Lyrics from 'You're a God' by Vertical Horizon

I've got to be honest
I think you know
We're covered in lies and that's ok

Heero woke up suddenly as the rain started pouring down. He looked at Duo snuggled in his firm grasp, warm from the blankets and from the mostly bare bodies next to each other, exchanging heat.

He couldn't remember when things had gotten this far out of hand, he had never dreamed of sleeping with Duo unless he had to, and here he was, doing just that. He knew that what they were doing was probably wrong, but he needed the companionship. Ever since the war had ended, about three weeks ago, Heero had been lost. Lonely. Confused. Of course, he was too proud to tell anyone that, he'd just suffer through it like he always did. But Duo... Well, Duo had known. He had tried to comfort Heero and tried to teach him how to live, but it made little difference... At least on the outside. On the inside, though, Heero was finally figuring everything out. He knew he couldn't have done it if it wasn't for Duo, but still.

He wasn't sure what he felt for the Deathsythe pilot. Sure, he was annoying and loud and had way too much hair, but... He was nice and selfless, and the hair did make him kinda cute. But Heero knew that Duo would never want him, even if they had already kissed, after all, Heero kept so many things from Duo. All throughout the war, and even now, he still kept his secrets. He had a feeling that Duo had his fair share of secrets as well, but that knowledge didn't stop him from feeling a little guilty, and a lot confused. He knew that he no longer needed to be the perfect soldier, but that was who he was, who he had been trained to be, and the training was hard to forget. It was hard to just drop everything that he had been taught and start at the beginning.

The rain subsided, and Heero fell back asleep, comforted by the even breathing of Duo.

There's somewhere beyond this I know
But I hope I can find the words to say

The next morning he awoke again, but Duo was not with him this time. He could hear the water running, and figured that Duo was in the shower. He was, and soon emerged from the bathroom, clad only in a pair of black boxers. He began toweling off his hair and grinned at Heero, who just frowned back. The American was undaunted, as he had come to have a certain immunity to Heero's death glares and evil looks.

"Hey, Heero, whatcha doin'?" Duo said cheerfully. He had finished drying his hair to a reasonable degree, and started to brush it out.

"I'm thinking, that's all." Heero said, his monotone somehow a bit softer, even if neither of the boys realized it.

Duo had a rather large knot in the back where he couldn't see it, and somehow managed to tangle the brush up in his hair. He struggled with it for a minute, before Heero came to his rescue, and gently untangled the brush. He continued brushing Duo's hair out, it helped him think.

And he was thinking hard.

Never again no
No never again

He had thought that his training had left him totally and completely without feelings, that he would never be able to feel anything again. But if that was true, what was he feeling now? And anyway, it really didn't matter, since he felt certain that Duo wouldn't feel the same way. Heero just wasn't good enough, Duo deserved better.

'Cause you're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know

'Duo is too good, I don't deserve him. He's perfect, like a god. Not the God of Death, though, it just doesn't suit him. I am not what he needs, I am not good enough.' Heero thought.

Duo squirmed slightly as Heero continued brushing his hair, even after it was way past the point of being done. 'Heero seems really preoccupied,' Duo thought. 'I wonder what he's thinking about.' He sighed and said "Heero, I don't think that my hair can stand up to much more brushing. I think it's done." Heero hadn't even realized that he was still brushing Duo's hair, and just grunted slightly in response to the comment. He handed the brush back to Duo and announced "I am going to go for a walk. I'll be back later." and he left after getting dressed.

Duo considered just staying home and playing video games, but he had done that the other day, and, one part of him reasoned, Heero had been acting kinda funny, and he finally decided to go after him. He quickly got dressed and headed out.

You're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go

After about ten minutes of aimless wandering, Heero found himself at the park, near the lake. He sat down under a tree, but not just any tree. It was under that tree that they had shared their first kiss. Heero remembered how sweet it had been, both of them nervous and inexperienced. But somehow, it had felt right. 'I don't know... What do I feel for him? I know he's gotta be more than a friend, but what? Do I ... do I love him? It can't be. There's no way. I just need to leave. Then I can... Then I can what? What would leaving accomplish? Nothing. But I don't deserve him... not at all.' Heero was confused. One part of him was telling him to follow his feelings, and another was telling him that he was wrong. Which side was right?

But I've been unable
To put you down
I'm still learning things I ought to know by now

'I should be able to talk to him about my feelings, but I don't want to lose him... What am I saying? What could I possibly say that would make him leave me? He'd understand if I said that I ... I what? I.... love?? I love Duo??? How? When did it become like this? When did it become more that friendship or companionship? Love has to be returned to be true, right? Is my love true? I don't know. Should I tell him? I don't know that either. It's not like I have anything to lose, so I might as well.... But what if I do make him mad or scare him off... What would I do then? Rot away in a deserted alley, that's what. I do love him... I think. I will tell him.. sometime, sooner or later.'

It's under the table so
I need something more to show somehow

Duo found him about twenty minutes later, and walked over to him. He remembered that tree, their first kiss, and he wondered what was wrong with Heero. 'I don't know if this is right, but I think I might love him. I know it's more than like, it's been more than that for a while now. Does he feel even close to the same as I do? I guess the only way to find out is to talk to him about it. I just hope he won't get upset. He'd probably go off and self destruct or something, and I'd die if I knew I had caused something like that. Well, he's right there... Is it a coincidence that he picked that tree to sit under? Maybe... but, maybe not.' He finally reached the tree and Heero, and sat down on the ground next to Heero, watching the ducks play in the lake. Finally, they spoke.

"Heero, I..."

"Duo, I..."

They both looked at each other, and smiled slightly. They were both a little nervous, so they could do no more than a slight smile.

"Go ahead, Heero." Duo said, encouragingly.

Heero looked at Duo, then looked away. "Duo, I need to talk to you. I need to know if you feel the same way about me as I do about you." He looked back at Duo, and continued. Duo didn't say anything, he felt that this was hard enough for Heero already, and the best thing for him to do would be to keep quiet. "Duo, I think... I think that... I... Duo, I think that I... love you." He finished quickly and looked away. "Do you feel the same, Duo?"

Duo reached one hand up and turned Heero so that they were both looking at each other once again. "Yes, Heero, I think that I love you. I was coming to tell you that. But, you beat me to it." He dropped his hand and looked away. He let out a little gasp as Heero carefully turned Duo's head so that once again they were looking at each other. This time, their eyes caught and they both leaned in for a sweet, gentle kiss.

Never again no

'Never again will I doubt what my heart tells me. I know that the heart can't be wrong. It's always right.' Heero thought, as they pulled away from the kiss. "Duo, I will always love you, forever, ok? I was foolish to take so long to tell you. I'm sorry."

No never again

'I love you Heero, and you love me too. You don't know how much you have made me feel today, but most of it has been happiness. I should've listened to my heart, then we could've been sitting here like this earlier. But I waited and you waited, and the time was right. Never again will I love anyone as much as I love you, Heero.' Duo thought, as they broke off the kiss. "Heero, it's ok. Now I know that you feel the same that I do. And I will always and forever be by your side, and I will love you until the end of time, just don't go by my watch, 'cause it keeps stopping." Duo had to grin at his own remark, and Heero smirked. "Heero, don't feel bad about waiting, I waited too. I'm just glad we finally got it out."

~End~