Bart's Chalkboard Sayings
--I will not waste chalk
--I will not aim for the head
--I will not skateboard in the halls
--I will not barf unless I'm sick
--I will not burp in class
--I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
--I will not instigate revolution
--I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
--I will not conduct my own fire drills
--I did not see Elvis
--I will return the seeing-eye dog
--Funny noises are not funny
--I will not call my teacher `Hot Cakes'
--I will not snap bras
--Garlic gum is not funny
--I will not fake seizures
--They are laughing at me, not with me
--This punishment is not boring and meaningless
--I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
--My name is not Dr. Death
--I will not encourage others to fly
--I will not defame New Orleans
--I will not fake my way through life
--I will not prescribe medication
--Tar is not a plaything
--I will not bury the new kid
--I will not Xerox my butt
--I will not teach others to fly
--It's potato, not potatoe
--I will not bring sheep to class
--I will not trade pants with others
--A burp is not an answer
--The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
--I am not a 32 year old woman
--Teacher is not a leper
--I will not do that thing with my tongue
--Coffee is not for kids
--I will not drive the principal's car
--I will not eat things for money
--I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
--I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
--I will not sell school property
--The principal's toupee is not a frisbee
--I will not cut corners
--I will not squeak chalk
--I do not have diplomatic immunity
--I will not charge admission to the bathroom
--I will not get very far with this attitude
--Goldfish don't bounce
--I will not make flatulent noises in class
--Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
--I will not belch the National Anthem
--No one is interested in my underpants
--I will not sell land in Florida
--I will not sell miracle cures
--I will not grease the monkey bars
--Underwear should be worn on the inside
--I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
--The Christmas pageant does not stink
--I will not do anything bad ever again
--I will not torment the emotionally frail
--I will not show off
--I will not call the principal "spud head"
--I will not carve gods
--I will not sleep through my education
--I will not spank others
--I am not a dentist
--I will not bribe Principal Skinner
--Spitwads are not free speech
--I will finish what I start
--Nobody likes sunburn slappers
--"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
--High explosives and school don't mix
--Hamsters cannot fly
--All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
--I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
--I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
--My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
--I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
--I am not deliciously saucy
--Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
--I will not send lard through the mail
--I will not use abbrev.
--Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
--Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
--Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
--There are plenty of businesses like show business
--I will not dissect things unless instructed
--I will not hang donuts on my person
--No one wants to hear my armpits
--I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
--I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
--I will not strut around like I own the place
--Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
--The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
--I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
--I am not a lean mean spitting machine
--The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
--I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
--Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
--I do not have power of attorney over first graders
--I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr
--I am not certified to remove asbestos
--"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
--I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
--I will remember to take my medication
--The boys room is not a water park
--Beans are neither fruit nor musical
--Nerve gas is not a toy
--"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
--The First Amendment does not cover burping
--Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
--Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
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