Here With Her
"I can't believe we're having a baby," he said.
"I know," she said.
"It feels so," he started then froze. He looked at her and saw the smile, shining up at him. She tilted her head, witnessing his sudden silence.
"What?" she asked, a slight laughter stuck. "What is it?"
He shrugged and sighed. "Marry me."
--
She looked up at him. He couldn't control the smile that had taken form upon his face. He waited for her to reply, but all she seemed to do was breathe at the moment.
"What?" she finally asked, as if she didn't get what he was saying. She did. She stepped toward the door again, but Carter reached for her wrist, not having to move himself.
She stared at him again, her face twisted into confusion.
"What are you thinking?"
She didn't know how to respond to this. He could see her mind thinking an abundance of thoughts as her eyes searched his and darted from left to right. She began knotting two hands together, until Carter took a hold of them.
"Come on," he said kindly. "Tell me what you're thinking. Just say it."
She sighed and looked up at him, her eyes slightly pinched. "Well, for one," she began, "I never wanted to end up like this."
He was stunned. "What?"
"Having a baby before I was married, and then pushed into a marriage because of it," she said. She looked away, not daring to meet eyes with his. She backed away from him, then continued out the door. She kept her head hung as she followed out through the ambulance bay.
He watched her for a while, until he became aware of his feet. He picked them up and led himself to her. There was a breeze outside, smoothly riding up against his face. The sunlight was perfect, the Chicago score was beautiful. He wondered how things could be so unbelievably quintessential in some places, and in others completely disfigured.
"Wait," he said, shouting out to her. "Abby," he said, taking her arm. She pulled around to see him. Her eyes were the same closed figures, waiting to hear an explanation for nothing. What had he done?
"John," she said.
"Wait," he said, "I don't want to marry you because of this baby."
She didn't move. Her eyes fell, though, but came as quickly back to his face as they had dropped away.
"I want to marry you," he said, "because I love you. Because I feel so differently about you, more than anyone I've ever knew. We're perfect."
"Why doesn't it have anything to do with the baby?"
He crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know what you're asking, Abby. All I know is that I love you, and I love this baby. I want to marry you because I want to be with you forever, and I want to have this family with you. Because I love you."
She started again, but he interrupted her.
"Not because I have to."
She shrugged and looked down again. A frown clearly written across her face stayed with her, and she turned her head to the left. "Are we ready?"
He grabbed her shoulders. She came closer to him, and fell against his chest. He loved being so close to her. She stood next to him and closed her eyes.
"I don't know if I am," she said. "I'm sorry - "
"Don't be," he whispered. "When you're ready, we'll be ready."
He kissed her head. "I love you."
She stepped closer to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He kissed her softly on the top of her head again, and then a third time. He rocked her slowly back and forth. Oblivious to the rest of the world, they danced that way for a minute longer. Maybe more.
