Pieces of My Heart

My heart is torn to pieces
Millions of pieces
Shattering
Like an immense mirror
Falling from a ten-story building
To the cold and bitter ground.

Nothing, not even magic
Could reassemble those broken pieces
Into their original state.
For what could heal
The loss of the love of a lifetime?
The loss of a best friend, a lover, a partner
And my soulmate...

In losing you, I lost my life
That life which now is meaningless
Empty
Insipid

Only the night sweeps me away in its
huge, unforgiving, and comforting wings
Torturing yet calming me down
Tearing and grinding those tiny invisible pieces
Plaguing me with dreams
Of you, my lost love.

Every calming yet electrifying touch of your hand
Every passionate, lingering or savory kiss
Every warm and comforting embrace
Every look filled with love, caring and compassion
Every shape, line and texture of your face
     A mental picture
          Forever embedded in my mind
Your thin red tantalizing lips
Your beautiful shining expressive blue eyes
Your powerful soothing caring arms
Your exquisitely sculpted body
Every kind and understanding expression of your face
Every serious, light or intelligent conversation
Every joke, every attempt at humor
     Making me laugh or smile or cry
Every cold and long night I spent in your arms
     Warmed, comforted and cared for
          from dusk till dawn
Every short or long adventurous voyage
     to places unknown and now shared
          for the first time, together
Everything races through my mind
Like a runaway train
Ravaging my heart
Ceaselessly
Rendering it blissfully happy
For the moment until--
The sudden, cruel, bitter awakening
To reality
Bringing with it the realization that

Never will I see your beautiful face again
Never will I feel the touch of your hand again
     Or your warm and strong embrace
Never will I hear your melodious voice
     singing the symphony of
          our forgotten and long-gone love
Never will I see your beautiful expressive eyes
     Staring back at mine
          With such love, such caring, such insight
     Staring into my soul--an open book
          To solely my one and only
Never will I hear those sacred and cherished words
     Rolling off your telling tongue
          and knowing you meant them wholeheartedly.

From the depths of my innermost being
There is a silent and excruciating scream
Of the ruthless and all-too-powerful pain
     Which envelops me
     Bringing me to my knees
     Tearing my entrails
     Inside out
And which leads to complete destruction
Of self, of past, of present, of future.

                                                                                                               
October 31st, 1999

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