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FFML Fantasy/Secret of the Mailing List, Part 1
By Pat, the Mystic Guru
West of the nation of Utopia, there existed the state of Confusion. It was here that the Guru, Pat, made his humble abode, a single tower painted in soothing earth tones. It was a day like any other day for Pat, but since days like that are boring, we'll skip to the day after, when stuff started happening...
Pat was talking with Magus and Kain about Confuscious's philosophies while they were all sipping herbal tea. It was a cheerful sort of day, despite the rain outside, and Pat was feeling inspired by the conversation he was having, so he thought he might write a poem, but then he thought maybe he wouldn't, and when he had finally decided that he would, there was a knocking on the door.
Pat: Just a minute!
Before Pat could open his door, however, it was broken down by three suspicious looking people in really cool-looking suits.
Reno: You guys from the FFML?
Kain: Yes.
Pat: Yes.
Magus: Yes.
Reno: You might as well admit it now, scum. We know who you are.
Elena: But, Reno, they just admitted it now.
Reno: Oh. Of course they did, Elena! Now, let's get to work!
Pat: Can I interest anyone in herbal tea?
Rude: Oh, that would be delightful!
Reno: Shut up, Rude. Elena, what's he writing?
Pat: That's a poem I'm posting to the FFML.
Reno: Any curses, Elena?
Elena: No, Reno, there's nary a curse to be found. And it's not rude, insulting or obnoxious either!
Reno: I'm afraid we can't allow that, Pat.
Suddenly, the atmosphere in the room takes on a more hostile aspect.
Pat: Why not?
Elena: We're trying to deluge the FFML with lamers, and this post is just too civil.
Pat and Magus gasp, Kain unsheathes his sword.
Reno: Shhh, shut up!
Magus: Why are you trying to destroy the FFML?
Elena: It's a secret.
Reno: Shhh, shut up!
Rude: You can only keep posting if you start insulting people for no good reason, and curse like a wounded pirate.
Pat: I don't have to do those things.
Kain: We haven't done anything wrong!
Reno: Well...it looks like we have no choice! Get 'em boys!
Kain: Not to worry. I'll take care of these losers with my trusty Masamune sword.
Rude: I don't think you'll be doing that.
Before any of the noble FFMLers can react, Rude snaps his fingers and a mysterious person appears, seemingly from out of nowhere.
Reno: Damn it, Rude! I wanted to snap my fingers!
Rude: You always get to do it, Reno! It was MY turn!
Elena: Um, guys?
Reno & Rude: What is it?!
Elena: What about them?
Elena points to the FFMLers, who have used this oppourtunity to escape into the Desert of Confusion. Rude curses and begins to run after him, but Reno puts a restraining hand on his shoulder.
Reno: No problem. We'll just sic a lamer on them.
Elena: Great idea! Lamer, get them!
And so, the lamer rushes out into the desert, after our heroes, screaming curses and insults for no good reason. Meanwhile, the FFMLers are fleeing into the hostile desert. It remains to be seen if they will emerge
alive....
Thus ends Part 1 of the Guru's Fanfic.
WARNING: Part 2 contains language that may be inappropriate for or offensive to some people. There is hard-core swearing, but it is all within the context of the fanfic; none of it is directed at anyone in particular.
FFML Fantasy/Secret of the Mailing List, Part 2
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