God. I was lying in bed and all I could think about was Kum and Joe. I had to get up and write something to sort out my feelings. These are the 2 people that hurt me the most this year. All the depressed feelings I've had, I can attribute to them.

This morning I finally talked to Joe. I told him last night bothered me. He seemed puzzled as to why. Then he told me he was talking to his girlfriend. So I ended the conversation. He broke my heart. Again. Not that I hoped anything would happen. Not that I even thought it could. I just wanted to talk to him. But he couldn't even let me do that without hurting me. As his sister has told me many times, he's a selfish, immature, asshole. So whatever. I am not going to ever attempt to talk to him again.

Then I delivered a note to Kum's mailbox. For me, it was closure. I told her to only remember the good times in our relationship and forget all the bad. I told her I'd always love her and I was very proud of her. Within an hour she called me crying, asking me out to dinner. I had to say no. She misunderstood the letter. I didn't want to rekindle any kind of relationship. But now she's all I'm thinking about.