View Guestbook
FFML Fantasy/Secret of the Mailing List, Part 3
By Pat, the Mystic Guru
In case you never saw Part 2 of my Fanfic, or you forgot what it was about, or you were intoxicated when you read it, or whatever, President Squaresoft is planning to deluge the FFML with lamers who he will make into unthinking zombies. He sent the Turks after Pat, Kain and Magus for being too civil. They fled Pat's summer home in the Desert of Confusion while the Mad Lamer was in hot pursuit, but fortunately they were saved by Paladin and Master Lamer Hunter Alan. Anyway...
After escaping the Mad Lamer, Pat, Kain, Magus and Alan were heading towards the nation of F.F.M.L . Despite the past danger, it was a very nice day for walking, and soon, the travelers had forgotten all about the ever-present danger of lamers.
Pat: Faldereeeee, Falderaaaaaa, Faldereeeee, Faldera ha ha ha ha ha---
Kain & Magus & Alan: SHUT UP!!!
Pat: Sorry.
As they walked on, the atmosphere grew darker, and the path became more treacherous. Soon, they found themselves wandering a haunted countryside at night, the only landmark a somewhat frightening tower.
Kain: Boy, it sure got scary all of a sudden.
Alan: Yeah. We'd better find some place to crash for the night.
Pat: Hey! Look at that tower over there.
Magus: It's almost scary!
No sooner had Magus spoke, then a demonic yodeling filled the air, and a drunken bastard hobbled up to them.
Drunken Bastard: Hee hee hee! You don't want to go there. That tower is cursed! Cursed! CURSED says I! Hee hee hee!
Magus: Yeah right, you drunkard. Leave us alone.
Drunken Bastard: Don't say I didn't warn you!! Hee hee hee!! If you meet the crazy .sig writer, you'll never leave here again!!!
Kain: Leave us alone!!
Drunken Bastard: Alright, alright! I'm going! I can take a hint.
As the Drunken Bastard hobbled away, Kain let out a bellow of rage, drew his sword, and plunged it through the Drunken Bastard.
Kain: I said LEAVE US ALONE!!!!!!
Alan: Um, Kain?
Kain: What?! WHAT?! OKAY, WHO WANTS A PIECE OF THIS?!
Kain, overcome with madness, points his sword menacingly at the others.
Kain: They're against me. They're all against me.
Pat: Whoa there big fella! Take it easy!
Alan: Kain...put DOWN the sword. Everything's gonna be okay, just put the sword down. Kain---
Kain: No!! I won't do it!!!!!
Pat: This is pretty weird.
As Kain rambled on in an insane fashion, Magus slowly crept up behind him,and, with a feral glint in his eyes....hit him over the head with a FRYING PAN!
Alan: Magus!
Pat: Why?!
Magus: Hee hee. That was fun.
Pat: There might have been a better way to solve that problem.
Alan: Well, at least he isn't going insane anymore. Good work, Magus.
Magus: Well, they don't call me Magus for nothin'.
Alan: Um, yeah. Anyway....maybe we should go see the guy who lives in that somewhat-awe-inspiring tower.
Magus: Sure. Anything beats this creepy Transylvania-like countryside.
Meanwhile, looking out from his Somewhat Awe-Inspiring Tower of Horrible Bloody Death....
Mysterious Sig Writer: Ha ha ha haaaaaa!! New victims!! Ha ha ha haaaaaa!!! Anyway, time to make my .sig longer than ever!!! Hee hee heee!!!
And as Pat, Alan and Magus carried Kain to the Tower, the demonic yodel filled the air again....
What has happened to Kain? Will he ever regain his sanity? What diabolical schemes will President Shinra think up next? What is the meaning of life? And who is the Mysterious Sig Writer who resides deep in the Somewhat Awe-Inspiring Tower of Horrible Bloody Death (hint: it's the Dark Lord Eric) To find out the answers to all these questions and more, stay tuned for Part 4 of the Guru's FanFic!
Back to the FFML fanfic page, my main fanfic page, my Final Fantasy Page, or my main page (dang that's a lotta pages! ^_^)
Send the author, Pat, the Mystic Guru, your comments!
Send me your comments! I'm big on typos, too, so if you spot one, e-mail me!
This page hosted by 
Get your own Free Home Page