectly fine."

I lean into him, wrapping my arms around him. "Thank you."

~o~

"I can't believe you gave her ice cream and most of all, that I've let you do it." Abby says, shaking her head.

I watch Magda, sitting on an old baby chair of ours with a spoon full with melting ice cream in her mouth. She is so adorable. I can easily see her mother in that child. Her cheeks are rosy and her eyes twinkle just like her mother. She is a beauty. "She has her particular charms that can make any man's only desire to please her."

"She's probably going to break dozens of hearts as soon as she starts kindergarten," Abby laughs.

"If she becomes like her mother, I wouldn't be surprised." I take her hand and link my fingers with hers. I wish I could kiss her, but I just don't think it would be all that appropriate with Magda around. Not that I mind. She's a wonderful little girl. The only flaw I can see about her is her father. If only she was someone else's. If only she was mine. She'd be flawless.

A pager beeps and Abby digs in her purse. She looks at it, then says, "It's the hospital." She looks around the room. "Can I use your phone?"

"Yeah, it's right there," I indicate a phone in the corner.

She gets up and calls the hospital. I can't hear what she's saying because she's too far away, so I decide to make conversation with the little thing who's painting on the table cloth with ice cream. "Are you drawing?" I ask her.

"Yes," was her only answer.

"What are you drawing?"

She doesn't answer right away, instead she keeps drawing with her index fingers, making indistinct round forms on the table cloth. I kind of feel bad for Nan who will have to wash this and manage to take all this chocolate ice cream off.

After a few moments, she stops drawing and smiles at the picture she made. She then points at a form. "That's Mama." Then she points at another one. "That's unk John. Dada not here 'cause he at ho-pital."

"And so will you be soon." She takes Magda in her arms and uses her bib to wash her face. She turns to me. "I have to work. The ER is down five nurses. My babysitter's not home so I have to take her to the daycare." She winces slightly as she says 'daycare' and I suspect that she doesn't like to drop off Magda there.

I don't know why she has to bring her there when I'm here and available. "I can look after her."

She looks at me, surprised. "What?" The idea obviously never crossed her mind.

"It's no big deal. She was going to spend the afternoon here anyway," I argue.

She bites her lower lip, obviously not too comfortable with the idea. "Are you sure?" she asks me, raising her eyebrows.

"Yes, I'm sure," I assure her. "Go to work. Call me when you or Luka gets home and I'll drop her off."

She hesitates slightly, but I can see I've won. "Fine. No more ice cream though."

"Promise. I think we have cheesecake left." I tell her, giving her a little wink.

"Very funny." She looks at Magda. "Mama has to go to work. Do you mind staying here with Uncle John?"

She shakes her head. "I like Unk John."

She puts her back on the high chair. "Her nap is in thirty minutes. Just put her on a large bed and make sure she doesn't fall. Her milk and diapers are in the baby bag. She usually drinks after her nap, which lasts an hour to an hour and a half. She picks up her purse and heads for the door.

Taking Magda in my arms, I follow her. "Got it."

She turns the knob and opens the door. She turns around and adds, "I should work for four or five hours. I'll probably get off before Luka so I'll pick her up. You're going to be alright?" she asks anxiously.

"I'll be fine. Now go."

"Bye Mama," Magda waves to her mom, obviously not disturbed by being left here.

Abby kisses Magda on the cheek. "Bye Sweetie." She then turns to me and kisses me softly. "Thank you." She moves her mouth to my ear and whispers low enough so that Magda will not hear, "I love you." And then she's out the door, leaving Magda and I alone.

"Well little one," I tell her, "I guess it's just you and me here."

~o~

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