"The question isn't what are we going to do, the question is, what aren't we going to do?"
--Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller's Day Off
"Perhaps moral supremacists should be prohibited from owning TV's."
--Michael Dewey, in a letter to TV Guide
"It always pleases me to witness a shopper who is courteous and considerate of the clerk or cashier. Most of them work so hard to be pleasant and friendly to customers--the least we can do is return the courtesy. Too many of us speak sharply or, worse yet, act like they aren't even there. A kind 'thank you' means a lot."
--Virginia G., letter to the National Enquirer
"(Licking your palms) is a bit childish and stupid, but then, so is high school."
--Ferris Bueller
"Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. That way, you'll be a mile away and you'll have his shoes."
--Unknown
"Now's the time to go for all the gusto you can grab."
--Weird Al Yankovic, "I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead"
"If money can't buy happiness, I guess I'll have to rent it."
--Weird Al, "This is the Life"
"A pint cannot hold a quart, Mr. Pizer. If it holds a pint, it's doing the best it can."
--Vincent, The Black Hole
"Lovemaking is sex with care."
--The Maniac
"Well, I attended Julliard, I'm a graduate of the Harvard Business School, I travel quite extensively, I lived through the Black Plague, and had a pretty good time during that...I've seen The Exorcist about a hundred and sixty-seven times, and it keeps gettin' funnier, every single time I see it...not to mention the fact that you're talkin' to a dead guy. Now what do you think? You think I'm qualified?"
--Beetlejuice (Michael Keaton), describing his credentials, Beetlejuice
"The other major kind of computer is the 'Apple,' which I do not recommend, because it is a wuss-o-rama New Age computer that you basically just plug in and use."
--Dave Barry
"I don't need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends I can be certain of."
--Unknown
"It doesn't matter what you love...it could be a person, it could be a thing...as long as you love it totally, completely, and without judgement."
--Norm (George Wendt), final episode of Cheers
"The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I'm left with is the memory of having learned
something very wise that I can't quite remember."
--George Carlin, Brain Droppings
"Lorena Bobbitt only did what men do to each other all the time: she showed an asshole she meant business."
--George Carlin
"Sixteen thousand repetitions make one truth."
--Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
"I wanted to be a Boy Scout, but I had all the wrong traits. They were looking for kids who were trustworthy, loyal, helpful, brave, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrify, brave, clean, and reverent. Whereas I tended to be devious, fickle, obstructive, hostile, impolite, mean, defiant, glum, extravagant, cowardly, dirty and sacrilegious."
--George Carlin
"Something good always pops up!"
--A Pop-Tarts ad
"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."
--Semisonic, "Closing Time"
"Time doesn't heal all wounds, space does."
--Hildy Johnson
"Most important things are simple."
--Kalinya
"Pursue the truth, no matter where it lies."
--Metallica, "Through the Never"
LOVE CONQUERS ALL!
This page should be updated frequently, as I think of more quotes that I've heard.