|
It was somewhere around six o'clock in the morning... None of us had been to sleep yet, and not speaking for the others, I felt like I could keep going for days and days without any sleep... It had been a good night - stoned, drunk, raising cane - fucking it up all over town... I haad a meeting to attend... Somewhat of a "Welcoming" I was told... You know, when they bring a bunch of people into an over heated room, hand them folders - maybe even a free t-shirt and get you to sign some papers... That kind of "welcoming"... "Fountain of Pain" by Dragpipe was moaning softly over the stereo... The stereo belonging to my nineteen seventy one Dodge Challenger... Coming at you with all the power and then some - boasting a four-twenty-six super charged Hemi under the hood... That Hemi made by Dodge - the master... On a side note... Where the fuck did that 427 go? Huh? Huh? I looked in my rearview mirror to see Seth in mid-swig of some Jack... He'd just woke up and a swig of Jack only made sense, I figure... Beside me, zonked out in the passenger seat was Cryst... She looked beautiful as she slept - seemed all was right with her world... If it weren't for the fact that I had to be at NEW Headquarters, I'd a taken them both home. But like Seth told me... "Support group." Seth said, leaning forward looking at the road ahead from between the seats... "Hi my name is Shane Clemmens, I am a wrestler." I said sarcastically, chuckling. This was enough to wake up Cryst... She opened her eyes for a moment, then closing them before she punched me in the shoulder... "Damn babe." I muttered, feeling some decent pain. "Take me home." Cryst mumbled. "No." I said... "I want you to be here for this meeting." "Meeting shmeeting." Cryst mumbled. "Wow, it's just like an episode of "bad date"." Seth commented. "Don't make me hit you too." Cryst said, trying to get comfortable... With a click and a zipping noise, Cryst's seat fell back, allowing her to stretch out - also reducing the amount of room Seth had for comfort. "Be my guest." Seth laughed after the fact. Ahead was NEW Headquarters... I could feel the excitement in my stomach already... A real wrestling federation, fully equipped with idiots that I didn't like - just waiting to be shown the fuck up. "Matt Micheals." I laughed. "Bwaaahahahahahaa." Seth cracked up in the back seat. "So little talent, so much ego." I continued. "Get 'em." Seth roared. "Who knew that solid shit could look so bad in a leather jacket." "Get 'em." "The excellence of masturbation... The fem... The myth... The wanna-be." "Fuckin' poser - Get 'em." "Nothing but a fuckin' bug under my boot - wait and see." Seth was laughing hard, obviously still feeling that mary we'd had earlier. I knew Cryst was about to wake up from the noise, and be quite pissed off... Sure enough, she opened her eyes, glaring at me. "You guys are dorks." She sighed, sitting the seat back in its upright position... "I guess I'll wake up since you guys gotta be so rude." "Come on - that was funny." Seth says, still feeling the laugh fest he had just endured. I turned to Cryst, placing my hand on hers. "Did you really want me to take you home? Cuz I will." "No." She laughed... "Am I too mean?" "Yes." Seth replied quickly. "No." I said... "I think it's fun." "Like I asked your opinion anyway Seth." Cryst said, looking out the window at the city passing by... The Challenger's engine roared... I saw a Vette in the distance and wished I could catch up and blow thier doors off, but the turn off to NEW Headquarters was just ahead, and the meeting started in ten minutes... What would you do? "I wanna race with that Stingray up there." I said. "Stingray? Where?" Cryst asked sarcastically - I assumed she was talking about the kind of sting ray you find in an ocean... "The car." I said pointing ahead. "That's a nice car..." Seth admitted... "Think this tank could out run it?" "Course... Stingray boy wouldn't know what hit 'em." I said. "What if it's a girl driving?" Cryst asked... "Why do you always assume that it's a guy?" "Cuz of the license plate - "1PWNPUC" I said "Huh? What the hell does that mean?" Cryst asked. "Nothing, and we're not going to find out either." I cringed as I turned the steering wheel... That ole Challenger rolled into the parking lot of the headquarters like a big dog... Perhaps I love the car far too much, or I'm just stating fact... Either way, I didn't get to race that fuckin' Stingray because I had to get all nice and signed up for the new federation that is "NEW". We found a parking spot... I turned to my "support group". "And we're here." I said in my best "newscaster" voice. "Joyous occasion." Seth said. "I'm hungry." Cryst added. "Me too - stomach's been growling since I threw up." I confessed. "Sicko." Cryst said "When did you puke?" "Ha ha..." Seth interrupts... "He puked after that cowboy socked him in the stomach." "No." I corrected - "I puked after I got done beating the shit out of the cowboy that socked me in the stomach." "Oh - yeah - that too even." Seth laughed. "Oh - I don't remember that." Cryst said. "Well you were beating up that biker chick in the women's bathroom at the time, I think." I laughed. "And don't forget about the cowboy I gave the swirly to in the women's bathroom." Seth added. "What were you doing in the women's bathroom anyway?" Cryst asked. "The men's bathroom was a mess of chaw spit and ass smell... Besides, you guys have a candy dispenser in your bathroom - that's not fair." Seth laughed. "Candy dispenser?" I asked, mocking jealousy. "Ugh." Cryst rolled her eyes, folding her arms over her chest. "Anyway... N... E... Dubba Ya." I laughed. "Woooooo." Seth mocked enthusiasm. To be continued. Rant Mode: "It's
all a waste of time - Nothing left to do." Only a few of the people around these parts have heard of me... And those that do know me have been doing a lot of jaw jacking about how good I really am... Building me up - so now everyone expects this huge monster to tear into the fed... Where does that leave me? What, this is my big shot to make my name? I've already done that... I'm not here to walk in and ask for a shot at whatever title either... I have no problems paying my dues... I know all the rumor mills - who I may add are worse than a sewing circle - are saying that I've done all this and that, and some of you have been made interested in this... If this means that I'm going to have that many more people looking on when I step in the ring - then good... Did you want to hear my life story? Nah... Don't worry, I'm not going to crone on and on as if I were a greasy haired punk in neon spandex... Nah nah, Not gonna do that... I've been all over the map... In many many different cities - I've faced off against many difficult opponents... Guys that had me thinking I was in trouble on many occasions and many that have managed to one up me... I'm not... My personal motto has always been - and always will be - "Beat, not beaten." If you don't understand what I'm saying, that's a shame... All too often I see people beating themselves up - even when I merely told them to "fuck off" they get all bent out of shape, and in some sad plea for sympathy, they whine and moan and carry on about how they don't stand a chance... What is that all about? I've had my words blown right back in my face before - all that means is I learned from what happened and moved on... Yes you have to have a thick skin, yes you have to be ready for the worst, and yes - I'm about to stop being so nice... Paul Thorne - my chosen opponent... And of course I don't know who the hell he is... He though gets to say the same for me - doesn't know me from Adam - how about that? I'd rather not stumble around blind though... Let's put it simple for you - ok? I'm here to show NEW how the Dirty Dog does business... I'm not here to make you look good though, you will have the awesome right to tell everyone how the Dirty Dog took you out in the ring... Think about it. "Yeah, I got beat by Shane Clemmens." "Wow." It's going to be a great opportunity for you - most of all an lovely learning experience... Does that sound cocky to you? Hmmmm? Just ask Luke, Romeo if he hadn't a fallen off the planet... Fuck man, you can even ask Darion Steel and watch his fuzzy bitch ass piss himself at the mere mention of my name... They'll all tell you the same thing - I'm a cocky pretty boy, I'm a pothead, I do bad things like park in handicap parking lot... You can believe them, or not - doesn't matter... Just remember when you're doing your "homework" on me - the best plan for you is to heed my warnings... This is my debut for fuck's sake - do you really think i'm gonna schlep my way through it? I'd have to... This is where you think "he's underestimating me". Am I? Really? Think about it... Does it seem that I'm underestimating you? Remember this, to me - underestimation is equal only to masturbation... I'm not saying I'm the best you've ever seen - but I've beaten the best... Whether or not I win in the next weeks to come is irrelevant - what is? The simple fact that I'm coming into this match ready for the greatest challenger I've ever had... That's what I bring to the ring every time... Regardless of the outcome - it's going to be an uphill battle for you, because I'm not just playing around... I'm gonna do my best to turn you inside out my friend, if there was anything you could do about it - that time has long since past... Sorry buddy. Maybe next week. Your fucking role model has arrived - what are you gonna do about it? All of you are going to be standing in awe of me - I know this simply because I've seen what you boys have to bring to the plate, and I'm here to knock it out the park... So you'd better just duck before you take one in the head, cuz when I hit - I hit hard... And now it's time to dust something off - something I haven't done for some time - I had lost my touch maybe... Now though, I have it back for sure, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it - why? Cuz I'm the Dirty Dog - and reguardless of what ring bell brings - I'm bringing the fight right to your doorstep, I'm gonna be ready to scrap - to knock you the fuck out. You're lucky because you get to be graced by the Dirty Dog. I'm lucky because I'm through the doors to NEW Lucky you. Lucky me. Fuck you. Ha ha. "Thorne" - Ha ha - how lame. ___________ Story Mode: "The
sheep beneath the "Wolf" I wasn't there long before the NEW boys took notice... I didn't expect there to be so many there - perhaps they were just looking to get a glimpse... There were only two people there to attend the welcoming deal... Me and some other dude... Of course though, more chairs had to be moved in to accommodate the fact that I brought the better half of the NCV with me... Never know when Wolves might show up trying to hump your leg. "When is this thing going to be over?" Cryst pinched my arm... "I'm hungry." I turned to her with the best smirk I could pull from my boredom... "Me too... I don't think it's gonna take that long..." From behind the curtains set up in front of us appeared a younger looking man - I'd estimate somewhere around the same age as me... The guy I was assuming I'd be calling "Boss"... He approached the podium set up in the middle of the stage and wrapped his fingers around the front of it... He had a smug look on his face - I figured he didn't want to be there any more than I did - but at the same time I figured if I came,, he could at least return some sort of courtesy by at least acting like he was excited. "Welcome to NEW." He said... "My name is Sean Cole, Half owner & CEO of NEW..." I couldn't help myself... I raised my hand. "Yes Mr. Clemmens?" He asked, seeming a little upset at my interruption. "Where's the free t-shirts?" I asked. "Yeah, I want one too." Seth added. He simply rolled his eyes at this request... "Moving on... I'm here to let you know that you've been booked against Paul Thorne..." He turned his attention to the other guy - telling him something... Thankfully for me, I've mastered the ability to ignore... I turned to Cryst and Seth, as they leaned over for a "scooby doo-ish" huddle... "This is a real happy guy - isn't it?" I laughed... "Roles and shit... He's a lot nicer on the phone." "NEW seems alright though." Seth reassured me. "I'm here for one person... One person alone..." I whispered. "Luke Wolf." Cryst said. "Yeah - him - how'd you know?" I asked. "No... He's standing by the door." Cryst said... I looked behind me to see the bastard himself... I shook my head, not knowing what the hell he was doing there... Little did I know at the time - turns out Luke has a little more power in NEW then I originally expected... I glared at him as I checked my watch. "Nope - still on suspension." I laughed breaking the uneasy silence he had so happily created. Luke gave me the same glare he's been giving me ever since we met... The same look he gave me every time I beat the living shit out of him and then left the ring with out a three count in iWi... Nothing fucking changes - does it? I stood up with the full intention of knocking Luke right out of his boots... Neither Seth or Cryst seemed to be anywhere near interested in stopping me... I approached Luke slowly, taking off my red leather jacket... I tossed it on the ground beside me as I walked up to him... "I'm not the boss here bud... Care to go outside?" I asked him. He just glared at me - almost as if the look was the only good one he's come up with... I shook my head, fighting back the urge to hit him... I knew in the back of my mind that the true fighter can fight without actually fighting... I stepped back, taking a deep breath... "Listen pal... You don't know who you're messing with this time Shane... Soon... Soon... You'll be finding out what I mean." Luke laughed. My eyebrow shot up... "Whatever dude... Just keep talking..." I smirked, getting ready for a rumble when some NEW Employee parted us... "Here's the free t-shirt you requested..." The employee said, holding up a black t-shirt. I turned to Seth seeing that he'd put the shirt on over his western shirt, a cocky dork-ish smile on his face... I took the shirt in my hand... Cryst was only feet away from me by the chairs, holding her free t-shirt like a dirty diaper... The shirt was black, with NEW spelled out in glowing white letters... I looked up at Luke, still staring at me like some kind of zombie... "Bummer, I was hoping it would have your ugly mug on it." I laughed. "So you can be closer to me Shane? Are you in love?" He asked. "Keep dreaming buddy. I'm officially NEW." I said holding up the t-shirt... "Whatever Clemmens." Luke said as he stalked out the door... I was gonna head back to Cryst when I was confronted by a pen pusher type dude... "A few papers for you to sign sir..." He said. I shook my head, pulling out my autograph pin... He held up a clip board to me... It was so much like being at a hospital for a split second that I could hardly take it... "Name?" I asked. "Umm... Tom sir..." He said. "Nice to meet you Tom." I replied. He eyeballed him for a second before whipping the pen around the page... I smirked, gazing at the page... It read... "Best wishes in this holiday season... To my biggest fan - Tom... Dirty Dog." "Ummm - ok." He said, putting the clip board under his arm... Cryst approached me, a sexy look in her eyes... Her lips were pulsing... I felt weak for a moment - an oddity for me... "Baby, I'm hungry." She said, licking her lips with a wink. "Me too babe." I winked back at her. "Seth - breakfest!" I hollered. "Sounds good." Seth said back with a beltch... He lit up a cigarette as a Employee approached him... "Sir... Didn't you see that sign?" He asked. Seth looked at the wall to see a "no-smoking" sign... He chuckled, taking a drag... "Nice sign." Too be continued. ____________ Rant Mode: "The
Luke Wolf special" You've been saying a lot of shit about me dude... Don't think I haven't heard it... All these things you've been making up about me and Dom - getting all bent out of shape when we hooked up... That's all over now Wolf - you got what you wanted... But one thing you didn't succeed in doing was ruining my friendship with her... Our decision to part ways was a mutual one... You were just too fucking annoying - always getting in the way. I knew if we kept going on like we had - i'd a killed you. It's that simple - you fucked with something you shouldn't have. You still have to pay for that Luke... You haven't suffered for shit... This is one of the reasons I'm here buddy boy... I'm here to kick your ass... If I pick up some titles on the road to beating you down - so be it. No matter what - our time is coming... Luke Wolf vs.. Shane Clemmens... You know I've beaten you on numerous occasions... Internet Wrestling Innovation was our battle ground... Extreme Wrestling Revolution before that... In iWi I walked away without a three count - twice... Don't think I forgot... This time though - I'm leaving with the three count asshole. Yeah. You and I are due for a battle Luke - I know you know that deep down you know that you're in trouble... I walked into your little play ground, and I'm looking to meet near the monkey bars for a "what for"... Everyone's going to be watching... All the people in NEW that worship you are going to see you toppled by the nobody that just "showed up"... The federations have changed Luke, but the fight has stayed the same - well with exception for the fact that your reasons have changed - aka - they've gotten gayer and gayer - if you know what I mean... Pretty soon you're going to be in bright neon pink talking about who's testicals are connected to who's... Fucking joke man - That's what you are, and that's all you're gonna be when I'm done with you... I know you're a joke - it's just time for me to show the rest of the world. Punk. What the fuck are you thinking? Don't you feel the storm coming? What other bullshit have you conjured up in your head? Huh? I know there's gotta be some other unfounded grudge that you have against me - that's your m.o... You just make some lame assed shit up in your head and go with it - trying to get at Dirty Dog for what? Did I short sheet your bed? Did I call you stupid or lame? Maybe even made fun of your clothes? What the hell man? How would you like it if I just made up some shit about you and rolled with it? How would that make you feel? Like for instance, I'm going to do just that... You've pulled so much shit out of your ass and tried to call it truth, I'm about to come out with a secret I have about you. Yeah - what? Now it's time for you to taste a little bit of your own medicine. When I was a little kid I had a goat named Pete... We lived on an old farm, and I had to have an animal - just had to... So I went to the livestock whatever and found myself a cute little goat... I got him a bell to hang around his neck and named him Pete... He was a really cool little goat... He use to chase people he didn't like, and if you weren't careful - he'd chomp down on your hand... I had him for years, all the way up to a year ago... He disappeared though, nearly without a trace... And what the hell happened to poor Pete? You guessed it! Luke Wolf fucked the goat to death - that's right... I ended up hanging out at his house one night and found Pete laying in Luke's bed with a cigarette in his mouth, a pleased look on his face, and no heartbeat... I never admited to Luke that I actually saw it, but it was horrible - Pete - my goat - fucked to death by this monster! Luke Wolf is a maniac and it's time for him to be stopped... We must all unite against the horrible scurge that is "Goat fucking"... I'm here to make a blow for the animal kingdom... I'm here to make sure that no other goats like Pete are injured... This horrible reality... Ha ha How do you like it? Do not fuck with me. ____________________ Story Mode: "Breakfast
at last." We'd finally made our way to the diner for a much deserved breakfast... Seth and I were looking ultra fly in our matching "NEW" t-shirts... Cryst was looking as lovely as ever, even though I think she threw her t-shirt out the window - not sure what happened to it... Cryst had ordered a large omelet, Seth and I had opted for chili burgers with tons of fries... Unfortunately - it had been fifteen minutes and we hadn't even gotten our drinks... "I keep waiting for a tumble weed to roll by..." I chuckled. "I want my food damnit." Cryst said, becoming grouchy. "Want me to go check in back?" Seth asked. "Nah man, patience is ummm good and stuff." I laughed. The waitress stolled out of the back with a platter with plates of food... I was excited a moment - however she walked right past us - to a table of people who had shown up after we had! Utter bullshit! I turned to Cryst - she was quite upset by this... Seth looked like he was ready to get up and leave... I had to take the situation into my hands however - as I turned to the waitress. "Hey! Vague waitress - where's the food?" I asked. "It's coming." She grumbled as she walked past us towards the kitchen with an empty platter in tow... "Dude, let's just leave. This is bullshit." Seth said. "How about those drinks!?" Cryst hollered. I knew Cryst was about to get up and belt the bitch in the mouth... I shook my head, my stomach yearning for the chili burger... To my amazement the waitress walked back out with the same platter - now holding glasses... I motioned for her, about to tell her thanks for bringing them finally, as she walked past us again... This is when she officially lost her tip... Though, Cryst had other things in mind... "That's it." She said, jumping up... From here, all I really remember was Cryst using the sugar pourer... There was a crash of drinks and platters on the floor, along with a shower of sugar... I got to wrap my arms around Cryst's hotness though as I pulled her out of the dinner kicking and punching at the waitress who was knocked the fuck out... "Crazy woman!" Moaned the waitress on the ground... Instead of a hail of gun fire, the Challenger roared out of the parking lot with a hail of laughter from the three of us as we escaped... What's the moral to this story? Waitresses that are Matt Micheals fans suck - and they're stupid too. Ha ha. ___________________
|
