Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

If you're flying down the highway, and your wings fall off your boat how many pancakes can you stack on top of a green doghouse?

If the circumference of a circle is the distance around the edge of it, and the diameter is the distance through that same circle, how many licks does it take to get to the centre of a tootsie roll toastie pop?

You know what? I'm glad I'm not a laboratory animal. Do you have any idea how many of those little b@$t@rd$ get cancer?

Hope is NOT a thing with feathers, the thing with feathers is my nephew, and I have to take him to a specialist in Zurich. - Woody Allen

Some of my colleagues think that the chemicals we are experimenting with could potentially cause brain damage, however I think that fish crunchy bits of salami my new red hippie noodle. Naked pool frogs?

If a chicken and a half can lay an egg and a half in a minute and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?

But then John said to himself, 'Frank, your name isn't Louis!'

A watched clock never boils.

How mad would a wood chuck get if a big neon pink Koala bear named Ishtar ran into the woods and chucked all the wood before the woodchuck could?

I used to drive down the long highways, throwing tomatoes out the window yelling, 'Hooray for the spicy chipmunk!'

The more you cry, the less you have to pee.

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I'll add more later