Mystery Science Anarchy 3000 Episode #103 "Warrior Sisters 2: The Flesh is Weak" MSTed by the Anarkist (Discord999@aol.com) Original Story by "PJ" DISCLAIMER: This is a MSTing of a fanfic written by another author. The fic itself is property of PJ, and he's welcome to it. The Young Jedi Knights are the property of ... uhm ... LucasArts, I'd assume. If not, they're the property of whomever owns them. Mike, the Bots, the Mads, the SoL, etc, are the property of Best Brains Entertainment. Rei Ayanami is the property of Hideaki Anno. The Godfather is the property of himself and/or Titan Sports. Oscar is the property of him/herself. Anything else mentioned is the property of its respective creator(s). DRIVE-IN TOTALS: 0 Dead Bodies 2 Underage Jedi Bisexuals Force Dildo, Part Deux Gratuitous Acts of Incest Defilement of the Solo Family Name Cumshot Fu Anal Fu Lightsaber Fu Threesome Fu ** Stars (SoL. Mike and Crow are in the foreground, locked into a cold stare. Neither one moves their head the slightest. Tom is nowhere to be seen) Crow: Give it up, Nelstone. Joel didn't equip us with eyelids, remember? In other words, YOU CAN'T WIN! Mike: Give it your best shot, Crow. I was Wisconsin Stare-Down Champ five years running, and I'm not about to lose to a scrap heap like you. Crow: So let's go, then. (They continue to stare. Commericial Sign flashes, ignored by both. After several seconds, Gypsy wanders in from the right) Gypsy: Uhm, guys? It's commercial sign ... shouldn't you, like, hit it or something? Mike: Not now, Gyps ... it's time for me to teach golden boy here a lesson in humility. Crow: Sorry, babe, I gotta show a certain fleshy the true meaning of a stare-down asskicking! Gypsy: You men and your egos ... *I'LL* do it! (to camera) We'll be ... uh ... right back! Or something like that. *head-butts the flashing light several times before finally hitting it* ********** (Insert yer own ad here) ********** (SoL. Crow and Mike are still locked in the stare-down, though Mike seems to be faltering) Crow: Your powers are weak, cheese-boy. You should not have come back. Mike: (strained) Bite ... me. Crow: Give it up, Nelson! You'll never beat me! Mike: Oh ... yeah? Look! The Puma Twins! In a lesbian clinch! Crow: WHAT?!? Where?!? *turns his head* Mike: HAH! Eat THAT, bird-beak! Crow: D'OH! (MADS light flashes, as Tom hovers in from the left) Tom: Oh, hi guys. Mic Foley and Mr. Socko are calling. Mike: You rang, sirs? *taps the light* (Deep-13. The camera first shows a shot of Dr. F's new cloning tanks, then scrolls down to show the Mad Doctor himself, seated at a fold- out table. Across from him is seated a large black man, clad in bright green colors and a feathered hat. Between the two stands a Rei Ayanami clone, clad in the same sports bra and short shorts as before) Dr. F: Why yes, Mr. Godfather, I *do* specialize in sexual models for you ... *special* few who profit from such ilk. Godfather: Well look, big F, I hear what you're sayin' ... and as we both know, pimpin' ain't easy. Am I right? Dr. F: *clueless but enthusiastic* Affirmative. Godfather: The thing is, my customers like to get the idea that they're more than just your average nerd in need of a lay, which is why my employees know how to take one for the "ho" team. Dr. F: I ... smell what you are cooking, Mr. Godfather. Godfather: Right. Anyway, while the young lady here *gestures to the Rei clone* is certainly ready and able ... she just doesn't seem to be the kind to make a guy feel good about himself. Dr. F: Oh, but that's simply not so, Mr. Godfather ... (Suddenly, Frank moves into view) Frank: Oh, hi guys. Dr. Forrester's involved in negotiations with a potential client, and he can't be disturbed. (SoL) All: WHOO-HOOO! Mike: So that means no experiment today, right? (D-13. Frank is shaking his head sadly) Frank: 'Fraid not, guys. In fact, Clayton was pretty happy about this one ... said it was from a guy called PJ? (SoL. Mike and the Bots promptly facefault) Mike: PJ? AGAIN?!? Tom: Like the last two ones weren't enough? Crow: Well, hey, guys, look at it this way ... at least we know this won't be a S-I beastiality lemon. Tom: Neither was "Chibi-Usa Loses Her Virginity" ... *shudders violently* (D-13) Frank: Well, anyway, he said to tell you that this is the sequel to the last one he sent you, and it's called ... *dramatic voice* "Warrior Sisters II: The Flesh is Weak". Good luck, guys. *shrugs, and pushes the Button* (SoL. Lights and klaxons) All: WE'VE GOT LEMON SIIIIIGN ... (Door 7-A Dog Bone, of course) (Door 6-It's Doug Herzog. You kick him in the groin, laugh at his pain, and leave.) (Door 5-It's an ad for Scream 3. Depending on your preference, you either tear it to shreds or bow down and worship it, then move on) (Door 4-You walk into a chat room right in the middle of a huge, incomprehensible roleplay. Confused, you walk out, shaking your head) (Door 3-An ad for Wendesday Night Anarchy 3. You note the shameless plug and move on) (Door 2-A solid wall of ice. You grab a flamethrower and melt an entrance) (Door 1-Death stands before you. He points beyond him, and you hurry by.) (Door .69-A black hole opens in the fabric of reality, sucking you into the theater) (Mike and the Bots enter in the usual fashion: Crow, Mike, and Tom) Mike: Looks like Dr. F's determined to make this guy the next Oscar, guys. Tom: Ah, well. We can take him! Crow: Yeah! Mike: That's the spirit, guys! Just remember ... Bots: ... stay frosty, we know, we know ... >WARRIOR SISTERS 2: Crow: The redundancy of your perverted citrus fruit-like writing is readily apparent to all who comprehend the verbiage of the Great One ... SPEAK TO ME WARRIORS! Tom: Nice Warrior impression, Crow. A little *too* good. >THE FLESH IS WEAK >by PJ Mike: We can put a man on the moon ... and yet we then turn around and animate a pair of pajamas? Crow: Whattaya expect, with a Republican congress? Tom: Warrior Sisters II: The Plot Is Weak. >--- Crow: ..--...--..----. Mike: What? Crow: Morse code. Mike: Nice. What'd you just say? Tom: Trust me, Mike. You do NOT want to know. > >Jacen Solo Mike: Jacen's in this ...? Crow: OK, Mike, a little wager. Ten iridium RAM chips says that the lemon we're about to read involves at least *one* act of incest. Mike: No bet. Crow: Damn! >wiped the sweat from his forehead Tom: (Jacen) Being in lemons is HARD! Crow: In more ways than one ... Mike: Crow ... Crow: Sorry. Just thought I'd set up shop early. >before coaxing the small finger-sized lizard Crow: (Jacen) Heeere, lizard-lizard-lizard ... I have a nice warm cave for you to live in ... Tom: ICK, Crow! >into the porous containment jar. The jungle around Jacen was >filled with Tom: ... hundreds of large animals that wanted nothing more than the sweet taste of human flesh ... Crow: Eh, Jaina'll be tasting his flesh soon enough anyway ... >sounds of life, animals large and small rustling through the >dense undergrowth. Mike: Not unlike Jacen himself. >Placing the filled containment jar Crow: (Jacen) Whose idea was it to leave out the toilet in this damn temple, anyway? >in his shoulder satchel, Jacen arched his back to relieve >his stiff All: *snicker* >muscles Crow: That's one way to put it ... >before he began making his way back Mike: Back ... to the FUTURE! >to the temple pyramid where the Jedi Knights maintained their >academy. Tom: And, much like the academies on a planet a long time in the future in a galaxy far, far away, hazings and Hell Week was the norm. >Jacen moved smoothly Crow: (Jacen) You can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a incest man, no time to talk ... >through the tall trees, Mike: My Freud-o-meter is detecting a phallic symbol, guys ... Tom: Oh, like PJ's that subtle ... Crow: I dunno ... remember all the moist caves last time? >masking his presence from the animals with a gentle >application Tom: ACK! It IS a beastiality lemon! >of the Force. Tom: Oh. >The Jedi boy had almost reached the edge Mike: What's Adam Copeland got to do with this? Crow: Well, his career *did* kinda go downhill since joining the Ministry of Darkness ... >of the jungle canopy when he sensed a powerful fluctuation Tom: (PJ)... or was that a flatuation? I can never tell ... >in the Force nearby. Crow: (Darth Vader) Grandson, I'm *very* disappointed in you ... >Intrigued, Jacen turned to his left, plunging deeper Tom: Oh, I'm sure he'll be doing plenty of deep plunging later on ... >into the jungle, Mike: (singing) In the jungle, welcome to the jungle ... Crow: Let's just hope they neuter Axl Rose with a lightsaber. >tracking the strong Force emanations to their source. > >Jacen gasped softly to himself Tom: (Jacen) Sis! I never knew you cared ... Crow: (Jacen) DAMN! I didn't know you could fit two hands *and* two feet in there ... >when he reached the edge of the jungle clearing, beholding Mike: The avatar of the great god Toblacko ... TITON BIG-UN! Crow: Obscure as hell, Mike. Tom: *turning to the reader* Figure THAT one out, fanboys! >his sister, Jaina, Crow: We have lemon incoming, ladies and gentlemen. Do not attempt to engage the lemon. Evacuate in a calm and orderly fashion. Tom: In other words ... RUUUUUUNNNN!!! >and the beautiful warrior girl, Tenel Ka, Mike: Been there, survived that, bought the T-shirt. NEXT! >locked in a passionate embrace, their legs entwined around >each other, Tom: "Entwined"? What, are they Nagas now? Crow: Ick! They've been broken on the carpet! >their naked bodies pressed together Mike: Behold ... the power of PORN(TM)! >as they sat next to a small gurgling pool, Tom: Y'know, the pool knows it has a breath problem, and it accepts it. >their hair still wet Crow: If only that were the only thing that was wet ... >from bathing while each girl fondled the other's pert tits. Crow: *drools* Mike: *sighs* For a robot without the proper equipment, you certainly have a healthy sex drive ... Crow: What d'ya think the beak's for, Nelson? Tom: CROW! Stop defiling Joel's design! > >Jacen's eyes were wide with astonishment and wonder Mike: ... as he beheld the wonder and beauty that is sex. Tom: This, on the other hand ... >as he watched his lovely young sister bend down to lick >Tenel's left nipple, Crow: The right nipple then sued on the grounds of symmetrical descrimination. In a moment, the results of that trial. >which was adorned with a gleaming gold nipple ring. Tom: I never knew the Young Jedi Knights were punk rockers ... Crow: Ah, looks like she's part of the Mr. T gang. Mike: (Mr. T) I PITY DA FOO DAT READS DIS LEMON! >Jaina's tongue flicked Crow: Flickering and lickering ... Mike: Please, Crow ... this is no time for "Games" ... Tom: Wait a minute! You never read that one! Crow: Tom, repeat after me, it's just a MST ... Tom: Yeah, yeah, I know .. >over the stiff pink nub, Mike: I thought she was licking her nipple? >making it wet with her warm saliva. Tom: (Tenel) I find slobber SO sexy ... >Tenel Ka sucked on Jaina's left shoulder, Crow: (Bela Legosi as Tenel)I vant to suck yer pu-ssy ... Mike: Crow ... >enjoying the taste of Jaina's warm flesh, Tom: She's a cannibal! Run, Jaina, run! >her delicate hands sliding up and down Jaina's smooth back. Mike: (Jaina's back) Hey! I'm not a slip-n-slide here, y'know! > >"Use it on me, please," begged Jaina, Crow: (Jaina) Shoot me! I can't stand any more OOC lesbian scenes! >her eyes smoldering Tom: Looks like Tenel burned her out ... Crow: Sad, really. >with unrestrained lust. Mike: Well, perhaps the young lady needs to *learn* some restraint ... Tom: Shhh! Don't give them any ideas! > >"I shouldn't. Crow: (Tenel) In other words, HELL YEAH! >the instrument was not meant to be used in such a fashion." Crow: Guys ... IT'S BAAAACK ... > >Please, it felt so good," Mike: Though not as good as the kilo of cocaine they gave her before she agreed to this ... >purred Jaina Tom: ACK! OSCAR! Mike: You guys are gonna do this whenever anything even remotely suggests hermaphroditism or beastiality, aren't you? Bots: DAMN STRAIGHT! >before she placed her mouth over Tenel Ka's, Crow: (Tenel) Mmmel, mmy mmo mmo ... >probing the warrior girl's throat lewdly with her tongue. Tom: Nope, no intelligent life here. Prepare to vaporize. Crow: I wish ... >"Okay," gasped Tenel Ka loudly, Mike: My, *she's* easily manipulated, isn't she? >reaching out with a trembling hand Tom: ... 'cause it likes to heal, it likes to steal ... Crow: Looks like she's half the dyke the she used to be ... >towards her discarded dragonskin armor. Mike: Good thing she had that Feldon's Cane handy ... Tom: No Magic: The Gathering lemons, please, Mike ... > >The red-maned girl Crow: Ranma-Chan? Kinky! >withdrew an ornate rod with an open blossom decoration on one end >and a closed bulb tip on the other. Tom: You were right, Crow ... *IT'S* back ... Mike: Attention, ladies and gentlemen! We have Force Dildo! Repeat, we have Force Dildo! > >Jaina moaned with hungry eagerness Tom: ... while I puked with revolted disgust. >as Tenel Ka lowered the rod to her open crotch, Crow: ... ducking to avoid the neon "Vacancy" scene above it ... Tom: Now opening; Jaina Solo's pussy! For all your vaginal needs! >pressing the open blossom section against her moist cunt. Mike: (Jaina) BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!! I am ... moist. >Jacen felt Tenel Ka channel a portion of Force energy into the rod, Tom: ... as she sacrificed a portion of her life to convert it into pure Mana ... >making the object throb with life. Crow: As opposed to throbbing with death. Mike: Or riding with the same. >Jaina shuddered in ecstasy Tom: ... while I shuddered in pain. >as the instrument extended itself Crow: (Goku) Power Pole ... EXTEND! Tom: Oddly enough, I don't think that's ever been used in a lemon ... Mike: The only ones they write about anymore are Vegeta and Bulma anyway ... Bots: MIKE!!! Mike: What? Did you honestly believe I was the one-dimensional straight man that I appear to be? >into her vagina, the open petals clasping over her labia lips. Mike: (Force Dildo) My labia! Mine! > >"Give it more," groaned Jaina, Tom: Exactly my reaction ... Crow: You want more? Tom: No, the groaning part. >falling onto her back upon the jungle floor, All: *PLOP!* Crow: The "delicately rounded thighs" strike again ... >her bent legs shaking as the instrument hummed All: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM ... >within her pussy, Crow: As good a reason as any to hum, I suppose ... >caressing the clenching walls of her fuck tunnel. Tom: And in the traffic report, there is a three-finger pile-up in the North Jedi Fuck Tunnel this afternoon, so progress through there could be a bit sticky ... >"I shouldn't..." Mike: I shouldn't this, I shouldn't that ... why don't you just screw her instead of protesting her to death?!? Crow: Oh, she will ... believe me, she will ... >panted Tenel Ka, Crow: (Tenel) By this time, my lungs were aching for a cigarette ... >perspiration gleaming over her flushed face, her lips quivering Tom: I'm sorry guys, I gotta say it ... Mike: Go ahead, Tom. Do what you have to do. Tom: Thanks, Mike. *coughs* (Tenel) SUUUURRRRRRRRRRRGE! >from the instrument's feedback. All: *wince* Crow: Dammit, Tenel! That is *NOT* the proper use for a microphone! > >"Please," moaned Jaina achingly, Tom: (Jaina) Kill ... meeee ... Crow: Feeling dark today, Tommy boy? Tom: Just a tad ... >placing her small hands over Tenel's, which held the instrument >against her friend's dripping slit. Mike: Eh, must be a chick thing ... > >Tenel Ka allowed more of the Force to flow into the instrument. Crow: Just go with it ... >Both girls groaned deeply, Tom: As did I. >Jaina arching her back, her cunt on fire Crow: Ahh, fried pussy! Nothing like it! Mike: Cr-ah, why do I even bother? >as the instrument writhed within her belly. Tom: OK ... all you lemon authors, listen up, because this is the only time I'm gonna say this ... THE VAGINAL CAVITY DOES NOT STRETCH UP TO THE STOMACH! IF IT WAS IN HER BELLY, HER CERVIX WOULD BE RUPTURED AND SHE WOULD DIE!!! DIE!!! DIIIIIII... *head explodes* Crow: I saw that one coming ... Mike: So did I ... take over while I fix him, OK? *pulls out the bot-fixing kit* Crow: I'm on it, Nelson! >Tenel Ka could barely hold onto the rod, Crow: (Tenel) D-d-damn ... d-dual ... sh-shock ... >her breasts pumped for air, Crow: I vant to pump ... you up! *pause* Literally ... Mike: *screwing Tom's head back on* Crow ... >her skin was hot and covered with warm sweat, Crow: In other words, it was hot. >her pussy clenched, her cervix glistening with her juices. Tom: *immediately coming back to life* HER CERVIX IS *INSIDE*, YOU TWIT! Mike: TOM! No insulting the author! Crow: Yeah, it's not like a vast majority of the male population knows the medical names for every part of the vagina ... Mike: Hell, most girls don't! Tom: *panting* OK ... OK ... sorry ... that Backlund guy must've really gotten to me ... > >Jaina rested her hands over her flat stomach, Crow: (Jaina) I lost .01 pounds on new SlimFast UltraSuperMightyIncreadibleTasty Gormet Chocolate Milkshake plan! >her hips jerking as she thrust her pussy Tom: ... now parry, then thrust, thrust, parry, thrust ... >harder against the rod embedded within her cunt. Mike: It's stuck? Man, she MUST have thrust hard ... >Tenel Ka rested her right cheek against Jaina's left kneecap, Crow: *CRACK* (Jaina) Oopsie! Sorry about the skull ... heh heh ... >licking her friend's luscious white skin as they both approached >orgasm. Tom: They're on the highway to the Danger Zone ... Crow: They're in the Zone, alright ... >The Force exploded within Jacen's mind Tom: Causing his head to detonate in a cloud of gory gel. The end. >as the instrument flared with power, Mike: The Force Dildo apparently works as a Super Saiyen on the side ... >hurling both naked girls into a maelstrom of erotic bliss. All: ... Crow: Y'know, Mike, I've read a *lot* of lemons ... but I have to say ... that's the first time I've ever heard an orgasm described like that ... Tom: Almost makes you feel bad it'll end up with the Jedi twins boffing each other, don't it? >Tenel Ka and Jaina screamed when they climaxed, their cum spurting out All: THERE SHE BLOWS! >of their cunts in long, arching streams that glittered like Mike: ... gold? Crow: Mike, how many times do I have to tell you ... all that glitters is not gold ... >rain in the sunlight. Tom: Hey, when it cums, it pours ... > >Jacen's own forehead was slick with sweat, Crow: ... among other things ... >his breathing labored as he watched the two girls hug each other >tightly, Mike: (Jaina) Uhm ... Tenel? My ... spine ... Tom: *cracking sounds* >then kiss slowly, tenderly on the lips. Tom: Ain't love grand? Crow: Yeah. This, on the other hand ... >The Jedi boy left the edge of the clearing, silently making his >way back out of the jungle, Crow: (Jacen) GANGWAY FOR THE BATHROOM! MY MONKEY HAS BEEN VERY BAD AND MUST BE SPANKED IMMEDIATELY! Mike: Thanks for that mental image there, Crow ... Crow: Oh, any time, Mike. >pondering everything he had just seen. Tom: (Brain) Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? Crow: (Pinky) I think so, Brain ... but how're we gonna get Sailor Mars to let us use a cucumber on 'er? Tom: (Brain) Wrong lemon, Pinky ... > >*** Mike: I'll be damned! Kurt Cobain *DOES* have a gun! > >Jacen and Jaina lashed at each other All: ?!? Crow: Man, we go from the lesbians to hardcore S & M? This guy's my kinda lemon author! Tom: Crow, they're brother and sister! Crow: *pause* Good point. I'll go hang myself now. >with their humming lightsabers. Mike: (Jacen) No, Jaina, that's not the Force Dildo! Tom: Oh, the humanity! >Jaina parried a swift slash from her brother, Crow: Since she'd already used up all her thrusts in the last scene. >then tried to hack his lower legs with her glowing weapon. Tom: A little violent there, Jaina? Crow: (Jaina) You non-lesbian! I SHALL SMITE THEE! >Jacen jumped over his sister's blade, All: JUMP! Crow: Might as well, I suppose ... >hurling over her head, Tom: Ah, yes. Nothing sets up a potential incest scene like vomit. >then landing gracefully behind her Mike: (Jacen) I am the LORD OF THE DANCE! >to slash down at her exposed back. Crow: Baby got BACK! Well, not for long ... >Jaina blocked the attack by instinctively thrusting her >lightsaber behind her back. Tom: Now *that's* talent. Crow: Oh, is that what they're calling them nowadays? >She spun on her heel, performing a lightning swift series of >strikes at her brother. Mike: (Jaina) There can be only one! >Jacen parried all of Jaina's assaults, allowing the Force >to guide his weapon for him. Tom: Man, the Force IS in everything ... just look at the sheer volume of plot contrivances it's caused in this fic alone! >Jaina smiled approvingly, Crow: (Jaina) I like you. I screw you last. >then lashed out with her right boot, All: BOOT TO THE HEAD! >knocking Jacen onto his back, the breath forced from his lungs. Tom: (JR) MAH GOD! Jaina just hit Jacen with the dreaded LEGG SWEEPY THING! >Jacen coughed Mike: (Jacen) Gad, you uncouth ruffian ... >while Jaina stood over him, Crow: (Jaina) Who's the lesbian, huh?!? WHO'S THE LESBIAN?!? >the tip of her lightsaber a breath away from his convulsing throat. Tom: Looks like Jacen's "Usual Morning" has just been reversed ... Crow: Quite a spark between those two, ain't it? > >"You left yourself open again," grinned Jaina, extinguishing >her blade, then reaching down to help her wheezing brother to >his feet. Mike: Jaina Solo: Teenage lesbian, and butch Jedi instructor. > >"I should know to watch your feet by now," gasped Jacen, Tom: Especially while Oracle's booking. >massaging his aching chest Crow: I thought he was supposed to be massaging Jaina's chest? Tom: You actually WANT to see this? Crow: Tom, the sooner they get it on, the sooner we get outta here. >while clipping his deactivated lightsaber to his belt. Mike: I heard Viagra can help with that ... Bots: MIKE?!? Mike: Hey, I get tired of playing ref to you two's hentai natures, alright? Crow: OK, here's an idea ... you do the hentai riffs for awhile, and I'll play the boring straight man. Deal? Mike: You're on! >"You have to serve me dinner tonight," giggled Jaina, Mike: Oh, she'll be swallowing something, all right ... Crow: MIKE! Tom: She smells what Jacen is cookin' ... >ruffling her brother's curly brown hair. Crow: At least it's not brown(poop-colored)... >"Yeah, yeah, I know," grimaced Jacen, Mike: (Jacen) On the bottom AGAIN! Crow: Mike ... >following Jaina down the dimly lit temple hallway. All: *begin humming porno-type music* > >"Let me get a shower first, (Suddenly, alarms go off) Tom: Warning! Warning! We have incoming lemon set-up! Repeat, we have lemon set-up! Mike: LET THE BOFFING BEGIN! Crow: Mi ... damn, this *is* boring, isn't it? Mike: Now you know how I feel, buddy. >then you can await my wishes," grinned Jaina mischievously. All: *make sounds of a whip cracking* > >Jacen mock scowled at his sister, rubbing his sore butt. All: ACK!!! Mike: I thought Jaina was supposed to be the one with the sore butt? Tom: Unless this Jacen lad's a wee bit lavender ... Crow: Runs in the family, I guess. >The two siblings entered Jaina's small bedroom, with its bed, Crow: NO! A bedroom with a bed? Get out! Tom: PLEASE! >dresser, and worktable covered with unassembled devices and >ship's components. Mike: (Jacen) What's this vibrator doing here? Tom: (Jaina) I ... uhm ... needed the batteries! Yeah! Heh ... >Jaina started to unzip her red jumpsuit as she entered her All: *start the porno music up again* >tiny private bathroom. > >"I won't be long." Mike: (Jacen) I never am! Crow: MIKE! >"Take your time, sis," replied Jacen, cautiously walking up to >Jaina's dresser, Tom: Must ... steal ... panties ... Crow: I'm getting "Virgin Warrior Sailor Moon" flashbacks, and I *don't* like it ... >opening the first drawer to see if he could find the mysterious >Instrument. Mike: (Jacen) Let's see ... whip, handcuffs, whip cream, lubricant, vibrator, Voodoo Dick, issue of Playboy with Sable on the cover ... > >The top drawer was full of Jaina's panties and bras. Tom: Oh, God ... it *IS* VWSM ... >Jacen grinned at the dainty pink and white undergarments, Mike: (Jacen) I'll just grab a couple of these here ... >but closed the drawer, unwilling to be distracted from his search. Crow: (Jacen) I just *know* Spock's in here somewhere ... Tom: This lemon is highly illogical ... >The second drawer had clean spare jumpsuits, Mike: Hey! She stole my wardrobe! >but the third held a chaotic All: CHAOS! >assortment of mechanical parts and tools. Jacen glanced at the >open doorway of the bathroom, Mike: (Jacen) Man, she *does* steam up a mirror ... and the shower's not even on yet! >still hearing his sister bathing in the shower. He returned to >his search, rifling through Tom: "Rifling"? Did he bring a .45mm into her room and just start shooting into the drawer, or what?!? >the morass All: *snicker* Mike: Looks like Jacen's gonna be getting some morass in a minute ... >of parts, grinning when he discovered a slim bundle wrapped in a >cloth. Crow: (Jacen) Hmmm ... "Force Dildo" ... wonder what that means? >Jacen removed the bundle from the drawer, flicking the cloth away, Mike: Flickering and lickering ... >gazing at the instrument lying within his hand. The young Jedi >closed his eyes, All: Oh GOD no ... Mike: PJ, I'm beggin' you ... DO NOT GO HERE! >probing the rod with the Force. The instrument responded to his >probe, trembling slightly with life within his palm. Tom: By the Maker ... he's doing it ... Crow: NO! NO YAOI DILDO SCENE! > >"After dinner maybe we could go listen to Tionne give one of her…" Mike: ... blowjobs? Crow: Mike ... >began Jaina, rubbing her damp brown hair with a towel before she >discovered Jacen kneeling in front of her dresser, Crow: (Jacen) Oh, mighty dresser, grant me the power to boff my sister, I beg of you ... >the instrument cradled within his hand. All: THANK YOU! Tom: The fic may be saved yet ... > >"Jacen! What?!" Crow: He didn't say anything! >stammered Jaina, her face blushing hotly. Mike: (Jaina) Gimme the force Dildo! Crow: Oh, I'm sure he will ... in the worst way ... Mike: OK, Crow, wanna switch back? Crow: Please! I'm tired of being the straight man! Let me be the pervert again! Mike: *snickering* Sure thing. Crow: WHOO-HOO! > >"I…saw you using this with Tenel Ka," whispered Jacen, his >own skin burning Tom: (Jaina) Uhm, bro, is there a reason why you're on fire? Mike: Eh, he must've just got back from a Rammstein concert. >as he stared at the instrument, unable to meet his sister's eyes. Crow: Her breasts, on the other hand ... > >"Jacen…I…" murmured Jaina, dropping the towel in her hand, Tom: So, in other words ... All: She's NNNNNUDE! >her mind jumbled with excuses and half-formed explanations. Crow: (Jaina) Me put Force Dildo in pussy and me cum. End of story. >"It's okay, sis. I won't say anything," grinned Jacen weakly, >standing up, the instrument still in his hand Mike: (Jacen) You think this is something? Just wait till you see MY Holy Instrument ... >with its cloth wrapping. Tom: Isn't it kinda silly to give a dildo a condom? > >Jacen re-wrapped the rod while he walked towards the door of >Jaina's bedroom. Crow: (Jacen) And now, I shall re-enact the first chapter of "Usagi's Usual Morning" ... > >"Hey! Where are you taking it?" asked Jaina desperately, >grasping a firm hold of Jacen's All: ACK! >left arm. All: Oh. > >"I want to study it. Crow: (Jacen) Yeah ... that's it ... heh ... >It must be a powerful artifact, maybe the Jedi created it a long >time ago, or some other Force-sensitive order." Mike: Man, those Jedi were a kinky bunch ... > >"The women of Dathomir created it, as part of a rite of Crow: ... writing lemons. >passing," said Jaina, standing close to Jacen, her hand firm >over her brother's arm. "Please, don't take it." Tom: (Jaina) Take me instead! Crow: Oh, he will ... > >"Why not? What's wrong with you?" Mike: (Jaina) I've been out-of-character the entire fic, and you ask what's wrong with me?!? >asked Jacen, his arm starting to ache from the pressure Jaina was >exerting upon it. Crow: Looks like Jacen's gonna wind up with some bruises after the lemon scene's done and gone... > >"I…have to have it every night. Mike: Because all women are essentially stupid and horny creatures. >Ever since Tenel Ka let me use it to become her warrior sister," Crow: Emphasis on "come". >murmured Jaina, her face lowered in shame, All: SHAAAAME! >half cloaked by her shoulder length brown hair. > >"You're...addicted to it?" All: *singing* Might as well face it, you're addicted to cum ... > >"Yes." Mike: No. Crow: Maybe. Tom: What was the question again? > >"Maybe we should tell Uncle Luke. Maybe he could help you." Crow: He'd "help" her, alright ... > >"Please, just give it back to me," moaned Jaina, Tom: She's moaning already?!? Crow: Man, talk about an easy lay ... >reaching out to gently take the bundle from her brother's right >hand. Mike: So, she's breaking his arm with her grip with one hand, but she's being gentle with the other. I don't get it. Crow: There's plenty of things you don't get, Nelson. Mike: Hey ... >"Jaina..." protested Jacen. > >Jaina grasped both of her brother's cheeks with her small hands, Tom: GOOSE! Mike: Wrong cheeks, Tom ... >smothering his open mouth with hers in a hot, hungry embrace. Crow: LET THE INCEST BEGIN! >Jacen's eyes widened with shock as his beautiful sister caressed >his tongue with hers. Mike: Before incest ... caress! > >"Please, give it back. I'll do anything," groaned Jaina, Crow: OK, everyone who saw this coming, raise your hand now. (Crow and Mike do so. Tom does nothing) Mike: Servo, you want me to raise your arm for you? Tom: If you would, sir Nelson. Mike: *does so* Crow: That's what I thought. >lowering her left hand over Jacen's crotch, Tom: ... section? Mike: *shudders* Please, no ASADAE 6 references, Tom. >rubbing his limp cock with her gentle hand. Crow: Hey, leave the rooster out of this! > >Jacen staggered backwards, hitting the closed door of his sister's >bedroom, Tom: (Jacen) D'oh-ho-ho-ho! >the instrument wriggling excitedly within his right hand. Mike: Well, I'm glad *someone* is enjoying this ... >Jaina gazed at her brother with glazed brown eyes Crow: Well, looks like the Lemon Energy has just consumed her brain. >as she unzipped her jumpsuit and pulled it down to her ankles, All: *chant* Take it off, take it off ... >flicking the garment aside with a kick of her slim left leg. >She approached Jacen, Tom: (Lawyerly) May I approach the lemon, your honor? Crow: (Judge) You may. >pressing her naked body against him, her small breasts soft over >his heaving chest. Mike: Again with the vomiting? Tom: Stan from South Park and Jacen Solo; seperated at birth? > >"I'll do whatever you want," murmured Jaina, Tom: Fine. GO AWAY! >bumping her crotch against his, All: *singing* Come on everybody, let's bump it, bump it ... >caressing his burning cheeks with her delicate pale hands. > >"Sis..." panted Jacen, his member hardening despite his objections. Tom: Because all teenage boys secretly want to put the boots to their twin sister. Crow: Hey, just ask Luke ... Mike: (Austin Powers) Do I make you horny, baby? > >"You want to study the instrument? Mike: (Jaina)You wanna? Huh? You wanna, nerd-boy? Do ya? >Use it on me, discover its power," Tom: Somehow, I get the idea she's not trying to sell him a Discover card ... >purred Jaina, wrapping her arms around her brother's waist, squeezing >his buttocks wantonly. Crow: Wanton(noun): 1) Malicious and unjustifiable ... Tom: Yeah, that fits. Crow: ... 2) Without regard to what is right or humane ... Mike: Can't argue with that. Crow: ... 3) Sexually unrestrained. Tom: Restraint? In a PJ lemon? HELL no! Crow: Yup, I'd say that fits. > >Jacen touched his sister's hot right cheek Mike: Avoiding the cold left one ... Crow: Because nobody likes a frigid woman. >with his left hand. She kissed his fingers, Tom: (Jacen) Uhm, you don't know where that's been, do you? >then placed one in her mouth, sucking seductively upon it, Crow: Uhm, Jaina ... that's not what they mean by "Suck It" ... Mike: Shhh! If she doens't know what it is, then we don't have to watch them do it! >her eyes locked with his, smoldering with Tom: ... the lightning bolt that had just fried her skull. >sensual need. Mike: (Jaina) Must ... have ... CAFFEINE!!! >Jacen enfolded his naked sister in his arms, Crow: Here we go, guys ... Tom: Gotta give Jacen credit, though. He held out longer than most characters in lemons do. >kissing her hungrily, ravenously. Mike: (Jacen) Did I forget to mention I'm a cannibal? >She moaned with pleasure, panting as he licked down her graceful >neck, Crow: Insert Bela Legosi riff here. >then nibbled across her bare left shoulder. The siblings staggered Tom: ... as the realization of what they were doing suddenly hit them full-blast, and they immediately ran to the bathroom to vomit explosively. >to Jaina's small bed, collapsing upon it. Crow: *singing* Incest siblings falling down, falling down, falling down ... >Jacen crushed Jaina's still growing breasts with his hands, Mike: "Crushed"? Shouldn't that, like, hurt really badly? Crow: Hey, we've already got lesbian, incest, underage, and toys ... why not throw in a little S&M while we're at it? >licking her stiff nipples, then sucking wetly Tom: Ewww! He's drooling on her! >upon the warm hills of flesh. Jaina reached out with a searching left >hand, Mike: (Dark Helmet) Found anything yet? Crow: (Trooper) We ain't found SHIT! >unwrapping the instrument from its binding cloth Mike: Ah, I see the Force Dildo joined the Church. Tom: So much for the vow of celibacy ... >where it lay discarded next to Jacen's right leg. She poured >the Force into the rod, Mike: Then stirred thoroughly for five minutes, before adding the flour and eggs to the mixture ... Tom: Looks like *someone* was a food major in college ... >smiling when the instrument shuddered to life within her grasp. Crow: (Jaina) Hee-hee ... hey Jacen, UP YOURS! Literally! Tom: Oh, God no ... >Jacen massaged his sister's tits Mike: You get the idea that PJ really likes breasts? Tom: I assumed as much, yes. >while he kissed her yielding mouth, Crow: (English) Shall ye fight ... or yield? Tom: YIELD! YIELD! >relishing the taste of her soft, warm lips. Mike: Tastes like chicken! Crow: Considering what she's been eating lately, tuna would seem more likely ... Mike: Crow ... > >"Fuck me, Jacen," All: *sigh* Tom: That's what it all comes down to, in the end ... Crow: Literally, in most cases. >groaned Jaina, pressing the rod into his right hand. "Fuck me with >this." Crow: Uhm ... I hate to play Devil's Advocate here, but does a guy really *need* a dildo? Doesn't he have one, like, built-in? Mike: Ask no silly questions, PJ only has silly games ... Tom: In other words, stop thinking about it, maybe it'll go away. > >Jacen accepted the rod, Mike: (Jacen) I won! I won! Crow: (Jacen) I'd like to thank the 1999 Silver Boner Academy of judges, the Author for allowing me to put the boots to my sister, and of course, my Uncle Luke, who taught me everything I know about twin-sister incest! Thank you! Tom: (Jacen) Oh yeah, and ... I'M KING OF THE WOOOORLD! >making sure that the open blossom faced his sister's wet pink cunt. Crow: I *knew* there was a reason pink was Steven Tyler's favorite color ... Tom: Looks like the Force Dildo's about to get a Taste of India, if ya smell what the gumball machine's cookin'. Mike: You guys are absolutely Amazin' ... I mean, you guys must have Nine Lives! I'd have gone Crazy without you guys ... Tom: Yeah, but it leaves a Hole In My Soul, especially when it all comes Full Circle and you have to Eat the Rich ... Crow: The "Aerosmith" sketch, ladies and gentlemen! >He slowly inserted the instrument into Jaina's pussy, Tom: Does the Humane Society know about this? Crow: (Oscar) No cats were harmed in the making of this fic ... well, maybe one or two ... >channeling his own portion of the Force into the warmly throbbing >tool. Mike: Uhm ... I hate to ask, but which one? Crow: Does it matter? It's a pain in Jaina's ass either way ... >The petals of the instrument quivered, pink and glistening, as they >fastened themselves firmly onto the lips of Jaina's slit. Tom: Well, at least *something* in this fic has a grip ... >Jaina moaned loudly, All: *thrown back into the seats* Mike: ACK! How many times to have to tell you guys to turn down the bass on this thing? Crow: Ah, c'mon, Mike! That's what makes M2 fun to listen to! >her hips shuddering, as the instrument burrowed deep into her vagina, Tom: First a stapler, now a mole. It's not only a Force Dildo, it's a friggin' Shapeshifter! >filling her orifice. Crow: (Jaina's vagina) I couldn't take another inch ... really! I'm serious. Well ... maybe *one* more bite ... >Jacen groaned as the full effect of the instrument washed across his >mind. Tom: It's called a "bong", PJ. Mike: (Stoner) I can see it man, I can SEE it! >He could feel Mike: (TV's Frank) See me ... feel me ... touch me ... >his sister's pleasure, feel her hot body as it Tom: ... spontaneously combusted, setting them both aflame and killing them. The end. Crow: *Must* you be dark during the lemon scenes? Tom: Yes. >writhed within the erotic influence of the alien rod. Mike: I do *NOT* need to have the mental image of a Xenomorph lemon, thank you very much ... Tom: Ridley Scott is *NOT* happy. >Jacen leaned against his sister's bent right leg, Tom: I'm guessing it would be really redundant to tell her to get bent, wouldn't it? Mike: Pretty much. >his right hand pumping energetically All: ACK! Crow: I do not, repeat, do NOT want to see Jacen whacking off! >as he rammed the throbbing rod harder against his sister's cunt, All: Oh. Crow: Well, I don't really wanna see this, either ... >making her pant faster and faster, Mike: Faster and faster and faster andfaster andfaster andfasterandfasterandfasterandfasterand ... Tom: Mike, snap out if it! *rams him with his dome* Mike: OW! >her tits dripping with sweat Crow: How could she drip if Jecen's on top? Tom: Inverted gravitational fields? How the hell am I supposed to know?!? >as she shuddered in ecstasy. Tom: Ah-HA! I *knew* this guy had to be on drugs! > >"Harder! Faster!" Mike: Smarter! Tom: Stronger! Crow: Longer! Mike: Quicker! Crow: Thicker! Tom: Uhm ... uhm ... pass! >shouted Jaina, All: *fly back again* Mike: That's it, I'm adjusting this thing ... *walks up to the screen and crouches down* >her lips quivering, drool flowing down her chin Tom: (PJ) Slobber turns me on! Crow: Droolin', droolin', droolin' ... >while she fondled her own pumping breasts, Mike: *returning to seat* That's right, join the Lemon Crusade because ... Bots: Ve're here to pump ... UH! You up! >pinching the delicate nipples. Tom: Unfortunately, she promptly broke them off. They were *really* delicate, apparently ... > >Jacen obeyed his frenzied sister, All: *make whip-cracking sounds* Mike: It's pretty sad when you're whupped by your *sister* ... >shoving the instrument with all his strength, Tom: OK, either he's a complete wuss, or the Force Dildo would batter her womb to shreads ... Crow: I'm betting on the former. He did get beat in a lightsaber duel by his sister, after all. >the open blossom grinding against the naked girl's cunt Mike: (Jaina) Hey, moron! I'm over *here*! >as the rod slid deep into her womb, engorged with the Force, >shuddering within the tight constraints of her slick vagina. Tom: Y'know, call me crazy, but from that sentance, you get the idea that the author thinks that the vagina is nothing but a rolled-up slip-n-slide ... > >Jaina climaxed, Crow: (Jaina) Oh, Uncle Lu...er, Ten...er, Lobac...er, Jacen! Yeah, that's it ... >screaming loudly as her pussy burst All: EWWW! Tom: I've got it! PJ is really the Great Red Serphent! Crow: The missle fetus strikes again ... >like a shattered dam, Mike: Well, hot dam! >releasing a violent torrent of hot musky cunt juices. Tom: Good lord! I've heard of geysers, but this is outright rediculous! Crow: All-natural cunt juices! Not from concentrate. Part of your mentally unbalanced breakfast! >Jacen squeezed his eyes shut, Mike: I feel your pain, Jacen. >grunting All: OOGA-CHACKA, OOGA-OOGA-OOGA-CHACKA ... >while Jaina's orgasm washed over his mind, Crow: And his body ... and the bed ... and the walls ... and half the friggin' jungle ... >his cock ejaculating in sympathy Mike: Man, nothin' hurts more than a sympathy lay. Tom: Something you know well, huh Mike? Mike: At least I have the equipment, neuter-bot. Tom: ... >to his sister's own uncontrollable release. Crow: So much for release being peace ... > >Jacen leaned heavily upon Tom: ... his regular diet of uppers and downers, and when the supply was cut off ... >Jaina's right leg, but he retained a death grip on the instrument Mike: Rigor mortis during sex? Ew. >still nestled within his lovely sister's pussy. Crow: The Force Dildos were wrapped up all tight in their crotches ... Tom: With visions of Young Jedi Knight lemons dancing in their heads ... >Jaina lay weakly on her back, gazing lovingly at her brother, Mike: (Jaina) I'll be damned ... incest IS best, when lust is a must! >her crotch wonderfully sticky with her own warm cum. Tom: Ah, yes, nothing like having your intimate areas covered in snot ... Crow: Tom, you're ruining it for me! >Jacen smiled wanly at his prone sister, Mike: Let's just hope she doesn't turn over, or it'll be a full moon ... >already he could feel the hunger for more Tom: Hunger ... for BLOOD! >whispering within his mind, All: (hushed) Do it! Do it! Do the deed! Kill them all! >a hunger that could only be sated by joining with his sister, Mike: WONDER TWINS ... UNITE! Crow: (shudders) Super-Friends lemons ... now *that's* something the world can definately do without. >feeling her desire flow over him like a strong ocean current. Tom: Yeah, an ocean that's had every 5-year-old on the planet take a piss in it ... Mike: TOM! > >Jacen pressed his left hand into Jaina's Crow: Fisting?!? Already? >right, their fingers entwined, Crow: Oh. >then they began again. Tom: Finnegan Begin Again. Crow: She was so nice, Jacen fucked her twice! > >*** Tom: OK, you have one shot at this ... OK, maybe two ... no, wait, three ... >Tenel Ka rolled uneasily upon her bed, Crow: Hey, I feel yer pain, Tenel. >her breathing labored as she felt the Force thunder around her. Crow: (Beavis) Heh-heh, hey, Butthead, Yoda just farted! Bots: Huh-huh-huh-huh, huh-huh-huh-huh ... >She bolted up into a sitting position, Mike: (Tenel) FOOTBALL PRACTICE! >her firm breasts pumping, her sleeping shift Tom: Ewwww! Feces! Mike: ShiFt, Tom ... it's shiFt ... Tom: Oh. Still ... >and sheets drenched in her sweat. Crow: And that's not all ... Tom: (Tenel) I wet 'em! >The lithe warrior girl Mike: Xena? Tom: Samus Aran? Crow: Kekko Kamen? >jumped out of bed, Tom: *singing* Got up, jumped out 'a bed, shoved a Force Dildo up my ... Mike: Enough, Tom. >walked over to the open window of her bedroom, and let the cool night >air Crow: If the THO wasn't there before, it is now ... >of Yavin 4 cascade over her burning flesh. Tom: Uhm, why is she on fire? Mike: Just accept it, Tom. It'll be easier that way. >She grasped the lower edge of the window, Crow: (Tenel) I'll do it! I'll jump! >closing her eyes, searching with her Jedi senses for the source of the >disturbance she had felt in her sleep. Tom: (Tenel) Let's see ... Exar Kunn, no ... Darth Vader, no ... ah, that's it! It's ... All: The FORCE DILDO! >"Jacen! Jaina!" whispered Tenel Ka sharply, Crow: (Tenel) She's doing her *brother?!?* Kinky ... >her eyes flying open in recognition and fear. Tom: (Tenel) Oh my god ... I'm STILL in this lemon! It wasn't just a dream! ARRRRGHHHHHH!!! >"They're using the Instrument!" Crow: It's just a Stratacaster, for God's sake ... > >Cursing under her breath, Tenel Ka draped on a richly embroidered red >silk robe, Mike: Debra she ain't. Tom: Looks like we all know what time of the month it is ... Mike: TOM! Bots: *snicker* >cinching the silk belt around her slim waist Crow: (Tenel) Huk! Too ... tight ... >as she marched out into the hallway, Tom: Hup, two, three, four, hup, two, three, four ... Crow: Lesbiaaaans ... MARCH! >intent on stopping her foolish young friends. Mike: (Shao Khan) You weak pathetic fools. Your Force Dildos are mine! > >*** Tom: One shot's all I need to end this all right now ... > >Tenel Ka used the Force Mike: ... Luke. >to unlock the door of Jaina's bedroom. Crow: Have these guys ever heard of "keys"? Tom: What's the point of a lock if everyone in the temple's the friggin' Juggernaut? >She flung the portal aside, marching in to find a scene she was totally >unprepared for. Mike: They were acting out the ending from "Hamlet". Crow: More like "Oedipus Rex". Mike: How so? Crow: The incest, for one. Mike: Ah. Tom: (Juliet) Oh, Force Dildo, Force Dildo, wherefore art thou Force Dildo? > >Jacen was naked All: Ewww ... Crow: It's NEKKID time! >as he straddled his sister's face, shoving his stiff cock Mike: Will you please leave the poor rooster out of this? >within her sucking mouth Tom: What do this lemon and Jaina have in common? Mike: What? Tom: They both suck. >while he rammed the Instrument inside Jaina's anus, Crow: (Jaina) Dammit, bro, that's supposed to be 'exit-only'! Mike: What a pain in the ass ... >his mouth licking up and down the naked girl's trembling cunt. Tom: *pointing* Look, it's just as afraid of us as we are of it! > >The small bedroom reeked Tom: As does this lemon. >of sweat and cum, Mike: Not because of those two, though ... it always smelled that way, for some reason ... >white splashes dribbled down the walls Tom: Oh, look! They decided to paint her room during the sex scene! Mike: (naucous) Uhm, Tom ... that's not paint ... Tom: Oh. (horrified) NOOOOO!!! Crow: My god ... Jacen's pecker is the friggin' Galaxy Gun! Look at the *range*! Mike & Tom: We'd rather not ... >and pooled over the floor near the sweat soaked bed. Crow: Uhm ... shouldn't they both have passed out from dehydration between the sweat and the cum? Mike: Like I said, stop trying to figure it out ... > >"Jacen! Stop it!" Tom: That's exactly what I've been sayin' the entire lemon, darlin' ... >screamed Tenel Ka, Mike: Neve Campbell she ain't. Tom: Thankfully ... >slamming the door shut before she marched across the Crow: ... fields, to take back their rightful land from the evil British empire ... Tom: Been watching "Braveheart" a bit too much there, Crow? Crow: Do not mock William Wallace! I shall smite thee! >room to take the Instrument from the addicted boy's Mike: Leonard DiCaprio? Tom: Oh, good job, Nelson ... now we'll get flames from every prepubescent girl on the Internet ... Crow: Ah yes, the one substance more addictive than Speed, heroin, and cocaine combined ... Force Dildos. >frantic grasp. > >"Can't...stop," Mike: (Jacen) ... Must ... talk ... like ... Shatner ... Crow: (Jacen) My ... little friend ... my ... special ... friend ... >moaned Jacen Tom: Hey, join the club, pal. >while he licked the inside of Jaina's left thigh, Mike: So he stripped the skin off his sister's leg, and now he's licking it? Ewww. Tom: Sounds a little like the Megane/Sailor Mac scene in that Dark Starr fic ... >his tongue collecting his sister's sweet sweat Crow: Actually, sweat's more of a salty flavor ... >where it beaded over her pale, hot flesh. Mike: (Jaina) Beady-beady-beady, get the hell out of my mouth, pervert! > >"Stop channeling the Force into the Instrument! Tom: (Jacen) And end the lemon before we can get in the threesome? Are you nuts? >Release the Force!" Mike: No thanks, already went. >"The rod...it's absorbing the Force through me. Crow: In other words, it sucks. >I can't...stop it!" > >Tenel Ka bit her lower lip, Tom: ... promptly slicing it completely off. Crow: That's gonna leave a mark ... >her nostrils burning Mike: Let's see ... so far, Jaina's burning, Jacen's cheeks are burning, Tenel's *nostrils* are burning ... when did we step into Dante's Inferno? >from the strong musk that nearly made her choke. Tom: I say again ... I feel your pain. > >"It feels...so good, Crow: (Jaina) To be ... out of character ... >don't try to...stop All: *singing* In the naaame of cuuum ... >it," moaned Jaina, her brother's cock rubbing over her left cheek, >his cum crusting on her small chin. All: Ewww ... Mike: Sperm facials are one thing ... but crusty sperm facials are a whole other story ... > >Tenel Ka eyed Jaina. Crow: Can't say as I blame her ... >She could feel her warrior sister's ecstasy, the aching heat Tom: Yeah, hearing Kevin Kelley commentate hurts me, too ... Crow: Not that Terry Taylor's any better ... >that throbbed within the naked girl's pussy. Mike: That's what happens when you bring your cat to Mexico ... >Tenel lowered her right hand to her crotch All: Down, down, going down ... >without realizing it, Crow: That's a hell of a tic ... >gently fingering her cunt through her pink silk panties, her pussy >growing wet in an instant. Tom: *singsong* You're gonna wet 'em in an instant! > >"No!" Crow: Yes! Tom: Abstained. Mike: Can I think about it? >protested Tenel, All: *chanting* Hell no, we won't cum! Hell no, we won't cum! >shaking her head violently Mike: Y'know, all that headbanging's gonna give her some major neck problems in the future ... >to break the link with Jaina. Tom: Leave Zelda out of this! >The warrior girl rushed forward, seizing the Instrument Crow: (Tenel) My Force Dildo! >that Jacen held within his sister's tight asshole. Tom: But if it's up her ass, how'd Tenel grab it? Crow: Very carefully, I'm guessing. > >Jacen shot his head forward, kissing Tenel Ka firmly on the mouth. Mike: (Tenel) Ewwww!!! Boys!!! >She stared at him wide eyed Tom: Doesn't she know you're supposed to close your eyes when sucking face? >as he probed down her throat with his tongue. Mike: OK, I call no "Species" riffs. Bots: Awww ... >She tasted Jaina's cum on Jacen's lips, the fluid was sticky, thick, Tom: Cum is thicker than water ... >and delicious. Crow: (Tenel) Mmmmm ... pussy ... >Tenel Ka moaned softly, returning Jacen's embrace, sucking Tom: I thought Jaina was doing that? Crow: Actually, we haven't heard from Jaina in awhile ... >hungrily on the handsome boy's mouth. Jacen placed his right hand >over Mike: ... his heart, as he began to say ... Crow: (Jacen) I pledge allegiance, to the Star Wars lemon, of the hentai author PJ. And to the perversion, for which it stands, one incest, under a lesbian clinch, incomprehensible, with vomiting and suicide for all. >Tenel's left breast, squeezing the tit Tom: Uhm, Jacen, she's not a cow ... >through the warrior girl's thin sleeping shift. While Jacen placed >a series of lingering warm kisses Crow: Does Hershey's know about this? >down the side of Tenel Ka's neck, she listened to Jaina suck on her >brother's cock, All: Ughhhh ... Crow: Y'know, this would be a pretty good lemon scene, if PJ didn't keep reminding us of that ... >her mouth making sensual wet slurping sounds as she enfolded Jacen's >member Tom: Enfold, enstaple, AND enmutilate! Mike: TOM! Crow: Hope she remembered to lick it before she sticked it ... >with her soft pink lips. > >Jacen slid off Tenel Ka's silk robe All: HELLLOOOO, NURSE ... >and pulled off her damp shift, Crow: Ewww! Diahrrea! Mike: That's *SHIFT*, Crow ... >then bent down to gnaw on her right nipple, Tom: (Jacen) Gotta break the seal ... >encircling it with strokes from his agile tongue. Tenel Ka moaned with >lust, Mike: We moaned with pain. >her cunt glistening Crow: Oh, look, it's a diamond! >with her vaginal juices Tom: I'll be damned ... the juice IS loose! >as she hugged Jacen's head Tom: Which one? Crow: The one above his shoulder's; Jaina's using the other one. Mike: ... >to her breast, Crow: (Jacen) Mmph cmph breeph! Tom: (Tenel) What's that? Press harder? Alright ... Crow: (Jacen) MMMMPH! >urging him to suck harder upon her firm melon. Mike: While I urge you to suck a lemon. >Jacen's spittle dribbled down Tenel's tit before beginning a >slow descent Crow: ... into the bowels of HELL itself ... >down the warrior girl's flat belly. Crow: Well, it's someone's bowels, anyway ... >Jacen moved from Tenel Ka's right tit to her left, Tom: One and two and suckle and bite and scrape and change! Crow: Looks like Jacen's an equal opportunity tit-sucker. >tugging at the golden nipple ring Mike: RIP! Tom: (Tenel) AIIIIIEEE!!! Crow: Eh, all these kids nowadays, with their nipple rings and low- hangin' pants and their incestuous threesomes ... >fastened to the little pink knob. Crow: Looks like everyone *does* get a turn ... >While the kneeling Tenel Ka closed her eyes, Tom: (Tenel) Forgive me, Force Dildo, for I hath sinned ... >groaning in bliss, Crow: We do *not* need a Gen13 crossover, thank you very much ... >Jacen pressed his right hand between her thighs, pushing the front >panel Mike: "Front panel"? When did this become a Transformer lemon? Tom: ARRRGHHHH!!! I do NOT need to see Arcee in the buff! Crow: Still better than Optimus Prime on a bearskin rug ... >of her panties All: Ohhhh ... huh? Mike: Since when do panties have "panels"? Tom: Maybe they're modified boxers? Crow: (Tenel) My boys need room! Mike: CROW! >aside to reach her moist warm cunt. He stroked Tenel's pussy Tom: (Jacen) Nice kitty ... Crow: No kidding ... Mike: Are you actually enjoying this, Crow? Crow: Hey, if you ignore the incest part, this actually ain't half- bad ... >over and over, Mike: And over and over and over and over ... Crow: And so on, ad nauseum. Tom: Too late ... >his mouth biting her hardened nipple, Crow: (Tenel) Bite me! It's fun! >making her shudder with pleasure. Tenel Ka tilted Mike: ... the pinball machine, but alas, she couldn't stop it from going in the hole. Bots: *snicker* Mike: Wha ... dammit, I didn't mean it that way! >Jacen's head up, kissing him urgently, Crow: (Tenel) I'm late, I'm late, I'm late for an important lay ... >holding his lowered wrist with her left hand, Tom: *singing* Hold my hand ... Crow: Looks like they're going to the promised land ... Mike: No more Hootie and the Blowfish references, guys. Please? Bots: Oh, all right ... >shoving his fingers deeper into her sticky slit. Crow: So what would that be, tab C into slot B? Tom: No, I think it's tab D ... Mike: Guys, it can be all those things, and more. > >Tenel Ka took the Instrument embedded within Jaina's asshole. Tom: Ouch ... Jacen MUST'VE been pushing it hard ... >She fed the rod Mike: Let's just hope it's not after midnight ... Crow: (Brain Gremlin) Star Wars lemons. Try it one time, won't you? >more of the Force through her own body, joining the link Tom: A link ... to the past. Crow: More like a link ... to the ass. Mike: Crow ... >throbbing between Jacen and his naked sister. Mike: Uhm, shouldn't Jaina be, like, complaining about the large object rammed up her anus? Crow: Mike, it's a lemon. You should really just relax. >Tenel shivered Tom: (Frank N. Furter) I see you shiver ... with antici... (long pause) Tom: ... pation. >as the pleasure of both of her friends poured over her, making >her flesh Crow: ... taste a lot like chicken. >perspire with sensual heat, Mike: I think the WWF's taking this new "Adult-oriented" thing a bit too far ... >her vagina clenching desperately All: *giggle* Crow: Beware the cum of a desperate vagina ... >around Jacen's thrusting fingers, squeezing them greedily. > >"I want to taste your ass," whispered Jacen Crow: (Oracle) Jacen here to whup ass and chew bubbles and ass hard to chew! Tom: Anal sex, I can understand ... anal dildo-ing, I can accept ... but WHY would he want to lick her bunghole?!? Do they even have toilet paper in the Star Wars universe? Mike: *shivering* Please, Tom ... you're bringing back memories of the Great Red Serphent ... >before he licked across Tenel Ka's shaking lips with his wet tongue. Tom: Because his dry one was needed elsewhere. > >Tenel Ka eagerly turned around Crow: Unfortunately, she turned all the way around, so she did it again, came back to the beginning, and repeated until she fell down. >so that her tight curved buttocks faced Jacen. Tom: A-boouuut ... FACE! >Jacen reached down to caress Tenel Ka's taut ass, Mike: So the skin is tightly stretched over her rear end. Makes sense, I suppose. >stroking the warm creamy flesh, Crow: Wonder if that's half-and-half? >gently prying open her crack to admire her gaping, drooling pussy. Mike: I say again ... PJ, that's *NOT* where it's located ... >The Jedi boy leaned down, sticking his right index finger Tom: Thank you, PJ. I *really* needed to know *exactly what finger* Jacen was using to finger Tenel's bunghole! Aiiighhhh!!! Mike: Whoa, whoa! It's OK, Tom! Tom: *sobbing* I'm sorry, Mike ... it's just ... this lemon scene's gone on so *long* ... Mike: It's OK, Tom ... it's almost over ... >inside Tenel Ka's anus while licking the bottom of her cunt with his >slick tongue. Tenel Ka grunted, Crow: (Tenel) EEE-GAHHH!!! Tom: *sniffling* Watch out for snakes! >holding tightly to the edge Mike: If Gangrel shows up, I'm leaving, locked doors or not ... >of the small bed, her tits dangling like sweet ripe peaches Crow: I always knew that chick was a little fruity ... Tom: Let's just hope this guy hasn't seen "Tree of Might" ... >beneath her as Jacen moved his tongue Mike: It's on the move! Someone grab it, quick! >up her throbbing pussy to her stiff clit. Jacen squeezed Tom: *grunting sounds* Crow: Plop! Mike: You guys ... >Tenel Ka's clit between his lips, Bots: *singing* Kissed by a vagina ... >nibbling on it, Crow: (Tenel) OW! No teeth, dammit! >drenching it with his saliva. Tenel Ka moaned, squeezing her eyes shut, Tom: Y'know, that doesn't sound like such a bad idea ... Mike: It's OK, Tom, you close your eyes if you have to. Me and Crow can handle things for awhile. Tom: Thanks, guys. >her sweat slick red hair plastered Crow: I always knew Jedis couldn't hold their liquor ... >across her bare back while Jacen dug into Mike: A planet where Jedis evolved from moles? Crow: And so, the Young Jedi Knight, sensing winter, burrows deep into the vagina, to seek a save haven from the coming cold ... >her cunt with his mouth, Mike: Jeez, at this rate Jacen's entire head should be shoved up there by the next paragraph ... Crow: (Jacen) Well, I'll be damned! Lobacca, what're you doing in here? >caressing her honey-sodden vagina with his tongue. Crow: Hey, Tom, you feel up to riffing some more? Tom: Yeah. Thanks, guys, that really helped. Mike: No problem. You'd do the same for us. Tom: I would? Oh ... I mean, sure I would! Heh ... Others: ... > >All three young Jedi Knights felt the growing thunder Mike: I'll thank you to leave WCW out of this ... Crow: Oh, I dunno ... the Nitro Girls are pretty hot ... Tom: Hulk Hogan lemons, on the other hand, are something the world can definately do without... >building within the Instrument. When the rod exploded with Force energy All: WHAT THE ...? Mike: Man, even the Force Dildo gets to cum! Crow: Well, it *is* the main character ... >like a boiling supernova, Tom: (Jaina) Jacen, you idiot! You shoved a thermal detonator up my ass! >Jacen, Jaina, and Tenel Ka orgasmed as one. Mike: *singing* Three become one ... Tom: Mike, if you ever sing a Spice Girls song again, I swear I will kill you in your sleep ... >Jacen's cock spat All: PTOOIE! Crow: (French) I spit in your soup, sir! >a stream of white cream into Jaina's sucking mouth. The prone girl >swallowed her brother's jism, All: Uuuuughhh ... Tom: WHY does he have to keep reminding us of that?!? Crow: Try new improved Jism! Now in Grape, Orange, and of course, Cherry flavor. With 100% more sperm! >her throat contorting lewdly Mike: How, exactly, would a throat contort "lewdly"? Crow: Maybe it spells out "S-E-X". Mike: Ah. >as she drained Jacen's prick Tom: (Stoner) Dude ... brain drain ... >of its sweet milk. Jaina's pussy vomited Mike: Oh, I can relate. Trust me, I can relate. >an arc of glistening cum, Tom: It's the arc of the covenant of the cum! Crow: (Deep) Yea, and whensoever ye shall see the great arch of vaginal fluid crossing the sky, ye shall be reminded of my eternal promise ... >her honey splattering over Jacen's bare chest and stomach. Mike: (Jacen) Yummy on my tummy! >Tenel Ka climaxed in Jacen's face, Crow: (Harlem) IN YO FACE, SUCKA! >her juices pouring over his nose and open mouth. Tom: From the sinuses it did come, and to the sinuses it shall return ... >Jacen lapped up Tenel's musky fluids, All: *singing* Lick it up ... lick it up ... ohhhhh ... >nuzzling her fleshy cunt, sucking all of the syrupy juices Mike: (Tenel) Lick me! Drink me! Spread me on your pancakes! >squirting Tom: Give your thirst a squirt. Crow: She's got the squirts? Ewww. >out of the beautiful naked girl's vagina. Mike: But anyway, back to these guys. > >Jacen, Jaina, and Tenel Ka lay upon each other Tom: (Jacen) Your elbow's in my hip! Mike: (Tenel) Your knee's in my face! Crow: (Jaina) Your hand's in my ... ooooo ... Mike: Crow ... >within the reeking, sweat soaked bed. Crow: Ah, yes, nothing like a nice strong STENCH to get you in the mood ... >Jacen removed the Instrument from Jaina's anus, Tom: Maybe now she won't walk around like she has an ivory rod shoved up her ass? >his hand trembling and weak Mike: (German) You ah leetle guhly-man, trembling and weak! >from his body's exhausting ordeal. Tom: Mount Ordeals? Crow: Palom and Porom, NOOOO! >As Jacen watched, Mike: (Jacen) This, to me, is good TV. >Tenel Ka crawled up to lay next to Jaina, rubbing her breasts >against her friend's left arm, Tom: (Tenel) Your arm turns me on ... >leaning forward to kiss the panting Jedi girl on the mouth Crow: Oh, great idea, Tenel. Suck all the air out of the hyperventilator. >tenderly. Both girls turned to look at Jacen, Bots: (Girls) Do you MIND? >opening their thighs, Mike: OPEN SESAME! Crow: There's treasure in there, all right ... >prying apart their labias Tom: (Jaina) *grunting noises* Here, let me get a wrench ... >with delicate fingers. > >"More," Tom: (British) Do you want ... MORE?!? >begged Jaina and Tenel Ka, their hunger pulling at Jacen Mike: (Darkly) A hunger that could only be sated by human flesh ... *laughs in a vaguely evil way* >through the link they shared, Tom: The link of their Game Boys. >an unbreakable link forged by the Crow: ... gods! >Instrument Crow: In this story? Same thing. >that craved the young lovers' power of the Force. Tom: And that's not all ... > >THE END All: WHOO-HOO! Mike: Another one down, boys! Let's get outta here! > >************ Crow: Yeah, I know exactly where you can stick those stars ... Mike: Hush, Crow. (Exuent) (.69 ... 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ... 5 ... 6 ... 7) (SoL. Tom is standing before a podium, dressed in a black suit. Behind him is an enormous replica of the "Instrument" from the lemon. Crow and Mike are seated, listening reverently) Tom: ... and when the POWER of the Force Dildo cometh into your life, you shall NEVER be the same! I say, when you feel the POWER of the Force Dildo suffuse your entire being, when you give yourself over to the WILL of the Most High Sex Toy, then, and only then, shall ye be SAVED from the torment and damnation of mediocre porn! And furthermore ... (MADS light flashes. Mike taps it, while Tom rants on) (D-13. The Godfather is gone, replaced by a young man dressed in tight black bondage clothing, gently stroking a very frightened- looking white cat) Man: I don't think you understand, my dear Dr. Forrester. My tastes do not include such ... hairless creatures as this specimen. Rei: ... Dr. F: Ah, but that's the genius of it, Mr. Oscar... (SoL) All: OSCAR?!? (D-13) Oscar: (startled) Huh? Who's there? Lita, if you've come to get my beloved Artemis back, you're not getting him! Dr. F: (soothingly) It's alright, Mr. Oscar ... Oscar: Just "Oscar" is alright. I *am* a hermaphrodite, you know. (The sounds of Mike and the Bots vomiting explosively come, as from a distance) Dr. F: Oscar, then. Those are just a bunch of guinea pigs I sent up into space to watch bad movies and fanfics. Just ignore them, they'll go away. Oscar: Ah, yes. I know that routine well. At any rate, Dr. Forrester ... Dr. F: Yes? Oscar: Is it possible for you to clone some specimen, other than miss Rei here? Dr. F: I suppose ... provided I had a tissue sample. Why? Oscar: (smiling shyly) Are you familiar with a wrestler by the name of Bret Hart ...? (FWOOSH!) THE ANARKIST'S NOTES: Number three's down! This is the third time in as many MSTings that I've journeyed into the bizarro realm that PJ calls his own ... and let me tell you, it gets even weirder the longer you stay in it. And there's lots more to come, as well. No pun intended, heh-heh. As ever, input is encouraged; you guys are what gives me the will to press on. DEDICATIONS: To my girlfriend, for putting a smile on my face and a spring in my step; to PJ, for being such a good sport about my meager attempts at riffing; and to SVAM, who had the good taste to nominate me as one of the Best of '99. ^_^ MSA3K EPISODE GUIDE -------------------- 101-Lady Death: The Summoning 102-Warrior Sisters 103-Warrior Sisters 2: The Flesh Is Weak OTHER PROJECTS -------------------- Mystery Wrestling Theater 3000(w/ Malissa Thomas) #-101 Religious Spam #-102 Urusei X; The Yatsura Files Part I Group MSTings Sailor Moon VS Tickle-Me Elmo(w/ John Hurst) The Fist KILLS Everyone(w/ Akodo X)