Pelfer (or) The Fun Game

This is a game I invented with Cody in Commons on 2/22/2002. The goal is to get small paper balls into goals by flicking them with a spoon. It is designed so that two players can sit across from each other and play at the same time.

A. Equipment

6 --- 3 and 1/4 ounce cups (the kind that ketchup comes in); paper or plastic

2 --- Bendy plastic spoons (bendy enough so that they can fling stuff)

1 (approx.)--- sheet of notebook paper for making pelfs

B. Rules

Shots must be made with the spoon.
Cups must be stacked so that goal one is one cup heighth high, goal two is two cup heighths high and goal three is three cup heighths high.
Getting a projectile into goal one scores 1 point, getting a projectile into goal two scores 3 points, getting a projectile into goal three scores 5 points.
No more than five shots may be made in one shot.
One spoon per player.
Spoons must be approved by the opposing player unless both spoons are the same.
There is no time limit to pelfer. The game is over when one or both players must leave the area in which the game is being played.
This game is designed for two people. For additional players, more goals and pelfs are needed. Those who interfere (non-players) will be penalized by a lethal barrage of pelfs.
If the stack of cups falls down as a result of the shot, any goal made with the pelfs of that shot do not count.
Cups are to be set 1 and 1/2 to 2 feet away from the site where the shot is made.
Any violation of the above or other agreed upon rule will result in a penalty of five points.

C. Rituals

These aren't rules and don't have to be followed, but some players prefer to do these things in the interest of historical preservation of the game.

When a pelfer is made, the pelf is taken aside and marked in the manner that the player chooses. When the game is over, the pelf is kept by the player that made the pelfer for further use and intimidation of opponents.

Whenever a player is screwed, it is customary to swear loudly and stand up to look at the goal to make sure that it really didn't go in.

If you are angry at another player or wish to distract him or her, it is considered fine to launch the full five pelfs at him or her, creating havoc and messing up their aim. This is a good technique if they have gotten into a good groove.

There is another little know type of launch that is frowned at, but legal. Instead up bending the spoon back to launch like a spring, the spoon is set up on a fulcrum, such as a pen or a pencil. The spoon then makes the lauch by applying pressure quickly to the end, much like a see-saw.

It is common practice to have one player in charge of dumping the pelfs after a score and to have the other keeping score. This makes it so that both people have something to do after a score and neither player has the advantage.

D. Terminology

Pelfer terminology is used in a variety of ways and can be combined in any way that the player chooses in order to describe a unique or non-standard shot.

pelf: The projectile used to score (normally a small paper ball). Root word of many other Pelfer terms.
Ex. "I was hit in the head with a pelf when my opponent whiffed."
pelfer: The name of the game; also meaning a score of five in goal number three (also known as a fiver).
Ex. "I enjoy playing pelfer."
whif: Refering to loss of a pelf, either temporarally or permenantly, normally through overshooting the goals.
Ex. "I was hit in the head with a pelf when my opponent whiffed."
bastard shot: Scoring in a sloppy way, such as having the pelf bounce and land in the goal, or making a lucky shot because of slice.
Ex. "I lost because my opponent made a bastard shot."
bitch: Used in the context of the game, a long losing streak.
Ex. "Jesse was on a bitch."
screw: The opposite of a bastard shot, when a shot should have, or did go in, only to bounce out of the goal.
Ex. " 'I was tottally screwed!' screamed Jesse."
pelfing spoon: The spoon used to play pelfer.
Ex. "I got in trouble for playing pelfer in school"
flep: Some fleps are bastard shots, it is what happens when a shot of several pelfs makes multiple goals. It should be noted that a multiple score of just pelfers is refered to as a "double pelfer", "triple pelfer", etc.
Ex. "Christine got a 5-5-1 flep while playing Pelfer at lunch."
pelfer's thumb: A sore thumb resulting from multiple games of pelfer.
Ex. "I have blisters on my pelfer's thumb"
pelfite: One who plays Pelfer regularly.
Ex. "Cody and I are pelfites."
hickory tech: When a pelf hits the rim of a goal, whether it goes in or out.
Ex. "Cody is very good at getting hickory techs."
bastard: Someone who makes bastard shots on a consistent basis.
Ex. "Cody is a bastard."
fucker: Someone who attempts to score without a spoon, in non-compliance with Rule 1.
Ex. "Jesse, you little fucker!"
old-whore: Anyone who interferes with the game.
Ex. "Talon is an old-whore."
singler: A score in goal one.
Ex. "Jesse's singler was no match for Ben's double pelfer."

E. Historic Games

Pelfer has a long and noble history. Who can forget such great players as Jesse the Fucker, Cody the Technician, and Brian the Incompotent? There have been many a rousing game of pelfer in it's history, some of which are discussed here.

Cody Speiss vs. Ben Friesen - 2/26/02
By Alexander Wales

This match is one of the oddest in the history of the game. It began simply enough with a game in first half, 2nd Block Commons on the 26th of February, 2002 A.D. In the beginning, Ben shot ahead with many goals. The score was 10-19 with Speiss behind. They stopped for a break to eat their snacks and drink their milk. Shortly therafter, Cody commented on Ben's score being almost double his. Immeadiatly after, he scored two pelfers in a row. Ben was contemplating this turn of events for nearly the rest of the game as he tried to play catch up to Cody's ever increasing score. It was about 5 minutes to the end of the game, and Ben was down by about 12 points. He did the unthinkable. He aimed, he fired, and he scored, a double pelfer! It was unbeleivable, the first completed shot of it's kind in the history of the game. Friesen had attempted one before, but sadly the tower had fallen. He had immeadiatly closed the gap. He scored a single point, and then the bell rang. He did not admit defeat. He took one last shot and tied the game with a single point. Speiss and Friesen were thuderstruck. This had never happened before. They did not want to let it stand at this, but it was time to go. The first tie game in the history of pelfer. They cleaned up and have not, to my knowledge, spoken to each other since. Let us hope that these two titans of the game can reconcil. End score; 51-51, tie.

Cody Speiss vs. Ben Friesen - 2/28/02
By Alexander Wales

This game is one of the highest scoring ever. It went on for a little less than 40 min. Ben opened the scoring (he usually does) with a singler, then a three pointer. Cody went into the lead for awhile while Ben took a non-marijuana brownie break. After that the lead was switched between the two for awhile until Ben's domination, which would last until the end of the period, made it's entrance with two pelfers, a double pelfer, and another pelfer to make the score 44-26. This was a blow from which Cody would never recover. He blames it on the loss of his pelfing pen (Cody uses the second method of shooting), but Ben's amazing skill is not to be put down. When the dust had cleared and the bell had rung, Ben had gotten 11 pelfers and two double pelfers. He truly is one of the great champions of Pelfer. End score; 92-60, Ben.

Tabletop Tournament 2/28/02
The following four games were all in the same day totaling 30 min. This is one of the best winning streaks in history. The tournament was set up so that the first to twenty or past would win that match.

Christine Holmberg vs. Ben Friesen - 2/28/02
By Alexander Wales

The first game in the tournament was very short, and oddly enough consisted of points scored only in goal three. The game started with Ben getting two pelfers in a row. Then, despite Ben and Sean's constant comments about her "sucking like a Hoover", she scored her first and last pelfer. The game ended about 3 min. later when Ben scored two more consecutive pelfers. End score; 20-5, Ben.

Alex Lloyd vs. Ben Friesen - 2/28/02
By Alexander Wales

Before I begin this reveiw I think that it should be noted that Alex does not know what he is doing. The game started with both players on a bitch. Alex then got a pelfer. Ben noticed Alex putting his hand closer to goals, for which he was warned. Sadly for him he did not heed this call and five points were added to Ben's score. Ben then went on a scoring rampage consisting of a single score, then two consecutive pelfers and a double pelfer. End score; 27-5, Ben.

Sean Carstensen vs. Ben Friesen - 2/28/02
By Alexander Wales

Sean was the only one to offer any resistance to the defending champion. Ben started by scoring a single, then a pelfer. Sean and him went into an alternating match of scoringuntil Ben got two 5-1 fleps in a row. Things were tense. The score was 19-8 and Ben needed only one point to win. Sean could not keep up though. Ben ended the game (after a long bitch) with a 1-1 flep. End score; 21-8, Ben.

Jesse "The Fucker" Vavreck vs. Ben Friesen - 2/28/02
By Alexander Wales

Put plainly, Jesse sucks. If you are the type to glance down at the score before reading the article, you already know this. Ben got two pelfers before Jesse first scored. His first score was only a single point. Ben got another pelfer, Jesse countered with another single point. Ben quickly decimated (no pun intended) "The Fucker" with his fourth double pelfer of the day. That puts him at five wins in one day, the longest winning streak so far recorded. End score; 25-2, Ben.

F. General History

      Pelfer was invented on the twenty-second of February, 2002. The real story, though, begins a day earlier.
      Cody and I were sitting in Commons. Cody was doing math work and I was playing with some spoons that I had liberated from the cafeteria that we had Commons in. I would not consider it stealing, as they were free, and it is impossible to steal something that is free, isn't it? I digress. I had liberated the spoons because I had fond memories of flinging french fries, peas, and other such foods at people as a delightful lunch pastime. I was flinging small balls of paper around every which way and occasionally at Cody. Cody finished his math work and asked if he could have a spoon (I had liberated two). I gave him one and we took turns at trying to hit Farah Ali, a classmate who was sitting a few yards away. I suggested that we try to hit an easier target. I set up my notebook on end as a target. We tried with some sucess to hit it until the end of the period.
      Flash forward to the next day. I decided that I wanted to do this again. Cody had math work, so I had to entertain myself. I liberated (not stole) seven or eight ketchup cups from the cafeteria. I still had my spoons from the day before. I set up three cups in front of me to use as targets. Ater awhile I decided to set them up in the method that is now the standard of the sport. I am not sure what happened after that. The next thing I knew, the idea of pelfer was almost entirely in my head. Cody added the rule of no more that five pelfs per shot. I invented the terms pelf, pelfer, and pelfing spoon as well as the scoring system and game schematics. Various other people also contributed to the lexicon, Cody invented shooting method two, and Alex forced me to make new rules by being a dumbass.

The following is a list of firsts, as I remember them. E-mail me with corrections if you find anything that needs correcting.
First . . .

pelfer was on 2/22/02 by me.

double pelfer was on 2/26/02 by me.

use of swearing in the game I am not sure of, but it may have been at the exact same instant that the game was conceived.

game of pelfer was on 2/22/02 with Cody and I.

G. Pelfer Links

Pelfer Clan: