Ranma ½ and Neon Genesis Evangelion Crossover

 

Living a Lie

 

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these characters, Ranma ½ and all of its characters belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, and I’m not sure who Neon Genesis Evangelion belong to. Not to me unfortunately.

 

 

“You no good, arrogant, stupid pilot!! When I get my hands on you, I’ll…” Asuka’s angry words were cut off by the closing door. Shinji breathed a sigh of relief and of sadness. She never understood him, she hated him, nothing would change that, so why try?

 

He tossed his backpack onto the floor and flopped down onto the bed. Shinji closed his eyes and reflected upon his day. Okay, he thought, it was off to a bad start with Misato trying to fix some instant ramen. No breakfast that morning. Then there was that little incident with Toji trying to kill him as usual. Then there was the tests later on in the afternoon. Those went all right, he beat Asuka’s synch ratio. She was yelling about it all the way home and she never let up.

 

The only good thing in the world was Rei, a enigma on her own. She never ridiculed him or ignored him. Somehow he felt drawn to her, he knew her. There was something about her that was familiar. But her smile was enough to brighten up any bad day. A good morning from Rei was the best part of the day. Her approval and support meant more than anything in the world. If she would only open up and …. He quashed that train of thought.

 

Shinji glanced at the clock, nearly eight. He quickly stuffed a pillow into his bed, making it look like he was asleep. He yelled, “I’m going to bed early!” He closed the door without listening for a confirmation from an angry Asuka or from a drunken Misato. He waited a few minutes and listened carefully. He heard Misato stumbling into her room and shutting the door. He also heard Asuka leaving the house, probably to that new club that opened up.

 

He opened his window and quietly climbed out. The apartment was nearly thirty floors up but heights were no problem for Shinji. He quickly jumped and fell. He grabbed a tree branch and swung himself in a circle, regaining his balance. Then he let go, flipped several times in the air, and agilely fell to the ground. Shinji got up and laughed to himself, those lessons from Ranma really helped. Roof jumping and high jumping was becoming addictive to the fatalistic teenager. He jumped onto the fence and ran towards the clinic in Nerima. The session would be starting soon.

 

Shinji arrived at Doctor Tofu’s clinic in five minutes, a record for a clumsy, stupid pilot. He jumped off the fence and went inside for his therapy group. Ranma Saotome had started this therapy group mainly for crazy martial artists. He managed to get Doctor Tofu to let them use his clinic, anonymously of course.  Shinji had known Ryoga briefly before, (he got lost in Russia) who recommended that he attend. This would be his tenth session.

 

Inside, Kodachi Kuno was talking to Ryoga Hibiki. Tatewaki Kuno was talking with Ranma Saotome about a better back swing. Shinji sat down next to Ranma and punched him on the shoulder.

 

“Hey Ranma, what’s going on?” Shinji asked.

 

Ranma relaxed when he recognized Shinji’s voice, “He wants to know of a way to fight with a bokken that can actually beat me.” He shook his head. “He still doesn’t get it, nothing can.”

 

“Maybe he should talk to Ryoga.” Shinji suggested gleefully.

 

Ranma looked at the time and smiled. “Lets open up the twelfth session of Martial Artists and Pilots Anonymous. Thanks to ‘Tachi and ‘Dachi for the refreshments.” He politely bowed to them. “Okay, who wants to start out today’s sessions. Remember, everything here is confidential and this never happened.”

 

Shinji raised his hand. “Today Rei smiled at me and I just stared at her like a idiot. Is that a bad thing?” He shook his head. “I’ve never felt about a girl like that before and..” His voice trailed off as he saw the smiles on the faces of his friends.

 

“Is she cute, Shinji-kun?” Kodachi asked.

 

“You sly dog.” Tatewaki teased playfully. “All this time I thought you were a loner.”

 

“Are you serious about her.” Ranma asked. “Or is she merely an infatuation?”

 

“I don’t know. I like her but she couldn’t understand… me or anything..” Shinji paused. “I just can’t connect with her.”

 

Tatewaki shrugged. “She might if you actually talked her.”

 

Kodachi raised her hand timidly. “But the only people who can understand are in this room, maybe if we started acting normal, so to speak, life might get easier.”

There was an immediate outcry of no’s .

 

Ryoga shook his head. “And risk getting hurt, fat chance.”

Ranma sighed. “We just aren’t ready for it, at least not until we get out of our hectic situations. How do you think I survive with three fiancees and millions of enemies. If I act normal, I lose what keeps me sane at night.”

 

Shinji also nodded. “Besides, we are all used to acting strange, that we really don’t know what is normal. And I doubt that the people we are acquainted with are good examples of ‘normal’”.

 

Everybody nodded fervently.

 

Kodachi sighed. “Well, I’m tired of acting like a crazy gymnast, you know. Chasing after Ranma, trying to poison him, cackling really hurts my voice you know,” she glared at Ranma, “I’m tired of it. No offense, Ranma, but I don’t love you.”

 

“Its okay ‘Dachi, I don’t love you either.” Ranma reassured her.

 

“I agree. Chasing after Ranma’s female side is quite humiliating.” Kuno informed them. “I spend more yen on pictures of Ranma-chan and Akane than I do on food.”

 

Ranma smiled wistfully. “I just wish I could tell all of my fiancees that I don’t love any of them. Akane hates me, Xian Pu is only following Amazon law, and Ukyou is deluding herself. I’ve told her that I don’t love her yet she still persists. No offense I would rather marry Kodachi or even Tatewaki.”

 

Everybody laughed at that.

 

Tatewaki threw a cup of cold water onto Ranma. Then he got down on his knees. “Oh, my pig-tailed goddess, will you marry this humble samurai and I will help you escape from that foul sorcerer Saotome.” He collapsed into laughter afterwards. Shinji and Ryoga clapped for his remarkable performance. Kodachi handed Ranma-chan a glass of hot water. Ranma-chan smiled gratefully and dumped the water on herself, changing her into a him.

 

“I wish that my life was as easy to fix.” Shinji said ruefully. “I have no way out of NERV. If I stop piloting Unit 01, then we may lose to the Angels. And I have no one to talk to. Misato is a drunk, Ritsuko is my father’s toady, Asuka hates my guts, Kensuke and Toji wouldn’t understand, Rei is too distant, and my ‘father’ is a bastard. So unless I run away or kill myself, I have no options. At least for a while I had Kaworu-kun…” He choked off a sob.

 

“Did you love him?” Ranma asked. This was a delicate place with Shinji. Shinji fell in love with Kaworu but was forced to kill him. Unfortunately he never really talked about what happened, classified you know. No one at NERV really cared about Shinji, unless he was unable to pilot an EVA.

 

“Yeah, and I wish that he was still here with me, Angel or human.” He brushed away a tear. “And no one mentions him anymore, they don’t want to think that an Angel managed to infiltrate NERV and no one asks how I feel about it.” He pounded his hand on the table, breaking it. “NO ONE ASKS ME ABOUT ANYTHING!!!!!!!”

 

Kodachi gave Shinji a brief hug and handed him a tissue. “Its okay, let it out. That’s why we are here.” Shinji dried his eyes and blew into the tissue.

 

“So, any good things happen today?” Tatewaki asked in an effort to salvage the session.

 

Ranma raised his hand. “Ryoga saved me from eating Akane’s cooking with his ‘Kill Ranma’ routine. Thank you again Ryoga.”

 

Ryoga laughed. “What are friends for? I didn’t have the heart to tell the Tendos that we solved our bread feud a long time ago. I followed Ranma to China because I had else nothing to do.” He shrugged. “It was my own fault about Jusenkyo. I also said hello to Akane but I took off fast.”

 

“Why don’t you admit your feelings to Akane?” Shinji asked Ryoga.

 

Ryoga fiddled with a bandanna and nibbled on his lower lip. “I’m not sure how to tell her. I tend to get a nosebleed when I see her and …”

 

“And I’m supposed to play the jealous fiancee.” Ranma put in. “I personally don’t care if he marries Akane or not. But I got to keep up appearances.”

 

“We all do.” Shinji shook his head. “I have to play the depressed wimpy pilot who is not interested in girls. Well, I like Rei as a friend, Asuka is scary, and there isn’t anyone else. Hell, I could beat up anyone at NERV, thanks to the training by all of you guys. I can’t even use my skills to fight Angels. And I really want to tell off Gendo.” He smiled deviously. “I can’t wait for that day…”

 

“Tell me about it. I have to play the dumb martial artist. I already have a G.E.D. from China. I speak four languages and I don’t want to inherit any dumb dojo. There’s no money in it, I want to become a doctor.” Ranma laughed. “I also want to tell off my pop next time he has some crazy idea like multiple fiancees or the Neko-ken..” He shuddered.

 

“Its okay Ranma. It isn’t your fault that your dad is a total idiot like mine.” Shinji reassured his shivering friend.

 

“At least my problem of getting lost is genetic. There’s not much I can do about that.” He stared off into space. “It would be nice to have a family and to go to school.”

 

“You’re not missing much.” Everyone chorused.

 

“Yeah, but I just want to live a normal life. Don’t you?” Ryoga asked.

 

Shinji looked down at his hands and slowly nodded. Ranma quietly agreed. Tatewaki and Kodachi both fervently nodded.

 

“Everybody here is living a lie, and we can’t get out of it.” Kodachi sighed and tied back her hair. “At least we can be ourselves here.”

 

“But how long can we deny who we are?” Shinji asked. “You or Kodachi could be sent to the loony house any day. Ranma could be forced into a marriage, and I could go crazy and kill myself.” He paused. “Its not like I didn’t try..”

 

“Maybe once we get away form here, we can remove the disguises.” Ranma smiled. “We can be normal again.”

 

“I can always disappear.” Ryoga laughed. “I’ll be lucky if I graduate from high school.”

 

“At least we are almost out of high school. ‘Tachi and I can go to America for school.” Kodachi smiled.

 

“I have received a scholarship to UCLA in California for medical school.” Ranma announced proudly. “I can’t wait to push that down their throats.”

 

“I wish that I had those kind of options.” Shinji said ruefully.

 

“If you need anything, don’t be afraid to look us up.” Tatewaki told Shinji.

 

Ranma nodded. “Yeah, I could take on any U.N. army or fleet of EVAs. Just say the word.”

 

Ryoga smiled. “It would be a pleasure to take out NERV.”

 

Shinji smiled. “Thanks, that means a lot to me.”

 

Ranma looked at the clock on the wall. “Uh-oh, people, its almost nine. Lets start getting going. There’s school tomorrow.”

 

Shinji put the broken table in the trash can outside. Kodachi and Tatewaki were putting away the chairs. Ranma and Ryoga were finishing the refreshments in record time. Shinji came back into the clinic.

 

“So when the next session?” Shinji asked.

 

Kodachi suggested, “How about this Friday?”

 

Ranma frowned. “Can’t, its the day Akane makes dinner. I’m usually stuck flying around Nerima courtesy of Akane Airlines or I’m unconscious on the floor. What about Saturday?”

 

Tatewaki shook his head. “Acting lessons, then I’m taking a trip to Okinawa to ‘recuperate from the trying school year. If you’re in the area, Ryoga, look me up.”

 

Ryoga smiled. “No problem. Lets meet on Thursday instead.”

 

Everybody nodded in agreement. Shinji volunteered to call Doctor Tofu to make sure the clinic would be available. Ranma told Shinji to meet him outside of Tokyo for his martial arts lesson. Then Ranma hugged Kodachi goodbye and shook Tatewaki’s hand. Ryoga only bowed to them. Once they got outside, they nodded to each other. Ranma started running towards the Tendo Dojo. 

 

Then Ryoga yelled, “PREPARE TO DIE SAOTOME!!!!” He began running after a retreating Ranma who was doing his best not to laugh.

 

Kodachi left the clinic, then looked around briefly. She started cackling, “Ranma-sama will be mine. Ha-ha-ha.” She roof-leaped towards the mansion.

 

Tatewaki grabbed his bokken, then turned out the lights to the clinic. He closed the door then looked around for pedestrians. He raised his bokken to the sky and declared, “I will free the beauteous Akane and my pig-tailed goddess from the foul sorcerer. I, the Blue Thunder of Furniken High, swear it!!” Thunder sounded and lightning flashed. He made his way to on the lookout for the ‘evil sorcerer’.

 

Shinji watched his friends return to their respective homes and shook his head. It was a great act they had going on but it wouldn’t last forever. Somebody would screw up or get hurt. He wished that he could drop his facade and show people the real Shinji Ikari. But he started walking slowly back to the apartment, looking depressed and downtrodden.

 

He looked back at Nerima and sighed. One day, someone would find out the truth, then there would be hell to pay. But until then, he would keep living a lie.