Ray-Chan: Hiya folks!

Zechs: Why are we here?

Ray-Chan: We’re all going to have some fun!

Quatre: Are we going to have some fun, or are YOU going to have some fun?

R-C: (pauses to think) Probably me.

Sakura-Chan: (shakes her head sadly) This wasn’t in the job description.

Dorothy: So what are we going to do then?

R-C: …uh…um…well……(turns to her muse)

Sakura-Chan: (whacks Ray-Chan over the head with her "Stick of Inspiration")

R-C: I know!

(Characters sweatdrop)

R-C: We’re all going to put on a play! Ooh! How about "The Wizard of Oz"?

Quatre: Why that one?

R-C: You all fit the parts, that’s why.

Relena: (*swoons*) Oooh! I get to be Dorothy, right?

R-C: No. Duo is Dorothy.

Relena + Duo: WHAT?!?!

Relena: Why does HE get to be Dorothy? I’m much prettier. I’d be better for the part.

R-C: (*getting fed up*) No Duo’s going to be Dorothy. Trowa will be the Scarecrow, Quatre the Cowardly Lion, and Heero will be the Tin Man.

Trowa: . . .

Quatre: (*whining*) Why do I have to be the Cowardly Lion? I’m always the weak one.

Duo: (grabs Heero’s arm) And why is Heero the Tin Man? That’s kinda odd.

R-C: Well…he has about as much emotion as a pile of tin.

Heero: I do not.

R-C: Yeah, you’re right. That would be insulting the tin.

Heero: (Death Glare TM) Omae o korosu.

R-C: Later, Heero, but now -

Wufei: If I’m not in this, can I leave now?

R-C: Oh…oops. I forgot all about you, Wufei.

Sakura-Chan: (smacks Ray-Chan with "Stick of Inspiration")

R-C: I know, Wufei! You can be Toto!

Wufei: WHAT!?!?

(Rest of G-Wing cast bursts out laughing)

Treize: I think you’d make a very cute Toto, Wufei.

Wufei: (turns to Ray-Chan) WOMAN! This is unJUST!!!

R-C: Deal with it Dog-Boy.

Wufei: (steals Heero’s Death Glare TM) I don’t -

Relena: What about ME?

R-C: Oh, yeah. Relena, you’re the Wicked Witch of the West.

Relena: NO! no, no, no, NO!!!

(G-Wing characters collapse in laughter)

Wufei: (*laughing*) Now THIS is justice!

Relena: (glares at him) Shut up you furry little mutt!

Wufei: (glares back at her)

Relena: I’m leaving! I will NOT stay here to be poked fun at by the likes of you. Come on Heero.

Heero: (makes no move to leave)

R-C: You’re not leaving.

Relena: Heh? Why not?

R-C: Cause it’s my fic and I’ll stop you. Here…(small, diminutive looking blonde girl appears)…This is Usagi-Chan. She’s my "enforcer", shall we say, for the purpose of my insane musings. I give her permission to do whatever it takes to keep you all here.

Usagi-Chan: (pulls a comically large cartoon mallet from behind her back. Turns to Relena.) Going somewhere?

Relena: Uh…no. I was just…getting comfortable. (sits down and begins to pout.)

Zechs: So what about the rest of us?

R-C: Oh…I’ll just write you guys in whenever I feel like it. Don’t worry. I’ll use as many of you as I can.

(Characters groan)

Usagi-Chan: (brandishing the mallet) What was that?

Dorothy: We’re all looking forward to it!

R-C: Good. Now lets get started. (*yelling*) PROP GIRL!

(Miaka-Chan comes running out from nowhere)

R-C: (*to Miaka-Chan*) We need costumes for these guys. Bring them backstage and get them suited up.

Miaka-Chan: (*smiling*)Can do!

Duo: Uh…There isn’t a stage yet.

R-C: What?

Sakura-Chan: (breaks "Stick of Inspiration" over Ray-Chan’s head) Stupid, you didn’t write one in yet.

R-C: Oh, yeah. Right.

(Large stage appears complete with lights and curtains. Chairs for the audience are quickly taken up by the non-casted G-Wing characters, waiting to be given a part)

R-C: Okay guys! Take five. We’ll meet back here after the boys get their costumes and my muse gets a new "Stick of Inspiration".

*******

R-C: Okay! Are we all ready to start?

(Grumbling from the audience.)

R-C: Good! (looks around) But where is our cast?

(Trowa enters from backstage picking at stray pieces of straw from his over stuffed costume.)

Trowa: (rearranges his floppy hat) Is all this really necessary?

R-C: Aw…You look so GOOD!

Sakura-Chan: (begins to drool)

(Quatre emerges behind Trowa, wearing a fuzzy lion suit.)

Quatre: It’s too big. It’s too hot. Can’t I wear something else?

R-C: Oh! Quatre! You look sooo ADORABLE!!! (Runs over and plants a sloppy kiss on Quatre.)

Quatre: Waaah! Trowa!

Trowa: (Glaring daggers at Ray-Chan) What was that for?

R-C: (*blushing*) Sorry. I just always wanted to do that. And since I AM writing this fanfic…(stops and stared at Heero who just appeared from backstage) Uh…Miaka-Chan? WHAT is Heero wearing?

Miaka-Chan: Well, I didn’t know what to use for a Tin Man costume…so I just wrapped him in aluminum foil.

R-C: (*giggling*) He looks like a leftover.

Heero: (narrows his eyes) Omae o k-

(Duo prances onstage. Wearing his long hair up in twin pigtail braids and a revealingly short, blue, checkered skirt, he was quite a yummy sight ^_~.)

Duo: What do you think, Heero? You like? (does a complete 360 to further the effect)

Heero: mm hmm.

Duo: (glancing around) Hey, where’s Wu-Man?

Wufei: (shouting from backstage) I will NOT wear this! I will take NO part in your insane fanfic.

R-C: Get out here, Wufei.

Wufei: Not on your life, Woman!

R-C: Get out here now or I’ll…I’ll…(gets evil glint in her eyes)…I’ll write you into a lemon with Barney and Sailor Moon!

(A screech of protest from backstage.)

R-C: (still grinning like a psychopath) Tell me, Wufei, do you like bondage?

(Wufei comes running from backstage with the force of a speeding train.)

(Audience pauses…then bursts into laughter.)

(Wufei is wearing a fuzzy bodysuit complete with little puppy ears and a furry little tail.)

Wufei: (glares at Ray-Chan) Happy?

R-C: (*giggling*) Very. Okay, now let’s pass out the scripts and start from the top. (begins to hand out copies)

Quatre: (*reading*) "Naughty Little Boys - A Heero, Quatre, and Zechs lemon-" (*sweatdrops*)

Duo: (scanning the script) Hey, Hee-Chan. Is that position physically possible?

Heero: Let’s find out later.

R-C: Oops! (snatches the scripts) Wrong one! Uh…sorry…(begins to dig through her bag) I know it’s here somewhere…

Zechs: (shouting from the audience) No! Let’s do that one! (eyes Quatre hungrily)

(Usagi-Chan growls and goes to threaten him with a sledge hammer just as Ray-Chan pulls a stack of papers from her bag.)

R-C: Found them! I’m sure of it this time.

Sakura-Chan: (whacks Ray-Chan again) It had better be. I don’t have all day to inspire you. Tenchi Muyo is on in an hour.

R-C: Okay. Let’s start. Places everybody!

(Boys grunt and take their places

*******

R-C: Scene one. Dorothy’s house. Annnd…Take one! Action!

Dorothy (actually Duo): Auntie Em! Auntie Em!…………Dammit, where is she?

Sakura-Chan: (smacks Ray-Chan with new "Stick of Inspiration") You didn’t cast an Auntie Em or Uncle Henry yet!

R-C: Oh. Um…Howard! Sally Po! Get up here. You’re going in!

Sally: WHAT?!

Howard: Do I have to change my shirt?

(Ray-Chan cringes at tacky floral ensemble Howard is wearing.)

R-C: No. Just get onstage. We’ve been held up enough already.

(Pair take their places onstage.)

Uncle Henry: (*reading the script*) Yo! Dorothy! We need your help.

Auntie Em: Yes dear! Your little dog Toto has run away again. You must find him before the storm comes.

Uncle Henry: Yeah. Go quickly.

R-C: (Narrating) Dorothy gets up and goes to look for her dog. She goes outside and soon finds Wufei…uh Toto hiding in shame under a fence.

Wufei: I will NOT do this! I will NOT reduce myself to this!

(Usagi-Chan digs in her pocket and removes a mace. Wufei sweatdrops.)

Toto: Uh…bark, bark. (*muttering*) Injustice. Such injustice.

Dorothy: There you are you bad boy! (smirks) We’ll have to spank you, now!

(Heero jumps up from the audience and runs onstage, grabs Wufei, and drags him backstage. Loud screams can be heard as Heero pummels Wufei.)

R-C: Um…Let’s just skip ahead.

Sakura-Chan: Why are we doing that?

R-C: Well, my limited budget won’t allow me to do a tornado scene.

Sakura-Chan: You spent all your money on a Quatre plushy, didn’t you?

R-C: (blushes) Um…maybe. So, we’ll just skip ahead.

Sakura-Chan: (shakes her head sadly.) Pathetic.

R-C: (Narrating) Okay. Now, Dorothy and Toto…Where’s Wufei?

(Usaig-Chan grumbles something inaudibly and stalks backstage. She drags a very bruised and bloodied Wufei from the back. Heero also emerges and cracks his knuckles before sitting back down.)

R-C: (Narrating) A-HEM! Now, Dorothy and Toto have just been whisked away to OZ. They awaken to follow a Yellow Brick Road that looks like it may lead somewhere and decide to…Miaka-Chan, why is the road green?

Miaka-Chan: Well, it was the only color you had. You forgot to go buy some yellow paint.

Sakura-Chan: (smacks Ray-Chan) You’re cheap!

R-C: Well, my Quatre plushy needed a Trowa plushy to keep him company. Then I needed the Zechs plushy, and….hell with it, I got the whole collection. Gundams included.

(Everyone stares at Ray-Chan.)

Quatre: Can I get a Trowa plushy, too?

R-C: No. It’s mine. Now on with the story.

Sakura-Chan: (snorts) It’s about time.

Dorothy: Oh no, Toto. We’re stuck here in this strange place. We need to find some one to help us get home. I don’t want to be trapped h…

(A sound from a nearby bush stops him)

Quatre: Oh, God YES! Harder, Trowa! Harder!

(Numerous grunts follow. Ray-Chan stomps over to the bushes and drags a resisting Scarecrow and Cowardly Lion from the all concealing shrubbery.)

R-C: (*growling*) You’re on!

(Quatre quickly zips up his lion suit as Trowa replaces his floppy hat.)

Lion: Hello there, friend! You look lost.

Scarecrow: (nods his head.)

Duo: (sweatdrops) Uh…yeah. My name is Dorothy, and this here is my dog, Toto. Nice to meet ya!

(Wufei grumbles.)

Lion: I’m Quatre, The Cowardly Lion and this (gesturing to his stony faced companion) is Trowa the Scarecrow.

Dorothy: Will you guys help me find my way home? (Makes puppy face at the pair.)

Scarecrow: Sure. Why not?

(Well, who could resist Duo when he looks that adorable? ^_~.)

Lion: We need to go find our friend the Tin Man, though. I’m afraid I’m quite cowardly and Scarecrow’s brain is being decobwebbed.

(Dorothy stares at the Scarecrow.)

Scarecrow: (shrugs) I guess I didn’t use it enough.

Dorothy: Okay. Where is this friend of yours?

Lion: He owns a gun shop two blocks away. Just down the Yellow…uh…Green Brick Road.

Dorothy: What are we waiting for then? Let’s go!

R-C: (narrating) Dorothy grabs the Lion and the Scarecrow and they head down the road to look for their friend the Tin Man.

*******

R-C: That was really good you guys! Keep up the good work. (Narrating) The boys follow the road until they come to a little shack.

Scarecrow: Nice door plaque.

Lion: (*reading*) "Death to ye who pissith me off."

(All three sweatdrop)

R-C: (Narrating) Dorothy knocks lightly on the door…Dorothy knocks lightly on the door…Knock on the door!

Duo: But…but he’ll KILL us!

R-C: Do it or I’LL kill you!

Dorothy: (sweatdrops) (knocks on the door.)

Tin Man: (from inside) GO AWAY!

R-C: That’s not your line, Heero.

Heero: K’so

Tin Man: I’m coming.

Duo: (*smirking*) I’ll bet.

Heero: Hentai.

R-C: Just read the script!

(Tin Man opens the door.)

Tin Man: What do you want?

Lion: (smiling brightly) Tin Man! This is Dorothy. She needs our help getting home to…Where did you say you were from?

Dorothy: I didn’t say. My home is in Kansas.

Trowa: (scanning the script) Kansas…that’s on L5, right?

Sakura-Chan: (Smacks Trowa with "Stick of Inspiration") It’s on the Earth.

R-C: Hey! You’re MY muse! You can only inspire me!

Sakura-Chan: (Whacks Ray-Chan) Happy now?

R-C: Um…not really. That hurt.

Sakura-Chan: (smacks her forehead) I give up.

R-C: Okay, okay. We’re moving on. (Scans the script.)

*******

R-C: (narrating) Now the Tin Man has joined the group and he is as thrilled as ever. (Glances at Heero. Heero is his usual silently passive self.) Um. Yeah. Well the five now travel along the Green Brick Road to Munchkin Land where they HOPE someone will have a map to this place Dorothy calls Kansas. Aaaand…Action!

Lion: Dorothy, Toto…Welcome to Munchkin Land! The home of sugar-covered, pre-fried dough.

(Audience drools.)

Dorothy: I’m glad. Time travel gave me a voracious appetite.

Heero: (*sarcastically*) So what else is new?

Duo: Shut up, Hee-Chan! You’re sleeping on the couch tonight!

Heero: !

R-C: Work out your problems later! Now back to the script.

Duo: But…

(Usagi-Chan, looking like her deranged maniac self, approaches with…is it? Yes! A wet bath towel! The boys sweatdrop.)

R-C: Cue Munchkin singer! General Septem, where are you?

(Gen. Septem runs onstage dressed in layers of fluffy foam packing.)

Munchkin: (*singing*) We represent the Lollipop Guild! The Lollipop Guild! The Lollipop Guild! We represent the Lollipop Guild and we welcome you to Munchkin land!

(Everyone but Septem himself cringes. Well we all know how obnoxious his dubbed voice is! ^_~.)

Miaka-Chan: (falls to the floor in agony.) Why did you pick HIM to sing?

R-C: Uh…inspiration?

Sakura-Chan: (Whacks Ray-Chan with "Stick of Inspiration") Here’s some inspiration! Don’t do it again!

R-C: Okay, okay!

(Septem hangs his head in shame and exits the stage.)

R-C: Right. Moving on. Noin, could you come up here, please?

Noin: Am I getting a part?

R-C: Yes. Just lay down somewhere over there. (Points to stage left.)

Noin: (lying down) What am I doing?

R-C: You’re the dead Witch of the East.

Noin: I’m DEAD?! Already? I didn’t even get a line!

(Suddenly an inflatable dinosaur falls from the sky and lands on Noin crushing her. Zechs is perched lightly atop wearing…a lovely snowy white gown? A tall jewel studded crown rests on his head furthering the effect.)

R-C: Oh, GOOD! Glenda is here!

(Audience bursts out laughing.)

Zechs: I though Glenda rode in a flying bubble, not a falling dinosaur.

R-C: Um…well. My special effects are lacking.

Zechs: (*rolling his eyes*) Yeah. Right.

R-C: Relena! You’re on! Where is she?

(Big puffs of smoke and Relena enters. Quite a sight really. Covered in green paint and a grimy black cloak, complete with an extra long false nose…and choking like crazy.)

R-C: Miaka-Chan! The smoke was a nice special effect!

Miaka-Chan: Actually, the dressing rooms are on fire. We need to evacuate.

Usaigi-Chan: Right. Please proceed to the nearest exit in an orderly fashion…

(Audience screams and stampedes out of the building.)

R-C: Or that’ll work, too. We’ll be back after the building airs out.

*******

R-C: Now. Where were we?

Duo: Zechs squashed Noin and Relena appeared.

R-C: Okay. Munchkin Land Scene Two! Action!

Wicked Witch: Who killed my sister? Was it you? (Points evilly at Duo.)

Dorothy: No.

Wicked Witch: Then I’ll….What?

Dorothy: Glenda did it. (Points accusingly at Zechs.)

Wicked Witch: Um…well. (turns to Ray-Chan)

Relena: I thought Dorothy was supposed to kill her.

R-C: Well. This is my version.

Relena: So what should I do then?

R-C: Just improvise.

Relena: (sweatdrops)

Wicked Witch: Clumsy good witch, Glenda. You will pay! (Wicked Witch slaps Glenda into the next county.)

Quatre: That was cruel.

Relena: Well, how DARE he get a better costume than me?!

R-C: Just continue.

Wicked Witch: I’m angry at you, too, little girl.

Dorothy: Why?

Wicked Witch: Well…you’re dating the Tin Man and I saw him first!

Tin Man: . . .

Wicked Witch: I’ll be back my pretties…and the Tin Man WILL be mine! (Cackles once more, then exits.)

R-C: Good, Relena. Very dramatic.

Sakura-Chan: Duo needs some ruby slippers.

R-C: Oh, shoot! I knew I forgot SOMETHING.

Duo: How could you forget the ruby slippers? They’re the most important part of the play!

R-C: (sweatdrops) Yeah…um…well.

(Sakura-Chan smacks Ray-Chan with the "Stick of Inspiration".)

R-C: Hey, Miaka-Chan. Why don’t you take Duo backstage and look for something we can pass off as ruby slippers?

Miaka-Chan: Sure.

(Duo and Miaka-Chan exit to look for shoes.)

R-C: Everyone else, practice your lines. We’ll wait for them to return, then start again where we left off.

*******

R-C: Okay. They’re back. Let’s go.

(Audience stares at Duo. The thigh high red leather boots were a nice contrast with the short checkered skirt, and the heels gave him three extra inches to his height.)

R-C: (Narrating) Dorothy. Wearing her new shoes, travels with her friends along the Green Brick Road. Just when it seems like they might be getting somewhere, a pack of flying monkeys stop them.

Dorothy, you’re on.

Flying Monkey: You’re trespassing on the property of the Wicked Witch of the West!

Lion: (Hiding behind Scarecrow) We’re really sorry. We didn’t mean to go and…

Flying Monkey: You must pay! (Pulls out a dueling sword.) Prepare to defend yourself!

Wufei: Now just a second, Woman! That isn’t in the script! AAAH!!!

(Dorothy slashes at Wufei, neatly making his furry bodysuit into a two piece.)

R-C: DOROTHY! Now Wufei can’t play Toto anymore! He’s indecent! (Turns to Miaka-Chan.) Bring the understudy.

(Miaka-Chan exits and retrieves a small puppy from backstage.)

Miaka-Chan: Here we go. He’ll have to pass for a Toto.

Wufei: WHAT?!?! YOU MEAN YOU HAD A DOG THIS WHOLE TIME?!?! INJUSTICE WOMAN! INJUSTICE!!!

R-C: Well…um…Yeah. Moving on.