OZ was being rather quiet so the five Gundam pilots wisely chose that time to stock up on food and supplies and tie up any loose ends here and there. Chang Wufei walked down the street. He had no special reason to be out, he just felt lonely. The Chinese pilot would’ve rather be neutered than admit it, but he was actually quite envious of his four comrades. Duo and Heero had each other and Trowa would do anything for Quatre to be safe and happy. He didn’t want to have to remind himself that his wife had died in battle.

Wufei was caught up in his thoughts that he never saw where he was going. At least until the familiar stink of perfume drifted up to his nose. That’s when he realized he was in a perfume shop. The boy turned to leave when a short, chubby man that resembled a bowling ball with gray hair popped out from behind the cashier, scaring him half to death.

The man beamed with brightness that would’ve irritated even Duo and chirped, "G’morning sir, how may I help you? We have a sale today on men’s cologne and…" Wufei glazed over and didn’t exactly listen to what the chubby salesclerk had to say. //I wonder if he has a love potion, that would be nice…// Before he could stop himself, he turned to the man and blurted out, "Do you have a love potion?"

Never in a million years did the Chinese pilot expect the man to say, "I have a very special one that’s perfect for you!" Wufei gaped like a landed fish before sputtering, "N-nani?! You do?" The man beamed and showed him a huge pink bottle that looked more like a really screwed up pink marshmallow. The cashier clerk bounced up and down as he snatched Wufei’s money.

"The smell will guarantee the love of anyone you choose! All you have to do is make sure they smell it, okay? Bye now!" Before he knew what was going on, Wufei felt change and the potion get shoved into his hand and he was shoved right out the door. Shenlong’s pilot blinked at the bottle before tucking it in his coat and walking back to his safe house.

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None of the other four pilots, not even Duo, bothered to question the unusual lump in his white coat. Maybe because he was making out with Heero. He snuck into his room and carefully pried open the pink top. And came extremely close to throwing up everything he had eaten in two years. "Kisama! This stinks!" Without even bothering to close the bottle, he set it by his window and left, muttering about rip-offs.

A slight draft blew the, er, fragrance into various directions. Those various directions being the main headquarters of OZ, the Sanc Kingdom, and the resistance headquarters led by Sally Po.

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By the time night fell, Wufei had completely forgotten about the love perfume. At least, until he stepped into his room. "SHIMATTA!" Covering his nose with one hand and grabbing his blanket with the other, he scurried out of his room to the spare room in the safe house.

Not much later, Wufei woke up to find someone draped on top of him. His onyx eyes bugged out when he saw it was Duo. Duo looked at him with big shimmery violet eyes and yammered out, "Kissie, kissie, Wu-Bear!" And kissed him. Before he could pull away and shout at the braided baka, his door swung open and Heero came in.

Wufei shoved Duo off him and babbled out, "It’s not what you think, Heero!" Heero leaned on the bed… and broke into a goofy grin. That was scary enough, but what he did next would’ve made any sane person run out screaming. Then again, they weren’t exactly sane. "Give me a hug, Wu-Bear!" The usually stony pilot threw his arms around Wufei and squeezed hard enough to cut off circulation to the brain.

"Kisama! Get away from me!" The Chinese boy pushed him away and ran out the door, only to have Trowa jump on him. Before Wufei could get any curses out, the other boy was already French-kissing him. As if he wasn’t horrified enough… "Trowa!" Wufei tore his lips away long enough to peek over Trowa’s shoulder and see Quatre standing there. //Oh no… Winner’s going kill me. //

Instead, the little blond lunged for him saying, "Wu-Bear! Play with me too!" At that point, he nearly tore Trowa’s arms off and ran down the stairs and out the door with a speed that would’ve made the roadrunner proud.

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Treize Khushrenada was sitting by the window when he caught a whiff of something that could’ve rivaled ten skunks. Cursing very aristocratically, he fanned the smell away with a gloved hand. It was about that moment that he realized he had a nice little bulge in his white breeches.

A moment after that moment, he realized just *whom* he was horny for. A wicked smile graced his lips as he gracefully stood and left the building. "Where are you, little dragon?" He murmured softly in a little singsong voice. Now *that* is scary…

Treize could have never guessed that in another room in the OZ complex, Zechs Marquise was busy gagging on the same disgusting odor that drifted into his room. "Oh God, that stinks…" Five minutes later, Tallgeese busted through the door of the hangar and disappeared into the sky. "Scanners on. Target: Pilot 05, Chang Wufei."

From another area of the complex…

"Hey Lady Une, I bet I can get to Pilot 05 before you do." "No you won’t, Noin!" An Aries Mobile Suit and a black jet blew another hole in the hangar door and zoomed off.

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Wufei hopped onto his motorcycle and sped off into the dark. There was a slight trickle of blood from his nose and he cursed the potion and the stupid salesman. Just when he though he was safe, Wufei found his escape cut off by Zechs’s Tallgeese. Zechs jumped out and made his way to the gundam pilot.

"What do you want, Zechs?" Wufei snapped and was promptly answered- with a kiss. "Mmpf- Get away!" Wufei kneed Zechs right where his soldier was standing at attention. The Chinese boy jumped into Tallgeese’s cockpit and zoomed off to Sally’s headquarters.

He landed the mobile suit and ran into her shouting, "Sally! My friends have all gone crazy!" The blonde woman looked at him questioningly, then smiled predatorily. "Wufei, did you know that you look so hot when you get a bloody nose?" "AAAH!! Not you too!" Sally grabbed for him but he took off through the woods. "Shimatta! He got away!"

With speed and agility that would’ve put Trowa to shame, Wufei tore through the woods. After some time and much tree climbing, he found himself perched in a tall pine tree. And of course, everyone knows that pine trees have pine needles…

"Itai, itai, that hurts!" Wufei shifted uncomfortably but froze when he heard an Aries suit landing nearby. "Now, where are you, Wu-Chan?" Noin’s voice drifted closer and there was a slight crunching of leaves under her boots. After five minutes of nerve-wracking leaf crunching, he watched in horror as she ended up standing right beneath his tree.

Even worse, there were all these pine needles pricking his bottom, save for a really sharp one about to impale Wuffie Jr. The Chinese boy whimpered and prayed to his gods and ancestors, all of whom he occasionally cursed, that he wouldn’t have to adopt his children later. His discomfort took a backseat when he heard Lady Une’s voice. "Back off Lieutenant!" "Not on your life!"

From his seat about fifteen feet up and a very nasty drop, should one be stupid enough to fall, Lady Une and Lieutenant Noin were obviously having a catfight. Warnings turned to insults, insults turned to slapping, slapping turned to punching and kicking, and punching and kicking turned to World War III, the Love Revolution.

Wufei quietly slipped out of his uncomfortable position, but in his attempt to get out of the tree with his family jewels intact, he slipped and fell fifteen feet to the dirt below. Apparently there was someone stupid enough to fall from such a drop and his name is Chang Wufei.

Landing on his head didn’t do much for his present mental condition and it certainly didn’t help that all these people, friends and enemies alike, were chasing after him like horny rabbits. Little Chibi Shenlongs were flying all around his head as he sat up. Luckily, Noin and Lady Une were too busy killing each other to notice his, uh, graceful descent from the tree, nor did they notice as Wufei took off the way Duo did when Heero was on aphrodisiac and wanted nookie.

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Stealing Lady Une’s jet, he flew to the last person he wanted help from- Relena Peacecraft, the Queen of the World. It wasn’t his choice but once Heero’s name was mentioned, she would listen to just about anyone. Like the time Duo got her to clean their toilets, just because he said Heero like to take a leak in a clean bathroom. She kept following them for the next five missions, but it was worth the laugh. Especially when the other four pilots caught her spying on Heero while the Japanese pilot was doing his business.

Wufei raced into her palace. Relena was standing by herself in a dimly lit room, wearing a long cloak. The Chinese youth ran to her and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Relena, you’ve got to help me!" Looking at with concerned blue eyes, she asked, "What is it? How can I help?" Before he could tell her, she said, "I bet I know how I can help." She whipped off her cloak to reveal- a pink lace teddy. Wufei froze like a deer in headlights and she pounced on him.

"Let go, onna- mmpf!" Relena grabbed his head by the little ponytail and shoved his face right into her cleavage. He clawed at her and tried to push her away, and with very good reason. But when he managed to pull away, she’d jump him again. By the time he finally got the upper hand, his blue tanktop was hanging off one shoulder and his pants were pulled down to his hips.

With Relena wrapped around his leg, he walked to the door and groaned aloud when he saw Dorothy Catalonia there, only in her bra and underwear. Ripping Relena off him, Wufei stuffed her into Dorothy’s arms and ran outside and stole her bubblegum pink limo.

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A limo was not the best way to make an escape, a *pink* limo was even worse. Ten minutes later, after breaking the speed limit by fifty miles, he ditched the limo and took refuge once again in the forest. Running as fast as one could after being molested by the Queen of the World and being chased by various people all night, he finally stopped and hid in his Gundam.

Wufei thought he was finally safe, that is, until two strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him into the darkness of the cockpit. "I’ve got you, my little dragon." "Kisama! Let go! I- Aaahh…"

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The sun shined, the birds chirped, and Duo Maxwell moaned because of the splitting headache he had. "Itai… What happened?" Heero, Quatre, and Trowa all had the same headache but no one could remember what happened the other night. Even stranger, Wufei had mysteriously disappeared.

"My head…" For some odd reason, Zechs found himself miles away from the OZ compound and his Tallgeese had been found in front of a resistance team’s headquarters. As he set off back to base, he winced when he realized how sore his family jewels were. Not much later, he found out that both Lieutenant Noin and Lady Une were in the infirmirary. He was even more puzzled when Commander Treize came in, naked, disoriented, and covered with hickeys.

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The next day, a Gundam was reported walking into town. Wufei jumped out and stomped into the perfume store. He had lost his tanktop and his pants were down around his ankles, giving everyone a nice view of his pink boxers with Chibi Shenlongs on it.

The Chinese pilot stormed over to the register and glared at the chubby salesman who had sold him the thrice be damned potion in the first place. Wufei was tired, had spent one night running from all his friends and enemies, been screwed by Treize, and spent another whole day and night in his gundam. He was not a happy little Wu-Bear.

The bowling ball man beamed up at him and chirped, "Welcome back, how may I help you?" Wufei slammed the bottle down hard enough to crack the counter and growled, "I. Want. My. Money. Back. NOW!!!"

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Blue Violet gave me the idea so give her some credit too everyone!