Faith
Part 3
by Black Shadow
"Trowa and Quatre's residence. Sorry we're not home at the moment. So please leave a message after this beep. Thanks!"
"Quatre. This is Duo," I spoke. "There's something important I need to tell you and will you please call me back. I'm staying at Heero's."
Slowly I hang up and got out of the booth. It had been the fifth time I had tried to call Quatre but I kept failing to reach him. Poor Quatre! He didn't even know Trowa was cheating on him. And so was Heero. I can't believe he'd do something like that to me. And yet again, I'm having doubts about the both of them. Maybe they weren't dating, maybe they had something important to discuss about. But what? The war is over we'te leading our own life now. No more Gundam this Gundam that.
I have been wondering around , strolling the streets for hours now since I saw the two of them together. My heart shattered that very moment. I could feel how useless I was to Heero, so useless until he went out to find another man - a friend. My sorrows filled me up, leaving me all dark and gloomy inside. I knew it was already 3.00 am, but my heart just doesn't feel like going home.
I don't know what to say to Heero any longer. Usually whenever he comes home, I'll greet him with a warm smile and a tender kiss. But now, I just can't. I can't face him the way I used to. He's - he's like a total stranger in my life! The mask on my face has gone. Instead I've created a new one. The face of a lost and sorrow person.
But I knew I can't hide for long. In the end I'll still face Heero so what's the use running away from him. So I slowly walked back home with a heavy heart. All the way I was hoping so much of Heero not being there to welcome me home. I just don't feel like talking to him. But it's his house and I can't get away with it. Moving in with him wasn't as I imagined. My life is becoming God damn more complicated than it ever was.
"Where have you been?"
"No where," I answered without even facing Heero.
"God damn it, Duo. You were gone the whole day long!" said Heero with his arms crossed. "I was getting worried." Heero began walking towards me with his arms open, wanting to hug me.
"No, Heero." I turned around and walked away. With my back facing him, I could still see the horror on his face. I tried not to face him as I could. Suddenly I saw something blinking at the answering machine so I immediately pushed the button to hear the message.
"Duo," Heero called.
"Shhhh. I want to hear the message."
"You have one message : This is Heero Yuy's principal. Heero Yuy did not attend school today and for the last 4 days."
"You - you haven't been attending school?" I asked in full surprise. "Where, what have you been doing?"
Heero kept silent for a moment. He turned his back to me and walked away. It was really unlikely of him to do so.
"Heero. Where have you been these last few days?" I asked him again in a concerned tone.
"I've been going to work," he finally admitted. "Like I told you before."
I gasped. "How come I wasn't informed about this?"
"I - I didn't want you to worry about me," he replied. "Anyway, you don't need to know what I've been doing. You don't own my life!"
"You don'y need to know - you don't own my life! YOU DON"T NEED TO KNOW - YOU DON'T OWN MY LIFE!"
Those were the harshest words I have ever heard from his mouth towards me. Glass was breaking at the background, I could feel myself turning upside down. I was just speechless. I didn't know what to reply. I just stood there looking at him, looking like a fool. Before I even knew it, tears were rolling down my cheeks and I can't control it!
"You are having an affair aren't you, Heero?" I spoke breaking the silence between us. I could hear a gasp from him as he turned around.
"Don't be foolish," he said. "I don't know what's going on that stupid head of yours>"
"Then how do you explain your date with Trowa?" I asked him again. "At the park today."
"Have you been spying on me?" he asked me back as he came closer. His sweet worried face had just gone. "HAVE YOU?"
"Just tell me, Heero!" I shouted back at him . "Don't lie to me!"
"I'm lying?"
"Obviously!" I replied. "I'm not THAT stupid."
"I'm not the liar here, Duo,"said Heero. "The person standing right in front of me is the one lying from the very beginning."
"What do you mean?"
"The only people I hate are liars."
"Since when did I lie to you?" I asked him, seriously I can't understan him.
"I don't mean just to my face. This person before me si an illusion fortified by lies," said Heero as he looked deep into my eyes. "Four words and your niceness is a pretend."
"That's harsh," I m. So to you this dependable,
cheerful, good guy, niceEEbr>
Thats right. Just an illusion,Ehe replied. EThe you I like. Not one time have I seen it. How can I trust such a guy?Ebr>
Everyone else is fooled. My weak point. No one knows. He cant possibly know. Can he see so easily through me? Then I thought ,this false me, this carefree orphan that I made with all my strength E.when I lie, I was lying to myself. I see now, looking into Heeros eyes, the reason why he despised me. I was afraid those truthful clear eyes reflected this false version of myself.
Ohh man. I didnt expect such a mess.about me, I didnt think youd be so perceptive. Youre one cold guy. Like you said. Such a good-natured guy doesnt exist,Ebr>
You thought I cant see the real you, didnt you?Ehe asked me with a grin.
"I couldn't expect less from you."
Suddenly Heero stood up and went to pick his coat. His eyes gazed back to me as he sighed.
"Was I out of my mind?" he spoke. "I was waiting for an invitation, it was hard to find."
"I never meant to hurt you Heero."
Heero shook his head in dismay as he open the door and stepped out without looking back.
"Where are you going?" I asked him, eyes filled with tears.
"I just need to be alone."
"What do you mean," I asked him again.
"I just can't look at you the same way again."
As Heero walked out the door, I kneeled on the cold floor as I hug myself, crying like a lost kid. What had I done to myself? Heero wasn't having an affair - I couldn't even trust him.
Dear lie,
You suck,
You said you could do anything,
Instead, I'm fucked,
You
Dear lie
You suck
You said you could fix anything
Instead I'm fucked
You made things even worse for me
If I had balls I'd tell you get away from me
Guess I'm not smart
I let you unnerve me
I let you control me
Afraid the truth would hurt me
When it's you that hurts me more
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