What's the only question an artist can't answer?
"What is a W2 Form?"

Why are modern artists like parrots?
Because when their feathers are ruffled, they're probably putting crap on paper.

Why are artists like kittens?
When they finally open their eyes, they don't have any money.

What do get if you take all the artists in the world and lay them end to end?
About a seven day drive to find the one with his own lighter.

How do you get people to pay good money for a refrigerator that doesn't work?
Kill the artist.

What is the farthest thing from an artist's mind?
Whatever is directly in front of him.

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. Two to hold the giraffe and another to pour the pudding in the bath tub.

When do people quit studying a painting at a gallery opening?
When nobody is looking.

What's the range of a minimalist painting?
As far as you can throw it.

What's the difference between Western Art and an onion?
You cry when you chop up an onion.

When is the best time to listen to artists describe their work?
While you're vacuuming.

What's the longest an artist can live on nothing but pasta?
20 th grade.

How many Western artists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
All of them.

How do you keep an artist from making money?
Just stand back and watch.

Why don't artists compete in the Indy 500?
Because none of them have cars.

Did you hear about the really brilliant Western artist?
Neither did I.

Why do you bury an artist 12 feet in the ground?
Because deep down they're truly happy people.

How can you make an artist lose 400 pounds?
You cut off his head.

What do you call a thousand art installations at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

Where is Western Art at its best?
In a galaxy far, far away.

Why is it O.K. to serve cheap, crappy wine at a symphony?

Why don't curators hang out with artists?

If Santa Fe art is so good, then why isn't any of it in the Louvre?
Perhaps it doesn't "go".

If artists are nonconformists, then why do they all look the same?
Wouldn't a true nonconforming artist wear a suit and tie?

Why do people claim they buy art only if they "like" it but rarely buy art from less than famous artists - even if all they can afford is a print, anyway?

Why do artists want to better the world through art but price their work so that only a minute percentage of people will ever see it?
If artists really want me to share in their wisdom, then why don't I have a free Warhol?

Why does a Picasso cost more than birthing, chemotherapy, college, puppies, homes, food, aspirin, transplants, Beethoven's Ninth and protein?
Onion Celeste