Haruka ran a brush through her hair, trying to wet down the cowlicks that she had long before given up hope on.  Michiru had surprised her, saying that tonight there would be a birthday party for her here, and all the Senshi--who had returned earlier, and already settled back into their old ways of life--were invited.

            *All the Senshi,* Haruka mused, mulling the words for longer than should have been necessary for her to glean the obvious.  *That means that Usagi will be here... and Mamoru.*  Haruka sighed at the prospect, her cheeks reddening.  *God, how will I ever face her again?*

            "Haruka," Michiru's bright voice and firm knock interrupted the wind Senshi's reverie.  "Are you almost finished?"

            "Almost."  Haruka answered.  Tonight had been her first real shower in weeks, and she had enjoyed it immensely.  "I'll be out in a few minutes."

            Looking into the mirror again, Haruka frowned.  She disliked her appearance as a female, but wasn't completely comfortable with her appearance as a male, either.

            *Why should I care?* She thought.  *It's not like there's even a possibility of it working out between Mamoru and me.  I mean, I'm a lesbian; or at least I thought I was.*  Now she felt exasperated.  "Get a grip." Haruka murmured.

            Strolling into the bedroom, a towel still wrapped about her middle, Haruka started browsing through her closet.  Clothes had never been an issue for her before, but, then again, neither had men.

            Haruka banished the thought from her mind.  * I am not getting dressed up for Mamoru...I'm doing it 'cause this is my birthday party, and I want to have fun.*  To appease her guilty conscience, she mentally added, *Away from Mamoru. *

            Finally, Haruka selected a pair of loose gray slacks, and a white button down shirt.  She frowned slightly at the mirror, noting how her figure showed...but then let it be.

            Before she could further debate, the wind Senshi was saved by an interruption.

            "Haruka, are you..." Michiru's voice trailed off as she saw her lover.  "Oh, Haruka."  She breathed.  "You look so beautiful," tears filled her eyes.  "And I've missed you so," she threw her arms about Haruka's waist, trembling at the contact.

            "Shhh."  Haruka soothed, feeling miserable.  *What was I thinking?  Michiru loves me, and I love her.  It was a mistake, what happened there in the woods... just a slip.*  Her eyes narrowed with purpose.  *And I'll be sure to say those very words to Mamoru tonight.*

            "Haruka?"

            Glancing down, she noticed that Michiru was staring up at her face adoringly.  "Haruka," Michiru breathed.  "What are you thinking?"

            The question made Haruka blush, even though logic told her that Michiru had no way of knowing the truth.  "Nothing, Michiru.  Nothing at all..." 

            "Haruka!"  Makoto squealed the minute that Hotaru opened the door.  Ignoring the frowning Senshi of Destruction, she flung her arms around the blonde, who was standing nearby.  "God, it's so good to see you!"

            "It's good to see you, too, Mako-chan."  Haruka smiled warmly, always having liked the Thunder Sailor.  "How've you been?"

            Makoto shrugged.  "I was paired with Minako, so everything was peachy keen for the most part." Her look turned wistful, "We make a pretty good team, Mina-chan and I.  There was this one time, though..."

            Haruka let the words glide by her, unheard.  Her eyes were drawn to the door, as Setsuna ushered Usagi and Mamoru in.  Mamoru had his arm about Usagi's shoulders, and they seemed very much in love.

            An unexpected stab of what felt undeniably like jealousy pricked Haruka, and it made her frown.  If she didn't get a rein on her emotions, there was no telling what could--and would--happen.

            "...That, of course, was very annoying," Makoto scowled at the memory.  "I mean, geeze!  What if I didn't..." seeing the distant look on Haruka's face, she stopped talking.  "Haruka-chan?" she asked.

            Haruka glanced down on her brunette friend, who stood a few inches shorter.  "Yes, Mako-chan?" she asked, hoping that the girl hadn't noticed her lapse.

            No such luck.  "What is it, Haruka-chan?" she asked.  "You can tell me."

            Haruka smiled.  *Just like an Inner Senshi.*  "Don't bother, Mako-chan."  She replied.  "Nothing's the matter...I'm just so glad to be home."  

            "Hey," Haruka came up from behind Michiru, who was busy speaking with Rei.  Wrapping her arms around the aqua-haired woman's waist, she rested her head on Michiru's shoulder.

            Michiru smiled.  "Hey."

            "I'm going to get something to drink, you want something?"

            Michiru smiled.  *She's so thoughtful and considerate...*  "Sure.  Anything you pick will be fine, darling."

            Rei smiled knowingly at their exchange.  Haruka could hear the raven-haired priestess commenting on Michiru's luck in love as she headed to the other end of the beachhouse, where the drinks were stored.

            Reaching a table that had one of Michiru's favorite beverages on it, Haruka stopped.  *Oh, shit...*

            Mamoru glanced up from his work: ladling liquid into two paper cups.  "Haruka..." he trailed off.  "Happy Birthday." His voice was a monotone, but when Haruka dared to meet his eyes, she saw a sorrowful, guilty desire in them.

            "Thank you."  She replied hastily, trying to look away.

            "Look," his eyes probed hers.  "About today..."

            "Mamo-chan!"  Usagi's voice stopped him, and Haruka winced involuntarily.

            "Coming, Usako."  Mamoru sighed, looking apologetically at Haruka.  "We'll talk later, I guess."

            Haruka nodded stiffly, and then proceeded to ladle Michiru her drink.

            Haruka sat on the bed.  It had been a great party, and had just ended.  Michiru was in the bathroom, getting ready for bed, and Hotaru was asleep.  As for Setsuna... Haruka just smiled and shook her head.  The Time Senshi had always been a mystery.

            "Speaking of mysteries." Haruka murmured.  She sighed, and lay across the bed, her hands propping up her head.  Images of Mamoru flew through her mind's eye: thick dark hair, milky skin, and eyes that could swallow worlds.

            "God," tears appeared in her eyes.  "What am I going to do?"

            Haruka could hear Michiru singing from inside the bathroom, but this time her melodious voice did nothing to sooth Haruka's mood, only to further intensify it.

            *Enough.*  Haruka jumped up and headed for her closet.  She pulled out her black leather coat, and snatched the keys to her Ferrari from their perch on her night table.

            "Michiru," she called.  "I'm going out.  I may be back late, so don't wait up for me."

            "What?" Michiru's head stuck out from the bathroom. Her wet hair was wrapped in a towel, and Haruka had to smile at the picture.  "To where?  Haruka, I'll come with you."

            "No," Haruka replied.  "I just need to be alone, alright?"

            "Al...alright."  Michiru replied brokenly.

            Haruka felt bad for hurting Michiru, but she blocked that out of her mind as she left the beach house.  *Here goes nothing.*  

            Haruka fidgeted.  She was standing right in front of the door to Mamoru's apartment, trying to decide whether this was still a good idea.

            *I've gotta do it sometime,* she reminded herself. *And now's as good a time as any.*

            Tentatively, Haruka knocked on the door, wincing at how terribly loud it sounded.  Seconds passed like hours, and more than twice Haruka turned to leave.  She was still debating whether it wouldn't just be better to race away now--while she had her chance--when the door opened.

            Mamoru stood framed in the doorway, looking as surprised to see her as she was to see him, regardless of who knocked on who's door at two thirty seven in the morning.

            Although he was still wearing his clothes from that evening, by his disheveled appearance, something had been troubling him.

            "Haruka..." Mamoru trailed off.  "What are you..."

            "Mamoru," Haruka interrupted, "We need to talk."

            Mamoru swallowed, and opened the door wide enough for Haruka to walk in.  His apartment was decorated nicely, if not basically.  There was a couch in the middle of the room, opposite a large TV and radio.  One door lead into the kitchen, another to the bathroom, and the third, Haruka presumed, must lead to Mamoru's bedroom.  She avert ed her gaze from this last object, hoping to finish the task for which she had come, and not cause anymore damage.

            Mamoru seemed not to notice her wandering eyes, and Haruka was directed to a couch.  Once she had taken her seat, Mamoru paced over to the windows, his back to her.  There was a silence, which Haruka chose to break.

            "I'm sorry."  She whispered.  "I'm so sorry about today...I don't really know what I was thinking--or--wasn't thinking."  She gave a weak laugh.  "That's it," now she was rambling, "I wasn't thinking.  Wasn't thinking at all." She got up and paced over to Mamoru, who met her gaze, his eyes haunting. "Wasn't thinking of how this might complicate things, might wreck things, might." she stopped herself, looking at more closely at his face.  "All I was thinking about," she whispered, "Were your eyes..."

            Catching herself becoming lost in them again, Haruka whirled, so that her back was to Mamoru.  "Like I said before," her voice was choked, and tears welled in her eyes.  "I'm sorry."

            "Don't be," Mamoru put a hand on her shoulder, turning her gently.  When she was facing him, he kissed her damp eyelashes, then her forehead.  "Please," he whispered.  "Don't be."

            Haruka gasped, but it came out more like a moan. She looked up into his sapphire eyes.  They had the same sorrowful look in them as they had at the party...and the same hunger.

            "Oh God..."

            Then they were kissing.

            Haruka reveled in the feeling of his arms around her, his warm body against hers, and his cool lips pressing gently onto her own.  It was so easy for her to just kiss him, and to forget.  She couldn't remember what had made her think of this simple, loving act as wrong, but now that he held her again, nothing could convince Haruka that this was anything but good.

            After a fifteen-minute period that seemed much shorter, Mamoru broke the kiss, breathing heavily.  His arms were still wrapped around Haruka, and she nestled warmly into his shirt.

            "I love you."  Mamoru whispered.  "I always have," He held her tighter.  "Ever since the first time that I saw you."

            "I love you, too."  Haruka replied, burying her face in his chest.

            They remained like that, snuggled into each other, leaning slightly against the wall, for some time.  Finally Haruka broke the silence.

            "Mamoru," she spoke hesitantly.

            "Yes?"

            Now she met his gaze.  "Make love to me."

            Mamoru did not seemed shocked in the least by her request.  Instead, he surprised Haruka by picking her up, and carrying her off into the other room.

            Laying her on the bed, Mamoru climbed on top of her.  He kissed her neck and buried his face in her hair, breathing in her scent.

            Haruka's heart was pounding, and she could hear the wind blowing in her ears.  *So this is what it's like,* she thought.  *This is what it's like to be in love.*

            Her thoughts were all cut off as Mamoru started unbuttoning her shirt.  Then he kissed her.  And kissed her.

            And kissed her.

            Haruka closed her eyes contentedly.  She was tired, but happy.  She snuggled closer to Mamoru, running her fingers over his chest gently.  She felt warm, and dizzy, but more alert---no, *aware,* than she ever had in her entire nineteen years.

            Part of her was saying, "so, this is what its' like to be with a man; to be normal." but the other part of her knew that there was nothing normal about what she and Mamoru shared.

            "What are you thinking of, my love?"  Mamoru asked, stroking her hair idly.

            Haruka yawned, lying her head on Mamoru's muscular chest.  "You."

            Although everything seemed fine now, in the back of Haruka's mind, she knew she had a problem.