Shattered

SHATTERED –
By Liz and Katie Sullivan

Silently Terri lay on the couch, remote resting in hand, as the TV flashed from scene to scene of an old 1980 program, which she had been quite fond of. Thoughts crossed her mind of Mitch at the party. When would he be home? Was he okay? Why hadn’t he called? She knew he had a weakness for alcohol, but she kept pushing the image from her mind, repeatedly assuring herself that Mitch was not that sort of person....

The house was unusually quiet, despite the sound of the movie echoing throughout the smallish flat. At least, to Terri's ears it was. She wasn't used to quiet - the hustle and bustle of duties on Ward 8 and throughout the hospital had gradually decreased her tolerance of too much quietness. Even as a child the house was filled with noise when her abusive father was around.

Not wanting to think of her father, she hoped Mitch would be home soon. It was late – very late. And as she started to worry, the wind wailed ferociously outside the house. Glancing swiftly at the time on the VCR realizing it was 1.30am, still having to work in the morning, she quickly jumped out from under the blanket on the couch, then trudged blindly towards the bathroom.

Meanwhile, Mitch was on his way back from Cougars where he had attended a colleague's birthday bash. Terri had been invited as well but didn't feel up to partying that night, so Mitch went on his own. And of course, as the guys do, lots of alcohol was consumed, and Mitch was no exception. Even in his drunken state, he knew Terri would not be happy if he got home too late, so being sensible, he called a cab (not being stupid enough to drink and drive) and arrived back at their flat about twenty minutes later.

Terri, brushing her teeth in the bathroom, was brought back to reality when the noise of a car engine ventured up the drive-way. Being sure Mitch wasn’t driving, and that he had caught a lift with either a colleague or rung a taxi. Quickly holding her hair back with the free hand she had, as the other one was holding the toothbrush in her mouth, she leant down towards the sink, washing her mouth out effortlessly, dried it with her sleeve and ran out towards the door to greet Mitch. Who – mind you – wasn’t a pretty sight!

"Thanks!" Terri softly called out to the taxi driver, mindful of the late hour and not wanting to wake the neighbors. "Oh, Mitch, look at yourself! And what time do you call this?"
"Lighten up, Terri, it was only a party!" Mitch responded.

"You certainly look like you had a good time…" Said Terri, in a painful tone. She loved him so much, but she wished he wouldn’t put her through this!
"Hrrmh..." Mitch grunted, not liking Terri’s over caring attitude. It was just one night out, but she didn’t seem to understand.
"I was just worried, that’s all." Terri said pleadingly.
"Yeah, well, you need to stop worrying about me and get on with your own life! Geez!" And with that, he swept past Terri, and headed inside.
"Well, maybe I care because I love you so much and don't want to lose you! I can't help but worry about you, Mitch." Terri turned, shut and chained the door and followed him down the hallway.
"Oh really? If you love me and care about me that much, maybe you could just get off my back now?" Mitch, through his drunkenness, was starting to get angry.

"How can you say that, Mitch?!! Do you think that, after nearly two years, I don't care about you? If you can think that even for a second, yes, a *second*, then you think about all the times I've trusted you, helped you.....and then you do this to me? It isn't fair, Mitch!" Terri was beginning to get upset.
"Fair? You call that not fair? A bloke's entitled to a few drinks, Terri, it's called having fun!"
"You call getting smashed off your face having fun? Well, let me tell you, I think it's just plain stupid!" Terri was getting angrier and her voice was gradually getting louder, unintentionally.
"Gee, it's nice to know that you of all people can call me a drunk, Terri. You know quite well that I'm not!"
"What am I supposed to think when you go out two nights in a row and come back smashed both times, one at 3:30 am? If this keeps happening, our relationship is over before it can go any further!" Terri retorted.
"You wouldn't dare!! Not if you care about me that much. You wouldn't throw all this away, would you?" Mitch looked hurt. Terri looked into his eyes, she saw emptiness, but she wasn’t letting down. Mitch had done the wrong thing by her, and nothing would change that.

"Well, being with you costs all my time, you know?!" Terri said, vindictively.
"You never have to care, it’s your choice that all you do is worry, and I told you it was just a FEW drinks. If you can’t understand that, maybe you’re right; maybe we should just call it quits!"
There was a brief silence…..

"I say that I care, and that I love you, then you turn it against me, this is typical, Mitch, bloody typical!" Terri shouted angrily, although inside her heart was breaking. She didn’t want their relationship to end, but it wasn’t looking very promising. Seeing the anger in Mitch’s eyes scared her, especially with him being drunk. She stood there, her eyes glistening. It was all up to her, she could believe him, that it was only a few beers. Or take the other choice laid out….Break up, she didn’t want this to get any more out of hand that is already was.

Taking a few steps, Terri made her way closer to Mitch. Not knowing how she going to confront him, and how he was going to handle it. She stood next to a mantelpiece which was situated above the fireplace. It was decorated with vases -that were filled with flowers -, a few pictures of them and of their family.

"Look, Mitch, can you just try to understand where I’m coming from here?" This time, she said it sympathetically, using a lowered tone of her voice.
"No Terri, I’m sick of this shit! I don’t want to have to live under your control anymore! If you love me, you’d let me have a good time. Obviously you don’t trust me enough to know that I’m not a drunk!" Mitch’s voice echoed throughout Terri’s body. Glancing down to the ground, Terri’s eyes began shedding tears. She was regretting her actions.

Mitch stepped back slightly, nearly tripping over the coffee table in his anger. Sighing, he looked at Terri and noticed the tears in her eyes. She does care, you know, and that's why she worries about you, he told himself. For Terri's sake, he decided to back down a bit. I don't want her to go, Mitch thought silently.

Terri just stood there, shocked by Mitch's words, as thoughts raced through her mind. She didn't want him to go either - he meant everything to her - but, oh, he made everything so difficult on nights like these. Out drinking with the lads, taxi home, then arguments when he returned. Sometimes Terri went out with him, but she didn't get smashed and was able to keep an eye on Mitch....except for the time when he'd painted the cricket pitch at the local sports oval bright pink, that is.

Both of them stood there, each daring the other to say something. Unable to bear the silence any longer, with thoughts still racing through her mind, Terri spoke.

"Since when was I controlling you? I don't tell you what you can and can't do, I don't make the rules-" She was interrupted by Mitch.
"You think so? It's always 'Mitch, do this' and 'Mitch, don't do that'!" Mitch was cut off.
"Let me finish! I've never stopped you from doing anything but let me tell you, I don't control you, never have, and never will, unless you do idiotic things like you did tonight!" The tears were flowing faster. "And if you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed. We'll continue this in the morning when you're sober." But before she could move, Mitch had stepped forward and blocked her way.
"No, I think we'll continue this right now, Terri!" She tried to get past but he prevented her from leaving.
"Mitch, let me go!! You're not being fair! I said we'll discuss this in the morning!" Terri almost screamed. Mitch was angry so he refused to back down. Angry that he thought Terri couldn't trust him....that she didn't seem to believe him.
"Fair? I'm not being fair?!! How about you not trusting me when I said I only had a few drinks? Or that you're having a go at me now? *That's* what's not fair, Terri!" Mitch stared straight at Terri as he spoke.
"I....I....I..." Terri stammered through her tears. She was hurt, although she tried not to show it.
"Spit it out, Terri, you seem to have a habit of doing that tonight!" Mitch said, cuttingly.
"Maybe......maybe I *can't* trust you any more!"

There - it was out. Terri stood rooted to the spot, afraid of how Mitch would respond. As Mitch took a step forward towards her, Terri ducked away, thoughts of her abusive father running through her mind. She didn't believe Mitch would ever end up like her father - besides, Mitch hated Ryan with a passion for what he'd done to Terri - as he loved her too much for that. Supposedly loved her, she quickly corrected herself.

"You can't trust me? Gee, I thought our relationship was based on trust! I guess not! Thanks a lot, Terri!"
"So did I Mitch! But you proved me wrong, and you proved yourself wrong too!" Terri sighed unenthusiastically.
"Well, I guess it’s all over now, eh?!" Terri could still hear the anger in his tone of voice. But it had largely disintegrated due to his aching heart. She wasn’t sure if she meant what she said, that’s why she used the *maybe* before her actions were expressed.

Maybe she did trust him, but not at this moment. It was too risky.

"I guess you’ll want me sleeping on the couch now?!" Mitch proceeded. He wasn’t willing to let Terri win!

Terri stood in silence.

"That’d be right! Wouldn’t it?! It’s just like you to be kicking me out. Sometimes I can’t believe you, Terri Sullivan!"
"You’re the one that’s hard to believe! You go out, get smashed, come home, start and argument, and you think I’M HARD TO BELIEVE?!!!?" Terri was furious at this stage! Mitch was absolutely pathetic when it came to arguments. He made her feel like dirt. Turned everything she said against her. Mitch took a swing at the pictures behind Terri, using the back of his hand to knock them over, and bring them crashing to the ground.

"So much for you trusting me, Terri!"
"Hey, hang on a minute, Mitch Stevens!! I did trust you....but you've proved to be untrustworthy.....albeit tonight at least! I remember what you said...and this is quoting you verbatim: 'Oh, we're just having a bit of a party for Andy's birthday....I promise I'll only have two drinks, I mean it!' Yeah, right, Mitch....so much for trust! How can I trust you after that?"
"I DID NOT SAY THAT, TERRI SULLIVAN! YOU'RE MAKING THAT UP!" Mitch yelled, too drunk to remember anything he'd said earlier that evening.
"Well, actually, yes, you did say that - I remember it crystal clear! You know, I'm too tired to keep having these fights with you every time you go out, maybe we *should* just call it quits here and now!" Terri yelled back.
"Maybe we should!" Mitch agreed, still furious.
"Right then, who's moving? It sure as hell ain't going to be me!" Terri stated firmly, looking Mitch in the eyes.
"I don't believe this!" Mitch shouted. "You're kicking me out?" Terri stood her ground.
"As long as you keep behaving like that you're not staying here, believe me!! And while it's fresh in my mind, maybe my life would have been so much better if you'd never been in it in the first place!!" Terri retorted. Mitch battled with a range of emotions - hurt, anger, rejection.....He settled on a mix of anger and rejection.
"You can't be serious! So the past two years have just been a complete waste of time? Great, just great!" Mitch swept his arm out in anger across the mantelpiece, not realizing he'd already knocked all the photos to the ground in his rage. Looking even more furious, he balled his fingers into a fist and raised his arm again. Terri could tell he was likely to take a swing at her next, so ducked and ran out of the way....Just in time, too, for Mitch let his fist fly exactly where Terri had been standing seconds earlier, and instead of connecting with her, it had gone straight through the wall below the clock.

Terri stood behind the couch, shocked and frightened. She didn't know what to do...but there was one thing she did know for certain......staying was NOT an option!!

Mitch was flabbergasted by his actions. He turned to face Terri, and with seeing the hurt in her eyes. He knew she would never forgive him.

Terri, still traumatized by Mitch’s anger, closed her eyes. And hoped it was all just a dream. But to her dismay, opening her eyes just brought her back to the place she had been dreading, in the argument, which was threatening to throw their relationship away.

"You know...." Terri said through tears of hurt, "In that split second when you put your fist through the wall, you shattered any hopes of our future." Mitch looked shattered, not only in shock at what he had just done, but also of the realisation of Terri’s words.
"Terri....Terri, I-"

"Mitch, you showed me you didn’t care. I thought that would have been enough. I’ll be back to collect my things in the morning while you are at work. It was nice while it lasted." Terri’s words weren’t expressed in anger, nor grief. Grabbing her bag and a couple of necessary items, she turned and left the room silently. And with her distressing proceedings. She made her way through the door, and home to the people that cared about her….her family.