This is my amazingly brilliant Love Psycho Ivan mail page. E-mails from those who actually find this sort of thing entertaining and possibly even constructive get their e-mails posted here. The sane people get their e-mails posted on the Kill Psycho Ivan mail page.
If your e-mail's here, I suggest you do us all a favour and kill yourself by swallowing a polar bear alive.
Go back to the main homepage. Or die.
Friday, 26/11/99
Dear
psychoivan
Hello, as your site is getting a bit pathetic now (I can hardly
talk, mine had pictures of rabbits having sex with tortoises on
it [reference to Steve's hacking]), I thought I'd send you some
interesting ideas to brighten it up. (I think I'm catching "put
brackets everywhere" syndrome, like you)
I) Start a guest book, message board or better still, a chatroom.
That way, the few people that visit your site will be able to
talk to each other! Oh ... hang on, the pontlessness of this idea
has just dawned on me.
II) Begin a problems page. "Psychoivan, agony aunt
extrordinaire!" You could even write your own problems out
and then try to solve them. ... O.K. that's a shit idea too.
III) Write an entire section of your site in the same colour as
your background. This will drive visitors mad with frustration.
You could then demand lots of money and only show them what is
written when you are filthy rich.
IV) Close down your site altogether. This will really get your
"save the electron" campaign into gear (thousands of
helpless electrons are being hurtled towards your monitor just to
create your website - or is that TV screens ... oh bugger it! [goddamned
exclamation mark using type person- I HATE YOU. A bit. Well not
at all, actually])
V) Jump in a lake.
VI) Jump in several lakes.
Yours lime-greeningly,
neglected fridge (Ed)
Psycho Ivan says:
This doesn't entirely fit under the Love Psycho Ivan catigory more than the Kill Psycho Ivan one, but I suppose you must be grateful for all those links to your site. I will first start using your third request. Isn't this great? You can't read what I'm writing. How amazing. Most people wouldn't actually bother writing anything coherant here, but I've decided that I want to. Of course, after this I tell you how to read this, but I bet a lot of you wouldn't have worked it out. If anyone thinks that any of the other ideas are seriously worthwhile, send me an e-mail. Or don't, and live in the uncertainty of what would have happened if you had. I, quite frankly, don't give even the smallest damn ever. But others might.
Coming soon: my christmas list. Look out for it, readers.
To read the above, merely select it by either clicking and dragging (I'm sure you know how), or moving the text cursor to the beginning of the lime bit and holding shift and moving to the end of the lime section. That should do the trick. I'm bored now. Bye.