College Bound

There's a double-meaning here, I guess. And not just because UCSD feels like a penitentiary sometimes...

As a proud Triton (is that what our mascot is, a Triton??), I'm happy to admit to the world that I'm a college student at the nationally-distinguished university at La Jolla, UCSD.

At the request of a fellow inmate--er, student, I've slapped together a nonsensically-serious top ten list. If you don't go to UCSD, you probably wouldn't understand it, but you can try.

Top Ten Reasons NOT to go to UCSD

10. You like college football. We have no football team. If you only go to games for the cheerleaders, see item #5, below.
9. You like college sports in general. We DO have basketball, swimming, and everything else. But then, it would probably have been better off if we didn't. Two words: we suck! Never heard of a UCSD sports team? Big surprise...can you spell "Division III"?
8. You are paraplegic. Did I mention that this was a BIG campus? Clotheslining skateboarders is pretty fun though! :)
7. You have a car. Unless you can find someone to lie down on a parking space for you, don't count on finding a spot during normal school hours.
6. You are accustomed to eating from more than one food group.
5. 90% of college girls in Southern California are pretty. The other 10% go to UCSD. Statistic courtesy of the Clinton Find-an-Intern Foundation. J/K, but it doesn't mean it ain't true.
4. When the professor is lecturing, you want to be able to see him without the use of binoculars or opera glasses.
3. Proximity to nude beaches. Yes, this belongs here. Did I mention that most of La Jolla's population consists of old, retired folk?
2. Eerie silence. Sometimes, I think the "Twilight Zone" theme is playing in the background somewhere. Read: absolutely NOTHING happens in UCSD.

And the Number One Reason Not To Go To UCSD... *drum roll*

1. You are a college student or dirt poor. But, I repeat myself.


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