Timeframe: Just after Redemption. Caine has just restored the family honor and has now left to find his path, leaving Peter with some very mixed feelings. Peter goes to the Blaisdell's to try and center himself again. A song on the radio allows Peter to finally confront those feelings and begin the healing process. #~ and ~# denote song lyrics.

Copyright (c) 1998 Jennifer D'Agostino
Any comments would be greatly appreciated and can be sent to: MavnAlysse@aol.com "All learning begins with these two phrases: I don't know. Let's find out!"
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:::This story starts moments after Redemption ends.:::

Songs in the Key of Fu: Plenty

Peter Caine left the Ancient at his home and wearily returned to his apartment feeling completely worn out. He moved about the rooms restlessly, unable to focus on anything, unable to relax. His gaze drifted over to the bookcase where both his father's and his grandfather's journals were residing. Standing by them, he gently stroked the leather bindings, then brought his hand away, fingers curling into a fist. He had to resist the sudden urge to grab and throw the two volumes out the window. 'Can't have that now, can we?'

He turned away and stomped towards the sliding glass door. Once out on the balcony he rested forearms against the railing and leaned slightly over, his pain so great that he paid no mind to the heights as he stared sightlessly down towards the street. 'How could he be so...' Peter clamped down on the thought, feeling guilty for being angry, but unable to let go of the anger. He closed his eyes and heaved a sigh, a muscle in his jaw jumped as he clenched and unclenched his teeth.

The phone rang, jolting him out his morose thoughts. He strode across the room and scooped the phone from its cradle on the third ring. "Caine." A smile brightened his face. "Hello, mom. I'm glad you called. ... Yes, I just got in. What's up? ... Dinner? Tonight? What's the special occasion?" he asked in a teasing voice. "Caroline's in town? Terrific. Is Todd with her? ... No? ... I see. ... What? ... Yes, I'll come over. ... Yes, I promise. I'll even bring the wine." His smile faded as he listened for a moment, teeth worrying at his bottom lip, "No. Nothing. Look, I'll see you in a few minutes, okay?" He blinked, a shy smile returning to his face, his voice soft, "I love you, too. Bye."

He replaced the reciever and stood for a few moments just staring at the phone. 'How she always seems to know what to say, I'll never figure it out. But, I think dinner with my family is just what I need instead of moping around here by myself.'

Suiting action to thought, Peter grabbed his jacket, wallet and keys, and left the apartment.

**********

Annie Blaisdell squeezed her husband's hand, trying to wordlessly convey to him the happiness she felt. All of her children would be home tonight and they'd all have dinner together as a family. These occasions had been rare since Peter had moved out and joined the force, and even rarer once Caroline had gotten married. And with Kelly now in college, well, Annie hardly ever saw them anymore. But tonight...

She heard her eldest daughter call from the kitchen. "What did Peter say?"

"He'll be here. He said he'd even bring some wine."

"I'm glad," Caroline responded. "He's been so busy with his father recently, you can hardly ever catch him at home anymore."

Annie blinked, "Oh, Paul, do you think I should have invited Caine as well?"

Her husband soothed her, "I'm sure Caine won't begrudge us an evening of Peter's time. But you can call to let him know he can bring his father if you'd like."

Annie had already begun dialing the familiar numbers. The phone rang several times, then the answering machine picked up. Annie hung up without leaving a message. "He's left already."

"Then don't let it worry you. We can invite Caine another time."

Annie went into the kitchen to help her daughters finish preparing dinner. Caroline was chopping onions and peppers for the sauce while Kelly was stirring the pasta on the stove. "Everything almost done?"

"The sauce is almost ready, and the pasta should be done soon." Caroline said.

Kelly jumped in, "And the bread's in the oven, baking. Everything should be done by the time Peter gets here."

True enough, when Peter arrived twenty minutes later bearing a large bottle of red wine, the table was set and the food was laid out piping hot.

**********

Later, everyone agreed that dinner was a huge success. The family retired to the living room to listen to the radio and talk. Kelly talked about one of her professors. "He's nice, but he doesn't seem to know quite what to do with so many students. From what I've heard, he taught at a smaller college before coming here, only about half of our enrollment."

"Give him time." Paul reassured. "He'll either adapt or he'll be transferred to another district."

"What brings you to town, Caroline?" Peter glanced over at her. He waggled his eyebrows at her, "You aren't tiring of Todd so soon, are you?"

"Peter Caine!" She glared, but a smile tugging at her lips ruined the effect. "If you must know, Todd is being interviewed for a job. We're hoping to move back to town."

Kelly exclaimed, "That's great. It'll be nice to be closer to everyone, won't it?"

"Yeah. I've missed these family get togethers."

Peter glanced down at his glass of wine, watching the liquid as he swirled it gently. A small frown had formed between his eyes. Paul had been watching Peter, a bit concerned. 'He's been so quiet all evening, and I don't think he ate much, either. Something's wrong, but what?' He caught his son's eye, a question in his own. Peter shook his head, clearly unwilling to discuss what was bothering him at the moment. 'Maybe he'll talk about it once the girls have headed off to bed.'

An hour or two later, the family called it a night. Kelly and Caroline kissed their parents on the cheek, gave Peter a hug, and went up to their respective bedrooms. Peter kissed the top of Annie's head as Paul escorted her to bed. When Paul came downstairs again, intent on talking with Peter, he found the living room unoccupied. The radio still played softly, and the door to the porch was open slightly.

Through the glass, he could see Peter sitting on the railing, back against a pole, one foot propped up on the railing, the other swinging back and forth in time to the music. He was staring up at the stars, but Paul had a feeling he was not seeing them. Paul stepped closer, keeping quiet so as not to disturb or startle Peter. Peter was humming softly under his breath.

Studying the young detective's face, Paul sighed as he recognized the look. 'Well, no use talking to Peter till he snaps out of it.' Paul moved back indoors to wait for Peter. He was determined to talk to him before calling it a night.

**********

Peter was unaware of his foster father's presence. All he could feel was his confusion and pain. He was in his secret place, the part of his mind he would withdraw to when he needed to think, or was upset.

Vaguely, he heard the radio playing. The song was familiar, so he hummed along with it, still trying to keep his mind off of his father's strange ways. Then, suddenly, the song came into focus, and he found himself relating it to his present circumstances.

#~I looked into your eyes they told me plenty I already knew.~#

'When I saw him standing there, talking to LoSi, I felt so happy, knowing that my father was with me again. Then, when he turned to look at me, I knew something was wrong. He looked guilty and sad. I knew he wasn't going to stay.'

#~You never felt a thing so soon forgotten all that you do.~#

'But then, as he talked, the guilt seemed to disappear and he seemed happy to be going. Happy to be leaving behind a confused and confusing son. Leaving for a journey to find his path.' Peter heaved a sigh.

#~In more than words I tried to tell you. The more I tried I failed.~#

'Father always seemed to know how others were feeling. Couldn't he tell how much his decision to leave was tearing me apart? Didn't he care?'

#~I would not let myself believe that you might stray and I would stand by you no matter what they'd say, I would have thought I'd be with you until my dying day. Until my dying day.~#

'When we found each other again, after so many years, I never thought I'd lose him again. Never so soon. And for this to be his own decision...' the thought trailed off and Peter worried at his bottom lip with his teeth.

#~I used to think my life was often empty a lonely space to fill.~#

'When the temple was destroyed, and I thought he was dead, I wanted to die as well, so that I could be with him. I didn't think that I'd ever be able to get on with my life. I thought about him everyday, wishing things had been different.'

#~You hurt me more than I ever would have imagined. You made my world stand still.~#

'Through the confusion of that night, I saw him, and thought he had seen me. When he turned away and left me... a part of me died. When I had heard he was dead, the rest of me longed to die as well. My anger and confusion at both him and the circumstances were overwhelming. I cut myself off from everyone just to keep myself from going insane.'

#~And in that stillness, there was a freedom I never felt before.~#

'And then, when I thought I was going to lose myself completely to my anger, the Blaisdells took me in. They took a complete stranger, someone who's problems would have driven off anyone else off, and made him a part of the family. They loved me when I thought no one ever would. Encouraged me and supported me, even when I didn't feel I deserved it. They made me realize that I was special and important. They rescued me from myself. God, I'm so thankful to have this family. And when my real father came back into my life, they supported and encouraged me in my endeavors to establish a relationship with him. Both Annie and Paul have helped me see my father in a different light, allowed me to reach out to him.'

#~I would not let myself believe that you might stray and I would stand by you no matter what they'd say, I would have thought I'd be with you until my dying day. Until my dying day.~#

Peter examined himself and his feelings, trying to sort out what exactly he was feeling. He found that he was more upset about his reaction to what he felt as abandonment than angry at Caine for leaving. 'I'm no longer twelve. I have to stop reacting like a twelve year old when concerning my father. We've worked hard to re-established our relationship and we've grown closer in the year since we've found one another. At times, I've felt like I could hear him speaking to me, even when he was nowhere nearby.'

A realization came over Peter, and he took a deep, cleansing breath. 'Pop once said that he'd always be with me, even if he wasn't there. I guess he was right. And I was right too, he will be back. We have a connection now, one stronger than that of fifteen years ago. He won't be gone long, we have unfinished business. I'll miss him, but I know that he needs some time to himself, to re-examine himself, just as I have. And when he returns, I'll be waiting for him.'

The song faded into silence.

**********

Paul stood from his chair as he saw Peter stirring on the railing. The young man swiped at his eyes with a shirt sleeve, took a deep breath, and settled himself more firmly on the railing, staring out across the yard. Paul stepped out onto the porch and stood beside Peter. "Peter? Are you all right, son? You've been so quiet tonight." He laid a hand on Peter's shoulder.

Peter turned bright hazel eyes towards him, briefly rubbing a cheek against Paul's hand. "I know. I was upset, but not anymore."

"What was wrong?" He hated seeing Peter upset. From the first time he saw Peter as an angry and frightened fifteen year old, he had wanted to spare him from any pain; all the while knowing that it would be impossible. 'It seems that pain is a part of Peter's nature, and perhaps, as Caine would say, his destiny as well. It follows him like a faithful dog.'

Peter gave a half smile, half grimace. "Father left today. He doesn't know how long he'll be gone." Peter shrugged with one shoulder, an unconscious imitation of his father.

"Oh, Peter. I'm sorry." He squeezed Peter's shoulder, lending strength. "Did he say why?"

"He's lost his path. Now that the Emperor is safe and our family honor restored, he doesn't know what to do with himself. He spent his entire life working for this moment, and now that it's arrived, he's lost his anchor. He left to find purpose again."

Paul was speechless for a moment. Not only at the fact that Caine had left his only son with such little warning, but that Peter was taking all of this so calmly. "Doesn't he know that his place is here, with you? You're his son. What other purpose does he need?" His voice shook slightly in his effort to remain calm, he was so angry.

Peter glanced up at Paul, peace and understanding in his eyes. He grasped Paul's hand. "I know. And he will find that out, himself. Until he does, I can give him the space he needs to work things out. He'll be back. I know it."

Paul looked Peter and nodded. "Yeah. You're right. Now that he knows you're alive, how can he stay away?" He ruffled Peter's dark hair.

Peter swung his legs over and slid from the railing. He embraced Paul and whispered, "Thank you, Dad. For everything." He let go, a smile on his face and, more importantly, shining in his eyes. "Good night." He moved back inside and headed for the stairs.

Paul watched Peter, the son of his heart if not of his blood, and felt the same joy and happiness as he did the day he brought the angry and frightened fifteen year old into his home. 'He's growing up, all the time. Instead of tearing him down, this has made him stronger. And I believe, that when Caine does return, he'll find himself facing a son that would make anyone proud.'

Paul whispered, as Peter disappeared up the stairs, "Good night, my son. Good night."

The End.