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Here With Her Abby came through the front entrance with her head down. Carter saw her, but didn't say anything. One week and they still hadn't talked. He thought she would come in and wait for his apology that he knew that she deserved. He didn't expect her to say sorry to him. He didn't want her to. He would have to suck it up and face her though. He didn't know if that's what she had wanted though, and he was worried.

She immediately walked to the lounge where she met Luka. He thought she was doing it on purpose, but she wasn't. Luka greeted her and walked out. He had rubbed her shoulder though, and that stung in Carter's mind.

He walked into the lounge, pretending to have a purpose for it. As soon as he entered, she left. The move was a little immature, but well deserved on his behalf. He collapsed onto the couch and put his face into his hands. He felt like weeping. He felt like crying to the comfort of the sofa, but left it alone. He thought about Abby everyday. He thought about her now, with his chin resting in his palms. He stared straight ahead. His hand on her small frame, the warmth of their hands twisted together fueling their very existence, and the soft of her lips against his. He sat up straighter as his mind spoke to him.

He was in love with Abby.


--


Carter stood outside the door, willing to turn back and take the plunge at the same time. He heard the television blaring from inside the apartment. The door was standing there, waiting for his knock. Carter's mind told him to go back, but the heart was most definitely disagreeing. He hadn't known who he had listened to before, or rather what. The heart and the mind were two different things, not people. Had it been his heart or his head? Regardless, he would have to listen to his head with this one.

The knock left his hand almost before the thought became his. Footsteps were muffled from inside, singing to the world outside. Or maybe just to Carter, who eagerly awaited her face to appear.

"Carter?" she said in disappointment. She had been crying, not that noticeable. But it was obvious nonetheless. Her eyes were red with tears. "Go away."

"No," he said, stopping the door that was suddenly closing with one hand. He walked inside. "I have to talk to you."

"I'm really not in the mood, Carter." She said this while looking down. "I don't want to hear you talk."

"At first I was angry at you, Abby, because I thought you were sleeping with Luka. And if not sleeping with him, then I thought that you had feelings, or something, for him."

Abby perked up. "Get out! I can't believe you! Get out of here now, Carter."

"Listen to me, Abby, please." He swallowed hard. "And then I was jealous. Insanely jealous. I didn't want you to leave. I just felt so, I don't know, content with you, that I felt so insecure when you weren't with me. And I know we decided against it. But I wanted to be around you. I didn't want you to be around Luka instead of me. So I thought some bad things."

"Well thanks for trusting me," she interrupted him. "You're really great at this relationship stuff, you know."

"Please, Abby," he shushed her. He walked closer to her. He held her shoulders. She didn't stop him, but she was still angry with him. "I was in the lounge, and I thought about everything. I hated myself for what I did. But I know why I did it."

He saw Abby begin another sarcastic remark, but stop herself. "Why is that?"

Carter, once again, took in every ounce of silence. Her taken face was looking intently at his. Did she want him to admit it? Would it be okay if he did? She didn't turn away. She kept her face on his. He breathed out. She did want it. He wanted it and that way they would be okay. Everything would be fine. Perfect plan. No worries. It would be okay. "I love you."

Abby's angry expression disappeared, and a different look filled her face. He didn't know how to read it, so he went on.

"I love you so much, that I don't want to see you with anyone else. I love you so much, that I don't want to see you with Luka. Well, actually I don't want to see you with Luka, anyway."

He pulled her to the couch. She didn't hesitate, luckily for Carter. She stared into his eyes, as he stared to hers, watching for any sign of emotion. Carter didn't know what would come next.

The tears oozed from his eyes, catching himself off guard. He felt Abby's amicable eyes search his downward expression. "I can't stop thinking about you, Abby. And it upsets me because I have never, ever felt this way about anyone. I'm scared, overwhelmed and excited all at the same time. I don't want it to end, but I don't know how its gonna start." He immediately felt part embarrassed over his words. The tears flowed freely from his eyes. Carter put a hand to stop them, but Abby gently took hold of it. Carter looked at her, her face expressionless. It was inaccurate to say expressionless; her eyes were empty, but still filled with a million emotions. Carter bowed his head again, allowing Abby to make a decision about him. Whether or not to do anything with him.

She backed away. Carter looked up in surprise. She picked herself up from the couch, and went to the door. She opened it, and Carter's heart fell again. "I think you should leave." Her eyes were still the same way, only now they wouldn't let themselves meet his.

Carter started to tear, but not as obviously. "No, Abby, listen to me." She shook it off and signaled for him to leave. "Abby, please. Don't do this. You know-"

"Get out, John," she said, her frown a hollow, pale figure against her face. "Leave."

Carter took himself from the couch and walked to her. He kissed her lightly on the lips, but she didn't return it. She simply stood there, her eyes closed. Carter stepped back and looked at her, as if he was worried. He bent his head, and walked away.


John Carter sulked into the ER that day, trying to avoid the eyes of every human. He knew that no one knew of his situation, but he felt like everyone did. And everyone was blaming him. He didn't trust his girlfriend, the one person that he was crazy about besides a zealous grandmother and some old friends. Scratch the friends, maybe not even them anymore. Susan was the first to approach him.

"Hey Carter," she said, her eyes focusing on her ID tag, struggling to keep it straight. "You've been like this for a week. What's wrong?"

"I-I really don't want to," he said. He looked at her with pleading eyes, although he wasn't exactly sure of what he was asking for.

"Yes you do," Susan said sympathetically, finally setting her tag. She put her hands firmly on her hips, tended to an itch on her nose and spoke to him. "I'm off at noon today, so if you want to get something to eat, or something, I can meet you in the lounge."

Carter looked at her and sighed slightly.

"It's something about Abby, isn't it?" Susan inquired patiently.

Carter paused to look down and started walking away. He called, without turning his head, "See you at noon."

Carter met Weaver, who forthwith started filling him in with a patient's story. Carter guided himself to listen to her words. Leaning into the trauma room, he began to work with the male on the gurney, bleeding from his side. Carter went to work at once, his mind clearly occupied with other thoughts. Reaching for tools and repeatedly yelling different orders to the many occupants of the room. Abby entered, ready to help, and ignored Carter's affectionate stare. Carter cursed himself in his head and continued another day of work.


[Part 6]




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