Spandex Space
by Lilock
Ever wonder just where Heero Yuy keeps that gun of his?
Duo looked up from the tangled sheets to look up at his lover with a lopsided grin. Heero merely responded with a grunt. Their silence was broken as a certain Chinese pilot yelled, “Hey Maxwell, Yuy! Winner says breakfast is ready!”
“FOOD!” Duo leaped out of the bed and started pulling his clothes on.
Heero watched him and with his usual “Hn,” started doing the same.
Duo pulled his hair back into his braid and watched as the other boy pulled his shorts on. “Hey Heero, I’ve been wanting to ask this all along; how come nothing ever happens to your shorts?”
Heero turned around with a puzzled look. “Nani?”
Duo chewed on the end of his braid as he said, “Those shorts can’t be normal. I mean, mine get all torn up and stuff and yours don’t even have a scratch!”
“Hn. Baka.”
“No seriously, what’s up with those shorts of yours?” Just before Heero could pull his shorts on completely, Duo grabbed at the tag in the back. What looked like a miniature black hole opened up and Duo was sucked in.
Heero stared for a minute before shouting, “Quatre, Trowa, Wufei! Get in here!”
All three pounded up the steps of the Winner family estate they were staying in at the moment and burst in to find Heero looking at the back of his shorts.
Quatre started to blush as Trowa calmly asked, “Heero, where’s Duo and why are you looking at the tag on your shorts?”
Cobalt eyes met green ones as Heero simply answered, “He got pulled into my Spandex Space.”
Quatre tilted his head to one side and politely asked, “What’s Spandex Space and how did Duo come to be sucked in?”
The Perfect Soldier fidgeted slightly as he explained, “Duo wanted to know why my shorts never ripped or anything so he tried to look at the tag but he got pulled in.”
Wufei looked him skeptically as he asked, “Maxwell can do a lot of crazy things but just how did Spandex Space manage to get him in?”
The Chinese boy spouted twin gouts of blood and passed out as Heero pulled back the back of his shorts and showed the other two still standing. “See, the tag activates the Spandex space portal and that’s where I keep my gun and stuff.”
Trowa nodded and studied the black spandex and said, “So technically, Duo’s stuck in your shorts.”
“Hai.”
Quatre’s blue eyes were wide with concern as he blurted out, “How can you get Duo out?”
“Um… hold on…” Heero pulled on the tag and the little portal opened up. He stuck his hand in and started feeling around. (Eeew! Not that way you hentais!)
Duo was falling, falling. He suddenly stopped falling and found himself drifting through what looked like space. “Where am I?” He mumbled to himself as he took in his new surroundings.
It did look like space except there were large walls holding all of this in. Large gundanium walls. Shinigami scratched his head and muttered, “Who’d a thought his shorts really were gundanium? GAH!” He floated out of the way and narrowly missed being hit by a large black object.
He stared at it in shock before blurting out, “A gun?” As the gun floated past, another one drifted towards him. He pulled himself onto it and rubbed the back of his neck mumbling, “So that’s where he keeps his guns…”
Just then, the same black hole that had dragged him opened up and a massive hand shot down, grabbed a random object, and then pulled back out.
“Huh?!” Duo looked around in confusion and noticed that there were more than just guns floating around in Heero’s shorts. “PORNO PICS OF DOCTOR J?! HEERO, OMAE O KOROSU!!!”
Heero reached into the Spandex Space portal and pulled out a bullet. “Nope…” He was about to stick his hand back in when all three heard a tiny but familiar voice squeak, “Heero, omae o korosu!!!” //Shimatta, he must’ve seen the pictures…//
Trowa raised an eyebrow and asked, “Do you see him?”
“Iie, hold on…” Heero stuck his hand back into the Spandex Space and kept looking for the braided pilot. His hand brushed against something hard (Not that either you eechis! This is the back of his shorts remember?) and all of a sudden the three pilots heard a loud ‘bang’ and a bullet burst out of Heero’s shorts and hit the wall two inches from Quatre’s head.
The usually calm, gentle SandRock pilot stood there for a moment before falling in a dead faint. “Quatre!” Trowa rushed to his lover’s side and tried to revive him while Heero continued to dig around in his shorts.
Duo glared at the hand as it reappeared. This time, it reached for another object and it brushed past the gun he had been sitting on. Duo ‘eeped’ and fell off. Out of panic and sheer desperation, he reached out and grabbed the trigger of the gun.
Unfortunately, Heero always kept his guns loaded. ‘BANG!!!’ The deafening explosion sent both Duo and the gun flying through Spandex Space and right into the gundanium wall. Duo shook his head to clear away the stars as he watched the bullet rip a fairly large hole in the Wing pilot’s 80% gundanuim spandex shorts.
He stared with impossibly large violet eyes before cracking up for all he was worth. “HA HA! HEERO SHITS BULLETS!!!”
While Trowa cradled his angel in his arms and bathed his face with cool water to wake him, Heero was still trying to find Duo. So far, he had pulled out enough bullets to supply HeavyArms for a month, a BBgun, and two nudie pics of Doctor J when he heard the tiny little voice crow, “Ha ha! Heero shits bullets!”
“Duo…” He growled as he reached and grabbed a very familiar braid and pulled.
“ITAI!!! HEERO, DON’T PULL MY BRAID OR YOU’RE SLEEPING IN WING ZERO TONIGHT!!!”
“Urusai.” He snapped as he struggled to pull the chestnut braid and its owner out of Spandex Space.
Wufei finally regained consciousness and looked up to see the Japanese pilot gripping at the back of his shorts and pulling a long brown braid out of his shorts. Shrieks of “Heero, leggo of my braid!” and “Itai! That hurts!" followed with each tug. Crimson sprayed from his nose as he passed out once again.
Heero pulled harder, ignoring Duo’s swearing and death threats. “Just a little more…” with one last burst of strength, he pulled and Duo’s head popped out of his shorts. “Ninmu kanryou.” Heero simply said and dropped the braid onto the American pilot’s head. “Itai…” Duo whined as the heavy braid hit his already abused scalp.
Trowa watched his angel for moment and smiled a little when he saw that Quatre was starting to wake up.
“Trowa…? What-” He was silenced when Trowa’s lips pressed against his. When the French boy pulled away, Quatre sat up and saw only Duo’s head sticking out Heero’s Spandex space. “Oh dear… how do we get the rest of him out?” He was suddenly interrupted by a knock at the door.
“Quatre-sama? Is something wrong?”
Before the blond could answer, Rashid opened the door to find Wufei unconscious on the floor with a bloody nose, his young master sitting in Trowa’s lap, and Heero standing in the middle of the room wearing nothing but his shorts and with Duo’s head sticking out of the back.
“By Allah…” Rashid wavered slightly and passed out in the hallway as two streams of blood dripped from his nose. The four could actually hear the house shake from the impact of his fall. “Oh my…”
The four pilots gathered around the unconscious man as Quatre looked at his taller lover worriedly and asked, “What should we do?”
“First do you think you can get me out of Heero’s spandex?”
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