The Quest

Once upon a time in the city of Hicryme, there lived a young punk by the name of Maim Spillblood. It was said that he had been abandoned by his parents at an early age for killing the family pet, a baby crocodile named Teethers. He had killed the beast with a toothpick which he kept with him still. He had grown up on the streets and learned all he knew from drunks in alleyways and those free little pamphlets you get at Wal-Mart. Maim believed that he had no purpose in life, and that since he had no friends at all, he might as well be dead. Little did the young man know, however, that that very night, all his beliefs would be proven wrong!

"Maaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiim..." a voice called out softly in the night.

Maim stirred in a bed of newspapers and garbage he had prepared for the night. He opened his eyes and immediately gripped his trusty toothpick at his side, ready for any kind of attack.

"Maaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiim..." the voice called once more.

"Who's there?!" Maim shouted, searching for the source of the voice.

From the tops of the surrounding buildings, a shapeless mist descended and hovered in front of the teenager. Slowly, it began to form into a more solid shape.

"What the..?" Maim said quietly to himself, taking a step back.

The shape was that of a small dog in sunglasses which immediately greeted the confused Maim.

"Greetings, Maim Spillblood," said the dog. "I am Fido the Great! I have been sent by the Board of Various Talking Animals to tell you that you are the Chosen One!"

"Heeeyyy," said Maim, pointing to the pup in shades, "yer that Taco Bell dog, aren't you? Come on, say 'yo quiero', come on!"

The dog sighed and shook his head.

"No, Maim, I am NOT the Taco Bell dog and I NEVER took a Spanish class in my life. Now, getting back to you. You, being the Chosen One and all, have been selected to go on The Quest! You leave tomorrow!"

"The what? Hey, listen, Lassie, I ain't goin' on any quest of yours, got it? I'm busy enough as it is being sulky and homeless, so get lost!"

"But you MUST accept The Quest!" said Fido the Great, starting to beg. "It has been foretold by the Psychic Hotline Elders that you are to seek out worthy companions to join you on your journey, are you gonna deny the predictions of such high and mighty people??"

Maim had no response.

"Look," said Fido the Great, pulling out an old rolled-up piece of paper. "I have the scrolls right here!" The godly doggie unrolled the ancient document and read aloud from it.

"In a time of great sadness for the Earth, a warrior shall step forward and become its only salvation.

The warrior must seek several worthy people to join him and they will each have their own unique abilities and roles to play, if only for useless and trivial moments.

Once the Chosen One learns of his destiny at first, however, he will whine like a little girl and the one sent to inform him of his duties must whack the little punk around many times with a heavy blunt object."

"Oh, well that's nice and all," Maim said nervously. "but how about I just save us some time and accept this mission willingly?"

"Oh, no, I'm afraid we can't allow that," said Fido the Great, pulling out a large wooden baseball bat. "We must go by the ancient tradition of the Acception Convincing Rituals."

"But I acc--" Maim was cut off.

"I SAID RESPECT TRADITION!!!!!" the bat-wielding dog shouted angrily. "Now just stand there and absorb the feeling of dignity that going by respected traditions of ancient times creates!" and with that, Fido the Great whacked Maim around twenty or thirty times with the baseball bat, leaving the destined warrior out cold on the pavement.

"Aww, look at that," Fido the Great said, looking down at Maim's unconscious body. "He's resting up for his big day tomorrow."

Fido the Great, done with his night's work, began to glow. Slowly he began to break up into the mist he first appeared to Maim as, and pretty soon, the Divine Canine was gone.

The next morning, Maim awakened with a pounding headache and a realization that something was wrong. As he got to his feet, he looked around the alley that he had made his room for the night and found nothing amiss. However, as the soon-to-be adventurer stepped out into the open, he quickly found that the normally busy and slightly overcrowded city he used to know so well was now completely deserted! Not a person was to be seen anywhere!

"Whats going on here?" Maim thought to himself, scratching his head.

Before Maim could process another thought, a blurred shape whizzed past him. Maim was blown back by its speed. It zipped back his way again, but this time it stopped. It was a girl no older that he but with twice the skin showing. Her hair was slightly spiked from the force of the wind when she ran, but not nearly as much as Maim's, which a man could fall and impale himself on. The girl's naval piercing stuck out so obviously that Maim could hardly resist the urge to grab hold of it and rip it out. Just one of those things we'd all like to try, I imagine.

"Who are you?" Maim asked.

"Promise you won't think I'm some sort of psycho killer if I tell you my name?" asked the girl.

"Promise."

"Okay, its Kelly."

"Kelly? That seems like a normal name..."

"Kelly Diekill Stop-Living."

Maim was silent.

"So what the heck are you still doing here?" asked Kelly.

"What?" asked Maim, who had been confused too much in such a short while. "I pretty much live here! The question is, where's everybody else?!"

"DUH!" said Kelly, slapping her forehead as a mockery of Maim's ignorance. "Everyone's gone 'cause they're spraying the town for termites! Ya see, some big head-of-the-city guy thought it would be easier to just do the whole town at once than by going one house at a time. I've been sent to make sure there's no idiots like you who stick around and die! I can't believe you didn't know, don't you read newspapers?"

"Well if it wasn't in Boat Buyer Weekly's free annual list of the best sail brands, I wasn't informed!"

"Well, anyways, come with me or you'll gag! Hope you can keep up, I'm known throughout this entire city, or at least this street, for my super speed! I dunno if I was born with it or if I just took the wrong pills one day. All I know is that I can outrun ANYONE!"

"Wow," Maim said, amazed. "even with yer shorts around yer ankles? I mean, that's pretty hard ya know?"

"Why would that ever happen?" asked Kelly.

"Eh, stuff happens," Maim said, shrugging.

Meanwhile, high above the city...

"Alrighty," said James the Pilot Guy into his radio. "lets kill some termites and get this over with!"

"Yep, all you gotta do is press the big obvious red button and you'll drop the bug bomb," said the voice on the speaker, crackling with static.

"Yes sir!" said James, about to push the button. He stopped, though, when he noticed something. "Hey, wait a minute... why does this bug bomb have a big red label on it that reads: 'Warning! Highly radioactive! Capable of mass destruction'?"

"Oh...uh...," the speaker voice stumbled, trying to come up with an answer. "That's, ah.. strictly legal stuff. One of those things the government makes us put on there, you know, strictly a load of crap."

"Ohhh, okay. Any-hoo, dropping the bomb now sir," said James, pushing the button.

The bomb tumbled out of the plane and dropped steadily to the city below...

everything was silent... except for those stupid Termite Rock Concerts. The bomb plummeted towards the center of the urban community, and when it hit, the whole state shook with the explosion's force. Buildings were incinerated, parks were completely burned down, houses were blown away like playing card structures, and of course, the music of the termites was ceased for good. The entire city was destroyed, not a trace of it left.

"Good job, James!" came the congratulations over the radio. "Those termites won't be a bother to US anymore!"

"Yes! Thank you, voice on the speaker!" James said excitedly. "Hey, who are you anyway? I don't remember meeting you when we discussed this operation at the town meeting!"

"Err.. of you do!" said the voice. "I'm the ah... the KING! Yeah, that's it! I'm the King of Hicryme!"

"Wait, I recognize your voice! You're that voice in my head! My psychiatrist told me I got rid of you!"

"Oh you poor man, James. Insanity never leaves you."

"Aw... poop."

Meanwhile, Kelly and Maim were outside the city limits, watching the mushroom cloud rise above what was once their city. Maim had been explaining his situation to Kelly and there were still some issues to clear up.

"That'll teach those termites," said Kelly. "I just hope they didn't get that crazy James the Pilot Guy to do it, he just lacks enthusiasm. Anyways, did the dog say you get anything from the quest?"

"Well, I think I did hear something about a free t-shirt while he was hitting me with the large wooded object..."

"Cool!" said Kelly. "Hey, yer gonna need some party members, right? Mind if I join up?"

"You can't have the shirt!" said Maim

"Aw come on!"

"No!"

"Fine, I'll join some OTHER party then! Besides, you chosen ones are all alike! You probably just want me for my body, don't you? Well I don't even go out with other party members, not on the first quest at least!"

"I think you might wanna calm down a bit," said Maim.

"Well can I join yer party?"

"That all?"

"Well... and the shirt?"

"FINE!" said Maim, out of will to protest.

"YES!" Kelly did a little victory dance.

"You'd better know how to fight," Maim mentioned, trying to get off the shirt thing. "We might need to use some combat skills in our journey."

"A-HA! So you DO just want me for my body! I knew it! Well you just lost yourself a party member, punky!" Kelly turned to leave, but didn't get very far until she ran back to Maim. "Hey wait, I want that shirt! I'm rejoining!"

"Okay, let's go already!" said Maim, starting to walk in a random direction, hoping to would lead to their destiny.

The two traveled day and night, and passed through many cities and landscapes. Surprisingly, none of their stops turned up party members worthy enough of The Quest. They were on the verge of giving up.

One day, their travels lead them to the flat, boring stretch of land known as the Midwest. They stopped at a sign that read "Welcome to Hic, Oklahoma! Drive safely, if at all, that is!" In the distance the duo spotted a truck stop.

"Maim, I don't like this!" Kelly complained. "I'm all stinky and yer even worse! I thought we'd be somewhat hygienic, I didn't think this would be such a smelly quest!"

"Fine, there's a Flying F truck stop up ahead, I imagine they have showers or somethin'. Plus they might have food! We haven't eaten in over three weeks and I'm starting to get the munchies a little..."

The two made it to the building and went inside. As Kelly searched for showers, Maim struck up a conversation with the man at the counter.

"Sooo...," said Maim, searching for a topic. "What kinda name is 'Flying F'??! I mean, that's so wrong! Especially the slogan, 'Our name is just how much we give about you!', that's not a customer magnet, ya know."

The big dude at the counter growled and spit off to the side somewhere.

"I break you, city boy. Me and mah friend Cletus gonna make you scream like a girlie."

"Eh..." said Maim, nervously backing away. "I'm gonna go stock up on free publications now, kay?"

At that time, Kelly discovered a back door with a sign that said "Showers" next to it and went through. Outside was a man in overalls stained with everything you could imagine. He wore a hat sporting the logo for Bob's House of Hubcaps. He was holding a garden hose in his hand.

"Oh, excuse me," Kelly said. "I'm looking for the showers."

"Showers?" said the man in the most stereotypical of redneck dialect. "Well shucks, I reckon' ya found 'em, girlie. Jes' step right over thar and we'll get ya all purdied up," he said, gesturing with the hose.

"Eh, I don't think so..." said Kelly, turning to go back inside.

"Aw, well horse droppins, I guess thar's as good as any ol' place. Now hold still, young'un! Ol' Cletus'll get ya sanatizamafied!" Cletus aimed the hose at Kelly and turned on the faucet next to him. The water sprayed out the end of the nozzle and onto Kelly, soaking her.

"EEK! You stupid hic! Shut that thing off!" Kelly struggled to open the door that led back inside and stumbled into the store, dripping wet.

"Maim!" she shouted, tossing a randomly-produced brick at him.

"Ow!" Maim winced as the brick hit him in the head hard. "Haven't I been hit in the head enough for one quest??!" Maim asked, annoyed. "Whaddaya want, Kelly?"

"Get me some dry clothes! There must be some somewhere here! I'd do it myself, but yer the quest leader so ya might as well be doin' SOMETHING!"

"Fine, fine," grumbled Maim, heading over to a rack of clothes. He picked off some things from rack and held them up. "Let's see... Wrangler Manure-Shoveling style jeans... aaand a souvenir t-shirt!" Maim displayed the shirt. It had a picture of a pig in a cowboy hat and the words "I went to Hic, Oklahoma" printed on it.

Kelly was not amused.

"Okay, look! Who do you think I am. that chick from the Beverly Hillbillies??! I'm not wearing those clothes! I'd rather go naked!"

As Kelly said that, the big guy behind the counter spawned a disturbing grin. Kelly caught this and quickly looked back to Maim, a bit frightened.

"Err.. maybe I will just take those clothes then, Maim," she said, reaching for the wardrobe.

The two headed for the door sometime later, Kelly in her new look and trying to hide behind Maim as they walked towards the exit. Just as Maim was reaching for the door, he noticed an old-fashioned juke box.

"Woah! Check it out, we can play somethin' cool and show all these rednecks what REAL music is!" shouted Maim, ignoring the angry looks tossed at him by a few of the truckers hanging around.

"I dunno, Maim," said Kelly. "In this part of the country, all they probably have is Garth Brooks and other dead singers."

"Garth Brooks is dead?" asked Maim, searching his pockets for change. As he was rummaging, he noticed one of the selections. "Aw dude! They have Bloodlust Ferret's new hit, 'Killin' Lotta Dead People'!"

"Wow, and to think, that's a remake of an old Pat Boon song...," Kelly said while making it known she had no change to spare.

Maim pulled out of his pockets once he discovered that he too was out of quarters. All seemed lost until a man in a leather jacket and jeans that looked a little too binding approached the two questers.

"'Aaaaay, I'm the Fonz, yo!" said Fonzie. "Ya look like you gotta problem with the music, huh? Yo don't worry I'll help ya!"

Maim and Kelly watched as the Fonz gave the juke box a solid whack with his elbow. Immediately, the music began to play.

"Who was that?" Kelly asked Maim as Fonzie walked off.

"I think it was that dude from The Waterboy," Maim replied.

The music played just as well as it would have if coins had been put in, but it was not the gory, curse-filled, Satanic music that warms the hearts of children everywhere which was expected, it was something more sick and twisted than that. Something so horrible that the devil himself would cover his ears screaming if ever he were to hear it. The box poured out the venom that was the song's lyrics:

"Don't break my heart,

My achy breaky heart..."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" was the collective cry of agony throughout the truck stop.

"Shut if off, Maim!" Kelly pleaded.

"I can't!" shouted Maim, trying to be heard over the horrible music. "It's sapping me of my strength!"

After a grueling 5 seconds more of that song, a large man stood up towards the back of the place and marched over to the cursed box. He stood in front of the machine that was spewing the song of death. He raised his muscular arms high above his head and brought them crashing down upon the thing. The box was crushed beneath the power of the man's blow and the music was instantly cut off.

Everyone in the truck stop stared in awe at the brave man. Kelly and Maim were clearly impressed.

"W-who are you?" Maim stuttered, still shaking off the effects of the song.

The man turned around to face the two.

"I am Bob. Truck driver," said the man.

"Hi, Bob!" said Kelly. "We're on The Quest!"

"Indeed we are," said Maim. "You know, we could use someone of your strength. Your physical power and mental endurance could be a great asset to our party."

"The Quest?!" Bob said, hardly believing what he'd heard. "Why, The Quest has been talked about for generations over the CB by truckers who'd heard the story from their fathers and grandfathers who were also once great truckers. It is every driver's dream to someday be lucky enough to witness the party of chosen ones, or dare they dream of it, join it!"

"Well this is your chance to live out that dream, Bob. We offer you an invitation to join our party!"

"I would be honored! Are you the leader?" asked Bob.

"Yes. I am Maim Spillblood, and this is Kelly... uh... just Kelly." said Maim.

"Hey," said Kelly. "you're a trucker, right? Do ya think we could hop in yer rig and travel that way? It'd be way better than walking!"

"Well," said Bob, thinking. "I was on my way to Kansas to deliver a bunch of medical equipment to a hospital to save the lives of fifty children, but I'm a few minutes ahead of schedule, let's go!"

Bob, Maim, and Kelly headed out of the truck stop and piled into Bob's truck. They started driving to nowhere in particular, hoping that once again, fate would lead them on.

Day after day, the trio journeyed to no avail. Around day seven, Bob heard an item on the radio about how around fifty children had died in some Kansas hospital all because some equipment was never delivered. The questers got a good laugh out of that one, they were still giggling two days later.

Finally, their travels brought them one day to a quiet suburban neighborhood. They decided to scout this place out on foot, since they could easily run over a small child in Bob's rig. Nothing wrong with that, 'cept they're way too hard to get out of an axle, you know?

As the party traveled down the neighborhood of Summer Creek's streets, they observed many cases of middle-aged men spraying their cars with garden hoses out on their driveways and fathers and their sons playing catch with those squishy Nerf footballs in their front yards. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, absolutely no gang fights breaking out... it was paradise.

"This place is giving me the creeps," Kelly said, looking at the scenes of happiness around her.

"Yeah, I know what ya mean," said Maim, kicking a small child out of his path as he walked. "If I don't see some bloodshed soon, I swear I'm gonna go crazy!"

"Look!" said Bob, pointing to something in the distance. "It's a 7-11.5! We can hang out there!"

The three made their way to the store and stood by the door, watching the neighborhood residents walk by. At some point, a kid in thick glasses and pocket protector came up to them.

"Hi," said the little geeky kid. "I'm Nerdy O'brian, are you guys on The Quest?"

"Well, yeah...," said Maim, looking down at Nerdy.

"Cool! Can I join yer party? I am a great warrior!"

"Well, I'm afraid there's no room for you in our party, kid. Yer gonna hafta go home, we're busy."

"What?! You've rejected me??!!" asked Nerdy, outraged. "But I am a level 10 fighter with an armor class of 317 and an attack power of 99!"

"That's great, now leave," said Maim, not even looking at the kid.

"Fine! If you are not for me, then you are against me! DIE!" cried out Nerdy as he drew his mighty... stick.

"Oooh, I'm so scared," Kelly said sarcastically.

Nerdy swung his stick, missing the party by five whole feet, seemingly on purpose.

"A-ha!" Nerdy said. "I just hit you for forty-eight points of damage and you only have a maximum of thirty-six hit points seeing as how you are only level four! Now begone, foul peasants!" Nerdy turned his back towards the party and just stood there.

As the three adventurers stood pondering the little nerd kid's mental problems, and as Nerdy himself was wondering why Maim and company weren't acting very dead, they were all taken by surprise when a bunch of men dropped down from above. The local Evil Cult for Teenagers had been camped out on the roof above, waiting to pounce on the questers. The man who was obviously their leader approached Maim.

"Well hello there, Maim Spillblood, Chosen One for The Quest!" said the cult leader. "We know everything about you and the legend that drives your party! Well I'm afraid that we can't allow you to continue, you see, we're just evil like that."

"You don't scare me, man! My party and I shall defeat you if you dare interfere with our mission!" Maim said confidently.

"Yeah, and I'm Nerdy O'brian! Great warrior and the best Dungeons and Dragons player in this city! You shall feel my wrath!" shouted the nerd, drawing his stick once more.

After tossing Nerdy about five thousand feet away (give or take a few inches), the cult leader and his men moved in on Maim's party.

"My friends!" Maim said to his party. "We must fight this evil force which wishes us to go no further! Attaaaaack!"

With Maim's ad-libbed motivation speech, they began battling the cult. Kelly used her speed and mastery of fingernail combat to stab many of the cult's pawns using only her hands. Bob's massive strength allowed him to take on several of the evil teens at once, while Maim could only take out so may at a time with his trusty toothpick. Eventually they all fell to the party's combined efforts.

The cult leader looked down upon the aftermath of the battle, apparently not even phased by the massacre.

"Impressive," said the leader, smiling evilly. "However, I did not come unprepared for your strength. ELITE WARRIORS! COME AND FIGHT!"

At the leader's command, four ninjas in armor and wielding deadly, pointed weapons flipped into the scene. They stood before Maim's party performing various moves and showy routines.

"Oh no!" Maim whispered to his party. "Just look at those moves! They surely will make short work of it, and look cool doing it, too!"

"So, Maim, are you and your party ready to die?" asked the cult leader.

As the ninjas moved in on the seemingly-doomed threesome, another ninja, dressed all in black robes and belt, with a hood and mask that covered most of his face exited the 7-11.5 sipping at a Slurpee. He immediately noticed the situation that the heroes were in and decided maybe he should help. He drew two swords from sheaths on his back and approached the event.

"Stop right there, Cult Leader Dan!" warned the mysterious ninja. "You won't harm these fine young people today or any day!" The ninja walked over to the four elite soldiers and assumed a somewhat cool-looking fighting stance, ready for them.

"Kill this pesky fool!" ordered the leader.

The elites left Maim and his crew for the new guy. They raised their weapons and wasted no time in initiating their attack. The ninja stood calmly, his swords ready to deflect their attacks. All four of the elite's weapons came crashing down towards the ninja at once, and all four attacks were thwarted as well by the master skills of the black-robed stranger. The ninja's counterattacks were more than successful, scoring hit after hit upon the evil cult's elite warriors.

The battle raged on, ending ultimately in the defeat of the four armored villains. The ninja turned to the cult leader.

"And now who are you without your little expendables, huh?" asked the ninja. He made his way towards Cult Leader Dan, replaced his swords, and picked up the evil leader, holding him high above his head. "It's time for you to make honorable exit," was the ninja's last words to Dan. He tossed the defenseless leader into a barrel of toxic waste that was located behind the convenience store for some reason unknown.

Maim introduced himself to the stranger who had saved his party.

"My name is Maim Spillblood, and I thank you for your help. We wouldn't be alive if not for you, ninja dude!"

"It was my pleasure to save you, young questers. I know you warriors are on The Quest, a most honorable thing to be charged with. My name is Hykoto Yatamotayatattamiyokotykonotatasumi. I was born in this very town, in a karate school. I grew up learning and eventually mastering several martial arts and have dedicated my life to using my skills to protect this suburban neighborhood of Summer Creek. I have earned a name from the people here, they call me... the Suburban Ninja!"

"Well, Mr. Ninja, we would love it if you joined our party!" said Maim.

"Wow, really? I'd find it to be most honorable! You can count on me when I'm on your side! I am invincible! I am unbeatable! I feel no pain, I know no fear!!!" Hykoto chugged his Slurpee.

"Er, yer drinking that a little fast...," but Maim's warning was too late.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGH!" screamed the Suburban Ninja in sheer agony. "BRAAAAAIN FREEEEEEEZE!" The ninja held his head, screaming. "Its power... is so... great! Cannot... resist!"

After the Hykoto's brain thawed out, the party moved on, out of the overly-cheerful residential area.

Eventually the band of destined ones reached a busy street.

"Look at all this traffic!" gasped Bob.

"Well maybe if SOMEONE hadn't left their truck outside our last stop, we'd make it," said Kelly, glaring at the trucker.

"Relax guys, we can do this!" said Maim. "Let's look for ways to get across!"

The party searched all around them, looking for something to aid them in their quest to cross. Everyone's head turned to the Suburban Ninja when he called for their attention.

Hykoto cleared his throat.

"From a life in the suburbs," he began. "I have been required to know certain things about getting around places because one can only stand a quiet neighborhood for so long before they need a break. Legend tells of a magical button that, once pressed, shall allow one to cross even the busiest of streets. There have been many to prove this story true, I have seen it done with my own eyes. BEHOLD!" the Ninja pointed. "The honorable button lies 3 feet behind me!"

The party scrambled over to the button and saw an old man standing there.

"Halt," said the old man. "I am Mel, Guardian of the Button. If ye wish to press this button, you must answer me these questions three!"

"Oh God," said Kelly, shaking her head.

"Question number one...," began Mel the Button Guardian. "What is your name?"

The party stood there looking at the man as if he were crazy.

"Yer kiddin', right?" said Maim.

"You must answer this or you'll never see the other side!"

The party got in a huddle and conferred for about five seconds. Finally, they broke and Hykoto the Suburban Ninja stepped forward.

"Do you have an answer?" asked the old man.

Hykoto didn't speak.

"Well?"

The ninja suddenly drew his sword and lunged forward.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" shouted Hykoto, swinging his sword and swiftly decapitating the man.

"Good job, Hykoto," said Maim.

"Yeah, it takes brains to get out of a situation like that," added Kelly.

"Or a just a really sharp sword," said Bob as the ninja put his weapon back in its place.

The group crowded around the button, each member of the party pushing their way through to get a closer look at it.

"Look, there's a sign!" Kelly said.

Maim scratched his head, looking at the printed text.

"It's written in some sort of ancient code," he said.

"That's English, you dork!" said Kelly, whacking him on the back of his head.

"Oh," said Maim.

Bob read the sign:

"Push to Cross."

"Very insightful," commented Maim.

"I WANNA PUSH THE BUTTON!" said Kelly, breaking the barrier of party members and thrusting her finger forward to press the thing they had sought for a full 3 minutes.

After Kelly had pressed the button, the group waited to cross. Pretty soon, all the cars magically stopped and the sign at the opposite end of the street read "Walk".

Maim led his party across, everyone looking at the cars that had stopped for them, amazed.

"It's a miracle," said Maim.

Eventually the party had made it.

The foursome traveled for several more days on foot, they were well out of civilization now, except there weren't even any truck stops this time.

The team reached a strange place one evening, just as the sun was setting.

Maim and his party stood a short distance away from and facing a dark, mysterious cave. They could hardly tell at all what may lie in wait for them inside in the dim evening light.

"Is this it?" asked Kelly.

"Is this what?" returned Maim.

"You know, the place where our quest ends, the place where we finally do what all this travelling and gathering of party members was for."

"Yeah," said Bob. "its about time we made it here."

"Er... well I don't know really. Come to think of it, I was never told what this quest was for!" said Maim, confused.

"You mean you dragged us along all this was for NOTHING?!" Kelly asked, visibly upset.

"Well, I...," began Maim.

"Oh that's just great!" said Bob, turning to go. "I'm goin' home! Hykoto, you comin'?"

"Yes, indeed I must agree with the others, Maim. This 'Quest' for nothing is just a waste of honorable time." Hykoto turned to go with Bob.

"But, you guys..." Maim was beginning to feel helpless.

Kelly turned to face the one who had recruited her in the first place.

"Destined One, yeah right! What're YOU on?" Kelly went to follow the others.

Maim just stood there, watching the others go. He started wondering about a ton of things, but his thinking was cut off when a voice echoed in the sky.

"WAIT!" shouted the voice.

Maim looked up and tried to trace the sound of it. The others stopped walking and turned around, looking up as well.

Slowly, a cloud of mist formed in the sky descended towards the ground in between Maim and his former party. The others rushed back to their ex-leader's side to watch this event unfold.

Eventually, the mist began taking shape, that of a small dog in sunglasses.

"Fido the Great!" gasped Maim, almost glad to see the pup once more. He quickly changed attitudes towards him, however. "You stupid talking dog! You sent me on a worthless quest! This journey had no point whatsoever!"

The others agreed with Maim, dispensing accusing stares to the small dog in shades.

"Yo, don't diss The Quest!" said Fido the Great, backing up a little bit. "Yer not done yet!"

"Huh?" said Maim. "Well whaddawe hafta do?"

"Now listen carefully, Questers, for this information is vital!" said Fido the Great, gathering the group close together around him.

The party listened carefully to the dog's words.

"You must seek out the Quest Gem! The Quest Gem is a red jewel, no bigger than a mouse. It has a magical glow about it and it can make anyone who finds it a very rich person indeed! However, once you find it--IF you find it--you shall return it to me. Now finding this item will NOT be a walk in the park like your other trials on this journey, you will have to look long and hard for it, you must scour the Earth! It may take you years to find it, maybe even decades... if you're lucky! You will have to search all over--" Fido was cut off my Kelly's voice.

"Found it!" she announced casually.

Fido the Great's jaw almost dropped below sea-level.

"Y-you what?!" he gasped.

"Kelly found the Quest Gem!" said Maim, taking the jewel from Kelly and handing it to the Divine Canine.

"Well... er... I guess The Quest is over then!" said Fido the Great.

"Hooray!" shouted the party.

"Then I shall be taking my leave now, brave warriors of destiny!" Fido the Great said, preparing to make his exit.

"Hey, wait!" Kelly shouted. "What about the shirt??"

"The wha'?" asked Fido the Great. "Oh, ah, yes... the shirt. Aw, what the heck, shirts for everyone!"

"Hooray!" the party rejoiced once again.

And so they got shirts

And they were happy

And The Quest...

Was over.

The End.