SOME REALLY SAD  JOKES

• WHY ARE HANGOVERS BETTER THAN WOMEN???
• HANG OVERS GO AWAY .......
•  
• WHAT DID ONE PILE OF SAND SAY TO THE OTHER PILE OF SAND?
• WHAT YOU DUNE?
• Three Canadians and three Americans are traveling by train to a hockey game. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Canadians buy only a single ticket. "How are you three guys going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one American. "Watch and you'll see" answers one of the Canadians. They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Canadians cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the bathroom door and says " Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game, they decide to copy the Canadian's trick on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Canadians don't buy any tickets at all! "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed American. "Watch and you'll see" answers a Canadian. When they board the train the three Americans cram into one bathroom and the three Canadians cram into another bathroom nearby. Once the train leaves the station, one of the Canadians leaves their bathroom and walks over to the bathroom where the Americans are hiding, knocks on the door, and says "Tickets, please!"
• On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $25 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $50. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $100. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?
• Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, saying, "Johnny, this is where you came from." Johnny went to school the next day smiling, insisting that all his friends refer to him as "Lucky Johnny." "Why?" one asked. Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came this close to being a turd."
• What is black and white and rolls around in the sand? An ethiopian and a seagull fighting over a chip.
• "Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes"
• English:He's cleaning his automobile Chinese: Wa Shing Ka 
• English: This is a tow away zone Chinese: No Pah King 
• English: Is there a fugitive here? Chinese: Hu Yu Hai Ding?
•  English: Small Horse Chinese: Tai Ni Po Ni English: Your price is too high!!! Chinese: No Bai Nut Ding!!! 
• English: Did you go to the beach Chinese: Wai Yu So Tan? 
• English: I bumped into a coffee table Chinese: Ai Bang Mai Ni 
• English: It's very dark in here Chinese: Wai So Dim? English: Has your flight been delayed? Chinese: Hao Long Wei Ting? 
• English: I thought you were on a diet? Chinese: Wai Yu Mun Ching?
•  English: They have arrived Chinese: Hai Dei Kum 
• English: Your body odor is offensive Chinese: Yu Stin Ki Pu 
• English: You know lyrics to the Macarena? Chinese: Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
• English: I got this for free Chinese: Ai No Pei English: Stay out of sight Chinese: Lei Lo 
• English: Phew! Does this bathroom stink! Chinese: Hu Flung Dung?
• Captain Bravado.
• .. Long ago, there lived an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado. He was a manly man's man, who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravado bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumph. One of them asked the Captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?" The captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat and marveled at the courage of such a manly man's man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual orders. Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants!"
• There was a man who had worked his whole life in a pickle factory. One day he came home and told his wife that he had been fired from his job. She began to scream and yell, "You have given them twenty years of devoted service. Why did they fire you?" "For twenty years I've wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer," he explained, "and today I finally did it!" The wife ran over and pulled his pants down to see what damage had been done. "You look okay," she said with a sigh of relief. "So what happened to the pickle slicer?" "Well," he said with hesitation, "they fired her, too."
• Dumb Guy Jokes
  
  
  ** Why do men like smart women?
  ....Opposites attract.
  
  ** How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
  .....We cook -- they eat; we clean -- they dirty; we iron -- they wrinkle.
  
  ** How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
  .....Make him wear shoes.
  
  ** What did God say after creating man?
  .....I can do so much better.
  
  ** What's the smartest thing a man can say?
  ....."My wife says..."
  
  ** Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
  .....So men can understand them.
  
  ** Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after
  mating?
  .....To stop the snoring before it starts.
  
  ** Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
  .....Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
  
  ** Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
  .....Because none of them will stop to ask for directions.
  
  ** Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
  .....When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

  A man and his four-year-old son were talking about sex. The son asked his father, "Dad, what does a pussy look like?" The dad asked him, "Before or after sex?" "Ummm, before sex," the kid replied. The dad said, "Have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?" "Yeah," said the son. "Well, what about after sex?" His dad replied, "Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"

  The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do. He walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman. "Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?" "Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had had too much to drink and he grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up laying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here buddy, we won't have any of that carrying around in this bar!" The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz." The bartender nodded and said, "Hell then, if you're that far in, you might as well finish up."

   

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