Observations Regarding the Cynthia Dilemma

Observations Regarding the Cynthia Dilemma August 2^nd (I must suffer my birthday alone?) 1892

Option One

Quit Thinking About Cynthia Entirely

Option One Point Five

Kill Myself

Option Two

The Pregnancy Contingency -- Wherin Cynthia and I stop actually fooling around and go for broke. It cannot be too difficult to imagine that with the amount of sex we two have had there will eventually be consequences...

Pro -- Cyunthias family may have to admit that a soiled flower is not acceptable to marry off, drop the arrangement and allow me in, at the same time Antonios father and people might have difficulty with it, as well. I might only hope that this is a mutually acceptable decision. (A note beyond the seriousness of this situation: I cannot imagine marrying a woman that did not know me or my abilities, nor would I honestly want to be in that situation were I that ignorant woman... It does not bother me in the slightest that Cynthia is as active as she is, however of course it does make me terribly angry that her decision to share her body was not actually her own while in Africa. I can only hope to dim those memories for her.)

Pro -- this would be my child we are talking about. MINE. The thought of it does in fact fill me with fatherly pride, but...

Con -- Cynthias family may disown or deny her any inheritances, while this is not terrible on my side, she is used to a certain amount of quality of life that I am uncertain I might maintain on my salary. Money matters, if not space -- it is not as if we do not have the space here at the house in Kingsport, but neither of us has the time, free money, or the lack of other things to be doing instead of raising a child.

Con -- I am uncertain that Cynthia is ready for this event and it is a rather large one to consider. She would have quite a lot to deal with, not only with her family (either way they might choose to deal with this) but also -- good lord, what am I thinking? Cynthia would be tied practically constantly to one locale and that is not often on her agenda.

Con -- regrettably another one! That MY child may also prove to be blooded with this cat-changing ability. It is not necessary to assume that it would be, but that remains to be seen. I will not fear it, in fact I might look forward to teaching him or her to control it as well, but perhaps this is too far off from reality to worry about at the moment.

Argument -- speaking to Jennifer about this might be an option, I do not know how much she really understands or suspects about this situation but she is a bright girl, and may lend a new light on this. Also perhaps she might discuss it with Cynthia in private, they are both head strong women and I am certain they get along well enough to share some of these things.

Option Three

The Simple Elopement -- it has been tried and true for hundreds, perhaps thousands of years. Why would it not work for us? It is a statement of freedom, will and power, but it is, as some other options, not always the best for Cynthia and her family to deal with. Surely they know where in Kingsport I live, and surely if I were a father I would take immediate action, but acting quickly enough Cynthia and I might marry in a small, peaceful setting and entitle ourselves to a life together.

Pro -- marriage is good for me. Socially it covers quite a lot of ground and allows for all kinds of wonderful side effects -- not the least of which may include some small amount of respect for the softer aspects of my personality by my colleagues and friends. Not that I wish to portray marriage as an "out" for my somewhat inexcusable behaviors of the past, but definitely that I may be seen as less of a cold professor by anyone. Perhaps too very few of my friends suspect that I would be willing to go through with this.

Pro -- Cynthia is okay with this, we have spoken -- if briefly -- on the subject and while she is adamant against the arranged wedding her father has in store for her, she is not against the whole idea of marriage. Certainly I would be unwilling to throw away what love I have for her and try again, this will be, and I have told her so, the only time I believe I might pursue this.

Con -- It is very likely that Obediah will object strenuously to the situation and attempt to nullify the marriage, by means of his considerable fortune. He may attempt to have Cynthia taken physically back to them, ignoring the law and her wishes. It is yet also likely that if he does not attempt to regain Cynthia and send her on another path for his own wishes, he may, as has been observed before, disown her and completely remove any hope that she has of utilizing the wealth that he has so suddenly accrued.

Con -- and a very important one: Rachael, Cynthias mother, may in fact bear the physical brunt of Obediahs anger and frustration at this or many other situation.s She has already been known to cover up the bruises that Cynthia and the servants have seen, rather than defend her rights as a battered woman. If Cynthia arrived to this situation even in a friendly visit I fear that she too would be struck by her own father, an action that while I mentally understand -- it is, as I have heard, a fathers right to discipline his family -- but I cannot abide this violence toward your very own flesh and blood nor those you supposedly love. ((Certainly, as an aside, I am not known for keeping my temper under wraps, but the violence I resort to regarding either my students or people who actively attack me I shall reserve: punishment deserved, as well as rewards for correct action. Shall I attempt to alter this dichotomy in myself some day? I do not know, it has only barely gotten me into trouble before, I shall see if it is needed.)) The upshot of this "con" is that I will not be able to live with myself if I find that these actions, or any others of these options I write, will allow Obediah to beat his wife senseless while I may prevent it.

Option Four

Faking Cynthias Death -- This is not an immediately appealing option to anyone. Cynthia must STAY away from family, friends and those who might not know of the seriousness of our condition -- until Obediah changes his mind, has a very strong revival of spirit love, or until he DIES. If he decides to accept me then I suppose that we might be able to fix things, however this is extremely unlikely. He does not seem to be the type to listen to reason once his mind has been made up.

Pro -- Cynthia is able to move about in circles that she may trust, overseas, on digs, or with me, possibly under an assumed name (mine? I daresay I like that option even though the circumstances are less than ideal...) but again she would have to be very careful and guard her every word and notice all the people around her otherwise for signs of danger.

Con -- The difficulty in keeping Cynthias presence at Kingsport secret is of prime concern. However, there are other problems: not the least of which is that her connection to her family is GONE. Her ability to use her familys money is GONE, her possessions and home, also. This is not an option that I believe Cynthia would be amenable to. Though she would probably say otherwise at the start, I fear that her standard of living, as above mentioned, is higher than what I might be able to allow for her, and that may stifle her.

Con -- Again, Obediahs rage, sadness or anger may very well harm Rachael. See the above comments, regarding the level of esteem either myself or Cynthia might plaec on keeping this from happening.

Option Five

Faking the Marriage//Altering the Marriage -- these options are heavily dependant on knowing more about Antonio, which at this time I do not have much information at all.

Cynthia is of the opinion that he dislikes the idea of this whole thing, perhaps as much as she. His writing did seem stiff and too formal for one who is going to be enjoying the fruits of two families worth of fortune. There are many options regarding him:

Find out things that may condemn his family in Obediahs eyes. This is difficult to do from overseas, but possible. There are too many problems in finding out whether this family is a ranking one in the normal Italian scheme of things -- here at least their presence in finances, semi-illegal operations of gambling and prostitution, murder and extortion is both obvious and pervasive. I wonder but have no experience with this same phenomenon in Italy and am conservatively given to worry about it. Might Obediah worry himself if his only offspring is suddenly taken to the arms of a crime family? I will worry less and act faster when I know for certain!
Convince his own family that this is not going to work. That may prove as difficult as it has been over on this side of the ocean, I do not see it happening.
Become friends -- knowing that I have really no idea about his own personality and desire with this situation, I can only wonder. I have nothing against him personally, it may very well be his own father that is the culprit here. Antonio may be a fine fellow, but my concern is of course more for Cynthia than for myself here. Should Antonio prove to be a good solid and worthy mate, I do not doubt that Cynthia might find herself falling for him as well? ((I must pause and think on this: so far I have left myself at the top of her list, but I may yet be proven wrong. After all, I am merely the lesser of two evils as she may see them, and only vaguely lesser at that.)) Antonio could be a good husband, her life might very well go just fine. I worry however that the family might not want her to have her own words come from her mouth, that she may not be allowed to leave and participate in her love of uncovering history in the dirt, that she may never see any of her own friends again -- including myself! This is not a favored option, but if Antonio is as good a MAN as his MONEY is, perhaps he might be as free with her as I would. There is very little satisfaction here, I must confess. My selfish urges want me to say that he will be a dispicable and disgusting man, foul of mouth and smelly of body, rotten as the money his family has stolen... But I do not know these things and I cannot hurry my judgement until I do know him.
Become lovers -- it is emminently possible that the boy is not already married because he has no taste for women. I can play on this ideally but it so far must remain to be seen how it could possibly work out. I surely would not mind having a solid relationship with someone else, as long as Cynthia is well with it, herself. I know that she knows a little about it, but so far I have not really demonstrated it. Would shock be her reaction? She might still not be willing to participate knowing that she would be expected to stay with him anyway. Again, it is hard to determine without knowing, but in this particular case, I would hope that if she were allowed meetings with her friends (IE: myself) that any offspring Antonio might be required to sire would most probably be MINE if he has a distaste for female flesh. (See Option Two...)
A secondary option blending both one and four: expose Antonios habits to his family and bring an amount of disgrace to them? I do not know if this is either possible, likely or necessary. And again, difficult at best to either prove or affect anything while here in the States.
Challenge Antonio to a duel for her. While this is surely a silly and anachronistic way of settling things, this whole arranged marriage prospect is as well totally out of synch with the times. We find ourselves at the edge of the twentieth century and this ancient practice has little value in todays society! Ahh, but I digress. Antonio might be good with a gun, but unless he has the right bullets, and if I am removed from the scene quicly enough after a good solid hit, he might find himself shocked to discover that even the best shot would not kill his rival! My blood calls for this, really, my baser urges to fight for my mate rose fully when Cynthia told me of this wedding of hers, and I perhaps may do this if he is even slightly less perfect for Cynthia than I expect him to be. ((Thinking as a father would: I do want the best for her, perhaps if I am beaten I might see the folly of my own ways? I reserve a chuckle and toast the absurdity of that thought, move along.)) Antonio might have to KILL me to "get" Cynthia, and where would that leave her I might ask? This is not a well-thought option, truly, but it may be the best. If I kill HIM, on the other hand, might I risk prison or worse? Damn this scholarly passion of mine, for even understanding too many options -- all of them have their good and bad points. This one no exception, but it falls to my passions and will, blood and in fact what I might consider to be my honor and duty to Cynthia to prevent her father from destroying her life! I would attempt to merely embarrass him, rather than killing him, if his personality is of a better sort than I expect. I could in fact practice with pistols to gain the superior aim and control of firing needed to "accidentally" castrate the poor man, or disfigure him so much that he would be unwilling to remain in our presence any longer than necessary. Perhaps if I were to use a whip against his pistol, that might be the best -- if strange to observe -- method of causing embarrassment rather than death. ((What if he would not consider a duel? What if Obediah would put a stop to it? There are all too many other problems with this option, Istvan, remember to keep your feet on the ground!))
Simply kill Antonio. This is a dangerous and unsavory option but one I must admit that I have entertained. Thoughts of dragging him down in my cat form are appealing, utilizing some of the techniques I have mastered in my Quiet Room to their ultimate extension are as well. But one, I fear, will make me worry for my control over my shape, the other will clearly implicate me and no other. The thought of having someone else do it sickens me even more, however, because that would simply mean that I must descend to the same level as this family I suppose he has. Make it look like an accident. I cannot believe that I have even put these words to paper! Should he meet with even an accidental demise if he comes to visit Cynthias family before the marriage takes place, I ought to be condemned for these words alone! It would certainly be better to challenge him outright and have witnesses, than to do this to myself! Where would it get Cynthia to have a known murderer as her lover?!
Fake the wedding, by sending a "replacement" Cynthia. If only Antonio has actually SEEN her in person (should he come to see her here) and the others in his family only her photograph, perhaps this is an option that -- while excessively complex -- may prove the best. There are certainly many pretty blond girls in Boston, many more in our surrounding cities and even states! By training one of them to her mannerisms and expected performance, Cynthia might be able to slip away before being sent across the sea... Perhaps (and there are still so many damned variables in this mix!) she could actually be sent but not be used in the cerimony? All the way to she may be substituted at the last moment in the travel between church and honeymoon? The actual process might be simpler than the consequences however. As one of the above options, Cynthia would have to remain outside of sight of her family and friends, explaining her presence to those she trusts and with instructions that they have either not seen her or she is writing such detailed letters that it seems she is not far away at all. She would have to read over any correspondance from the "replacement" girl before sending letters on to her family, and of course if they were to visit this might be very dangerous indeed. I am certain, however, that whoever might be selected to pose as Cynthia in Italy may enjoy a rich life beyond what she may have had before? Surely convincing a pretty street waif that she can live across the ocean and in a rich family could not be out of the question? But the potential remains for both disaster and positive aspects. She may still enjoy a moneied existence, by either having the girl wire her money or sending it -- if that could be trusted to happen? Very delicately handled, this could prove for the best. A script for the girl... "Oh, surely father, my days of digging in dirt are over, I have finally found happiness, you were so right" (Makes me sick, really. Did I actually WRITE that??) But it might work...
Threatening Antonios family. This is both dangerous and stupid, but if I am cornered and Cynthia requires me to, I will do anything in my power to keep them wary of her and me. I could equally propose to threaten Obediah and his own side of this, but I am weary of the thought that I must never be in his favor.
Abduct Cynthia from Antonios family after all is said and done. They might blame anyone, but I suspect that I am reaching for this one. Still, since Mordechai, Reginald, Less and I may very well have business of sorts in Europe, and will be found there as soon as our powers and abilities are up to par with our threat, perhaps we might return with more than just ghostly success? An aside here as well, when I know more about my cat shape, perhaps we may yet return to Africa where I do not doubt there are things we missed on our first abrupt run through of the Temple -- Cynthia might disagree but we may also provide proof that our mutual enemy Dr Renlow is actually DEAD once and for all! Seeing his decayed body in the temple might free her mind a bit, and I must admit, mine too. However there may be gold aplenty buried elsewhere in the African area, and frankly if I come home with IT I may yet have some bargaining muscle with Obediah. If I must BUY his daughter it will only be at her behest. This situation warrants some further thought, at any rate, these things may set us up much more firmly than otherwise, but I shall not attempt this without Cynthias blessing.
Finally, there are clandestine ways to meet. I do not wish to entertain these thoughts of loss, but if I must lose her I will not lose her completely.

Option Six

Entreaties to family and friends -- I am aware that Rachael may be the only real hope I have of convincing her husband that this wedding is a farce. How she puts up with this I do not know, but though she is a strong woman in ways, she is still in this miserable condition herself -- though supposedly enjoying the benefits of a rich husband. I know that Cynthia has uncles and possibly aunts, though she does not make much mention of them. Also there are business connections that I have loosely with the University and in other society works: were we not informed of Cynthias disappearance in Africa by our contact at the Society for Enlightenment? Perhaps he may be of some assistance, if anything perhaps I might ask for his own opinion on the matter. I do not know that I trust him to remain (or even to be at all) loyal to me in the slightest, but I do not know if he even knows of my affair with Cynthia. If he is such good friends with Mr Essex, as he professes to have been before we were sent to Africa, perhaps he may be able to tell me more about both the man and his plans for his daughter.