>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 6 Months Later <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

((In Heero's words!))

I looking at my bleeding wrist I bit my lip. I felt the blood dripping from my hand. The blade in my other hand was covered in blood. That's right I was slitting my wrists. I promised my Duo I would live after he died. But I couldn't keep the promise completely. I tried many times to kill myself but I never could. Every time I heard Duo telling me tolive.

I glared at my cut up wrist and waited to die. It never worked that way because my wrists were to cut up. I looked around on my body for a new vein to torture. I couldn't find one in time for Quatre hadopened the door to my room.

"HEERO! NOO!" he shouted as he saw me holding a bloody knife. He didn't know how it felt to have the ONLY thing he had ever loved taken away from him.

"I will die…" I whispered more to myself then toQuatre.

"Heero!" whined the blonde Arab as he stole myknife from me.

"I am trying to die! Don't you understand?" Iasked acting like a baka.

Quatre just stared at me. Of course he understood but there wasn't a chance in h*** he would let me do what I wanted to do. The blonde boy walked over to my bed and sat down next to me. First he stared at the dripping red, warm blood that was going down to the plain white sheets. Well I guess they aren't white anymore but… He placed his warm hand over my bleeding wrist. This was the second place he seemed to stareat.

"Heero… You said so yourself that Duo's last wish was for you to live. No are you going to make him happy or make him sad?" asked Quatre as he nurtured myhand.

I glared at him for a moment then at his hand. The blood was dripping on him to now and he didn'tseem to care. My arm started to shake from the loose of blood. I sat there shaking waiting to die. But I wasn't that lucky of course. After all Quatre was next to me and I was cursed being the Perfect TortureToy.

"You know I can't die don't you? Don't you see that the perfect soldier is forced to live through things? All things…" I whispered in a cold voice.

Quatre just gave me a weird look then smiled as the blood slowly stopped. "Well at least you haven't killed anyone not deserving lately Heero. I was almost sure you would go after the doctor in Duo's mission log whom he called Fred."

Well as you probably guessed the other 3 pilots read the mission log and cringed when they got to the pit and the pendulum. Even Trowa looked a little flustered. Later we had a funeral exactly 3 days 4 hours and 13 minutes after he died. So maybe I am being exact but… I got my reasons.

Sometimes I wondered if I bleed to die or if Ibleed to live. I don't even know that but I guess Quatre assumes it's to die. I frowned at this. After all people were guessing things about me I didn't know. Well only Duo could ever guess things about mecorrectly.

"I am surprised myself he isn't dead yet. If Duo would have given the real name…" my voice trailed off. I shouldn't be asking anymore of Duo but maybe…

"In the mission log he mentioned Hildey sending him information. Maybe there was more to it or something. Why don't you try to contact Hildey? After all we *do* still need the information on thestealth mode." Said Quatre trying to help.

"Yeah I guess I will go do some hacking and try to contact Hildey." And with that I got out of bed and forced Quatre to let go of me. He tried to follow but I gave him the ice stare and he quickly moved away. I was still bleeding which didn't bug me one bit.

Finally I arrived in the room where we had one of the computers. I sat in front of it then got on-line. With a few clicks I surprisingly found the home page for OZ. Go figure. Well once there I went under the ID numbers and information for each worker. I have *no* idea why they have this at their home page but itworked for me.

I typed awhile till I found what I was looking for. Ah there it was beautifully written. Hildey's name was written out but I found that disturbingly she had her last name be Maxwell. This did *not* have anice ring to it at all.

"Grr…" I scolded as I stared at the name. I shook it off then clicked on it. A few more clicks, a password, and a soda pop later I was at Hildey's info. I saw the phone number and quickly jotted it down. And where she lived, her e-mail address, places she likes to go the likes incase I couldn't get a hold ofher.

I walked over to the phone and felt the cold material on my face. I shivered as I noticed I was still bleeding and it was getting a little worse every minute. I didn't acknowledge it anymore after that. The blood was dripping on the carpet but I dialedanyway.

It ringed for a while and I was about to hang up when a woman's voice came onto the phone. "Hello?"she asked.

"Hildey…" I whispered in a little bit of fear. After all she is the one who captured Duo.

"Yes this is Hildey who are you?" she asked in a slightly angry voice.

"I am Heero Yuy. It's a pleasure. I wanted to…let you know a few things and ask you some things too. Is there any place we can meet?" I askedhopefully.

"Um…" I heard her stop as if she were thinking. But I know she wasn't thinking about the place to meet. She was hesitating because of her love for Duo. Why hadn't Duo called her instead…?

"I supposed we can meet at a coffee shop down the street from my house. Do you need instructions?" she asked. I nonchalantly told her that I knew where she lived and that it wouldn't be a problem. For a second she sounded scared that I knew where she lived and acted as though I were some monster. "Uh…okay then we will meet at my house then go to the coffee shop."

"Yeah…" I replied coldly.

"Okay then good bye Heero Yuy." Hildey said as shehung up the phone.

I didn't bother saying bye back seeing how she already hung the phone up. Instead I walked out of the room ignoring my bleeding wrists. Unfortunately I bumped into Trowa on the way out and blood got all over his clown suit, which he was carrying.

"Gomen." I said simply trying to get away.

"You're bleeding huh? Trying to die again? Or are you trying to live… or prove that you are living?"he asked.

I knew that Trowa could always tell what people were thinking and understand them completely. "All of the above." I said trying to leave again.

But Trowa's voice stopped me once again. "So you want to live because Duo told you too. You want to die because he already did. And you want to bleed to see if you truly are alive or if this is just a crueldream."

"Hai." I answered as I prepared to leave again.

"I understand Heero…and now you are going to Hildey to try to learn more about the Fred guy in Duo's mission log. The thing you read every night and hug tight where ever you go." ((Karosai's Note: TROWARYHMED!))

"Hai. And now I am going to go meet her for coffee but you probably already knew that." I said coldly once again trying to leave. Hopping Trowawouldn't say anything else.

But he is a cruel yet knowledgeable person. He flashed his eyes behind him where I was trying to walk away and added, "Your going to bleed all over her. You might want to wrap your wrists up."

I nodded and replied as I did before. "Hai." He then offered to help me and I agreed since it's hard to wrap your own arm. We walked into the bathroom and I sat on the edge of the bathtub. Trowa opened the medicine cabinet and took out a long thing of white cloth. Yeah like white is a good color at a time likethis.

"Hmm…it's white…I guess we are going to have to wait till you stop bleeding…but wrapping it now will help." Said Trowa as he grabbed my arm.

He held in gently and if I were Duo I would have given him a kiss on the cheek as to say thanks. For some reason I wanted too. But I wasn't interested in him at all. So I leaned over and kissed him gently onthe cheek.

"Thanks…and gomen…" I said blushing a little bit.

"Duo…" whispered Trowa almost silently. He remembered how Duo would kiss him on the cheek whenever he did him a favor. Like when him or Quatre made breakfast. Or when Quatre or him lent him boy help. He remembered the gentle kiss and wondered why I had given it to him in the exact way.

The Italian shook it off and started wrapping my wrists. A little while later he was done and nodded to me telling me I could leave now. But quickly the white cloth was covered in blood.

"I am surprised you haven't fainted yet…" he saidin a calm voice.

I nodded and replied the way I always did. "Hai Tro-kun." I said smiling goofy.

Trowa blinked and looked at me for a minute. "Duo? Heero are you all right?" he asked surprised I was calling him by the nickname both Duo and Quatreused for him.

"I don't know…I am just a little confused myself…" I said. Why the h*** was I acting like this? I shook my head and nodded to Trowa as he redid my bandages. This time the blood went through a little slower andwe did this about 5 times before it stopped long enough so I felt it was safe to meet Hildey.

I thanked Trowa one last time and kissed him on the cheek as I left. Once again Trowa whispered the name of my deceased lover and rubbed his cheek as though trying to hold on to a memory. I walked out of the room and proceeded to Hildey's house. I took abus there…