It was the end of Jan. And I found that I was pregnet. I was very scared because I have had so many problems in the past when I was pregnet with Rebecca and also when I was pregnet With my Son Ranson when he was 2 months premautre. So I was worried about what would happen this time. I hurried and made Doctor apt. so I could get in right away and make sure that everything was going ok. I had lots of problems during my pregnancy. I started bleeding in April and stopped one week later, then I fealt him move for the first time and that was such a great fealing. Again in May I started bleeding. But then when I went to get checked out, the doctor told me I had polyps on my cervices, they had to be removed. They tested them and told me the bleeding would stop, but it didn't, I had been bleeding for 3 weeks and was getting very week, because of how much blood I lost. I went for my ultrasound Monday the 19th of May and went to my Doctor afterwards to get the results of my polyps test, they told me that they where not cancer. Then the Doctor took me back and told me that they found a problem in my ultrasound. The baby had no fluid around him. They told me I had to go to the hospital to have more tests done. I found out that I had an infection and I was in labor. They could not stop it because of the infection and they believed Joshua had it already because his heart rate was so fast and also because of the fluid being gone. I gave birth to Joshua at 11:21 PM May 19th 2003, he was born alive. His father and I held him until he passed away May 20th 2003 at 1:15 AM. He was 12.3 ounces and 10 1/2 inches long. A Letter from Mommy. Dear Joshua, My sweet little angel Mommy loves you so much. And your daddy does as well. The day you passed mommy held you as soon as you where born. I did not want you to be alone. I knew that you where not going to live long. Did you hear me when I kept telling you that it was ok to go And that mommy was there and I loved you. And when I gave you kisses did you feal my touch? You know daddy held you. He gave you kisses and told you all the same things. It is hard on daddy what happend you are his first born But he will be ok. Grandma Luanne was there to. She held you and did all the same things. You know daddy picked your name. And after everything I started thinking you know that is a really strong name because both those names come from two people who served god as fighters. You have such a strong and powerfull name. And it goes with just the way you are. You are very strong. You faught you held on alot longer then we thought you would. I can remember the way it fealt when you moved a little bit. It made me cry because I knew it was going to be the last time I fealt you move. I want you to know how much I love you. And just like your older sister and your brother (he is here with me) you kids have a BIG part of my heart. You are all my angels and I love you with all my heart. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you guys. I will be with you two soon. And can not wait to see you again. You make sure you be good. And don't fight with your sister :-). we will all be together soon. I love you and will think of you always. And we will together again one day untill i will talk to you two threw prayer. And think of you every day of my life. I love you always, Mommy Midi Selection: You'll Be In My Heart