Sacrifice and Good Intentions Part Three

By Cat
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, All
Saints etc so do not sue! Surely these make for more
fans?
Thanks Trina!
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Terri sighed and walked out of her office. She walked
into the drug room to see Connor getting some meds.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, surprised.
Connor remained facing the shelves.

“Well, I’m on for today aren’t I?” He said
sarcastically. Terri sighed.

“Connor,”

“What!”

“This isn’t something you can just ignore,” Terri
said. 

“Who’s ignoring it?!” He turned around to face her. He
could feel his face burning. Terri looked into his
eyes.

“Connor, being angry at her or anyone else is not
going to do anything… Bron will need your support, all
of our support. She needs to know you will be with
her.” She said gently.

“I can’t Terri,” Connor sighed. He fumbled around in
his pockets.

“Why?” She asked.

“Because I don’t want to understand it.” He said.
Terri moved closer.

“What do you mean?” She said quietly. Connor put down
the meds he was holding.

“I don’t want to understand why my best friend thinks
that no one wants her, I don’t want to understand why
a great nurse is lying in a hospital bed wanting to
die ... I don’t want to understand it because...”
Connor felt himself about to cry. Terri looked at him
sympathetically.

“She was that close Terri....that close to succeeding
and I had no idea.” 

"But you found her and you were concerned for her, and
you made sure she stayed alive," Terri said.

“But I did nothing to prevent it...” Connor wiped his
eyes.

Terri put her hand on his arm. "You didn't know
Connor, no-one did."

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*

Bron heard a knock at the door. Ben got up and
answered. It was Connor.

“Come in,” Ben said. “I’ll be outside if you need me.”

“Thanks mate,” Conner replied. He went in. He saw
Bron, pale faced, sitting up in bed.
“Connor." Bron motioned for him to come closer. Connor
walked over slowly. He put his hand over his mouth to
cover his anguish and sat down on the bed.

“Mitch is going to put me into psych for a while.”

Connor nodded. He leant over and gave her a hug. Bron
was laughing, almost hysterically. Connor was silent.
He pulled away, the grief flooding through him but
trying to contain it he knew if he looked at Bron he
would cry.

“Connor," Bron said. He kept glancing between the door
and the floor. Bron tried again. “Connor, look at me.”
Connor bit down on his lip and swiftly looked up at
her. Bron smiled at him but her lips were trembling.
“Better luck next time eh?” she laughed crazily but
soon turned sombre. Connor shook his head.

“What were you hoping to achieve? Connor asked. “To
die and leave everyone else behind to pick up the
pieces? Did you begin to even think how anyone else
would feel?” Bron looked into his eyes.

"I thought it would be better for you all. Can't you
see Connor? I’m hopelessly messed up no one - not Ben,
you or anyone else deserves being with me.” She said
matter-of-factly.

“So you were going to kill yourself and think we were
better off, losing my best friend and I would be
better off?”

"You'd find a better one."

“Can't you see I don’t want a better one, I have a
great one now, we've been through everything together
Bron, I don’t want to wake up one morning and find you
dead, that scared the hell out of me and I don’t ever
want to experience it again, nor do I want to wish it
on Ben. I thought I was too late. So much flashed
through my mind, but nothing stronger than the thought
that if you had died then I wanted to die too.

“But, can't you see I am worth nothing! Connor, open
your eyes. I’m a waste of space and energy."

“If you are then so am I!” Connor commented and opened
the door to leave.

"Connor!' Bron yelled out. Connor looked back over his
shoulder. “Wait," she said.

“What?” he asked.

"Just, please try and understand."

“I can't Bron, I don’t understand it at all.”