Out of curiosity (and a touch of boredom), I checked out *your* website.  I 
took notice of your plea for advice on girls, and felt that our secrets 
needed out.  

*cracks knuckles, flexes*  ahem, where shall I begin?

The major thing that (most) girls want is control.  Either control of 
herself, desires, whatnot, or over the relationship itself.  There is also 
degress of control:  just enough so that it's not a one-sided relationship, 
equal amount of control, or dictatorship.  I prefer equal myself, yet have 
experienced the latter unintentionally with a very submissive, ultrasensitive 
guy. Ce n'est pas joli!

Girls are paranoid and totally overreact (and even worse when we are PMS-ing, 
on the rag, or pregnant).  We'll yet at our man because he's not being 
affectionate enough, and then when he (on his own free will) shows affection 
toward us, we flip out and go into interrogation mode;  did he do something 
wrong? we think.

All girls have a hint of insecurity; some more than others obviously.  You 
can tell us up and down that we're beautiful, but if we see you talking to 
someone remotely attractive, we feel threatened.  We also all have the same 
mindset:  we want something badly enough, we WILL have it.  So if two girls 
want the same guy....yikes!  It's all up to cunning and skill, and of course 
the guy's opinion, and Fate...and who has bigger boobs.  
Yeah...boobs...*drool*

ALL girls are competition.  Even the girl next door with the headgear that 
helps you with your math homework.

Girls are insulted EASILY, and over the oddest things.  And unless she's a 
total bitch/blatant hypocrite, do not make some sexist remark (i.e. you can't 
do that 'cause it's a 'guy thing' blah blah blah)

Back to the control thing.  For the most part, girls want enough control so 
that they feel secure, and that guys don't walk all over them.  Y'know, you 
and your man make plans for an evening out, and then his bud shows up with 
the newest Playstation 2 game and he totally blows you off.  And it's not 
like it's an isolated incident.  It happens all the time.  Girls want control 
so that they're guy has enough consideration to NOT do that, or that when he 
does do it, they can laugh and withold any sort of sexual gratification until 
the guy grovels on his knees.  Girls are like medieval rulers:  They want to 
be feared, respected, and loved.
**Note:  Never let a girl read Machiavelli's The Prince.  Take my word.**

While in a relationship, a girl wants to be adored and made felt like the 
most revered, beautiful, and important person in her lover's life (whether it 
be male or female).  Some girls like to pampered like princesses ( *vomit* )  
and some just want to be treated out once in a while.  Myself, I'm not a 
"wine-and-dine" girl.  That stuff actually turns me off when it goes past a 
certain point.  I'm also not the "Let's-go-Dutch-with-EVERYTHING!" type girl. 
 I like to take turns.

Girls are the master at mindgames.  By the same token, we ABHOR mindgames 
played on us.  Solution:  be open and honest with us and communicate, and we 
won't need to. 

Girls see through all lies, though we may not admit it at the time when the 
lie has been produced.  We are simply biding time, and thinking out a 
strategy (see above), or counting the tally marks to see what number that lie 
was, and decide if it's time to bag you.  Sounds harsh, but it's true.  
Sometimes we also bide time to discuss with our girlfriends.

Girls may ask their lovers how many they've had before, or what sexual 
experience they have, but the truth is, we DON'T want to know.  We also don't 
want to know who they were.  If you're going to tell an anecdote about your 
ex-girlfriend to your present one, subsitute her name with a pronoun.  We 
don't want to associate her as being an actual person.  And if you DO mention 
her name, it had better be with a tone full of bitter and resentment.

Ex-girlfriends. HAHAHAHAHA.  Okay, one.  You don't HAVE to tell us that 
so-and-so is your girlfriend.  We can tell upon meeting.  We have the deft 
ability of picking up those "I hate you and he was mine" vibes.  If you 
dumped a girl who had puppy love for you, she will hate your next girlfriend 
with a vengeance.  You may never detect it.  Your ex may seem as right as 
rain, but those are daggers that her shining eyes are shooting at your new 
flame.  Hint:  watch for nostrils flaring, widening of eyes, or grips 
tightening.  Two.  If your ex-girlfriend was Miss Perfect, we don't want to 
know of her existence, or ever meet her and experience her perfectness.  
Three.  Chances are, if you ask us to, we WILL kill your ex-girlfriend for 
you, or at least hate her (even though we may have never met her) and get all 
our friends to hate her too.

<breath>

Okay, that's enough for now.  I definitely have more to tell, and warnings on 
the bitches.  So stay tuned.

Ta confidante,
Jackie "The Closet Goth Girl"  Sommer