Quotes -- Yes they really said that...

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[Dan Quayle Quotes]

[Famous Texan Quotes]

[Marion Barry Quotes]

• Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.
  - Mariah Carey
• Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
  Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
  - Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest
• Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.
  -Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22
• I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
  - David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
• I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
  - Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
• Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
  - Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
• Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued.
  Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1,1976.
  - Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid
• Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself.
  - Chicago Rotary Club journal, "Gyrator"
• I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted.
  - Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries
• After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
  - Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island
• The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.
  -- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series
• "Smoking kills, and if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
  -Anti-smoking spokesperson Brooke Shields
• "The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder"
  -Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 convention
• "If you've seen one Redwood tree, you've seen them all"
  -Forestry expert Ronald Reagan
• "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas"
  -Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery
• "The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people that make them unsafe"
  -Former Philadelphia Mayor and Police Chief Frank Rizzo
• "The internet is a great way to get on the net"
  -Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole
• "It is bad luck to be superstitious"
  -Andrew Mathis
• "He was a man of great statue"
  -Boston mayor Thomas Menino on former mayor John Collins
• "It's like an alcatraz around my neck"
  -Boston mayor Menino on the shortage of city parking spaces
• "They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off."
  -Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.
• "The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep."
  -Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live
• "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
  -Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents
• "When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results."
  -Former U.S. President Calvin Coolidge
• "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
  -A congressional candidate in Texas
• "It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody."
  - Richard M. Nixon
• "Things are more like they are now than they ever were before."
  -Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower
• "A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money."
  -Everett Dirksen
• "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."
  -Samuel Goldwyn

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• Quayle-isms...
• The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history...this century's history...We all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century.
  - Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republican vice-presidential candidate during a news conference in which he was asked his opinion of the Holocaust
• "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child. "
  -Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on Republican family values
• "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
  -Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle at a fundraising event for the United Negro College Fund. He was attempting to quote the line "a mind is a terrible thing to waste"
• "When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
  -Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the complex social issues behind the Los Angeles Riots
• "I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people"
  -Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
• "The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
  -Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the San Francisco earthquake
• "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
  -Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
• "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"
  -Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
• "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
  -Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
• "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
  -Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
• "I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
  -Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
  

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• "Half this game is ninety percent mental."
  - Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark
• "Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind."
  -General William Westmoreland
• "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
  -Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks
• "It's like deja vu all over again."
  -Yogi Berra
• "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese"
  -Former French President Charles De Gaulle

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Famous Texan Quotes

• "Ain't nothin' in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos."
  - Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower
• "And now, will y'all stand and be recognized?"
  - Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis to a group of handicapped people in wheelchairs
• "Dallas salutes a person who can buy a piece of art, but not a person who can create one."
  - A. C. Greene
• "No thanks, once was enough."
  - Texas Governor Bill Clements, asked if he had been born again
• "Oh good. Now he'll be bi-ignorant."
  - Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower when told that Texas Governor Bill Clements had been studying Spanish
• "I'd just make a little bit of money, I wouldn't make a whole lot."
  - Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis defending himself against the charge that he would personally profit from a bill he had introduced.
• "Well, there never was a Bible in the room."
  - Texas Governor Bill Clements, asked about repeatedly lying about the SMU football scandal.
• "I am filled with humidity."
  - Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis
• "Spending on the military doesn't increase the deficit."
  - Ronald Reagan
• "If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drillin' rights on that man's head."
  - Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower discussing President George Bush's policies
• "If it's dangerous to talk to yourself, it's probably even dicier to listen..."
  - Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower
• "I move we recess to go outside and throw up."
  - Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis during a budget hearing
• "I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves this session."
  - Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis
• "We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger."
  - Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis
• "There's a lot of uncertainty that's not clear in my mind."
  - Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis
• "I can explain it for you, but I can't understand it for you."
  - Anon.
• "There are still places where people think that the function of the media is to provide information."
  - Don Rottenberg
• "Which one is that?" "I just voted the way my wife told me to; she knew what it was."
  - Texas goobernatorial candidate Clayton Williams, when asked how he had voted on the only proposition on the Texas ballot

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Marion Barry Quotes

"The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"Bitch set me up."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?"
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"People have criticized me because my security detail is larger than the president's. But you must ask yourself are there more people who want to kill me than who want to kill the president? I can assure you there are."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which were black, were the ultimate sacrifice."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?"
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask you, if the water mains didn't break, would it be my responsibility to fix them then? WOULD IT!?!"
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man."
- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

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