AN* *puts head in hands* Oh, what have I done!! What have I done!!! Someone please shoot me!!! *a girl with long red hair comes out and shoots me* I didn't mean that literally, Aileen!!

Anyhoo, this is my first attempt at humor. Not, however, at GW. I just don't post the good ones. AND it wasn't even my idea. *glares at Aileen* She thought it would be funny to have Heero blow up cows and Wing Zero to help. Hmp. So. . .I guess. . . here goes nothing. . .


The Handy Dandy Hamburger Effect

or Wing Zero: Final Assault

by Chibi Bara



We start this story in a park. Duo and Heero are sitting on a park bench, eating lunch. Take it as you will. Duo is enjoying a hamburger, whereas Heero is eating something just slightly more nutritious.

Heero- *looking at Duo’s hamburger* How can you eat that? It’s processed cow stomach, or something.

Duo- It’s good!

Heero- Typical American.

*Heero suddenly gets a look of enlightenment on his face, and gets into Wing Zero*

Duo- Hey!! Heero, where are ya goin’?

Heero- To cleanse the world of hamburger filth.

Duo- In English, please?

Heero- *rolls his eyes* To kill the cows.

Duo- Oh.

*Heero takes off in Wing Zero. After a few minutes in space, he lands in a cow field*

Heero- Die, you damn cows! DIE!!!!!!!

*Heero’s blowing up every cow in sight. Wing Zero is pointing out his "true enemies"*

Wing Zero- That one, and that one. . yeah, that one too, and that one over there. . .

*The cows, by now, have officially gone nuts. They’re mooing and trying to run, but Heero gets out his beam cannon and he’s just blowing all of 'em up*

Heero- DIE!!! YOU ARE ALL MY ENEMIES!!! ZERO HAS SHOWED ME MY TRUE ENEMIES!!! NO ONE SHALL COME OUT ALIVE!!!

*During this *ahem* battle with the cows, Relena drives up in her pink limo (blech!) and stands in front of Wing Zero*

Relena- Heero, you can’t kill off the cows, it’s not nice

Wing Zero- KILL HER!!!!!!! THAT WHINY BITCH IS YOUR ENEMY!!!

*Heero turns to Relena slowly, then blows her into smithereens. Evil laughter can be heard in the backround, namely from the author and her best friend*

*The other Gundam pilots show up in their Gundams*

Wufei- *ranting* This is not Justice!!! You cannot serve Justice by blowing up cows! Justice must be served!!

*Tired of listening to Wufei rant, Heero blows him up*

Wing Zero- Heero no baka!!! Wufei is not your enemy!!

Heero- Oh. Sorry.

*Duo goes out and tries to stop Heero*

Duo- No Heero!!! Heero, you can’t kill the cows! Do you hear me?! Killing cows will not solve your problem!!!!

*Heero just blows him up with his beam cannon*

Author- Heero-chan, I think you’ve had enough of blowing things up for today. You killed two pilots, Relena. . . well, that doesn’t count, and a hell of a lot of cows.

Heero- NO!!!! I want to blow things up!!!! *Points beam cannon at author*

Author- *nervously* Okay, okay. Heh. You can blow some more things up. Go right ahead.

Heero- Good. *goes back to blowing up the cows*

*Quatre has a flashback to his Zero system problem, so he decides to join Heero in his quest against the cows*

Quatre- The cows must die!!!!!! *begins to blow up the cows*

Wing Zero- Let’s see. . there’s one behind that tree. . . Heero, I didn’t say the tree itself, I said behind the tree. . . Quatre, there’s one behind you. . . and that one, and there, and . . .oh, nice one, Heero. . .

*The two Gundam-happy pilots go on a world wide rampage, killing all of the cows. When all is said and done, they go after the sheep.*

Wing Zero- Sheep?!!!!?? You’re making me look for sheep?! What in the hell are you on, Yuy???

*ahem* When Quatre and Heero are done with their mass murders, they settle in space, where they live, sheep-free-so-therefore-happily ever after.

Owari!!

Oh, please don't hurt me!! Please!?

Flames are more than welcome, I need a good laugh.



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