My Story Continued

W

ell, my mom told my Aunt Paulette.  Paulette has admitted to me, as have others, that they suspected.  She was supportive from the get go, and has been my rock through so many things.  She told my grandmother who was completely indefferent to it as well.

Nothing major really happened in the outing process until that summer.  I told my Aunt Kim.  Kim was my party girl.  Her and I got together to raise some hell.  She told my Uncle Allen (they have since divorced), who I think may have had a harder time with it than he let me believe.  He likes to give people a hard time, and so that is how he deals with a lot of it I think.  We have a much harder time relating to eachother now, I think, but we don't really focus on it.  I've been blessed in that, regardless of their personal feelings, most of my family realizes that this is part of who I am.  They let me live my life, and don't make me feel like I am some kind of monster.  What's more, they try really hard to not just accept my homosexuality, but understand it.  Sometimes I feel like I'm expected to be some kind of expert on the subject, but I remind myself that no one is looking for an all encompassing answer, they just want to know about me.  That was my goal in coming out, to build positive honest relationships with those that I care about.  Fortunately, the younger ones in the family will now grow up free of ignorance, because they are being raised knowing that it's ok.  I don't have a really grand goal in life, but if these kids truly do grow up accepting the differences of others, then I have served a purpose on this earth.

So, that is when Cindy found out as well.  Allen, Kim and Cindy had been friends for years.  That is how I met her.  I know it must have been hard on her at first.  I think it helped that she had moved on and found someone who she was happy with.  We joke now that she made me gay, but that is the great thing, we can joke about it.  I do love Cindy with all my hear.  She is my light.  Her and I have recovered the amazing friendship that we had once had.  We can talk about anything.  I often think about how she's doing, and where she's at in life.  I htank God that we didn't work out.  We were brought together (in our relationship) I think, to progress beyond eachother.  She was in a bad relationship and I was lying to myself.  We've both moved on to better things.  Regardless of beliefs, I have no doubt that everything truly happens for a reason.

My Uncle Parke was the last of this side of the family that I felt I needed to tell.  It wasn't until Thanksgiving Day in 1999 that I took him and my Aunt Linda aside and opened up to them.  I think they were shocked, but I know that they appreciated the fact that I respected them enough to tell them myself as opposed to letting them find out from someone else.  Parke told me that he has had negative interactions with homosexuals in the past, so it was not something he could easily accept, but both embraced me as the nephew that they had always known, and assured me that this would not affect our relationship.

So now we come to my dads' side of the family.  The only person that knew up to that point (November '98) was my step-cousin Amie Beth.  I had no trouble telling her, because she is just cool like that.  Hell, the night I told her, we got drunk and she was gonna try to set me up with her best friend.  He already had plans...lol.

She told her mom, so I guess that's two people, but I didn't know that Betsy knew, so that doesn't really count, because there was still that overwhelming fear of her finding out, even though it really didn't matter.  Betsy and I are closer than we've ever been...she is truly a magnificent lady.

So, in November, I was fed up.  I admit, I shouldn't have done it the way I did, but at that point, I just didn't care.  So, I wrote up a long, honest e-mail, and sent it to every member of the family that I could.

GIRL, ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!  LOL

I sent out the e-mail.  The letters pretty much speak for themselves.  Let me say that there was a mixed response.  My father took it really hard.  I didn't hear from him for awhile.  My stepmother took it pretty well, but there was a lot of tension between the three of us.

Please feel free to read all of these which can be reached via the "Coming Out" main page.  I just want to say that after all was said and done, we are trying.  I talk about different things to Connie (my stepmom), but my dad and I have never really discussed it a all..  It is a slow process that I'm sure, in time, will work out for the best.  There are a lot of strong emotions still there, but I love them, and each little step will bring us all closer to the relationship that we should have.

There was one response that really suprised me.  It was from my grandparents.  I wasn't sure how they would take it.  You can read their response to me here.  What brought tears to my eyes, however, and may have saved my life (as I was very depressed and filled with self-loathing) was the letter that they sent to the whole family.

I hope that your coming out process (if you are gay, or are confronted with  a gay loved one) goes as good as mine did.  I am coming out in smaller ways now.  It is not as big of a deal now.  I don't have to hide, so my coming out is more of a "If yer gonna know me" thing.  It is my family, now, that must begin coming out.  They must first accept that I am gay.  Some day, they will not care what others think.  In time, maybe some of them will even begin to join the battle against ignorance and hatred towards the GLBT community.