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Inner Secrets, Outer Pain
by Katie
It never occurred to me, never, in all these
summer days and cool nights. It had never registered my mind.
Terri lay awake. Contemplating every possibility racing through her mind. What
could it be? How could it be? The lump had grown outstandingly over the last few
days. Yet, she only recently decided to get it examined. Turning her body to
indulge more of Mitch’s warmth onto her body she slowly closed her eyes, in
hope of a lustrous morning.
Another sunny morning had filled the sky. Terri
awoke to a sweet fondle of the hair. Mitch politely leant down to deposit a
smallish kiss on her lips. Leaning hard against her chest she curdled in pain on
the inside, though trying her best to keep it there. She waited a few
excruciating seconds for the body weight to be lifted. Terri loved Mitch, but
she didn’t want to hurt him, but putting herself through the pain was becoming
far worse.
Terri didn’t want to move. She knew that as soon as she got up she’d be into
the housework. And to do the housework, she’d need to be wearing clothes. And
wearing clothes meant wearing a bra. Which right now, she couldn’t handle. The
pain was just too much for her. Yet she got up, got dressed, put on a bra, and
tried her utmost to ignore the pain. Terri felt pale, uncoordinated, but ahead
of all, she felt guilty. Terri knew that keeping this from Mitch was wrong.
The house was taking its regular shape. Not liking the housework much, she knew
that being active more so than usual would keep her mind off the obvious. Not
having the results from the ultrasound meant she wasn’t sure what to think.
Maintaining her thoughts positive, she heard Mitch running the bath. She prayed
that he wouldn’t want her in the bath too, though she knew if he asked she
would be incapable of saying no.
Fortunately, Mitch didn’t ask Terri to join him - which was a big relief for her! She worked her way from the kitchen to the laundry. Vacuuming, mopping, dusting. Vacuuming, mopping, dusting. So on, and so forth. She was beginning to get weary. But she was determined to keep going, until the housework was done. If not, she would stop and begin to think. Think bad thoughts. She turned off the vacuum only to hear Mitch’s voice echoing through the halls as he sang away in the shower.
Perceptions raced through her mind like lightening hitting the ground. Terri quickly made her way to the kitchen to begin wiping down the benches and cleaning off the stove top. She was cleaning so much, so hard, pulling the visions from her mind. The instant passed when she felt a swift tap her shoulder. Revolving around with fear, she only stood to see Mitch with his towel round his hips.
"You don’t need to do that, Sullivan, the house looks fine!"
Terri’s head was facing the ground.
She should stop. But she couldn’t, she wouldn’t. Knowing what would happen
if she gave into Mitch, she fought back her tears. Looking up, she spoke "I
guess it does look all right, huh?"
She looked into Mitch’s eyes, seeing the trust, she smiled. Terrible feelings surged within her stomach. Reaching for her head she massaged her left temple.
"Headache?" Mitch questioned.
"Yeah, just a bit, I think it’s more to do with the weather though." She replied, but she knew that wasn’t the case. "Sure." Mitch raised his hand to Terri’s face and smiled.
Life was so tough. Watching Mitch stride out of the kitchen Terri took a minor glance at her watch. And with that, she scanned the room suddenly aware of no one there then hurried out to the letterbox. Opening the latch she took a deep breath while pulling out the mail. Three letters and some big W pamphlets were clenched in her hand as she worked her way back into the house. Noticing two of the letters were bills, she placed them in the letter holder and scampered into the bathroom with *the* letter in hand.
She knew exactly what was in the letter … the results. The thing that she didn’t know was. Was it positive? Or negative? Dropping the pamphlet on the ground, she realised it was advertising bras. Sighing, she knew she had to open the envelope. Depositing the torn cover from the letter on the floor, she made her way over to the frame of the bathtub to sit down. The letter was folded in three. Opening it at a snails pace … there it was, there was the result. What was she to do now? Letting her hand loose. the letter fell from her hand only to hit the hard cold tiles.
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