Lost At Sea

Thine strong and open arms hold me tightly
Our cheeks touch,
I feel your warm steady breath on my neck and my shoulder
You whisper something softly
In my all-too-willing and open ear
Transported hundreds of miles away
From reality and the heavy burden it carries
Nothing could ever change this oblivious bliss.
With my eyes wide shut I ride the roller coaster
Slip-sliding away
Into the bumpy yet all-encompassing night
Swerving left, then right; up, then down
The extremes on either side are tempting
Snatching me into their unforgiving claws.
Suddenly, at breakneck speeds and traps,
I come to a screeching halt
A stopsign, red and white
saying not "STOP", but "No thinking allowed."
Yes, I recall this rule, that once broken
Is irretrievably lost.

The momentum from the accidental stop
Thrusts me back into oblivious bliss
A much more comfortable, numb and comforting place
Your red cherry lips are moving
Yet I cannot hear one word
They stop.
And my glance is redirected towards
The two bright stars shimmering shining into the closeness
Which has been reborn between us.
I look up, observing
Thine beautiful eyes piercing mine
With an incredible vengeance
Such passion, depth...
Lost at sea, without a life preserver
One sudden moment once in a lifetime
Unexpectedly
Our lips touch
A mistake
Yet the room is spinning
out of control
Sparks fly, heat rises,
Passion bangs like a prisoner inside me
trying to escape.
No, I will not, shall not let it do so.
Because we both know and recognize
The unbridled yet suppressed mistake
And the harm in every word,
every tone of voice
and every touch of your hand.
To hold me in your arms forever
Is all I long for,
bliss as I imagine it
Yet how can I when my heart belongs to another?
Locked, trapped, nothing I can do to release it;
And he's surely not helping me do so.
No, I am trapped in a vicious cycle
That I cannot break
Regardless of my banal efforts.

Say goodbye.
Close the door.
Lock and deadbolt it.
And leave.

I wish it were that simple.


                                                                                          August 6th, 1999