Excel Saga by Rikudou Koushi: Serialized in Young King Comics Excel Saga Manga Translation version 1.1 Volume 1 Mission 1 P.5 Ilpalazzo: The world is ... Ilpalazzo: rotting!! Ilpalazzo: Exactly how the world is rotting, let's put that aside for now. Ilpalazzo: This world must be corrected by all means! However! Ilpalazzo: The ignorant masses are unable to advance this world any further! Ilpalazzo: Let us start with one nation! Ilpalazzo: However, in order to avoid exhaustion, we must change our goal once more! Ilpalazzo: Even still, rest assured! Ilpalazzo: This is the first step to being able to conquer the world! Ilpalazzo: In other words, our objective- P. 6 Ilpalazzo: CITY DOMINATION!! *flowing cape *clunk P. 7 *Salute Excel: HAIL ILPALAZZO!! Mission 1 The Legend Begins P. 8 Narrator: Yes! Somewhere, in a certain city! Narrator: A certain place underground Ilpalazzo: The masses cannot save themselves! Narrator: Where they aim for city domination in order to achieve world domination Ilpalazzo: No one else can save them! Excel: That's exactly it! Narrator: Secret organization Across's secret base! Ilpalazzo: We are the only ones who can guide them on the right path... Excel: You're the best! Ilpalazzo-sama!! *toot toot Ilpalazzo: That is, in other words... *rattle rattle Excel: Ah, I, Excel, would go through fire, go through water P. 9 Ilpalazzo: Then go! *kachunk Excel: Aaaah! Ilpalazzo: Our mission is that that great man does not finally accomplish his goal either. It is inaccessable for a long time. Excel: Ah! Excel: My legs won't wooork!! *sign on rope is "Use for Punishment" Ilpalazzo: Furthermore, we will not overextend that important first step. Excel: Uh, yeah Ilpalazzo-sama! Excel: Yes yes! Ilpalazzo: What is it Excel-kun? Excel: Uh, yeah... *drip drip Excel: What is this hole for? P. 10 Ilpalazzo: ... Ilpalazzo: Was it shallow? *shake shake shake Ilpalazzo: By the way, I have a question, Ilpalazzo: What is that doll that you have been carrying around recently? Excel: Thank you for asking me as I hoped you would! P. 11 Excel: Aiming for city domination, we, the "Ideal Driving Force Organization Across" are the chosen path, under leader Ilpalazzo-sama, I, Excel hold the posts of manager, staff officer, soldier and toilet cleaner. We only have two members. So, I think as a syndicate, sadly, we are too lonely. So I spent all last night investing 2,500 yen on "private property"- Excel: I spent all last night carving it out. Ilpalazzo: oho... *written on doll is "Newborn Baby's Name-Deku" Ilpalazzo: I didn't notice. . . Ilpalazzo: I didn't notice all this time that I was forcing such a burden on Excel-kun... Ilpalazzo: I'll do whatever I can as soon as possible... Excel: Ilpalazzo-sama, oh, my... P. 12 Ilpalazzo: Anyway, starting now, the doll is the head of the revolution planning department. Excel-kun is soldier and janitor. Excel: Let's burn this thing. *bof as doll catches fire Ilpalazzo: Well then, about today's plan... *crackle crackle Excel: Oh, Excel: Before the fire goes out, Excel: Ehhh, Excel: The sweet potatoes are almost done. *whoosh whoosh P. 13 Ilpalazzo: First is this VTR (video-tape recording) *clickclickclickclickclick Excel: Ah, kinda coool *creak creak Excel: Is. . .is it an old woman? Excel: She moves like a breaking tree... Ilpalazzo: She's an old woman, isn't she. Ilpalazzo: At first glimpse, she looks like an old woman who couldn't do any harm, but the truth is- melodic beep beep beep Excel: Ah, phone call- Excel: Yes, it's me. Ilpalazzo: ............ Excel: Eh, right now? Just a second... Excel: Ah, no, I understand. I'll be right there, yes! P. 14 Excel: err, anyhow, so you see- Excel: I have to go to my part time job. Ilpalazzo: A cellular phone, you have such an inelegant thing. Excel: It didn't break when I fell into the water a second ago. Excel: It's waterproof!! Ilpalazzo: Don't worry. Excel: Aaaa! Excel: Lobsters! Excel: Why are there lobsters? Eeeeek! *ruffling clothes Excel: Aaah! I'm off to wooork! *beep beep beep beep ring ring ring Ilpalazzo: Ah, hello? Is this Hishi Japan Newspaper company? P. 15 Ilpalazzo: I'd like to ask about a help-wanted ad- *big truck engine sounds Excel: Eh? Excel: Me? P. 16 Excel: Ah stop there stop!! Excel: Okaaay green! Excel: Ok, go goooo!! Excel: sto. . . *hat slides forward Excel: I have a part time job directing traffic... Excel: Moving along nicely aren't they? Foreman: Hey lady, you're talking to yourself a lot as usual. Excel: Yo foreman! Excel: What can I do for you!! Foreman: Ah P. 17 Foreman: The 10 ton truck is coming in! *thud as Excel is hit truck Foreman: You okay? Excel: Th...That wath a nittle scary. *bleed bleed Excel: It was a good thing I delayed the banner. Excel's thoughts: And all the people here are good people. *waving baton sounds Excel's thoughts: At any rate, this building will be ours, and you're helping us to make it. Excel's thoughts: It's a matter of getting used to working for us P. 18 Excel: Can't you stop once in a while?! You're so mean. Excel's thoughts: write down the number in my "to be punished" notebook even though I think he's harmless. Excel: And old men! Excel: And office ladies! Excel: And even the puppy!! Excel: In time all of you will be our servants!! Excel: Quickly conquer them Ilpalazzo-sama! *twirl twirl twirl Ilpalazzo: Ha ha ha, I thought I told you it would be a long process- Excel: Ah! Oh, I knew it, I'm saying this out loud! P. 19 *KABOOM! P. 20 *more KABOOM! Worker: An accident! Accident! Worker: Call an ambulance! Worker: Put out the fire! The fire! Worker: This is terrible! *twirl twirl Worker: The door won't open! Worker: You alive? Worker: Somebody! Hurry! Worker: My arm! My aaarm! *twirl twirl twirl twirl twirl Worker: Chi. . .children are- children are inside! *sirens blaring Excel: DASH! Excel's thoughts: Conspiracy! This is some kind of conspiracy! Excel's thoughts: Mr. Foreman, workers, people affected, I'm sorry! Excel's thoughts: Maybe using an alias was a good idea!! P. 21 Excel's thoughts: Help! Ilpalazzo-samaaaa! *oooo Ilpalazzo: Step *click Ilpalazzo: All right. *farther report "City Domination Plan No. 1023-Discard *closer report "City Domination Plan No. 1024 Ilpalazzo: One attempt down the drain. Ilpalazzo: Ah, hello? Can I get a home delivery? Ilpalazzo: Can I get a large pizza, it's called something like "German Deluxe." Ilpalazzo: What? Address and phone number? P. 22 Ilpalazzo: I don't have to answer that because I am not an ordinary man! *chirp chirp chirp Excel: I'm hooome! Excel: Welcome hooome! *slam Excel: Hey, hey, listen to this. Today, y'know something terrible happened. *whoosh, slam Excel: You've had a rough day huh? Okaaay take of your shoes! Take off your shoes! P. 23 Excel: I know Ilpalazzo-sama... *alone even if you cough Excel: You said "talking to yourself is no good." Excel: Siiigh *unbuttoning sounds Excel: A lot happened in my previous part-time job too. Excel: I remember hearing that ignorant people's terrorism is an important part of world domination. Excel's thoughts: I guess you could call me a genius at always making everything look like my fault. Excel: Even though I managed to hold onto the last job two weeks longer than I held this one. P. 24 Excel: Even still who the heck could have done something so terrible... *arrow-Memory of the past is already being altered. Excel: But the past is the past! Face forward and GO! Excel: To sleep! To sleep! Excel: G'niiight *fluff *Excel wakes up with a gasp P. 25 Excel's thoughts: Now that I think about it, that old woman I saw at the base today! Excel's thoughts: Ilpalazzo-sama, what could it be that you were trying tell me? Excel's thoughts: The enemy group's guerrilla?! Excel's thoughts: Never! I don't believe it! Excel's thoughts: No! No mistake, that's it! Excel's thoughts: That and what happened today, it was all plotted against us! Excel's thoughts: Ah! Ilpalazzo-sama! I'm being targetted! Excel's thoughts: Help! *pour pour Excel's neighbor: What a miserable dinner. P. 26 Excel: THE OLD WOMAN!! Excelk's neighbor: Old woman huh? Excel: The old woman!! Excel's neighbor: Ol. . . Excel's neighbor: I AIN'T AN OLD WOMAN!! *THUD! Excel: OLD WOMAN IS- *THUD THUD! Excel: THE SAAAME!! P. 27 Excel's neighbor: What the hell is living next door! Excel's neighbor: I thought the security deposit was cheap! Dammit!! *chirp chirp *meow Excel: Good morning Ilpalazzo-sama! I know it's early but I have a question! Excel: Umm Excel: The image of the old woman from yesterday, what could it be? P. 28 Ilpalazzo: Old woman? Ilpalazzo: What are you talking about? Excel: Eh, umm... Ilpalazzo: I'll explain the tactics of 1024... *stomach growling Ilpalazzo: By the way, Excel-kun, did you eat a good breakfast this morning? Excel: Of course, until my stomach stuck out!! Narrator: Dreadful Secret Organization Across! Narrator: It doesn't really matter, but when will it take that important first step? Excel: Aaah! Whyyy?! Excel: Baboons!! Excel: Why are there baboons?! Narrator: What could the old woman be? Narrator: Anyway, do your best!! End of Mission 1