TITLE: Musings of a Lovesick (and Evil) Vampire

AUTHOR: Dannyblue

EMAIL: dannyblue2@yahoo.com

FEEDBACK: Yes, please.

DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere. Just drop me a note to let me know where it is.

SUMMARY: Angelus thinks about Cordy.

SPOILERS: None. But you can set the story sometime before "Offspring". Consider it AU.

PAIRING: Angelus/Cordelia.

RATING: PG-13. Not too bad.

DISCLAIMER: Joss Whedon and Co. own everything.



Angelus was a very unhappy man. Thing? Creature?

Geez, whatever!

"Great," he grumbled. "I'm even starting to *think* like her." With a frustrated sigh, the soul-less vampire sat down at Wesley's desk. So, this was what depression felt like? If so, he wasn't loving it. "See?" he muttered. "This is what love gets you."

Propping his feet up on the desk, folding his hands across his stomach, Angelus stared up at the ceiling and pondered. He'd thought he was pathetic before, with that do-gooder soul spoiling his fun. The insecurities that, for some reason, so many found endearing. The puppy-dog looks. Bouts of extreme--and embarrassing--goofiness. The stammering. For God's sake...! Well, he had reached an all new level of patheticness now. Because he didn't have a soul to blame. What kind of brain damage made him declare his love to Cordelia Chase? And why did it hurt when she threw it back in his face?

"You can't love me," she'd said. "You can't love without a soul."

Drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair, Angelus shook his head. What was it about humans that made them think their souls gave them exclusive rights to love? "Pretty close-minded if you ask me," he murmured. "I'd even call it discrimination." He'd known more lovesick vampires than he cared to count. James and Elizabeth had him rolling his eyes for a few decades. And Spike and Dru were almost as bad. Thank God Dru wasn't as faithful to her mate as Elizabeth. Competing with Spike for her affections, watching the younger vampire eat his undead heart out, was always a good time. Angelus even admitted that he'd loved Buffy. Which made tormenting her all the sweeter. The more she hated him, the better he'd liked it.

But this... This was sickening. Angelus, the Scourge of Europe, had let a twenty year-old girl hurt his feelings! It wasn't the look of fear on her face that bothered him. He'd liked that part, actually. It was the disbelief and revulsion. Especially when he described, in detail, all the things he wanted to do to and with her their first time. Her heartfelt "Ewww!" had torn his ego to shreds. Then what did she do? Sneak up behind him while his back was turned, hit him over the head with one of Wesley's precious (and heavy) books, and hightail it out of town!

Okay, so her reservations were justified. His description of their first night together had been somewhat graphic. And he did have a little sadistic streak... Well, a *big* sadistic streak. But was that any reason for her to reject him, assault him, and leave him? No way!

Standing, Angelus started to pace. Before he lost his soul, again (he had to thank Wolfram & Hart for that, although they probably wouldn't like the way he did it) pacing always made him feel better. Sometimes for a full two minutes.

"I knew love was a bad idea!" he exclaimed. Just look at what love had brought him to. Before, when he didn't have a soul to make him feel all guilt-ridden and remorseful, he was a pretty happy-go-lucky kind of vamp. No one had more fun being evil than *he* did. "I should be out there right now," he said, looking towards the hotel's main door. "Terrorizing some pretty young things. Having a few snacks. And Kate? I always wanted to torture Kate. I bet I could make her last for days." But what was he doing instead? "Brooding!" He paused to kick the book Cordy hit him with. "I'm brooding, dammit!"

He didn't get it. He knew how much she cared about him when he was all soul-ly. So, what was her problem? He still had the same face. The same body.

So he was evil. So he liked coming up with new and creative ways to kill people. So he wanted to kill her parents--who, considering the way they'd neglected their only child, deserved it. Was that any reason not to give a guy a chance?

Stopping his pacing--it wasn't helping--Angelus sat down on the sofa. She was probably halfway to Sunnydale, by now. Getting ready to assemble the Scoobies. The first thing they'd try to do was restore his soul, of course. Good thing he found a spell to block their attempts. Maybe Wesley's books weren't so bad after all.

"I have to go get her." He sighed, as if his mind hadn't already been made up. Because, like it or not, he wanted her with him. Things would be so much easier if he vamped her. But you never knew how getting turned would change a person. And he liked his Cordy just the way she was. Of course, getting her to stay with him while she was still human and non- evil-y would be hard. And probably involve chains, shackles, a room with un- pickable locks, etc. But he knew he could make it work.

Angelus found himself smiling wistfully. He wondered if she would still prepare his blood for him. He'd kind of liked that cinnamon thing, even if he never admitted it. And her fixing his meals seemed like such a caring, wifely thing to do. But no. She'd be too mad to do anything but think of new, painful ways to dust him.

"Gotta love that vengeful streak," he chuckled. The chuckle was quickly followed by a frown. Was he really ready for this kind of commitment? Relationships took a lot of work. It was easier to torment 'em, drink 'em dry, and move on. But the feeling he got when he thought of *not* being with Cordy told him he didn't have much choice.

"Oh, well." Angelus shrugged. "After 250 years, I guess it's time. And once I make it clear who's in charge, it shouldn't be so bad. Set boundaries in your relationship. Isn't that what the books say?"

Nodding, he stood up and retrieved his leather duster from the coat rack. It was black, of course. "That's one thing Cordy will like about the new old me," he said. "I get the concept of colors." Putting on the coat, he turned to face the three bodies that littered the lobby floor. "Leave them here or take them with?" he wondered. "Take them with," he decided. "Cordy likes having her friends nearby."

Laughing--because that was *damned* funny--he lifted Fred's cold, lifeless form. Driving around with three corpses would be tricky. Getting to Cordy as quickly as possible was a priority, so he planned to speed. And, if he got pulled over, things could get messy. But he really wanted to see the look on his love's face when he presented his little gift to her.

It was going to be priceless!

END