Way to start the new year...worried sick I might be pregnant. My period's only a few days late, yet I am flipping out...just like I was last month. I don't know how to feel about this. The thought of having sex makes me nauseous. Then again, that could be the flu.

Dan keeps telling me not to be worried. And although I know he's trying to be supportive and he's worried too, he just doesn't know what it's like to feel completely out of control. I'm just waiting. I imagine that's all I can do. Wait and see if my period comes.

I have just felt incredibly sad for about the last month. I can be really happy, but the sadness is looming. I don't know why. I guess for the past month it's been winter break and being away from school and friends and Dan. And now its summer. Dan leaving me for 2 months. This two weeks has been almost unbearable. So just the possibility of being apart for 2 months is hellish.

And it's there. It's always there. I can't be totally happy because I know it'll end. I hate it. I want it to go away. I can't do anything about it. And here I am again...completely out of control.