| house of style |
| my interest lies in my self-expression -- what's inside of me -- not what i'm in... |
| memories why did i come out here god, i'm so blind why can't i see the truth? i seem to have nothing to give, nothing to offer i'm obsessed and i don't know why every little thing about him makes me love him even more and more i do in secret the only thing left to do is erase him from my memory for my memories about him haunt me every hour, every day, every week i want happiness he hurts me so i want love he hurts me so the only thing left to do is erase him from my memory... --oct 7, 1999 |
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| i don't feel that love has a face. nor a brain to tell apart the wicked from the true. i don't know if love works for me, or against me; or if love just works. i do know that i have felt love before. it warms and envelopes me. it makes me feel secure and wanted. sort of like a drug, it's my beloved friend whom i want to spend every waking hour with. on the other hand, without it, i feel lost and empty; dying for another hit, just to feel it one more time. i have no regrets, as the memories of the past bring me somewhat happiness, although, some memories torment my being to such a great extent that it seems the reasonable thing to do is shun love all together. i guess that's what makes me so jaded. i never used to know what that word meant. 'to be jaded,' i thought was a term for the down-trodden, the hurt, the un-loved. now it's a term i use to describe myself. oh well, what can a boi do? risk another heartbreak? thrust myself yet again into a pool of pretty faces and fake facades, hoping to find my one, true mate? of course, because though i have been through the stages, it pains me even more the thought of never loving again. i love myself. i want to share this love with another, and hope that person loves me back. -- feb 17, 2003 |
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| tears of pain and joy i cry at night / forever masked, forever lost in twilight / i can't believe it's happened to me, please / take me away from my cursed destiny / i can't take it no more, the score is down / these people done fucked me fa sho / i can still hear the sound / rejection is bound to happen again, soon i can feel it / so i climb in my shell so my heart, they can't steal it / where do i turn, who can i trust, who can i love / who's gonna hurt when those words become rough / my pain spills like blood while they pray for lust / sayin those lines, full of deceit, the unjust / my head spins round, confusion takes over / my mind feels drunk but my body stays sober / those couple a minutes, couple a hours and days / my location, cloud nine, my destination, a haze / fully encased behind a 50 foot wall / built to withstand my impending downfall / the suitors they come, with thier lines and good looks / but my mind stays vigilant, fearing thieves and crooks / tryin to steal my heart, my soul, my sex / just to smash it all down and go for the next / all i ever wanted was someone to love me for me / but those people you pick, like fruit from a tree... -- feb 28, 2003 |
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