Warnings and Disclaimers: First of all Shin Kidousenki Gundamn Wing does not belong to me. *sobs* But I wish it did. Hey I wonder if they’ll take my little sister in return for the series. *shrugs* Also this story is a angst Shounen-ai. If you don’t know what that means read the first sentence and you’ll have a pretty good idea. You don’t like it, I don’t care. Leave I ain’t keeping you here.

My name is Duo Maxwell and I am a homosexual. I sound like I’m in an AA meeting, but damn it felt good to say that even if no one will ever know. I’m gay, what would you say about that Father Maxwell? Sister Helen? Would you shun me, call me the devil, unholy? Will you tell me that I am going to Hell? Will I go to Hell? Will I spend all eternity in the flames of eternal damnation? Of course I will, I am a murder, but will my sexual preferences push me down closer to Lucifer? Will I be so close to him that I would be able to hear his wings beating, feel the cold winds, hear his screams of agony as he tries to free himself? Is that my destiny for falling in love with a boy and not just any boy, my best friend?

Not only am I a murder and a Homo, but I am not pure. When will the sinning end? I have strayed so far from God’s path; will I ever be able to find it again? If I ever find the path will you want me to return to your embrace?

"God is benevolent Duo and very forgiving"

You once told me that Father. I can’t help but wonder if it’s true. I have done horrible things. Touched myself, had impure thoughts about boys, I have aided in the act of adultery, have done so many sexual acts out of wed lock. So many different people, places, positions. So many sins.

My soul is dirty; it has been that way for quite sometime. Then the question is why do I care? I have killed so many people, mercilessly. I am called the God of Death, Shinigami. Should Shinigami care if the Lord forgives him or not?

I guess I never really cared if I’ve done so many things without remorse. Then why does loving a boy be so wrong yet feel so right?

Oh Lord; please help me understand these feelings I have for him. Please Lord, help me find out why he makes me feel this way. The way he makes me feel is so unbelievable. When he looks at me with those impassive Cobalt eyes his unruly hair falling over his eyes. I love to hear him speak, his voice is strong willed, secure of the words that his lips release. Those lips, small and thin yet so beautiful. He is almost like a god. Maybe the God of War. Yes, that makes prefect sense. The Perfect Soldier being the God of War. That is correct.

What would he say if he ever knew how I feel about him? Would he hate me? Of course he would. I barely know if he likes me now. The way he treats me; makes me wonder what his true feelings about me are. Am I just around because I’m useful to the war? He’s threatened to kill me countless of times will he act on the threat? Is he staying with me because he waiting for the perfect moment to take my life? I wouldn’t put it past him. He is the Perfect Soldier and I am impure.

"Duo." My name melts off his tongue. "Duo, I made dinner. You coming?"

He looks at me with those eyes. Those cold, emotionless eyes. The same eyes that make me wonder about his true intentions. The eyes that make me paranoid and scared. Those are the same eyes that I love that I could get lost in and never return. Would that be so bad?

"Duo?" He asks pulling me out of my self-analysis. I nodded slowly at first still returning from my dream world.

"Hai." I say softly, "Hai. I’m coming."

He looks at me for a moment one thick eyebrow raised. He knows something’s wrong and being who he is, he wants to know what. Undoubtedly worrying that it will affect my performance in battle. But I won’t let him find out. I put my jesters mask on and walk towards him.

"See something you like, Yuy?" he glares at me. Is he so disgusted by my words? He turns quickly without saying a word and disappears down the hallway.

I follow slowly, with my head down. Why him? I don’t care that I’m a Homo anymore. Why did I have to fall on love with him of all people? It hurts so much to look at him. My whole body aches when he is around. He makes me feel weak and I have to fight to keep myself from collapsing. Though I don’t know how long I can keep that from happening.

This is your way of punishing me, isn’t it? You are punishing me for all my sins. Why couldn’t you wait until I died. You have a whole eternity to torment me. It wouldn’t have been that long of a wait. I’ll be coming to you soon I can feel it. Maybe cause I know that I’m getting weaker by the moment. Soon Lord soon.