Duo and the Beast

mostly by Atropa Belladonna

with a lii~il bit of help from her sister Eyodius ^-^

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Once upon a time, in a far away place, lived a handsome young prince in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, he was violent, unhappy, and not very social. But then, on a cold winter's night, an old beggar woman came to his door and offered him a single black rose in return for shelter against the bitter cold. Annoyed by her presence, the prince whipped out a gun and threatened to shoot her. For some reason, the haggard old woman started ranting about how true beauty lies within. The prince became more than a bit annoyed, and did shoot her. But then her haggard appearance melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress, whom the prince also shot. Outraged by his actions, the enchantress transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful curse upon the castle and all who lived there. Finding no reason not to, considering he was not a people person to begin with, the prince concealed himself inside his castle with a magic mirror as his own view of the outside world. The rose she had offered him was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 16th year, which, by the way, was only a year away. If he could learn to love another, and stop shooting people on sight for that matter, and earn another's love in return before the last petal fell, the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all eternity, or until he self-destructed. The prince wasn't really concerned about the curse, since he didn't have a vain bone in his body and didn't really care what he looked like. However, the others living in the castle were quite peeved about the thought of being enchanted forever just because the violence oriented prince didn't give a damn. As the months past, the castle residents fell into despair and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a beast? Especially a trigger happy one?

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The light of a beautiful spring dawn shone over a small cabin just outside of town. Muffled ringing followed by the sound of something suspiciously alarm clock sized object being smashed against a wall came from within the seemingly peaceful cottage. Moments later, the door was flung open, and a black clad boy with a long, chestnut braid bounced down the stairs. In his hands he idly clutched a battered, slightly singed, wicker basket that looked as if it had seen better days. As he flounced over to the small bridge that led to the town, he hummed a cheerful tune to himself. Within a few steps, he arrived at the main street of the town.

Suddenly, the windows of nearby houses were flung open and inanely bubbly people leaned out of them and sung, "Konichiwa!" as he passed. Mildly disturbed, the boy looked warily up at the villagers and quickened his pace down the street. He spotted the baker opening shop and wandered over to chat with him.

"Good day, Duo!" the jovial baker greeted him, waving with a loaf of half baked bread. Duo giggled madly as the still mushy dough oozed into the baker's orange hair.

"Good morning!" Duo chirped at the jolly man, then whipped out a battered looking, slightly charred comic book from the equally battered and burnt basket. "Hey, check this out! This is so great..." the boy gushed, and proceeded to ramble on about the comic's merits.

Sweatdropping, the baker looked at his watch, and noted that a good five minutes had passed. He glanced about, looking for an excuse to get back to work, when thankfully, a customer arrived. Fortunately, Duo got the hint, and bounced off.

"What a strange boy." the customer commented. The baker nodded in definite agreement, looking after the long haired boy.

As Duo passed by street vendors, people stopped to stare and stage whispered, sung actually, to each other. "There he goes that boy is strange, no question. His hair's too long, and he always wears blaa~ack. No denying he's a funny boy, that Duo."

Slightly more disturbed by the random acts of song, Duo hastily ran after, and hopped onto the back of a passing wagon. Even on the wagon he heard the townspeople singing amoungst themselves about him, and vaguely wondered just what the hell is going on.. Duo smiled cheerfully as the wagon rolled though the market where many people were dickering in song. This was starting to freak him out, and he was seriously considering just turning tail and bolting for the relative safety of his cabin, when he spotted the familiar sign of the book store.

Leaping off of the wagon, Duo hurried towards the store. The brass bell mounted above the doorway chimed as he entered. "Duo! Good morning!" the kindly shopkeeper said, hastily rising and walking over to greet him.

"Good morning!" Duo replied happily, digging around in his basket, "I've come to return the comic book I borrowed." The bookkeeper smiled gratefully, then his smile faltered slightly as the boy cheerfully displayed the battered comic in question. His bushy white eyebrows twitched as a charred black corner of the cover broke off and fluttered to the ground. "It was really great!" the braided boy gushed, oblivious, handing the poor, singed comic book to the old man.

The bookkeeper smiled meekly, while secretly looking around for a trashcan. "So, um, what brings you here today?" he asked, casually tossing the ruined comic into the trashcan, unbeknownst to Duo. "Duo?" he queried, looking around for the boy. Sweatdropping, he spotted him scrambling up his ladder and looking at the old comics at the top of his book shelves.

"Got anything new?" Duo asked anxiously, peering eagerly at the titles.

"Nothing since the last time you were here!" the bookkeeper replied, suddenly -very- thankful that he had hidden the new shipment of comics in the backroom, away from a certain boy's prying eyes.

Duo looked slightly disappointed, then brightened considerably, "That's okay!" The shopkeeper peered up at him nervously, knowing that tone of voice. His instincts proved correct as the chestnut haired boy displayed a mildly damaged comic book that he had borrowed several times before. Somehow the thing had managed to survive the destructive tendencies of the aforementioned boy only slightly scathed. "I'll just borrow this one! It's one of my favourites!"

Eyeing the book in question, the shopkeeper had a sinking feeling that he would never see it again. "Uh, why don't you just keep it?" he suggested.

Duo's eyes glimmered with unholy glee and his grin widened as he clutched the comic to him. "Oooh! Really?!" The bookkeeper smiled warmly at the delighted expression on the boy's face and nodded. Happily, Duo bounced out of the store, the sweet chime of the bell marking his exit.

As singing voices filled the air, Duo realized with a sinking, uneasy feeling that he was back out amoungst the townspeople who were hell bent on turning this into a musical. With a sigh of long suffering, he opened the comic book and started reading. Absently he wandered across the street, and into a game of double-dutch jump rope. He would have made it through unscathed, however, the end of his braid was caught in a passing rope, and he was yanked backwards. After becoming hopelessly tangled in the ropes, he toppled over and fell flat on his rear.

"Itai!" he griped, getting to his feet and retrieving his dropped comic and basket. Embarrassed, the black clad boy resisted the urge to rub the sore spot as people were already staring at him, and looked as though they might burst into song at any given moment. That moment just happened to be the next one.

"Look there he goes, he's so psychotic. Thinking that he's Death, and hair longer than a girl's. He's different than the rest of us, it's Duo!"

Duo ran.

Hiding around the corner of a house, he peered out nervously. This was way too weird. Now he remembered why he didn't go to town very often! Then something wet dribbled down the back of his neck. "Nani?" Duo looked up just in time to see a woman dump a bucket of freezing cold water out the window... and onto his turned up face. Sputtering indignantly, he fell backwards onto his rump, again.

"Uuhn... This isn't my day!" he whined, crawling over to a nearby fountain to sit down. Certainly out in the middle of the plaza, nothing could get him. Good cheer returning, Duo whipped out his comic book and settled down to read. Just then, a large flock of fluffy white sheep surrounded the fountain. A couple of the adorable creatures hopped up onto the rim of the fountain with him and peered at the comic book.

Suddenly, for some unknown reason, but possibly by the whim of certain writers... Duo felt an unreasonable, irresistable urge to... He burst into song, "Aa~ah, isn't this amazing! It's my favourite part because, you'll see. Hee~ere's where he self-destruu~ucts, but don't worry he's fine on page seventeen!" The sheep stared at him oddly before running off quickly. Blinking, Duo realized he had just sung to a bunch of sheep, and turned bright red, hurrying off in the direction of his cottage.

The people he passed stopped in their activities to comment, in song of course, "His beauty has no parallel, but I'm afraid he's rather odd. He's different than..."

Duo bolted.

Cut to a flock of ducks flying over head in a perfect V-formation. A shot rang out and one of the ducks plummeted to the ground. A short, fat, nameless sidekick type character who we shall assume is female stood under the falling duck with a bag held open. Of course, in the tradition of sidekicks, the bag was a little bit too far to the right, and the bird hit the ground -next- to her. She quickly grabbed it and stuffed it in the bag before scurrying off towards the shooter.

"Wow, Hirde!" she gasped, awe stricken as a good little sidekick should be, "You're the best hunter there is!"

"That's true." Hirde answered, tilting the riffle she held over her shoulder and turning to walk off.

The short, fat, nameless sidekick quickly scuttled after her, gushing, "No animal can escape you! Nothing! And no boy, for that matter!"

"That's true." she answered again, preening and pointing towards a figure running mindlessly down the street. "And that's the one. That's the lucky boy I'm going to marry! He's the prettiest boy in town, and that makes him the best!" Hirde peered down at her follower and scowled slightly, "And don't I deserve the best?!"

Nodding vigorously, the sidekick answered, "Of course! Of course you do!"

Then, suddenly, Hirde tilted her chin up and promptly broke into song, "Right from the moment that I met him, saw him, I said he's gorgeous and I fee~ell." The sidekick shifted nervously, looking up at her slightly strange behaviour, but, since bursting into song seemed to be all the rage these days, she shrugged and thought nothing of it. "In this town there's only he, who is beautiful as me, so I'm making plans to woe and marry Duo!" She sighed happily and struck a pose, then blinked as he walked right past her without giving her a second glance, mainly because he was once again peering at his comic book. Hirde instantly gave chase.

However, her way was soon blocked by a passing wagon. Annoyed, she skirted around it, then shoved aside the people who blocked her way. Finally, she spotted Duo, or rather the end of his long braid as he made a mad dash for the town limits. She started after him once again, but the crowd closed around her. "Out of my way!" she sang, "Please let me throo~ough!" The crowd parted for her. For about three seconds.

"Look there he goes, a boy who's strange, but special!" the townspeople chorused, once again moving in front of Hirde, blocking her path.

Duo, who was just ahead of the singing masses, nearly choked, then his eyes widened in horror as he once again felt the urge to burst into song. Without further ado, he tore down the street, away from the musically inclined villagers, and out of the insane musical number they were performing for some unknown reason.

Hirde nearly screeched in frustration, then leaped up onto nearby rooftops and ran after her chosen beloved. She caught up with him just as he was about to go over the bridge. "Hello Duo!" she said happily, sidling up to him.

He jumped and looked around, mildly distressed, then he realized it was just Hirde, "Oh, ohayo Hirde!" Duo clutched his comic book tighter.

Frowning slightly, Hirde snatched it from him and peered at it disapprovingly. "This stuff will rot your brain!" She tossed the comic into the mud, thoroughly ruining it beyond repair. "It's time you started thinking about more important things... Like me!"

The braided boy peered mournfully at the book, then back at Hirde. "Whacha mean?" he asked, blinking his wide violet-blue eyes at her.

Sweatdropping, Hirde tried a different approach, "Saa, Duo, want to go to a bar with me? I'll buy!"

Duo shook his head, waving absently in the direction of his cabin, "Nah, I'm cooking something, and I hafta get home to make sure it doesn't burn!"

From nowhere, the short, fat sidekick appeared and snorted, letting her opinion of Duo's cooking be known. The black clothed boy pouted, "Hey! I'm not that bad a cook!"

"Yeah!" Hirde whirled on the sidekick, defending Duo, "He's not a bad cook!"

Then, an explosion sounded in the direction of Duo's cabin. They turned in time to see black smoke pouring out the windows. Duo sweatdropped and ran off towards the cottage as Hirde and her sidekick burst into laughter.

This was definitely not his day.

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The peaceful dusk fell over the quaint, albeit, slightly burned, cabin. The stars sparkled into existence up above and the large pale moon cast its silvery rays upon the land. A faint, muffled, snoring sound from within the cottage broke the silent splendour of the night.

"What is that noise?" a guilty voice whispered, just outside the cabin..

"Quiet! Let's just get the horse and get out of here!" said another. Two dark shadows passed before the little cottage, heading in the direction the stable behind it. One shadow vaguely looked like some sort of antique clock, who, for some reason we know to be Wufei, while the other looked as though it were a three pronged candelabra, whom we know to be Trowa, by some quirk of the writers.

There's the stable." the candelabra whispered as they bounced, literally, towards the structure. They stood before the door, staring up at it and wondering just how they were supposed to open it. Fortunately for them, Duo wasn't very careful and the door was already slightly ajar. Smirking, the two household items shook their heads and gave it a shove.

The stable door creaked loudly as they entered the stable. They winced, and waited several long minutes to see if the loud noise had woken the slumbering boy within the cottage. The snoring continued, uninterrupted. Light flickered into existence as Trowa somehow lit one his waxy hands on fire, even though he didn't have a lighter or match. Wufei stood on a pile of straw, crossing his little brass arms, looking none too pleased about being there. For a moment they adjusted their eyes to the dim light, and then spotted their target in the corner; Duo's stallion, Shinigami, who slept peacefully in the stall in front of Trowa.

"Will you explain to me again, -why- we're stealing this horse?" Wufei asked, more than a bit peeved to be a part of such an unjust act as this.

Trowa sighed. Sometimes the justice oriented clock got on his nerves, so he chose his words carefully. "Because if we don't find some one to break this curse soon, we'll all be stuck as common household items forever!" he whispered matter of factly. Wufei did not look convinced. "It's a matter of honour!"

Conceding, Wufei grumbled a bit less vehemently, "Yeah, but why do we have to do this?! Can't we just ask?"

"Because it's in the script! That's why."

"Fine!"

Trowa hopped up a convenient stepladder nearby and onto the back of the slumbering black horse. He somehow managed to snag Shinigami's reigns from the post beside him and started putting them on.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Wufei asked a bit nervously, eyeing the animal, who was more than a little bit larger than himself.

"Hn!" Trowa snorted, letting it be known just how stupid of a question he thought that to be. Finishing his task, he held out a.. um... arm to help the annoyed clock up onto the stallion.

Shinigami woke with a start as Wufei's pointy wooden feet poked him in the back. His red eyes filled with rage and his nostrils flared. He let out a sharp whine and violently broke out of the stall. Trowa and Wufei clung desperately onto the black leather reigns for dear life as the horse thrashed about in an attempt to throw them. Wood chips and straw flew every were as Shinigami rampaged through the door and out into the open. Somehow, Duo managed to sleep through the entire thing.

The two, unfortunate, would be horse-nappers were quickly starting to doubt the effectiveness of their plan, when, suddenly, Shinigami bolted for the forest. As this was exactly what they wanted, they let out twin sighs of relief and hung on tightly.

Partway through the forest, the stallion and his passengers arrived at a fork in the road. One way led through a calm, peaceful section of forest, while the other went down a dark, spooky, suspiciously misty part. Shinigami had finally slowed down, and the two household items looked relieved. They peered at the two paths, knowing full well that they both led to the same place, the castle, and almost smiled. Their ordeal was almost over.

They tried to steer Shinigami onto the nice, pleasant path, which was not only shorter, but quite a bit safer. However, the stallion was having none of that. With another high pitched whine, the horse bolted off into the direction of the spooky forest. Like owner like horse, Shinigami was up for adventure. The candelabre and the clock groaned miserably, both having sinking feelings about this.

For several long minutes they tore down the dark, twisted path. Both household items were certain that something disastrous was going to happen, but nothing did. They relaxed a little bit as the cast iron gates of the castle came into view. Almost there! Then, a low growl rang through the forest.

"What was that?!" Wufei snapped, trying to focus on the blurred forest from his tentative perch. Shinigami came to a startling halt and Wufei was flung off the stallion's back, into the mud face first.

A pack of wolves materialized from out of the forest shadows to stand in their path, growling and barking at the large black horse. Having no fear, Shinigami promptly tread on one of the wolves' swishing tails. Unfortunately, the stallion also 'accidentally' stepped on Wufei while he was at it.

"ACK!" Wufei yelled at the same time the wolf yelped in pain. The injured wolf and the rest of the pack took one look at Shinigami's sparkling red eyes, turned tail, and ran back into the forest. Groggily climbing up the stallion's leg, Wufei just barely managed to grab onto the reigns as the horse took off down the path again. Shinigami hit the -thankfully- unlatched gates at a dead run, catching his black leather reigns on its ornate iron patterns. He slowed and once again came to a stop as the reigns and the two who were clinging to said reigns were wrenched off of him to clang against the gate.

Dropping from where they hung on the wrought iron, Trowa and Wufei hopped towards the large double entrance doors to the castle. Fortunately for them, Shinigami was immensely interested in the two weird little self moving household items now that they weren't poking their little pointy feet into his back. He trotted after them, sniffing at a rather flustered and annoyed Wufei.

Trowa tapped on the wooden doors, and instantly they swung open. Then a tiny teacup bounced into the doorway and peered out at them. A warm smile crossed his little porcelain mouth as he saw who it was.

"Oi, Quatre, what should we do with the horse?" Trowa asked softly, far more civil than he had been before. Wufei snorted and fidgeted as Shinigami tentatively nibbled on his arm.

Quatre blinked at the large black stallion that he hadn't noticed before, mainly because he had been staring at Trowa, but partially because it was hard to see a black horse at night. "Well, first of all, we should make the horse as comfortable as possible." he replied. "We should put him somewhere were Prince Heero will notice him. Why not in the huge comfy chair in the living room?" the little teacup suggested brightly.

Wufei and Trowa sweatdroped, but they agreed anyway. Together, they worked to get the temperamental horse inside, eventually using a wildly protesting Wufei as bait...

Prince Heero sat in his bedchamber, meticulously cleaning one of his guns, when the silence was broken by a loud thumping, whining, and copious quantities of swearing coming from below. Raising an eyebrow, he cocked the gun and marched down the stairs to see what was going in. He pinpointed the source of the noise as the living room. As Heero entered the room, he nearly dropped his gun in shock.

There, sitting in his favorite chair, was a large black horse, snuggling with a frantically flailing clock.

"Oh, look Heero! We got you a new horse! Isn't he pretty?" Quatre chimed innocently.

Heero rolled his eyes and tucked the gun into the back of his shorts. "Put him out in the stable with Wing and the rest of them." The prince stalked peevishly back up to his room, annoyed at having his quality time with his guns disturbed.

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Hirde and her short, fat sidekick peered through a break in the foliage at the slightly singed cabin where Duo lived. Behind them was an elaborate outdoor wedding party. Villagers milled about, waiting for the groom to appear. Turning to smile confidently at the group, Hirde proclaimed, "I'd like to thank you all for coming to my wedding. But first I better go in there and propose to the boy!" The crowd laughed boisterously but thankfully did not deem it necessary to sing at this point in time. She turned to her nameless sidekick, "Now, when Duo and I come out that door..."

"Yeah, I know! I know!" she chimed, "I strike up the band!" The sidekick turned and waved around a baton and music blared through the clearing; heavy metal wedding music...

Hirde sweatdropped, then shrugged, "Close enough." The sidekick cheerfully continued to conduct, and Hirde smacked her over the head and snapped, "Not yet, for crying out loud!" Without further ado, she strode up to Duo's house and rapped smartly on the door. Soot coated her knuckles and she absently rubbed them clean on her pants as she waited.

Moment later, the blackened door was flung open, nearly cracking Hirde in the face. Duo peered curiously out, then smiled at he saw Hirde standing there precariously tilted backwards out of range of the door. "Good morning, Hirde!" the braided boy chirped cheerfully, "What brings you here this morning?"

Grinning to herself, Hirde stepped into the house, forcing Duo back a few paces. "You know, Duo, there's not a boy in town that wouldn't love to be in your boots right now." Duo blinked cluelessly at her. "This is the day your dreams come true!" Hirde said with a broad smirk.

The black clad boy stared at her in confusion, "Whacha mean, Hirde?"

Gesturing with her hands, the girl continued as though he hadn't said a word, "Picture this : A beautiful new cottage, my latest kill roasting on the fire... My beautiful husband at my side, while the little ones play on the floor with the dogs. We'll have six or seven."

"Cottages?" Duo wondered, confused by the whole spiel.

Sweatdropping, Hirde forced a smile, "No, beautiful children, like us." She flashed him what she hoped was a convincing grin. "And do you know who that husband will be?" she asked the obvious question, leaning towards Duo in a flirtatious manner.

Oblivious, the long haired boy peered at her. "Kurama? Ranma? Tenchi!?" he guessed.

Hirde blinked, wondering if Duo was really that dense or if he was just faking it. And where was he coming up with these bizarre names anyway? "No, Duo, it's..."

"No, no, lemme guess!" he interrupted, bouncing up and down, his braid waving about wildly. His pretty face scrunched up in though for a moment, then he started rattling off random names, "Valgarv? Zenki? Ashura? Parn?! Oh! Oh! Kunzite? Is it Kunzite?!"

Losing her patience, Hirde snapped, "No, Duo, I mean -you-! Today is the day we're going to marrry, understand?!" She shoved him up against the door, nearly throttling him in her zeal.

Duo's bright violet eyes widened in shock and he stuttered, "Nani?! Wha- what do you mean, Hirde?" He knew he was repeating himself, but he had to stall.

"Marry me!" Hirde snapped, thoroughly out of patience. Eeping, Duo groped around behind him for the doorknob, grabbed it, and gave it a sharp twist. The chestnut haired boy quickly scrambled out of the way as Hirde was knocked off balance by the sudden movement. She toppled forward into a deep pool of mud, and Duo quickly slammed the door shut after her as the wedding band struck up their heavy metal song again.

A hand shot out of the mud pool and grasped the short, fat, nameless sidekick's throat. Seconds later, Hirde emerged, coated from head to toe with icy cold muddy water. "So, how did it go?" the sidekick choked out, trying to be cheerful.

"I will have Duo as my husband. Make no mistake about that." Hirde snapped, enraged and embarrassed, "He just needs time to -think- about it, okay?!" She flung tthe hapless sidekick into the chilly mud puddle and stalked off, wiping mud from her face.

Cut to the door to the cabin. "Is she gone?" Duo queried of a nearby chicken that had its head shoved in a bucket of feed. He grabbed the bucket and huffed down the stairs. Shoving his hand into the bucket, he flung out handfuls of corn for the chickens. "Why would Hirde wanna marry me?" he asked the ever growing group of chickens gathering at his feet. "I mean, she hardly knows me, and I don't love her! So why on earth would she wanna marry me?!" The chickens peered speculatively up at him and clucked thoughtfully.

Then, Duo suddenly felt the urge to break into angry song. Squeaking, he quickly dashed around the corner of the cabin, and promptly smashed his face into the swinging, broken door of the stable. Flung backwards by the force, Duo released the bucket of feed and it went flying into the air... and back down over his head. Yelping, the hapless boy dashed about madly, trying to remove the bucket from his head, as he could not see a thing. In his disarray, he tripped over a knotted tree root and came crashing to the ground. Fortunately, not only was Duo's head so hard that it didn't do him damage, but the fall also broke the bucket.

Just when Duo was counting his lucky stars, the hoards of chickens suddenly gave a predatorily, collective shriek, and jumped him. The boy screeched in horror and scrambled to his feet, belatedly realizing that now he had a whole bucketful of chicken feed in his hair, and thus becoming a large, walking gourmet feast. "GAH!" he shouted, running from the terrifying army of poultry advancing on him with hungry, slightly psychotic expressions. With a burst of energy born of sheer terror, Duo evaded the advancing chickens and made it into a wide open field just beyond the cabin.

Gasping, he flung himself on the ground and started picking the corn from his beloved braid. With a sigh of long suffering, the chestnut haired boy leaned back and gazed up into the vivid blue sky. Absently, he wondered if anyone could ever understand him. He needed adventure and excitement, and he did -not- mean being chased around by ravenous chickens in the morning. Stretching, he sat up and looked around. Duo was about to stand up and go back to the house, when he heard an ever loudening 'zoom'ing sound headed in his direction. Suddenly, something collided squarely with his chest at a high velocity, and he was knocked backwards several feet, and unconscious.

Minutes later, Duo blinked dazed violet eyes and slowly focused on a fluffy black and white creature sitting on his chest. Inanely, he noted that it was a little bunny rabbit. Then he realized that it was gumming on his hair. HIS HAIR?! The boy shot up instantly, causing the cute fluffy bunny to fall to the ground with a soft 'uhf'. "GAAAH! MY HAIR!!" Duo cried, frantically rubbing the bunny drool from the shining chestnut locks.

Once he was satisfied that his hair was once again restored it its natural, droolless state, the black clad boy peered down at the little black and white fluffy bundle of joy happily glomped onto his right leg. There was a small note attached to its left ear. Curiosity overwhelmed him once again, and he reached down to snatch up the paper.

"We have kidnapped your horse, Shinigami. Follow the rabbit, or you will never see him again!" it read, literally.

Duo blinked, startled, wondering just how where the voice that had read the note came from. Then an evil thought came to him, and he looked at the note again.

"We have kidnapped your horse, Shinigami. Follow the rabbit or you will never see him again!" it read again. The boy giggled madly and did this again several times, then looked down to see that the rabbit was wielding a microphone. Sweatdropping, Duo tucked away the note, deciding this was just a little too strange for him.

"Oh, well, lead the way, bunny man!" he declared, "I wanna get my Shinigami back A.S.A.P.!"

The rabbit nodded, then shot off down the forest path. Duo blinked, "Matte! Hey! Wait for me!!!" He ran after the little black and white bunny, braid snapping out behind him as he went.

When he finally caught up with the speeding bundle of cuteness at a fork in the road, he gasped, "Hey! Slow down, man!" Duo wrapped his arms around his stomach and gave the bunny what he sincerely hoped was a pitiful look with shimmery violet eyes. "Plee~ease?" He paused in his act to look at the two paths branching off of the road they were on. One was a dark, dreary, and exciting looking path, while the other one looked all shiny and peaceful.

Rolling its oh so adorable eyes, the bunny hopped off down the nice looking path at a considerably slower pace this time. Duo cast a longing glance at the dangerous path, then sighed, and followed after the rabbit.

Several sickeningly peaceful and serene minutes later they arrived at the tall, ominous wrought iron gates before the castle. Eyes widening, Duo rushed forward and grabbed the thin black leather reigns hanging from the gate. "Shinigami!" he yelled, throwing himself at the iron work intending to forcibly shove them open. The gates gave way easily as they were not locked, and Duo flew forward and flat on his face.

Grumbling, he shoved himself to his feet and looked around. His bunny guide was gone. Slightly perturbed, Duo shrugged and wandered up to the wooden doors at the castle's entrance. He was about to knock when a thought occurred to him. Why should he go along with the randsomers' plans when he could just break Shinigami out of the stables?! Duo grinned wickedly to himself and snuck around the outside of the castle to the elaborate stables in the back.

Carefully easing the door open, he peered inside. No one was there. He reached out and grabbed a conveniently close candelabre and it flared into light. Duo nearly dropped it in surprise, but shrugged, as stranger things had happened recently. The black clad boy scanned the large stable and spotted his beloved Shinigami sleeping in the back next to a stark white stallion. Overjoyed, he bounced over to the large black horse and pet his head reassuringly. Shinigami opened his bright red eyes and happily snorted as he saw his Duo.

Duo smiled warmly at the stallion, then grimaced as he saw the heavy iron chain running from his hind leg to the wall. "Oh, man!" he griped, digging around in his pockets for lock picking tools. Swearing under his breath, he realized that he had left them at home under his pillow. "Oh, well." Duo whipped out a small hand gun from who knows where and aimed at the chain. "Hold still, Shinigami!" The horse's eyes widened and he sweatdropped, giving Duo a 'you have -got- to be kidding' look. The braided boy smiled psychotically and pulled the trigger.

As expected, the bullet cracked through the iron chain, releasing Shinigami. However, it also woke all the other horses. Looking slightly embarrassed for not thinking things through, as usual, Duo flung open the stall door and ushered the black stallion out.

Suddenly, a hand shot out and painfully grasped his left arm. "Omae o korosu." a voice growled behind him. Duo eeped as he felt the barrel of a gun pressed against the back of his neck.

"Er, uuh, can't we talk about this?!" the braided boy suggested tentatively. "I just came to get my horse back, you see. He was horse-napped and I got a ransom note, and..."

"Shut up!" the person holding him demanded angrily, twisting his arm around backwards and shoving him up against the wooden stall door. "No one steals from me!"

Duo glared uselessly at the wood his face was pressed against and yelled in outrage, "Shinigami is -my- horse! You can't have him!" He yelped again as he heard and felt the safety of the gun pressed against his neck released. "Hey! You stole him from -me- not the other way around!"

Then from a bit further behind him, there came a soft scuffling sound. "Wait, Heero!" a gentle boy's voice called, "Don't hurt him! Plee~ease?" Duo felt his arm being released and sagged to his knees on the floor. "Oh, can't we let him stay for a while? We never get any visitors..." he heard the faint plea going further off into the distance away from him. A low growled answer met the question, and then there was silence.

"Hey!" a voice called from next to him. He looked down to see an antique clock standing beside the candelabre he had dropped before. "Yeah, if you want to get your horse back, you have to stay here!" the clock proclaimed. Duo stared blankly, stunned at a talking household item. Shinigami, however, had no such reservations and happily slobbered on the clock. "ACK!" Wufei yelped, hiding behind the not so great protection of Trowa.

"You have to stay for a few months, and then you and that damned horse can leave!" he shouted, glowering at the stallion, who simply fluttered his black eyelashes at him. Muttering something about his unjust treatment, the antique clock hopped off and far away from the salivating horse.

The braided boy considered it a moment, looking between his beloved Shinigami and the candelabre who was staring expectantly at him, then shrugged. "Fine." he said cheerfully, "As long as I get my Shinigami back, I can wait!"

Trowa nodded and hopped off, "Come with me. I'll show you to your room."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Duo peered at the huge four poster bed with manic glee. "Sugoi!" he cried, taking a running leap onto the mattress. As expected, he went sailing up into the air and bounced a few times on the comfy bed. The braided boy giggled madly and flopped back onto the bed, kicking his feet in delight. "This is the best!"

"Hello!" a sweet voice asked from the general vicinity of the door. Stopping his amusing display, Duo peered over to see a little pink porcelain tea cup smiling up at him. "We're so happy to have you staying with us!" the cup chimed, hopping up to him. "My name is Quatre. Would you like some tea?"

The black clad boy grinned broadly at the little teacup and shook his head, "Nah, I prefer coffee, myself!" He hopped down and gently picked up Quatre, "My name's Duo! This place is soo~o neat! I mean, I've never been in anywhere this big before!" Duo's smile widened, "Who all owns this place anyway? That guy from before?"

Quatre nodded hesitantly, then opened his little mouth to speak, when the door was flung open. Instinctively Duo reached out, grabbed the nearest object, and flung it at the intruder. Unfortunately, it was Wufei, however, luckily for him, it was only a down feather pillow. Fluffy white feathers flew every which way as the pillow exploded on contact.

Wufei sputtered then glowered up at him as Duo blinked wide, innocent violet eyes, "Dinner is served."

Duo perked up at the mention of food, then instantly frowned. He looked down at his appearance and a small moue appeared in his forehead. His clothes were ruined and his hair was an absolute mess. Torn between hunger and vanity, vanity won out. "Naa~ah," he sighed, "I don't think I'm hungry."

"You have to!" the antique clock snapped, "It is dishonourable to turn down such an offer." Inwardly he winced, as he failed to mention that Heero was also refusing to go to dinner. Catching the slight change in Wufei's features, Quatre gave a little porcelain pout and hopped off to have words with the prince.

"But I can't go!" Duo wailed, flapping his arms about wildly, "Just look at me! I'm a mess, and I don't have anything to wear!"

"Try looking in the damned closet!" Wufei bit out.

The flailing boy calmed down a bit and pranced over to the closet. Flinging open the door, he promptly facevaulted. "AAAARG!" rang through the castle walls.

"I am not going." Heero snapped, not even bothering to look at the little teacup standing in his doorway. He continued to inspect his riffle. Quatre made little forlorn sniffling noises in the background. "I said no!"

"Plee~ease!" the little porcelain teacup pleaded sweetly, "This may be the last chance at breaking this curse. You have to at least try!"

The prince turned cold cobalt eyes on Quatre. "I don't care about the curse." he grit out through his clenched teeth.

A single tear rolled down the porcelain teacup's light pink cheek. "Please, Heero? For us...?"

No one in the universe could possibly resist the full force of Quatre's pleading. "Fine." Prince Heero snarled, 'hmph'ing loudly. Quatre's big blue eyes sparkled happily, and one almost had to wonder if the teacup was more manipulative than he seemed. Without another word, he bounced out towards the room where Duo was staying, with Heero in tow.

Faint whining was heard from within. Shrugging, the prince banged loudly on the door, "Come down to dinner now."

"I don't wanna!" a voice wailed from inside the room amidst muffled thumps and squeaks. "I don't have anything to wee~ear! There's nothing but spandex, spandex, SPANDEX!"

Frowning darkly, Heero snapped at the door, "Come out now, or I'll break down the damned door!"

"Fine with mee~e!" the cheeky voice chirped in a sing song voice, "It's your door, not mine!"

Snarling with impatience, Heero growled, "I'LL SHOOT YOU IF YOU DON'T COME OUT RIGHT NOW!" There was a loud thump from within, then silence.

Quatre peered warily up at the prince and coughed slightly. Heero glowered down at him. "Um... I don't think that... that is the best way to win him over..." he said tentatively, "And remember, it's shooting people for no reason that got us in this mess in the first place..."

"Fine. Let him starve then." were Heero's only words as he stomped off.

Trowa appeared beside Quatre and gave him a reassuring smile. "We'll stay here in case the boy comes out. In the mean time..." The teacup giggled softly as the two of them hopped off behind the nearby curtains...

Heero flung open the doors to a dusty room and stormed in. "I ask politely and what does he do?! REFUSES!" He stomped over to a beautiful iron wrought table where upon stood the enchanted black rose floating in a crystal display. It glowed faintly crimson and several ebony petals lay upon the table top. Beside it rested an ornate silver mirror.

Snatching up the mirror, Heero demanded, "Show me that baka!" Blue magic mists swirled over the shining surface before revealing the guest room. For a few moments the prince could see nothing but flying goose feathers, before they finally settled and he got his first glimpse of Duo... smacking the unfortunate Wufei across the face with a pillow.

"Hn!" he grunted. The boy was certainly very pretty, even with his long, long braid slightly mussed with leaves and feathers in it. Heero -supposed- he wasn't all that bad of a potential... mate... He really was quite nice to look upon, and he seemed to like guns as well. The prince shrugged. *Might as well give it a try...* he thought. *For Quatre and the others, of course...* he quickly amended.

Cut to the curtain outside of Duo's room. Three softly glowing lights could be seen through the dark blue fabric. The sound of porcelain hitting brass and wax could be heard from behind it.

"Oh no!"

"Oh yes!"

"Oh no!"

"Oh yes!"

"OH YES! YES! YES!!" [All Eyodius' fault!]

The door to Duo's room creaked open for a few seconds, then was flung open full force. Out ran a scuffed up looking Wufei. Shortly after, the chestnut haired boy emerged with an insane grin on his face and a pillow clutched in one hand.

From behind the curtain, faint scurrying sounds were heard, then Trowa and Quatre emerged. Quatre was giggling slightly, and while Trowa wasn't quite smiling, he certainly looked pleased with himself. Duo cast them a knowing smirk, before bounding down the hallway after Wufei. At a slower pace, the other two house hold items followed in his wake.

Duo crept up silently behind the unsuspecting antique clock who leaned against the wall, most likely thinking that he had lost the boy. With a delighted cackle, he pounced on Wufei and held him up by the arms. "Hee~ey!" he smiled endearingly at the clock, "Is there anything to eat around here?"

Wufei uselessly flailed his little wooden feet about for a moment, then scowled and said nothing.

"Aw..." Duo sniffled for a moment, then got a wicked gleam in his violet eyes, "Ya know," he began innocently, "Shinigami sure seems to like you." Wufei froze, eyes wide, but still refused to say a word. "I'm certain he would just -ll~love- it if he had you to snuggle with!"

"You wouldn't..!!" the antique clock choked out indignantly. The braided boy nodded cheerfully. "FINE!" he snapped, struggling again, "The kitchen is down the stairs to the right. But nothing's cooked, so I don't know what you expect to find there!"

Grinning happily, Duo dropped Wufei, who landed with a thump on the floor. "That's okay!" he replied cheerfully, "I'll cook something!"

Wufei suddenly had a sinking feeling as he watched the manic braided boy skip off down the stairs. He wandered after him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Duo carefully adjusted the gas knobs on the stove, then dug around in his pocket. With a triumphant laugh, he whipped out a lighter. The three enchanted common household items looked on with growing unease. Flicking his thumb, he lit the gas and it went up in a huge fireball. "Very cool!" the braided boy cheered, oblivious to the wide eyed stares of the aforementioned house hold items. He hummed a jaunty tune as he rummaged around in the cupboards for pots and pans.

"Aha!" he shouted, pulling out several large skillets and mixing bowls. With careless abandon, Duo tossed them onto the nearest counter, causing a great clatter and ringing to echo through the kitchen. Happily, the psychotic boy grabbed a large sack of flour and peered at it quizically, as if unsure of how to properly open it. Before Quatre could explain, however, Duo simply grabbed onto either side of it, and yanked.

A veritable cloud of flour exploded in Duo's surprised face, obscuring everything from view for a few very white moments. Soon, it settled, and everything was coated in a fine, white powder. Duo gave an adorable little cough, them blinked his wide violet eyes a few times. Then, a huge grin split his pale face and he poured what little was left of the sack into the nearest bowl. "Hhmmm," he mused, looking about, "Where are the eggs?" When he got no response, he scanned the area for the others, but saw only a sea of white. Shrugging, he flounced over to something vaguely refrigerator shaped and flung it open. "There they are!" he beamed, grabbing a whole carton of them.

Spining around on his heel, Duo instantly dumped them all, shells included, into the flour. Grabbing a large wooden mixing spoon, he gleefully smashed what few remaining whole eggs in the bowl to bits, then started stirring vigourously. Bits of shell and dough flew everywhere as he danced around the kitchen.

Several minutes, and several bowls of batter later, the grinning braided boy whipped out a skillet and slammed it down onto the burner. Sparks flew every which way, but Duo failed to notice as he twirled around and grabbed his latest bowl of batter. Around him, the kitchen was in a state of complete and utter chaos. Broken bowls, bits of egg shell, an empty bottle of milk, and several additional bags of flour lay carelessly strewn about. Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei stood quailing behind a cupboard far to the right of the manic boy. They were still flour encrusted, and peered warily at the now brightly glowing red pan on the stove.

Humming to himself, Duo cheerfully slopped the batter into the insanely hot skillet. It instantly burst into flames. Completely disregarding the flames, he dropped the bowl, which thankfully did not shatter, and grabbed the relatively cool handle of the pan. With deft ease, he flipped the flaming pancake like thing into the air. The others held their breath as it spun through the air, and then released it in a whoosh as the flying batter landed safely in the skillet once more.

"Um... Duo...? I don't think that's supposed to be on fire..." Quatre began tenatively.

Duo whirled around just as he was beginging a second flip of the pankcake. "Do you..." he started, then yelped as his turn changed the direction in which the batter was flung. He watched, wide eyed, as it flew in a graceful, almost poetic arch towards the unsuspecting Wufei.

"GAAAAH!" the clock shrieked as the flaming pancake collided squarely with his face. He wobbled precariously on the edge of the counter, then tottered off. Wufei yelled as he fell, and sank into a pile of gooey batter on the floor.

The flaming pancake, however, attached itself to the very flamable cupboard. Instantly, fire caught to the nice, convinient wood. Duo gave a tiny 'eep' as massive flames roared up around, as apparently the batter mixture he had concocted was quite flamable as well. Then suddenly, faint instrumental music started up. The braided boy blinked, and whipped around, trying to find the source, when a single spotlight appeared out of nowhere and shone onto Trowa and Quatre.

There was a dramatic pause, and both looked vaguely surprised to be standing there, striking a pose while the kitchen burned down around them. Then they both opened their mouths and... broke into song. "Run away, run away, Duo's cooking, start to pray! Flames are growing all around, minna, don't pause to catch your breath."

Duo stared at them in shock, then dashed to the closest door.

"Oh thank god, there's the door! But it only leads to more! Try the window, it should open!" The braided boy complied. "Hurry raise it!" But.. "Damn, its broken! We can run, we can hide, but we know we'll soon be fried! Now where's the fool who said Duo could cook?!" Duo looked around suspiciously for Wufei. "Go on and save yourselves! Jump over burning shelves, and run away, yes away, run away!" Trowa and Quatre sang the last in a perfect harmony.

Staring at them as though they had grown two heads, and they just might have, Duo practically screamed, "WHAT THE HELL?! THE KITCHEN IS BURNING, AND YOU START SINGING?!?!" He raced over and grabbed the two of them, bolting for a non-flaming door. Just as he made it out, the kitchen exploded.

Duo flattened himself against the hallway floor as flames roared over his head. He remained prone for several moments, then was yanked to his feet by his braid. "YEAOW!!!" he screeched, glaring at his assailant. Blinking, he rubbed his eyes, and looked again. A very beastly, very pissed off Heero stood before him, painfully tugging on his scalp. "Woah...:" he managed to say, "You look really cool!"

Heero blinked, stunned for a moment, then released him. "What were..." he started, but was interupted by the braided maniac.

"Wow, what the hell was in the kitchen?!" Duo wondered, whistling low at the damage now that the smoke had cleared, "Looks like there were a bunch of grenades, or a couple of C4 explosives!"

Prince Heero looked almost as if he was going to laugh, that is, if he wasn't Heero of course. "Only a few..." he murmured, surveying the area with an indifferent gaze.

"Um..." the little teacup, coughed descretely. All eyes turned to him. "Um... Isn't Wufei... Where -is- Wufei?" Duo eeped again and scraambled into what was left of the kitchen. A faint, but still audible stream of cursing was coming from a charred loaf of bread on the floor. Smirking, he reached for it. As soon as his fingers touched the bread, it disintegrated, leaving only a singed antique clock with a -really- pissed off expression behind.

Before Wufei could manage anything more than a sputter, as mad as he was, Duo grinned gleefully at him, "Now Shinigami will love you even more now that you're a snack treat!"

Wufei's cry echoed through the castle, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" followed by Duo's wicked laughter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"And here we have a portrait of man with a grenade." Quatre announced, nodding at yet another picture on the wall. Duo peered at it obligingly, and stifled a yawn. He scrubbed the back of his hand across his eyes and tried to figure out how this picture differed from the last one he had seen. Ah, the hair was a bit different. The poor, bored boy cast a furtive glance at Trowa, hoping that maybe he would be able to get him out of this, but the candelabre was too busy staring at Quatre to even notice him.

On their way to the next picture, they passed an ominous set of stairs spiraling up past the next floor. Intrigued, Duo peered up them and saw a single door at the end. Looking after the two enchanted house hold items making their way down the hall, oblivious to the fact that he was not with them anymore, the braided boy shrugged, and bounded up the stairs. At the end, as he had seen before, was a large, heavy oak door. Curious, he tried to twist the knob, only to find it quite locked.

A small crease graced his forehead as he dug around in his pocket. With a cry of victory, he whipped out a makeshift lockpick he had acquired earlier. Humming to himself, he inserted it into the lock and jiggled it about. Soon after he heard the tell tale click of the latch and turned the knob again. This time, the heavy door swung open with an audible creak. Duo tried to muffle the sound, as it was really quite loud, but it didn't work.

Slipping through the doorway, he considered trying to shut the door silently behind him, but decided against it and simply left it. Whistling softly to himself, he peered into the dark, empty room. As he took a step, his feet kicked up a multitude of dust. "Gah!" he sneezed quietly, irritably brushing the insidious grey substance from his clothes and braid. He edged further into the room, then spotted a faint hint of crimson light off to one side. Raising an eyebrow, he bounced over to what he recognized as a balcony. On the balcony was a small table, and upon it was a crystal display case. Within floated a beautiful black rose, glowing a brilliant red.

"Oh, wow..." Duo murmured, staring entranced at it. The thing was exquisite in its beauty and perfection. A low click of claws on the floor alerted him to Heero's presence beside him. He cast a sideways glance at the beastly prince and asked, "May I touch it?"

Heero shrugged, "Hn. I don't care." His dark brown fur was tinged faintly red from the glowing of the rose, but his eyes were still vivid blue as he looked at Duo.

Delighted, the black clad boy carefully grabbed the crystal cover and slowly lifted it off. The rose still floated a few inches off of the table's surface. Placing the cover on the table top beside the rose, Duo stared at the enchanted black rose. "It's beautiful..." Ever so slowly, he reached a hand out to grasp it. Suddenly, something hard collided with his side and he was violently shoved over onto Heero. "UHF!" he cried, landing hard on his hip. Instantly he whipped out a gun and pointed it at his assailant. The prince did the same.

Wufei sat shock still on Duo's stomach, focused on the two firearms aimed directly at his face. The two blinked, then sweatdropped as they realized who it was. With a growl of annoyance, the clock glowered at Duo, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU COULD HAVE DONE?!" Duo blinked at him uncomprehending. "DIDN'T WE TELL YOU NEVER TO GO INTO THE WEST WING?!" he snarled, enraged.

"Uh, no..." the black clad boy stuttered, sitting up. He absently flicked dust off of himself as he blinked at the really pissed off expression growing on the antique clock's face.

"Well, I..." Wufei started to yell, then turned red in the face, whether from embarrassment or anger was unclear. "GAH!" he tried to stomp off, but with little wooden clock feet, he could only manage a harsh form of hopping at best.

"Huh." Duo huffed, jumping to his feet. He offered a hand to Heero, who was still sitting on the floor. For a moment, the beast prince started at his hand as though it were a snake, or some unknown thing, then took it, and allowed himself to be pulled up. "Guess I ought to put this back, ne?" the braided boy smirked, carefully replacing the crystal cover over the glowing black rose.

Duo turned and smiled at Heero. After a few moments of silent staring, the prince shifted uneasily, wondering why the longhaired boy was grinning at him like an idiot. At last, he was about to open his mouth to ask, when he was cut off. "Duo! Duo!" Quatre shouted breathlessly, hopping toward them, "Wufei let Shinigami out into the forest! And there are wolves out there!!"

"What?!" he yelped, "Shinigami!" Duo jumped up and bolted for the door. A great scrambling was heard as he pelted down the long stairs.

Heero stared after him, then shrugged and went back to stargazing. The little teacup frowned slightly, "You know, he might not be safe out there." No response. "There -are- wolves out there."

"So, what?" the beast muttered, "I'm sure he can take care of himself."

Quatre huffed and tried one last time, "But, he could be hurt!"

With a low growl, the prince turned to glare at the pink teacup. "Hn. Fine." He grumbled to himself and stalked out of the room.

The teacup allowed himself a smug grin, before following.

Flinging open the huge iron wrought gates guarding the castle, Duo instantly spotted Shinigami's large hoofprints in the faint dusting of snow that had fallen while he was inside. Worried, he ran off in the direction of the tracks.

Fortunately he didn't have far to go. Unfortunately, when he found his beloved Shinigami, the stallion was fending off at least a dozen wolves. He was managing to keep the wolves at bay, but it was obvious that he couldn't get away with them there. With a feral cry, Duo whipped out his gun and fired at the wolves. His bullets hit true, and two of the creatures fell, but he was now out of ammo, as he hadn't had a chance to change the clip.

"K'so!" he swore, grabbing up a fallen branch and diving into the fray. Duo started kicking and bashing the wolves away from his Shinigami, but there were just too many of them. One wolf latched onto his passing boot and yanked him to the ground. Instantly, the wolves pounced on him, and Duo's violet eyes grew huge as saucers as a set of jaws descended on his neck.

Then, the wolves were violently flung off of him with startled yips of pain. Blinking, Duo looked up to see Heero standing there, glaring down at him. Suddenly, a wicked claw raked down his arm. Growling, he turned back to the pack. In one, fluid motion, the beast prince pulled out a gun and blew away the nearest six wolves. The rest of the pack seemed to get the clue and ran off before any more of them could be killed.

"Woah! Very cool!" Duo gushed, hopping to his feet. Shinigami sidled over and nudged him with his nose. The braided boy absently snuggled the huge black horse, then looked him over to make sure he was unharmed. Of course, nothing could hurt his Shinigami. Smirking, Duo jumped up onto his back and swung him around and edged over to where Heero stood. With a smile, he reached down and pulled the mildly protesting beast up onto Shinigami's back. "Thanks," the black clad boy smiled back at him as he spurred the black stallion back to the castle. Heero snorted, but almost returned the smile, almost.

"Hey!" Duo cried, "Where do you think you're going?!" He worked up a glare and stood in front of Heero, blocking his way. "You're hurt!"

The prince growled, and shoved the braided boy to the side, "I can take care of it myself." Heero stomped off towards his room. Trowa and Quatre stood to one side, watching the exchange, curious as to how it would turn out.

"Don't give me that!" the black clad boy retorted, standing in front of him again, waving around an ace bandage with one hand, "You were hurt protecting me and my Shinigami! It's the least I can do!"

Heero glowered, "Omae o korosu."

"Yeah, whatever. Come on." Duo insisted, grabbing one of Heero's furry ears and dragging him off to the nearest bathroom. The two enchanted common household items sucked in their breath. Duo was going to die. Heero snorted, and simply let himself be pulled. Trowa and Quatre stared in shock, then Quatre giggled. Swapping knowing looks, the two of them followed after the bouncing braided boy and the beast prince. This psychotic matchmaking escapade might just work after all...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heero stood half leaning on the balcony watching the scene below. Trowa, Quatre, and a sullen looking Wufei stood on the balcony beside him. Below, Duo romped gleefully in the snow chasing after Shinigami's waging tail. The huge black stallion flitted playfully from one end of the courtyard to the other. Poor Duo ended up in the snow most of the time, while Shinigami almost seemed to laugh at him.

Fingering the ace bandage around his arm, Heero peered down at the laughing braided boy. "I want to do something for that baka." he murmured unexpectedly. He cocked an eyebrow at the three enchanted household items, "any suggestions?"

Trowa looked thoughtful, "Maybe some chocolates perhaps?"

"No, no," Quatre said sweetly, then went all dewy eyed, "What you need is a beautiful candle lit dinner with just the two of you..." He blushed as thoughts of spending 'quality alone time' with the candelabre came to mind.

They all looked at Wufei, who snorted contemptuously. "I think you should just shoot him." he muttered grouchily.

The beast thought a moment, then his eyes lit up and he smiled faintly, "That's it!" Wufei looked ecstatic. Trowa raised an eyebrow at the clock, then whispered something in his ear, and he wilted. Wufei looked questioningly up at Heero, who was already rushing out the door, and sulked.

Cut to Duo and Heero standing in front of a set of huge double doors. Duo was blindfolded with several scarves that were a lii~ittle bit too snug, and he looked vaguely like he was going to either trip, or keel over. Heero waved his paw in front of Duo's face to see if he could see. Just to be sure, he whipped out a gun and aimed it squarely at the middle of his forehead. Nothing. Assured that the braided boy was either too blinded or simply too out of it to see, he flung open the doors.

Ushering the braided boy in, Heero left him in the centre of the room, teetering precariously on his feet. Quickly, the prince rushed to the windows and flung open the curtains. Instantly, the room was flooded with light. Heero hurried back over to Duo, and caught him before he fell completely over. After several attempts, he finally managed to pull all the scarves off the poor, lightheaded boy.

It took Duo a few minutes to recover both his senses and his sight, but when he did, he gasped. "Oh my God! I've never seen so many guns in my life!" He spun around, craning his head, trying to see all the various guns neatly held on racks all the way up to the ceiling.

"Do you like it?" Heero asked a bit anxiously.

Duo turned his ecstatic expression on the beast. "I love it!"

"Well, then... you can... you can... help me clean them... if you want..." he mumbled, staring at the floor.

"I'd love to!" the braided boy cried, glomping the prince. Heero blushed bright red and feebly attempted to dislodge the clinging Duo. This did not work, of course, because Duo was worse than seran wrap.

"Well that went well!" Quatre commented brightly, snuggling closer to Trowa. The candelabre nodded, and smiled warmly down at the teacup. They stood with Wufei just outside the gunroom, spying on the two.

Wufei grumbled and turned away. "I still think he should have shot him." he muttered darkly, hopping away.

Heero and Duo crouched outside of the castle, in the courtyard. Duo was wearing a heavy black velvet cloak that Quatre had scrounged up for him, while Heero was still wearing his spandex shorts. In the background, music played softly, probably coming from the two enchanted household items playing their instruments on the balcony above. After all, this -is- a musical, dammit!

Duo fished around in his pockets and pulled out several fistfuls of birdseed. With psychotic glee, he flung it about, and instantly, a flock of colourful birds descended on it. Giggling madly, he shoved another fistful into Heero's palm. The prince peered down at it oddly, then shrugged and held out his paw.

The little cute birds took one look at him, and flew off in horror. Glaring in annoyance, Heero whipped out a 44 semi-automatic from his black spandex shorts and threatened the poor, helpless little birdies.

"Ack!" Duo yelped, grabbing Heero's arm, "No, no, no." He pried the gun from his paws and tucked it into his pocket. Digging around for another handful of birdseed, he dropped the feed into Heero's paws again.

Cheerfully, Duo thrust Heero's paws out and held them still. Heero twitched futily, but Duo held him in an iron grip, and he would have to hurt the boy to get free. Slowly, but surely, the birds returned. One adventurous blue bird in particular hopped onto his paws and pecked at his fingers. The prince tried to pull away, but again, Duo held him there, smiling gleefully. The boy was blissfully unaware of the birds attacking Heero's paws.

Suddenly, Duo felt the irresistible urge to burst into song. Horrified, he let go of Heero's paws, accidentally sending birdseed all over the beast, and ran off to hide behind a tree.

Peering oddly in the direction the braided boy had bolted off in, Heero's eyes widened as he, too, felt the urge to break into song. In his head, he started to sing to the melody provided by Quatre and Trowa **He's kind of cute; I like the braid. And when we cleaned the guns together it was fun! But it can't be, I'll just ignore... But no one's ever cleaned my guns that way befoo~ore!** Blinking, Heero wondered what the hell just happened...

Duo pressed his back up against the tree, gasping for breath. However, you can't hide from a musical and it hit him. **Aa~ack! Oh my God, I'm singing! Oh, well, at least Heero can't hear mee~e!** he sang in his head, peering around the tree to look at the prince. He giggled madly as he saw the adorable little birds attacking him. One pecked at his nose, while the others went for his fur and ears. **Truu~ue, he's not exactly nii~ice, but at least he looks real cool, and he has lots of guu~uns!**

Once again, Heero burst into song... only this time, out loud! "Oh, damn these birds! Just go away, or I'll get maa~ad!" Duo's eyes widened, then he broke out into hysterical laughter. Heero whipped around and glowered. "It's not funny! Don't you dare laugh!" he sang. The braided boy collapsed on the snowy ground giggling madly and gasping for breath. "Or I'll be forced to beat the living snot from yoo~ou!" Heero finished, then turned bright red as finally realizing he had just sung that whole number out loud. Then, a snowball collided with his face. Psychotic laughter floated from behind the tree.

Giggling to himself, Duo packed little rocks into the snowballs he was making and looked back to survey his target. He found himself looking down the barrel of a BB gun. Yelping, he jumped out of the way just as a barrage of ice pellets hit the spot where his butt had just been.

A slightly bizarre snowball fight ensued.

Cut to the living room where a huge fire blazed in the fireplace, reminding everyone of Duo's little kitchen incident. Heero sat in one of the huge comfy chairs, and Duo sat in his lap. At first, Heero wasn't too pleased with this, but again, he couldn't dislodge the boy, so he put up with it. Besides, if Duo moved his hand juu~ust a little further down... ANYWAY...

They happily cleaned Heero's guns. Duo snuggled closer, polishing the trigger of the gun he held, when suddenly it went off. An indignant shriek was heard nearby, and they looked over to see Wufei standing very still and a bullet hole in the wall a mere centimetre from his head.

"Oops!" Duo eeped, burrowing deeper into Heero's lap. The other two enchanted household items snickered, and dragged Wufei off, sputtering and cursing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heero cursed softly as he fiddled with the shower head. No matter what he did, no water would come out. Growling, he punched it. Still nothing.

"Ah, ah, aa~ah!" a cheerful, tinkling voice caroled from behind him. The prince whipped around to see the oh so sweet Quatre standing there on the counter, with a wrench and other such plumbing tools. "Today, you take a bath!"

The beast gave him a nasty glare, but the little pink teacup simply smiled and hopped over. With a quick flick of his handle, he turned on the bath faucet. Soon, the tub was filled to the brim with hot, rose scented water, with little pink bubbles floating around in it. Heero gave the bath the Yuy Glare of Death™, but the pink tinted, flower smelling water refused to disappear. Quatre gestured broadly for him to get in. Sighing, the prince decided that humouring the teacup would be better than dealing with an upset Quatre.

Stripping off the ever present spandex shorts, Heero plunged himself into the water. His eyes widened impossibly as he bit back a yelp. The water was HOT. Quatre, however, was oblivious, and blissfully unaware that the poor beast was boiling in the tub. With quick efficiency, Heero scrubbed himself clean, then hopped out of the bath before turning completely into dinner. He looked around for the towels, but had a sinking feeling.

"Ah, ah, aa~ah!" Quatre sang out again. Heero turned to see the little pink teacup sitting by a paper shredder, with the remains of what had most likely been his favourite towels behind him. Grinning cheerfully, Quatre held up a large, pink hairdryer, and aimed it at the prince. The poor, unfortunate beast didn't have a chance. A blast of scalding hot air slammed into him, knocking him into the wall.

When he regained consciousness, Heero found himself blinded by a mass of fluffy brown fur. Growling, he shook the static charged fur from his eyes and tried to stand up. Unfortunately, he found himself sitting in a high chair, strapped down at the wrists, with a baby pink towel around his neck. Quatre hummed a happy tune as he whipped out a huge brush and a bunch of bows. Heero looked mildly uneasy at the manic smile on the teacup's face.

Moments later, Heero peered warily at his reflection in the mirror. A loud scream was heard throughout the castle. The beast prince yanked his arms free from the chair and promptly tore all the little pink bows from his hair, returning it to its normal messy state.

Quatre pouted, "You're no fun at all!"

The huge carved door on the upper right of the ballroom opened and a nervous Duo stepped out into the stairway. He was dressed in fine black silk pants and a tunic with rolled violet cuffs that you couldn't see because they were covered by a long, black velvet overcoat. Violet lace fringed the cuffs and tops of his black leather boots. A violet sash was wrapped around his waist, and his long hair was unbound.

Duo fidgeted nervously with a stray lock of hair as he walked down to the place where the two sets of stairs met. He glanced over at the door to the left, which suddenly opened.

Heero stood for a moment, adjusting his eyes to the light of the ballroom. The beast wore a frilled white shirt under a silver vest and blue velvet overcoat... and bright blue spandex shorts. He blinked and strode down to where Duo waited. Smiling slightly, he looked appraisingly at the black clad boy. Stunning. Bowing slightly, he offered his arm.

With a smirk, Duo placed his hand on Heero's arm and let himself be led down the stairs. Heero smelled like roses, he noted. Very nice.

The two of them walked to the middle of the ballroom and waited for music.

Obligingly, Trowa and Quatre, who just happened to be sitting in one corner, struck up a lovely melody. Duo and Heero began to dance. Quatre absently poked Wufei. "Come on! This is your big chance!" he whispered brightly.

"I. Am. NOT. Singing." the clock snapped, huffing and hopping away.

Shrugging, Trowa and Quatre kept playing.

Huffing, Wufei looked up at the elegant chandelier hanging from the ceiling, down at the two dancers right under it, then back up at the chandelier. A devilish grin lit his face. From no where, he whipped out a sniper riffle complete with a muffler and took aim. He fired off a round at the unfortunate hanging lights.

Grinning expectantly, he looked from the dancers to the chandelier. Nothing happened. Duo and Heero danced right under it, and away. Frowning slightly, Wufei hopped over and stood under the chandelier, peering up at it to see what had gone wrong. Instantly, the final tendril holding it up snapped, and it came crashing down on the startled Wufei.

Duo and Heero kept dancing, oblivious.

Finally, the song was over, and the two of them walked out to the nearest balcony. Duo smiled to himself and sat down on the stone railing. Grinning, he pat the rail beside him, motioning for Heero to sit by him. Carefully, the prince seated himself beside the grinning longhaired boy. They were quiet for a long while, gazing appreciatively out at the stars. Then, Heero turned quickly to say something to Duo, but as he was unaccustomed to wearing something so sheer as velvet, he slipped right off the edge and fell three stories. Blinking, Duo peered down after him. "Are you okay?" he called, worried. A loud thump answered him.

Within moments, however, Heero reemerged, climbing back up the wall and sat by Duo again. He dusted himself off, then shrugged. "I'm fine." Heero paused, then asked hesitantly, "So... do you like it here?"

Smiling again, Duo put his hands behind his head and looked around. "Oh, yeah! It's really cool! But..." He turned and sighed wistfully. "I wish I had some new comics though..."

Heero looked at him as though he had just declared his undying love for another, then turned away. "Then... then you must leave, and get some." he said softly, ever the fatalist.

Duo blinked, "Um, okay... I'll be right back..."

Placing a finger over Duo's lips, Heero said quietly, "No, don't say a word." He picked up his magic mirror, which he just happened to have nearby, and placed it in the startled boy's hands. "Take this to remember what we once had..." he said sadly.

"Uh... I'm only gonna be gone for an hour or so. I'll be right back." Duo interrupted.

"Just go!" Heero said in what was close to a sob. "Please, remember me..."

Peering oddly at the prince, Duo shrugged, "Um, sure... I'll be back in a few hours, okay? Bye." He turned and wandered off to the stalls.

Wufei watched the longhaired boy leave with a certain glee, then hopped over to where Heero sat alone. "What's going on? Is he leaving?" he asked hopefully, a twinkle in his eye. The prince just nodded silently, looking away. With a gleeful squeal, the clock asked, "Really?!"

"He's... gone to get comic books." Heero explained.

The clock blinked, "He... what?"

Heero stood staring out at the stars, paws resting on the balcony railing, "I let him go..."

"Uh..." Wufei stammered, wondering if Heero had finally lost it. Was the longhaired menace really gone, or was the prince just being deranged again? "You let him go where?"

The prince looked back at him, but in his grief stricken state, he heard 'why?' instead of 'where?'. "Because I love him..."

Wufei stared blankly. Yes, the beast had definately gone stark raving mad. "Um, okay... I'm going to... go over here... now..." he managed to say while bolting for the door. Hopefully, that dratted Duo would not be coming back. He went off to tell the others.

Saddened, Heero once again turned back to the balcony and let out a mournful roar that echoed through the forest.

Duo peered back in the direction of the castle, hearing the sound. Shinigami continued to tear down the path. "For crying out loud..." he muttered, "I said I'd be right back!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Damn, I knew I should have checked the time before leaving!" Duo mumbled, glancing darkly at the closed comic book shop. His eyes scanned the horizon and he grumbled, "Well, I guess it's almost dawn, so I can just go back home and wait an hour or two!"

Turning to leave, he suddenly got an idea. Whipping out the magic mirror that Heero had given him for some reason he wasn't quite sure of, Duo held it up with a gleeful shout. "Magic mirror, show me the comics!" he cried. Instantly, a pale blue mist swirled over the mirror's face, and then an image of several stacks of new comic books appeared to him. "Ooo, I don't have that one!" Duo cooed, "Ooo, or that one!" He wiped a line of drool, absently rubbing his hand on Shinigami. The stallion looked less than pleased to be used as a cleaning rag, and nudged Duo.

"Oh, yeah." the braided boy laughed, bouncing onto Shinigami's back, "I suppose we ought to get home for now!" They trotted off towards Duo's house. "I'll make us breakfast!" Shinigami's horrified whine nearly woke the dead.

Within moments, the two were at the crispy remains of Duo's house. As the stable was trashed, Duo simply shrugged, and shoved Shinigami right through the front door. All the racket they made woke anyone who was not already awake in town.

Soon, there came a knock at his door. Humming to himself, Duo gave up his attempt to get into the kitchen, which was thankfully blocked by the large black bulk of Shinigami. With his usual cheer, the braided boy flung open the door, squarely cracking Hirde's sidekick in the head. She teetered a bit, then stared blearily at him with blood-shot eyes. "Mmph, awa... Hirde..." the sidekick mumbled drunkenly, before passing out.

Duo blinked.

"Aaah, Duo, my darling, you've returned!" Hirde gushed, hiking up her new white dress and stepping over her fallen sidekick into the house. Behind her, Duo could see the amassed townspeople in various states of undress. Sidling over to Duo, Hirde draped her arms over his shoulders, "Duo, we're getting married, whether you like it or not." The boy squirmed a bit. "I don't care if your answer is yes, or no. We are getting married. Now." she continued, "I have the people, I have the priest, and I have the dress. We are getting married, now."

"But I already have a boyfriend..." Duo put in with a pout.

"I have the music. I have the cake. I have the- what?" Hirde turned to look at Duo with wide eyes. "You WHAT?!"

"I already -have- a boyfriend, Hirde!" the braided boy repeated, plaintively.

Hirde laughed. "Ahaha, you're kidding, right?" She latched onto one of his arms, "Very funny, Duo. Now get dressed and let's get on with this!" The determined girl looked about ready to haul the protesting boy up the stairs and dress him herself.

Duo tore his arm away from her and fished out the mirror, "I'm not kidding! Here! Magic mirror, show me Heero!" As expected, the mirror turned blue and misty, then showed a picture of Heero taking a shower. Without looking at it, Duo thrust the mirror towards Hirde. "See?"

The girl's eyes went round as saucers in shock. Duo blinked, and looked at the mirror himself. "Oh..." he murmured, gauking at the image. If he moved the mirror down and tilted it just so... "Ooo..."

Suddenly, Hirde snatched the mirror out of the drooling boy's hands. "That's a... that's a beast! It's a monster... with a big... We must kill it!" she cried, absently staring at the mirror. "He'll uh, eat your kids! And your little dog too! We can't rest until we cut off his..." Duo gave her -the look-. "Er, cut off his head! Yeah, that's it!"

"Hey!" Duo protested loudly, "You don't have to do that! The only person he'd eat would be m-mmph!!" Hirde clapped a hand across his mouth before he could finish, blushing. He struggled, but she turned around and shoved him down the basement stairs, locking the door.

"Come everyone!" she yelled to the gathered townspeople, "Let's go!"

Instantly, the over zealous, musically inclined townspeople struck up a song. "Grab a torch! Mount your horse!" they chanted together, making it seem as though they all had planned this musical number ahead of time...

"Screw your courage to the sticking place..." Hirde began, determined to get her big musical number in.

"We're counting on Hirde to lead the waa~ay!" the townspeople interrupted, singing heartily, "Through the mist, there's a wood, where within a haunted castle something's lurking that you don't see every daa~ay!" They all started the march towards the castle, torches and weapons in hand. "It's a beast and he's, er, big as a mountain! We won't rest 'til he's good and deceased!" Hirde sulked a bit that her big singing number was squashed by the enthusiastic townspeople, but was happy that she got to lead a large mob of angry villagers.

The singing procession made its way onto the dark, creepy path to the castle, "Sally forth, tally ho! Grab your sword! Grab your bow There's a-" There was a collective *UHF* as everyone tripped at once [okay, Ill admit it! I can't make out what they're saying there so nayanaya >P], "here we coo~ome!"

"We'll lay siege to the castle and bring back his, er, head!" Hirde proclaimed loudly, waving the mirror around.

Duo sulked and looked at the closed door. "Wish I had that mirror..." he mumbled, still obviously not pleased about having the mirror taken away, especially when he was just discovering all its... entertaining... uses.

Just then, there was a loud crack, and the cellar door smashed inwards. Shinigami stood proudly in the doorway looking expectantly at Duo. "Oh, good!" he said brightly, hopping up the stairs. "Now, let's go save Heero, kay?" He clambered up onto the black stallion's back and the two took off out the front door, pausing only to sidestep the comatose sidekick's body.

Quickly, Duo and Shinigami raced down to the nice, fluffy bunny path, which was, as noted before, shorter than the other one. By taking that shortcut, they managed to make it to the castle at the same time as the unruly, singing mob of angry villagers.

From their vantage point on one of the balconies, Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei spotted the mob of townspeople just before they arrived. Concerned, to say the least, they scurried off to find Heero. "Prince Heero! Prince Heero!" Quatre cried, "There's a large group of people storming the castle! Maybe, you should look into it?"

Heero didn't even turn around. "It doesn't matter." he said despairingly, "Let them come."

The little teacup's brow furrowed, "So they're welcome? Should we get them tea or something?" He peered anxiously at the prince.

Shaking his head, the beast wandered over to the door, "No... I know what must be done." He walked down to main hall just as the door was broken down.

"Aha!" Hirde cried, leaping into the castle ahead of everyone else, "We have come to kill you and cut off your... er..." She tried not to blush as she finished lamely, "Your head..." Around her, the angry villagers nodded their agreement, raising their weapons high.

"This castle has been wired with explosives." Heero stated calmly. At first, Hirde looked skeptical, but then the prince whipped out a hand held detonator from his shorts or somewhere. "This castle will self-destruct in five... four... three..." Everyone ran out of the castle. "two..." Duo ran in. "one..." Heero pushed the button just as Duo glomped onto his legs. He looked down at the braided boy, "Oops."

The castle exploded.

The debris finally settled on the ruined remains of what used to be a perfectly nice castle. Heero snorted, and brushed the dust off of his overcoat. Other than that, his clothes were perfectly fine. Just then, a hand shot up and grabbed him. He looked down to see a rather beraggled Duo still firmly attached to his legs.

"You came back!" Heero said, almost accusingly, absently batting at Duo's wandering hands. He pulled the braided boy up so he was standing next to him.

"Of course I came back, you- wait a minute!" Duo started to rant, then blinked and stared at Heero, "You're human!" He looked him over, "Ooo, I likes!" Then, he noticed the rather ripped up state of the nice velvet overcoat he had been wearing. "Oh, man!" he sulked, tossing the ruined garment away before firmly locking his arms around Heero's neck.

"Do you mind?!" a voice demanded from a few yards away. They both looked to see a rather peevish looking black haired boy wearing a singed shirt glaring at them. Beside him stood a pretty blonde boy and a taller green eyed boy.

Duo just grinned, then turned back to Heero, "Why are you- HOW are you human?" He looked a bit confused, but otherwise pleased with this turn of events.

Heero snorted, "Some curse. We would all turn back into humans if I either fell in love, or self-destructed."

"Oh..." Duo said in a tiny voice, "Guess you self-destructed, huh?"

"Hn! It was both..." Heero said quietly. Aa~aw, there's the sappy ending everyone was waiting for, provided by Heero. And, of course, the follow up touchy feely part was also supplied, care of Duo's wandering hands... *discrete coughs*

Soon, the castle was rebuilt, and they all congregated in the brand new, shiny ballroom. Heero and Duo danced around, while Wufei sulked in a corner. Shinigami, whom Duo had steadfastly insisted should be allowed to attend the ball, was gleefully snuggling with the poor black eyed boy. Trowa watched them all, calmly sipping a glass of champagne, when something tickled his nose.

Quatre walked by wearing a very skimpy French maid's costume, fluffing him with a feather duster. He looked back over his shoulder, sending Trowa a come-hither look, then strutted off out of the ballroom. Trowa stared for a minute, open mouthed, then grinned devilishly, and ran after him.

"Ha! Everything turned out in the end, ne?" Duo said cheerfully, hugging Heero. The dark haired boy simply smiled and kissed the longhaired psychopath, as was the most preferable method of shutting him up. Happily, Duo snuggled his Heero, then dragged him off somewhere.

The scene faded to a stained-glass picture of the two of them, with the enchanted black rose glowing above them. Then, it faded to black. Off in the distance, loud sounds of bedsprings creaking could be heard.

The End ^-^