Yesterday/early this morning I went to the Silver Diner with Kum. Boy, was that interesting. We drank lots and lots of coffee (7 cups on my part) and smoked lots and lots of cigarettes (about a half a pack on my part) and finally I puked. Isn't that pleasant? Oh yes. I was quite embarassed. But she was nice and helped me clean it up.

Anyways, mostly the night consisted of her telling me many tales of her life...I'm not exactly sure how true they all were, but does it matter? Her life is incredibly sad to me.

And I came home with this guilty feeling, thinking this is all my fault. She told me when we stopped being friends in high school, she began hanging out with "the wrong crowd". I thought that if she had have stayed friends with me, would she have begun doing drugs? Would she have gone to NYU and started fucking around and doing heavier drugs? Maybe she'd be here with me. But then, the thought came into my head: she stopped being friends with me too. I could have become the way she is. I could have made those choices. The fact is, I didn't. I am happy, I am stable, and I am clean. The point is, we both made choices. She made all the wrong ones, and I seem to have made the right ones. And that is not my fault.

So I was sick all morning and thinking about all this shit. All I could think about is I need my Dan to hold me. So I went over there to his place and he held me and I held him and we were happy and that just made my sickness and my guilty thoughts and unhappy feelings go away.