Here With Her
"Are we ready?" she asked.
He grabbed her shoulders. She came closer to him, and fell against his chest. He loved being so close to her. She stood next to him and closed her eyes.
"I don't know if I am," she said. "I'm sorry - "
"Don't be," he whispered. "When you're ready, we'll be ready."
--
His eyes fluttered open slowly, blinking at the light pouring through the curtains above. He felt a soft sensation on his left hand; Abby's hand. She traced it gently with her fingers. It was how he had waken up everyday for the longest time. Since they'd started going out, really.
The pale rays were sliding across the comforter, over his body and hers. But he wouldn't move his head. A flood of events came rushing back from the day before. The traumas, the patients, the rants from hospital staff.
Then the week before. The day he "proposed" to Abby. He realized what she meant now. He'd realized, but didn't want to admit it in a way. He didn't want her to think that it was a chore to him. He did want to marry her. Not to wear a ring, but to know that they'd be together forever. That was the only reason.
But he knew Abby. He knew what she felt, and he knew how she dealt with everything. He didn't want to upset her. It was the very last thing on his mind, in his heart.
Sheepishly, he would confess to himself that he loved her all too much. So sheepish, he thought. Sometimes he just imagined when he was holding her, that he would just hug her even tighter than he thought possible. That he would just wrap his arms around her and never let her go.
It was silly, he thought. And if not silly, then something leaning toward either embarrassingly adorable or like nothing he'd ever felt before. Chances are it was all three. And they were new feelings. The way that they grasped him the way they did was amazing.
They weren't new, though. The day he'd felt this way about her, he knew. He knew that he wanted to do all of the wonderful embracing together, the talks all night and the stares that they had already shared. He knew that God had given him something. He was so incredibly lucky, he thought it either a miracle, or unbelievable. Then again, maybe it was both.
Then there was the day that he knew. He knew that he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life. And that had been a week ago.
There was a baby, there was Abby, and there was he. And, the three of them would be a family. He awaited the arrival of their child eagerly. He wondered if it were a boy. Or maybe a girl. He thought it was a girl. He felt something say that it was.
Something appealing about having a baby girl. He knew that there was that special relationship between mothers and daughters, but there was that kind of hidden spark between a dad and his little girl. The times when she was so frustrated with her mother. Just the term "Daddy's girl," which he knew she would refuse come teenage years, but he would always keep.
But, what about a baby boy? A baby boy. There was always the cliché approach, where he took him to sports events and rooted for Chicago. But how realistic was that? He was a doctor, and hadn't been very into the sports routine. Maybe that was something he could get the kid involved in.
Could you imagine? he thought to no one in particular. On his day off he would bring baby boy Carter into the ER to wait for Abby's shift to end. Or vice versa. And he would sit him on the counter as the nurses cooed at his amazing little child that he had held by his waist, assuring that he stayed on the counter and out of danger.
Either one. He would be happy. He couldn't believe that it was actually happening to him, though.
His thoughts turned back to Abby. He wanted to take things as slow as she wanted, and he wanted to make her happy. How had he ever ended up so devoted to her? It was amazing. It was beautiful.
And the most wonderful thing about it all was the constant thoughts. The thoughts of her that ran through his head in a wonderful sentimental charge were with him all day. He would sit in the cafeteria when she wasn't there with him, and stare straight ahead, thinking about the two of them together one day. He would smile.
Then, of course, the admit desk would pile into the chairs next to him and tease him. Guessing and explaining their takes on the couple's relationship. He would just shake his head and sip his coffee. All they could get out of him was a blush and an, "I love her."
Then they would all give there "awws" and gossip usually, slightly excluding him from the conversation. He really didn't care. For one thing, he wasn't always on the gossiping side of the ER, and he didn't want to be there then. This is when he felt the worst. But the best.
He would toss the Styrofoam cup into the trash and rush to a phone. He would dial their number at Abby's, and chat with her until he had officially gone five minutes over his break time. He'd tell her he loved her twice, smiled at her equally-giddy response, and place the phone back on its hook.
With another cheerful feeling, he'd shuffle back to the desk and prepare himself for more ER. More traumas, more patients, more rants from the staff. He'd found himself in collective thoughts all his own, though, and when he went back to work, continued to remain in his web.
He'd work hard, sure, because he loved what he did. But she was always on the brain with him. It was a wonder he was able to work at all.
If not a challenging trauma, or another big brawl in the ER, his last chart was the biggest thrill. He would gather his things in the lounge, and come out fully dressed with the chart. Tossing it to the desk casually, he would give another goodbye and head home for the day.
Anticipation swirled around him as he made his way back to their abode. He felt like a child, sometimes catching himself smiling on the L. He would shake his head, and then people would probably stare at him. But he never seemed to notice.
Then he'd walk through the hallway, until he finally reached her. She'd be sitting on the couch, or in the shower. They'd smile, share a kiss, and settle down on the couch. All night with milkshakes.
The tickling sensation crawled back to him. He looked down at her with a smile and kissed her head. She tilted her head, though, and brought his lips to hers. He kissed her back, but with surprise.
She stared at him and sighed. He just looked back at her happily, every other thought finding its way back.
She looked at him and swallowed.
"I'm ready."
[Part 21]