nothing



i've begun to see it as it is
i've begun to accept that which i must live with
i've begun to doubt my own sanity
even my own existence

i care not for anyone's lies
i care not what needs to be done
i care not what lengths to which i must go
to achieve what i must

when i was young i didn't think of the future
when i was happy i didn't think of anything else
when i was depressed i wanted the world to go away
and now it has

and so here i rot away slowly
and so here i reside silently
and so here i watch it all disappear
off in the horizon

as it turns out i brought it down myself
as it turns out it's really my own fault
as it turns out i should never have given up
because everything had to change

is it true it's ended this way ?
is it possible it's just begun ?
is it impossible for it all to be as i want ?
is it out of my hands... ?


cmg

12/18/00







my abyss...
black notebook