Warnings and Disclaimers: First of all Shin Kidousenki Gundamn Wing does not belong to me. *sobs* But I wish it did. Hey I wonder if they’ll take my little sister in return for the series. *shrugs* Also this story is a angst Shounen-ai. If you don’t know what that means read the first sentence and you’ll have a pretty good idea. You don’t like it, I don’t care. Leave I ain’t keeping you here.

I watch him as he walks into the kitchen and sits down at the table across from me. He stares blankly at his food. I can’t help but wonder what has happened to make him this way. To make him lose his sprit. I can’t stand looking at him like that. He’s become so thin and pale. He hardly eats or talks. He only leaves the safehouse during missions. Does he know how much it worries me to see him like this? Baka! How would he know, I only show indifference to him.

I wish I knew what was wrong. Quatre seems to know but he won’t tell me. He only looks at me with eyes full of sadness and anger then leaves. The anger in his eyes is not towards me. I have seen angry eyes that were meant for me and his aren’t. They’re angry at something else. What? I don’t know, but I assume it has to do with Duo and I.

Quatre’s visits are always welcomed. He brightens our lives like light brightening a room. Duo always cheers up when Quatre comes over. His smile returns, I can hear his chattering voice floating through out the house and it feels good to hear him. He becomes alive again. It’s as if Quatre replenishes his soul. Maybe its because Quatre knows his painful secret.

I can’t help but feel some jealousy. Duo has said countless times that I am his best friend, yet he can not tell me what is bothering him. He does not confide in me with his innermost demons. Why? Could it be that I am the cause of his pain? Could I be that the demon draining him off his happiness and spirit. He looks down at his food quieter then normal. Is this silence my doing? He doesn’t eat more like plays with his food. Is his lose of appetite somehow connected to something I’ve done or said? There are dark shadows under his cheerless violet orbs and again I find myself wondering if this is my doing. So I sit here in front of the new sad Duo Maxwell wondering and hoping he will cheer up and that this is not my fault. For I don’t think I’ll be able to handle the guilt if it was my fault.

I continue to watch him and at times he will look at me and smile. Those smiles are forced. He doesn’t want me to worry about him. Does he really think that a few forced smiles will trick me? I can’t help but worry about him, he’s too important to me not to. I watch him as he nibbles at a piece of bread and find myself envious of the bread.

"Heero what is it?" Duo asks me, "You’ve been staring at me since I got here." I search for hints of anger in his voice. I know how most boys don’t like being stared at by other boys, even if they’re friends.

"Nothing." I reply before eating some of my peas. He looks at me for a second, violet eyes narrowing as he scrutinizes me. His head finally lowers and he once again begins to stare at his food.

I sit there watching him, wondering what could be wrong. Quatre will not tell me. I even tried to get Trowa to get the information out of him, but Quatre is stubborn and won’t even tell the lanky pilot of the Heavyarms. The only thing Quatre tells me is to watch him. Why? What could be wrong with the braided baka to have Quatre ask me to watch him?

Now I am really worried. Something is troubling him and I can’t help him. I wish I could but I can’t. There are so many things that I want to do but can’t. Kiss him, hold him, comfort him, making him feel safe, destroying the evil that scares him and keeps the happy joyous Duo at bay.

"Heero there is nothing you can’t do or obtain. If you want it get it."

You always told me that Doctor. Always told me that I could obtain everything and anything that I wanted. This is different though; he’s not a thing I can just obtain. I can’t infiltrate him like an Oz base. He has to many barriers that I can’t penetrate. That makes me feel helpless. I, Heero Yuy the Perfect Soldier feel helpless. That’s what you’ve done to me Duo Maxwell.

I don’t hate him though. I love him more and more by each waking moment. Why? Because he has done the impossible, he’s made me feel helpless, useless, vulnerable. He’s made me feel like a good for nothing. A good for nothing? This is what you’ve done to me Duo Maxwell. Penetrated my defenses and broke down all my emotional barriers. Left me quivering in fear of unknown feelings that now warm my heart.

How did he do that? I’ll tell you how he did that. He smiled at me. He looked at me with those bright, fearless violet eyes and grinned, a large genuine grin. That was all that was needed to turn me into a large puddle of Perfect Soldier goo.

If only I could penetrate you the way you did me. I’m not as good as you are though. You can do the silliest thing and it will take all the will power I have to keep from laughing. Though there are times when I can’t fight you and you have a moment of triumph over me.

The most vivid time that had happened was when we were attending one of the various boarding schools. He was sitting on the windowsill watching the rain drops flow quickly down the glass. He yawned loudly, bored as usual.

He turned to me smiling (this was before he became depressed) and walked over to where I sat on the bed.

"So Heero whatcha doing this weekend?" He asked me as he stared at the ceiling. I didn’t answer even though I wanted to. There are so many things I want to do but can’t because they don’t fall into my appearances. I have to keep my pretense of the cold, impassive Perfect Soldier. So I said nothing and continued to work with my laptop. "The least you could do is answer me."

He stretch out across the bed, putting his hands behind his head and smiled. His leg brushing against mine sending tingles up my spine. I had to fight the urge to grab him, tie him to the bedpost by that silly braid and screwing him silly.

"You know Heero. I don’t like it when you stop talking to me completely." He said as his foot moved left and right. It took all my will power to ignore the feeling of his leg brushing against mine. "I know you don’t say much to me-or any one for that matter but at least you could tell me to shut up, or call me a Baka or say in that monotone voice of yours ‘Omae o Korosu’. But you ain’t saying anything. C’mon on say something. C’mon Heero."

He sat up and turned his body so that he could face me. He took the laptop off my legs and grabbed my shirt, pulling me towards him. We were so close I could feel his breath mingling with mine. My heart began to pick up pace. He stared straight into my eyes and I could have sworn he was about to kiss me.

"Say somethin’ damn it!" he said eyes glued to mine. "I’m bored and tired of this silence!"

The stupidity of his action registered in my brain at that exact moment. I began to chuckle; then I let out a boisterous laugh. He let go of me immediately, no doubt startled by the act. He stared at me in complete and utter shook.

"Oh shit. I think he’s gonna kill me." Duo said looking around for something to defend himself with.

"Baka." Was the only thing that I could say. I turned and took hold of my laptop, placing it back on legs ready to beginning typing once more. He glared at me for a moment then began to laugh. He sat down next to me.

"Now that’s the Heero I know and love." He said as he closed his eyes. "Hard working, serious, and scary as hell when he laughs."

I remember my heart almost stopped on that day. He had said he loved me. I knew that he didn’t mean it the way I wanted it to but just to hear that almost drove me crazy. I was surprised at what I learned that day. He cared for me, he feared me and, he could drive me insane with just the slightest touch. I realized then that Duo Maxwell owned me and did not have a clue that he did.